Author's POV;

Amber was in a complete mess. Her mind was going in all directions. She was caught in a dilemma. She didn't know what to do. She was lost. 

Amber had screwed up big time.

She laid still on the bed, eyes wide open.  

That dream of Jessica certainly did not aid her in anything, it only made things harder. She was sinking in deeper and she couldn't seem to get out. 

The thought of committing suicide has crossed her mind and more frequently, she found herself tempted to slash that sharp blade across her neck and end her life right there. 

Just yesterday, she had swung her legs over the ledge, prepared to jump off but only to be held back by a pair of frail, pale arms. 

Krystal. 

"Don't leave me," The red haired girl had whispered, her voice cracking at the end. 

It broke Amber to watch the girl in that state and the fact that she was the cause of it made her even more depressed. They then spent the rest of the day cuddling on the bed with Amber uttering an apology every ten seconds. 

Amber hated herself. She hated her heart for loving two girls at the same time. She hated herself for falling for the both of them. She was mad at herself, frustration and infuriation surging through her veins. 

'You dumb. You're so ing dumb, Amber.' She thought to herself. 

Amber's POV;

Sooyeon-ah, where do I go from here? Why didn't you show me the way? Why didn't you tell me what to do? Why did you leave me like that?

What do I do now that I'm certain it's the both of you whom I'm head over heels for?

Do I leave Soojung for you?

Or do I leave you for Soojung?

Either way, there'd only be half of me. Because you both make up the half of me. How do you expect me to live well without one of you by my side?

I rolled to my left, instantly wrapping my arms around Krystal. I snuggled closer to the sleeping girl, threading my fingers through her red smooth locks. 

"I don't deserve you. I don't deserve an angel like you, Soojung." 

I covered her hand with mine, interlocking our fingers. I smiled. 

Our hands fit perfectly. 

"You deserve someone better. You don't deserve a monster like me. I've never appreciated any of your efforts, I treated you like dirt and I threw your love away. Look what I've done to you. You've gone mad. Thanks to me. Don't love me. Love someone else, baby. Please love someone else...." I languished. 

I was desperate. More than ever. 

I don't deserve Krystal. I don't deserve Jessica. I don't deserve anyone at all. 

I looked up, clasping my two hands tightly with my eyes shut closed. 

Jessica, you're up there in heaven now. You'd look after your little sister for me, won't you? Thank you for the past amazing year we shared together. 

And for you, Krystal, I know someone who really deserves you. I know she will take care of you, and she will love you even more than I did. 

I love you Jessica, I love you Krystal. 

With that, I jumped out of our bed, grabbing my black hoodie and my keys. I swiftly kissed her temple, her forehead, her nose and her lips before making my way out. 

I'll be back Kryssie. Right after I claim back the happiness you ought to have. 

Author's POV;

A tall, slender girl walked in, her eyes flicking from left to right. It was three in the morning and she was definitely not happy. 

"Choi Sulli, you came." She heard a low distant voice greeting her. 

She gritted her teeth as she caught glimpse of the blonde. 

She stomped over to the tomboy, feeling  sick in the stomach and suddenly regretting in meeting her. 

"It's three in the morning. What the is so important?" Sulli growled. 

Amber smiled, pointing to the chair. 

"Take a seat first will you?" Sulli snickered, but complied anyway. 

"How's Krystal doing?" 

"She's doing better now, thank God. But she still doesn't remember anything from the past. She only remembers us. Nothing less, nothing more."

Sulli sighed in frustration, her hatred for Amber burning brighter. Unable to stem the tide of rage, she grabbed the other by the shirt. 

"You did this to her. You broke her, you bloody bastard."

Amber didn't requite, only to hang her head in shame. 

Amber knew she was in the wrong and Sulli had every right to be mad at her. She was after all the cause of everything Krystal had turned out to be. 

"I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry, Choi Sulli." Amber mourned, the guilt slowly engulfing her system. 

Sulli instantly let go, seeing the fear and agony flashed in her eyes. 

"I actually called you here to talk about Krystal."

Sulli straightened herself, closing the gap between the pair. Curiosity filled her mind, her heart hammering in her chest hearing the name she's grown to be so fond of. 

"What about her? What the have you done to her? I swear I'll ing break your fa-"

"I'm surrendering her to you, Choi Sulli." 

Sulli grew stunned, was like sandpaper and she simply stared at Amber with bulging eyes. 

Was her mind playing tricks on her?

Was she hearing things?

"I'm sorry what was that?" She again asked, to reassure her doubts. 

Amber soughed, each living cell in her body crying out in agony as she spoke every word. 

"Krystal is yours now." The pain worsened as an image of her girlfriend flashed in her mind. 

It was now or never. 

"The are you saying? Are you even in your right mind? Dude, wake up!" Sulli raised her voice, shaking Amber's shoulders vigorously. 

She couldn't believe her ears. 

Amber offered a weary smile, prying Sulli's hands off her. 

"You won. You were right. I'm nothing but a monster. You can have her now, I don't deserve her at all. Take her away before I cause any further damage towards her. Just please."

That was enough cause for Sulli to explode. 

"You think this is some kind of a joke?! She's not a doll that you can simply give away once you're tired with her! She's a ing girl who has ing feelings. She's completely head over heels for you and you're just going to give up on her?! ehT the Amber! You're a bloody you know that? You disgust me. You're a ing beast." Sulli spitefully remarked, stinging Amber like hot venom. 

"Just take her and bring her away from here! Do this for me , Choi Sulli! It's for the best and you know it! I bring nothing but trouble. I can't assure her happiness. Even if I love her to the moon and back, it's not enough! You deserve her, Choi Sulli. You do. It's not me, it's you!" Amber fumed, anger seeping out of her body as her voice thundered a crossed the tiny cafe. 

"Amber, she loves you. I'll be the monster if I agree to this. I can't!" Sulli retaliated, fearing the worst that could ever happen. 

Amber grunted, ruffling her blonde hair. 

"You'd be the real monster here if you disagree to this. She'll learn to love you, she'll come round. I know she will." 

"You're the one she loves."

"I'll always end up hurting her. No matter what, she's only going to end up with a broken heart if she stays with me."

Amber glanced at her phone's wallpaper, kissing the screen lightly. 

It was a photo of Krystal. 

"Amber... You don't have to do this." Sulli bemoaned, taking Amber's hand in hers. 

"Choi Sulli, you're a good guy. You've always been looking out for her from afar, you've done so much for her. You've risked so much. Krystal will certainly love you, she'll cherish you. She'll forget me in no time. She will forget about us. You'll replace me." Amber whispered, keeping her voice calm, willing it not to break. 

She couldn't be seen as weak infront of Choi Sulli. 

That'd hurt her pride. 

Amber forced a smile, a desperate, futile hope leaping in her chest. 

"Take care of Soojung like the queen she is. Don't make her cry. Don't make her sad. Don't make her mad. I only want to see her happy. I only want to see her smile. I only want to hear her laughter. Can you promise me that, Choi Sulli?"

Sulli drew Amber into a hug, her back gently as the tears fell freely from their eyes. 

"I promise."

 

 

Not the reality that you wanted but oh well. Jessber is definitely out of the list. But we have two more options or maybe even three? Sad chapter wasn't it? It broke me too. Amber is in such a bad shape right now. 

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