22

But I knew—something was already missing from my life.

It was an early winter where the coldness was undeniably biting on the skin, causing me to wrap the scraf tighter when I just walked out of the door that morning. And as I remember—it’s almost two years where we knew each other. Yet nothing’s really changed about us.

Where did it go wrong?

I still couldn’t find the answer.

I looked up as I felt someone was standing in front of me, and I found a little part of me hoping that it was that person—only to make myself sinked into disappointment in the end.

“Hey,” Junhong greeted me.

I just slightly nodded my head, and slowly walked to where he stood with his bike when I caught a glimpse of someone in the end of the road. I turned, and quickly lost my breathe to see who it was.

“Jieun-ah!” he called.

I quickly got up to the bike. “Let’s go.”

Junhong turned back to see Yongguk was approaching us. “You don’t want to meet him?”

I shook my head. “Hurry.”

Junhong drove his bike forward as fast as he could, leaving Yongguk that was calling after me from the back.

What was he doing there? Why did he come to me after I gave up on him?

Why—why did I feel these pain instead?

“I told Mr. Park, “go away you bald!” and he gave me E for my final score!” Hana cried out her frustation, squeezing an apple on her right hand.

“That’s your fault,” Junhong chuckled. “But that needs a lot of brave.”

“Stop mocking me,” Hana groaned. “Now I don’t know whether I can surpassed the average score or not.”

I was listening to them having talk about final scores and such, didn’t really focus on their words as my mind was clouded by Yongguk presence on my house before. I was really confused by his changing attitude. I was questioning him—his true feelings, his thoughts and his assertiveness but he never showed me a thing. Now that I finally decided to walk out, what was he doing with chasing after me?

I couldn’t understand him.

Not at all.

“Jieun-ah,”

I looked up as I heard those deep voice was calling my name, standing on the side of our table while forcing a smile on.

“Can we talk for awhile?” he asked.

I found myself holding my breathe out of nothing, and my chest began tightening from inside. I didn’t know what to do, moreover when Junhong and Hana were looking at me like wondering why did those guy suddenly appeared between us. Something that disturbed them—and somehow me as well.

Enough. Everything was enough.

I shook my head.

But no matter how hard I tried to hold them back, I felt my eyes were getting blurry of tears.

I didn’t want to cry in front of him.

I hated it. So much.

“But,”

Hana pulled me into her back, knowing that I was nearly crying before giving Yongguk a glare.

“She said no. Don’t you get it?” she coldly snapped.

“We need to talk,” he muttered.

“No means no! How can you don’t understand those word?” she groaned. “Now leave us!”

“Just go away,” Junhong adviced.

I didn’t hear his voice any longer that means he was already left and didn’t know why—it brought me into tears instead. I was crying, keep crying and crying. Without even knowing why did I cry, what made me couldn’t stop from tearing up.

“He’s already left. Don’t worry,” Hana whispered as brought me inside her arms tightly, tapping my back for several times to give me comfort. “It’s okay now.”

Even if I was the one that choose to give up, even when I knew how painful it was to keep hoping to him—part of me was still wondering whether it was a right decision or not.

Wondering whether everything would become much better, if only I waited for a little longer.

“That’s all for today. And from now on, the club activities will be discontinued due to final exam that is coming soon in months. Prepare yourself for the test, and good luck!” Junhong announced from in front of the dancing class.

I heavily sighed as making my way into the back side, untying my converse shoes while sitting on the floor.

It was nearly the end of the year.

And with such a quick glance, I would finally become a senior year student. That seemed so fast. Every days, weeks and months—if I counted them one by one, that’s surely a very long time but as I looked back, I realized nothing’s really changed in my life.

And nothing’s changed about him as well.

“You’ve been daydreaming since days ago,” Junhong commented, sliding his weight on the floor beside me. “Do you just regret to give up on him?”

I looked at him, wondering how could he always knew everything about me. It’s just weird. I always tried to understand Yongguk’s situation but it never goes like what I thought.

“You always find me,” I muttered.

He looked a bit surprised of my sudden remark but managed to wait until I finished the whole sentence.

“You always find me but I can’t seem to find you no matter how hard I’ve tried,” I looked down at the floor under my shoes, “are we on that kind of circle too?”

Junhong didn’t reply me right away. He took a few seconds to think about it, like searching for the best one that he could give as an answer.

“What kind of circle it is? Where you can easily find him but he has no idea about your presence?” he wondered.

I kept looking at the floor, didn’t really know what to say.

“Well,” he cleared his throat once before using his both forefinger as models, “there’s this one guy, who has his eyes settled on this girl.”

I looked up, finding out that he was staring at his own fingers with a small smile on his face.

“This guy can always find this girl no matter what, even when this girl never realize his presence around her,” he kept on smiling. “Then, this guy finds out why does this girl seem to ignore the others. It’s because she has her eyes settled on another guy.”

What was he trying to say?

“This guy can give her happiness, can always make her smile while in other hand, those guy that the girl likes always make her cry and lonely. At first, this guy questioned why does this girl keeps holding onto that kind of relationship—how stupid she is,” he paused for awhile, before turning his head to look at me. “Do you think she’s stupid?”

I nodded. If she had two choices in both sides, why did she have to cling into the worst one?

He chuckled. “She’ s indeed stupid! This guy can give her everything so why does she always go to those guy’s side instead?”

I looked at him, wondering whether what I had on my mind was right—that he’s talking about Hyosung.

“But then this guy learned that it doesn’t always smile and happiness that bring two united. It’s because of their struggles, understanding and compromise that makes their relationship becomes stronger,” he sighed, before his smile slowly appeared through his lips back. “Will two people that keep on searching each other find the way to be together?”

Ah—so that’s it.

He was trying to potray my confusion with Yongguk through another story, just so I wouldn’t be offended and took the main lesson.

“Do you understand?” he smiled, but somehow, it looked so hurtful to my eyes.

Why did he smile like that?

“Yeah,” I nodded, “I understand.”

“Good,” he slightly nodded his head, “now that you’re already understand. Isn’t it time for you to make up everything?”

I frowned, couldn’t figure out his meaning behind that.

“He’s waiting for you at the hall,” he pointed out. A smile was already leaving his thin lips. “Don’t let yourself wandering inside the circle any longer.”