21

And I still didn’t know what better to do after Junhong told me everything.

It was something that I asking for all this time but eventually, after I knew it—I didn’t have any idea instead.

To be honest, I was still mad of why did he have to let me waiting alone without explaining what happened but in the other hand, I knew he was probably on the very hard position. And the final decision that he choose was Hyosung. Not me.

Did I wrong? Or he was the one that do?

Or maybe it was both of us?

“It’s his fault!” Hana rudely threw her tray into the table. “He chooses her over you and there’s no excuses for that.”

I swirled the soup, somehow admitting that Hana was right. She had been told me to give up on him since long time ago and finally, this happened. I should have listened to her.

“Do you already ask him about that?” Junhong asked before took a bite of his bread.

I shook my head.

I wondered whether I was the one that should go to meet him or waiting for him to come instead. If he really wanted to make up everything, then he would come and try again. And I was waiting for him to do that.

“He should be the one that come and explain what happened,” Hana insisted. “I never see his gentleman side, seriously.”

“He’s always like that though,” Junhong shrugged. “But it’s really up to you.”

Right. In the end, it was all about my decision.

Whether to chase after him and asking for his reason or to let this got to an end like this.

“But why does he so protective over Hyosung, seriously? It was the past. She’s on the same age with us now and must already know how to take care of herself,” Hana twitched her lips.

“He must have a reason behind that,” Junhong carefully replied.

I looked at Junhong that was quietly stopped from finishing the bread, and the talk that we had on the dancing room before was playing on my mind.

Somehow, I felt like he knew and hid something from me.

“ it up. Your dancing improves lately,” Hana decided to switch the topic.

I was indeed involving myself more in the practice because I didn’t want to let my mind to think about Yongguk. But never did I wish that I would have visible progression on it.

“Yeah, I was really surprised when she did all those locking,” Junhong agreed.

Locking? Which locking? I didn’t even remember.

“But her wave is still awkward,” Hana laughed.

I was more into that remark.

“I’m trying my best,” I muttered.

“I’ll teach you all that kicks and stomps today,” Junhong chuckled before moving closer to Hana and whispered, “I can’t wait to see her newest version of lame dancing.”

Both of them laughed. And I found myself got embarassed by the way they insulted my moves.

“But I just copied you,” I pursed my lips.

“I do that in style,” he reasoned. “In cool style.”

Hana choked out her milkshake. “Cool my .”

“You fatty better lose ten pounds before talking to me,” he kiddingly replied.

Hana glared at him. A forbidden word had been revealed.

“I’m fatty? No, hell you walking skeleton!” she hissed. “I’m y, that’s it.”

Junhong made a face at her. “Stop embarassing yourself.”

I watched them battling through insults and callings instead of finishing their lunch before I knew that, I was already smiling to see their interaction.

“I can’t believe I dance to your choreography all this time. I must be cursed,” Hana massaged her temple.

“I wonder what happened to my eyes on the selection test,” he scoffed.

“You were blinded by my charms,” she giggled.

He faked a cough. “More like blinded by your fats.”

A laugh finally escaped my lips. They were really cute that I couldn’t hold on any longer and surprisingly, laughing wasn’t as bad as what I thought. It felt refreshing—and magically lessen the pressure in my chest.

But soon, I didn’t hear their voices again. So I looked up, wondering what was happened and found out that they were looking at me instead. I could tell their eyes were widening a little.

“This is the first time I see her laugh!” Junhong exclaimed.

“You’re not alone, bro!” Hana cried. “For ten years of our friendship, I finally see her laughing!”

They continued to praise my laugh but instead of feeling offended, my smile didn’t want to leave my face instead.

Little did I know that they were indeed aiming to make me smile—to forget about him for a moment. And I was really thankful for them.

God, God,

Did I haven’t tried my best yet?

“Seriously, I’m such an ultimate good friend,” Junhong said when he was taking me home by bike.

He had been doing this since I stopped talking to Yongguk, using our friendship and the fact that I was a girl to drive me to school and home. I was really thankful for his concern yet I didn’t know whether it was a good thing or not. Somehow, things like this confused me.

“Don’t you think we can be a very perfect couple?” he joked. “A ’rose’ and the coolest guy alive. It sounds good.”

I chuckled. “Coolest guy alive?”

“Yeah, you have to admit it Jieunnie,” he said. “Almost every girls in the school ever had crush on me at least once.”

“Really?” I smiled.

“Well, maybe except you,” he glanced over his shoulder to look at me.

The entire talk that we had on the way home was only him praising his ownself, while I just smiled to hear his undoubtly high confidence.

But when we were almost arrived at my house—there’s someone already waiting there.

“It’s Yongguk,” Junhong muttered.

I tilted my head to the side to peek beside Junhong’s arm and got really surprised to see Yongguk was standing near the fence, looking down the ground.

What was he doing there?

“Do you want to meet him?” Junhong asked, slowly stopped at the side road.

Did I want to meet him?

I didn’t really know my own feelings.

I wanted to see him as much as I wanted to forget about him.

But more than anything—I wished he would give me at least a reason.

“Yes,” I replied as getting off from the bike.

Junhong was looking at me, like trying to ask if it was the best decision but I just forced a smile.

“I need to know,” I said, “thanks for the ride.”

Junhong didn’t show any approval towards my answer yet he chose to accept it and turning around to leave.

And I knew as I walked towards Yongguk—I must prepare myself to put my feelings aside.

I didn’t have any rights to ask for his concern.

Not at all.

He was sitting on the living room, cluelessly looking around my house as it was his first visit when I was making a cup of tea for him.

I let out a silent sigh before led my feet out of the kitchen, into where that guy sat near the window.

“Thank you,” he said as I put the cup on the table in front of him.

I sat on the other couch, choosing the farther one as I didn’t really want to be that close to him. And he might realized about that.

“I’m sorry about what happened before,” he started.

I looked at him that was trying to avoid my gaze, literally showing his guilty.

But I didn’t buy it.

“Tell me what happened,” I asked, after awhile.

He glanced at me, before fixing his eyes on the cup back.

“Hyosung needs me,” he shortly replied.

That’s it? She needed him?

“Why?” I wondered.

“I can’t leave her in the back,” he paused for awhile, looking frustated of how to explain it. “You don’t understand.”

“Then make me understand,” I cut him off. “I’m indeed not knowing a thing.”

“Her father got sudden heartattack,” he coldly remarked.

What?

“She didn’t know who could help her besides me. And he’s my father too now,” he sighed. “She hates him. But she can’t pretend to didn’t see.”

Why—why it must happened everytime we’re already going step ahead?

Why did she have to come in and ruined our feelings out of a sudden?

“I had to help her. That’s my responsibility,” he slowly said.

Alright. I understand.

“Honestly,” I took a deep breathe before going on, “it’s alright.”

He finally looked at me, through his cold dark eyes that sunk me into his colourless emotion.

Where I found no spaces for myself.

“It’s not like I have those rights to blame you,” I scratched the back of my hand, trying to get rid off my unstable feelings. “I’m just confused—about us.”

He didn’t reply me. Instead, the way he stared at me made me feel more intimidated.

Seriously? Did he doesn’t even have an answer for that?

Did I have to keep holding on after all of this?

“Apology accepted,” I forced a smile to cover up my sadness, even though it turned out worser than what it should be. “From now on—let’s just live in our own life.”