16

does he already forget about me?

I walked through the hall, battling against the crowds that were shoving myself to the opposite direction, listening to the murmurs and shouting, dealing with the packed crowd and disturbing frowsy—I was on the school’s festival.

Just like the previous year, Hana’s dance performance was the only thing that I wanted to watch. I still didn’t like festival but somehow, I didn’t think I hate it either.

I looked towards the crowd, finding out that the main hall was already full of people. There’s no way for me to make my way inside and so, I turned back.

Spliting the way out, between so many faces around—

My eyes caught him.

I found him walking inside the school, alone.

His hair had been longer than what I saw the last time.

He was getting taller, I believed.

But nothing changed with his face and the way he walked.

He was still the same Yongguk that I missed.

Yet he was still the same person that I wanted to resist.





My feet led me to the third floor of the senior building, the place that Yongguk showed me last year.

Either it was because I could have a better view from there or because I just wanted to reminisce those moment—I felt my heart’s quicken beating as soon as I stood on the corridor.

I used to be here with him. We used to watch the stage together.

He used to be so close to me.

But the only thing that I regret the most was only my silence.

Junhong was right.

It was indeed regretful.

How I couldn’t tell him my feelings before and how I always avoid him now.

Coward.

Honestly—I was the only one to be blame.





“It’s tiring. I want to take a look around and have macarons. I heard senior class is having a cafè stand,” Hana blabbered.

I was on the backstage, where Hana pulled me inside when I just wanted to compliment her wonderful performance. Despite being among other dancers, she still managed to stand out and captivated my eyes.

Something that I think I could never accomplish.

“You’re going with me, right?” she made sure while removing her make-up.

I nodded. It wasn’t a bad idea afterall.

I wanted to know what the real festival was like.

“Good job, everyone!”

I turned around as that familiar voice came out.

And it was indeed Junhong, standing at the center of the room.

He looked exhausted, but the excitement on his eyes was so much visible somehow.

“I’m glad to see your hard work,” he goes on, before a loud cheer from all the members followed as an answer.

He smiled. Genuinely.

Which I couldn’t take my eyes off.

“What’s wrong with you?” Hana asked. A teasing grin was plestered on her face.

I looked at Hana back, before quickly shook my head.

Was there something wrong with me?

Yes, I found it weird that I suddenly liked to see him.

No, it was more likely an interest—or I just adore his personality?

“You’re coming,” he stood beside me out of a sudden.

And I saw Hana looked at us with suspicious smile on.

“I want to see Hana,” I slowly muttered.

“Oh, yeah I know,” he nodded. “I saw you watching the performance from the senior building.”

—What?

Wasn’t he one of the performer?

How could he find me?

“Are you two want to spend the festival together?” Hana teasingly asked.

Junhong looked at me for a short while—but it was enough to make me embarassed by the sudden eye contact.

So I immediately put my eyes on Hana.

“No,” I shook my head.

“I have to return the costumes,” he replied. “You can go with Hana if you want to look around.”

I just nodded my head.

And I saw Hana looking at me with a wide smile right after he left.

“What was that?” she squealed. “You can go with Hana if you want to look around? Is that mean if he didn’t need to return the costumes then he would accompany you?”

How could she have those kind of thoughts?

“It’s not like that,” I denied.

“Then did you tell him that you’re watching him from the building? He saw you! The senior building was a bit far from the stage,” she giggled.

My cheeks burned.

It was wrong. I didn’t tell him anything.

So why did I have to be that stuttered?

“Eeyy, you look like a crab!” she laughed.

I pursed my lips, pretending didn’t hear anything.

“I already know there’s something strange between you and him,” she tilted her head to the side, “you know—he’s been asking me about you since you become his seatmate.”





It was finally summer.

But instead of feeling tired, I was more likely become excited.

Did I already experienced what school life is?

Just like what Hana said—everything’s indeed become pretty.

Since when this happened to me?

I didn’t really know.

But looking back now, I realized it had been a really long time.

I finally learned how to dance a little. And tried to talk more although it still felt so awkward.

I could smile, and sometimes a chuckle escaped my lips. Guess it was a good progression.

Before I realized—I could only do that when I was with Junhong.

“You’ve worked hard,” he gave me a water bottle, right after we done the dance practice.

I tried to catch my breathe before took it from his hand.

After gulping some, I looked at him that was collecting his stuffs.

“How was it?” I hesitantly asked.

He glanced at me. “Good, good.”

I didn’t think so.

Dancing was much harder than what I thought. They made it look so easy that I didn’t prepare myself for a failure. It was beyond my imagination.

“Well, if you want an honest opinion,” he zipped his backpack, “if I don’t know you and you took our test—I won’t pick you up.”

I knew it.

“This is not the end of the world,” he chuckled. “Maybe you should find your own passion. Dancing is definitely not your basic.”

I walked behind him, making our way to the parking lot—with my eyes fixed on his back.

“Do you want me to quit?” I muttered, hoping that he didn’t hear it.

But apparently, he did.

“I didn’t mean that way but if I were you, I will choose to quit,” he said, dragging out his bike. “Well, it’d better if you think about it first.”

He’s right.

I couldn’t cling to something that was far from my reach.

And I must began to find my true self.

“Do you mind if I stay until next year?” I wondered as I sitting on his back.

He chuckled. “Not at all.”

That’s good.

So I had a lot of time to think about it.

Although what he said was right, little did I feel upset that I had to leave Hana and him. I was afraid if I couldn’t do well alone.

Just like what I did on tennis club.

“Don’t force yourself though,” he remarked, still looking to the road in the front. “Maybe the time just hasn’t come yet. I have no problem if you stay with us until last grade.”

No, it was impossible.

I felt bad for the other members that had to work hard while I just received the score without even moving a little.

I didn’t deserve that kind of treat.

“Hey, Jieunnie,” he called me.

And I looked up to see his hair.

“You ever said that, no matter how beautiful rose is, sunflower will always be the one that give brightness,”

Ah—he still remember it.

“But I don’t think that way.”

Ah?

“I personally prefer a rose,”

Prefer?

“It’s right that sunflower is much brighter than a rose. But it always following the sunshine whenever it goes, doesn’t have its own direction. As for rose, although it doesn’t look that bright, it can still survive by its own—without chasing after the sun.”

I tilted my head to the side, trying to take a look at his face.

And I found his expression that I had never see before.

“That’s why—I prefer a rose.”