26

Or more likely—I didn’t want to.

“Jieunnie!”

I turned, finding that Junhong was walking towards me.

And I quickly put on a smile.

“You’re going home alone lately,” he said as soon as got into my side.

“Yeah. Yongguk is a bit busy,” I shrugged.

“Busy?” he raised his eyebrows.

I nodded. “Some championship or training—I don’t really know.”

He chuckled. “Is it fun to date a soccer player?”

“We’re not dating,” I denied.

“Ah yeah, my bad,” he smirked. “But really, what kind of club that allow their senior year members to be that busy?”

I shrugged.

That was all that I know.

And all that he said to me.

“Hyosung,” I muttered, quite unsure to tell about it to him but eventually continued after awhile, “she told me to back off.”

“What?” he frowned.

“She said that Yongguk will always choose her over me,” I smiled. “I guess that’s true.”

My mind began to recall the moment where Yongguk lied to me about club activity when actually, he went with Hyosung instead. She was right. He chose her. Always.

“Jieunnie,” Junhong called me and I turned, just realized that I was walking alone since then. “I think I should tell you about this.”

“His step-father lost conscious after got second heartattack. His condition is getting worst day by day. I only know about this, since the school principal asked every extracurricular’s leader to collect donation from members without telling the purpose out of privacy concern.”

Why, why.

He never told me a thing.

It was autumn.

When I got a phone call from him, two weeks after lost communication.

“Ah—what a long time,” he laughed.

I glanced at the clock above my bed, finding that the clock hand was pointing at eleven.

“You haven’t sleep yet?” I asked.

“Yeah, not yet,” his husky voice went through the speaker, and I noticed the silence behind him.

“What are you doing?” I stretched my legs, placing my book aside.

“Nothing. Just finished doing some exercises,” he sighed. “It’s tiring.”

“I’m studying too,” I remarked.

“Ah, really?” he chuckled. “We really have no time to have fun.”

Yes. Moreover you, Yongguk.

“But I find a day this Sunday,” he suddenly got cheer up. “Are you free that day?”

A smile automatically showed up on my face.

“This Sunday?” I parroted.

“Yeah. Let’s have a date,” he replied.

The thoughts of our past failed date was still haunting me but I decided to brush it away. It was the past. I had to believe him.

I would believe him.

“Alright. Let’s have a date.”

I remembered it was two days before our date that we were having pre-test in the class.

I was doing the work when suddenly, Hyosung got up from her seat in hurry.

Mr. Jang asked her what happened and she explained something in a very soft tone, like afraid if someone would hear what she said.

But because she was holding her phone, I knew she must had an urgent call—which I believed from hospital since she looked desperately stuttered.

Everyone continued the test back once she left the class to answer the call but less than a minute, she walked into the class back already with teary eyes.

I watched how she tried to didn’t let the tears fell down as explaining the whole situation, how her thin fingers tightly grabbed into her phone like it was her only support, and how her soft sobbing was audible even into my seat on the back side.

She collected her stuffs into her bag after she got permission to leave the class.

I knew her as someone that always neat and well-ordered, but that time, she carelessly shoved her things inside her bag without any cares at all.

And as our eyes crashed when she stood up after done with her stuffs—I could see the whole pains on her eyes.

Those empty gaze that showed nothing but hurts, loneliness and confusion.

Those teary eyes that made everyone wants to give her a hug to take away half of her sadness.

That kind of Jun Hyosung—that I’d never see before.

And that day, Yongguk went home earlier too.

Even after what happened, I was still waiting at the park that Sunday.

He promised me. He would come.

I knew he would.

I kept my gaze locked into the clock at the center of the park, realized that I had been looking at it for the past twenty minutes.

Was he coming or not?

Did he going to break his promise again?

Would he choose Hyosung over me again?

“Sorry I’m late,”

I turned, and he was there. Walking closer to me on his dark blue shirt and black jeans.

He sat beside me still with a smile on his face.

“You must been waiting for so long,” he chuckled. “I’m overslept.”

No, you lied.

You just came from hospital.

I could easily smell the heavy medicine on your shirt.

“But I’m not breaking my promise, right?” he kept smiling.

Are you coming just so you won’t break your promise?

So I won’t be disappointed?

“Where are we going now? Having ice-cream? Play roller-coaster?” he listed every activities one by one.

No. That wasn’t what I wanted.

I wanted him to be happy.

I wanted to bring happiness to him.

But why, why he became the one that’s trying to make me happy instead?

“Ah—I heard that there’s a good movie. What about going to movies first?”

I don’t want to.

“Come on, let’s go,” he hold my hand, leading me to walk into the movie theatre.

And I finally saw his backside.

Where I could see his weariness and worries.

And the burden right on his shoulders.

“Hyosung needs me.”

“You don’t understand.”

“I love him.”

“..You must know when to stop this.”

“It will just causing pains for both sides.”

“He wants to protect you as much as he wants to protect me.”

“I should be the one that give safety to them.”

“I can’t leave them behind.”

“I’m sorry.”

I stopped from following his steps.

And he turned to look at me, wondering why did I do that.

I couldn’t do that anymore. It was enough.

Enough.

“Go,” I forced a smile.

He shouldn’t be here.

He shouldn’t be here with me.

“Just go to where you have to be.”

God, God,

I wanted him to be happy.

More than I wanted him to be with me.