“park chanyeol!” i saw luhan with furious eyes.
“what luhan?” i answered in chinese
“Don’t you know what day is today??” he shouted and then stopped when he saw people pass and by , looked at him in strange way. The taller chuckled and nodded.
“I Know! It was checked up day right? I’m sure lay will okay with this.. its only a day late by the way” i answered and luhan seems annoyed with the calmness on my tone.
“you know your condition after tha-“ luhan wanted to yelled but I just glared with my trademark face, so luhan stopped and bit his lips hard.
“FINE! But don’t forget to come tomorrow or else you will die in hurtful way.. AND Stop being a stalker you chanyeol! She will creeped out once she find out” luhan said, not even knew that he was hurting my heart. I left dumbfound.

‘Am I creep you out sooyeon? Will you understand me?’ I thought before going back composing on my book. my song is going to an end, Its song I always heard In my dream. the shooing voice and angst melody. I interested in music like I told before. its almost night and I remain unmoving from my seat. Luhan and yixing will definitely killing me if I'm not going tomorrrow since I didn't come today.

that babyface luhan have big temper.

hospital. I am sure familiar with this place. third floor is suho's room, and yixing room is on second floor. luhan is going back and forth to first floor and second floor since he is a private nurse of yixing. I walk straightly to yixing room. he as usual, giving attention full to my arm since he said it is the worst (victim of accident). meanwhile luhan is no where to be found.

"yixing ah.." i said, laying on the bedsheet meanwhile he keep busy with x-ray photos.
"hem" he simply reply.
"you think I can recover?" i asked. he put down the documents contained of my skull photos. this is sensitive topic for him.
"your paralyzed is gone and the plastic surgery effect is done.. Is that enought to answered your funny question chanyeol?" he said. i shook my head.

"no not my body.. but my heart" i said back. he is keeping on silence for good 10 seconds before calling luhan with his phone.

"luhan.. get chanyeol to suho's room.. I think he is ready to get therapy" he said over the phone and hanging up. he back to his documents and pretending like he heard nothing.

"yixing I know you against this from the first time, and I know this is sounds very hard for both you and me. as doctor you can't let me remember since it can killing me badly.. but as a bestfriend You support me to do this right? thats why we are here.." I sorted things out. yixing put the documents down again.

"park chanyeol. Its right I against it, and its right that i am you bestfriend.. thats why I'll tell you the truth. when you remember everything, your brain will destroyed. the accident caused so much damage on your brain. the pain on your arms or legs its just a little reaction when your brain pushed due the little piece of memories.. just imagine when suddenly you remember the truth. your brain will be crashed and automatically your body will react the same.. or more, and possibility for died is high.." he explained.

honestly I feel scared when he tell me everything. but again when I see jessica's smile i feel stronger.
"is there possibility for me to live after i remember everything?" i asked. yixing sighed.. defeat.

"only 1% gambling" he said.
"1% ? then its enough.. I got atleast 1% to believe I can live and 99% to believe I will survive" I said and yixing stared at me in both exhausted and anger..

the awkwardness broke when luhan enter the room with suho on his side.
"I told you to bring chanyeol to suho's room not the reverse" yixing retorted and leaving. both luhan and suho staring comfusedly.
"but usually suho come. is yixing on PMS? he seems sensitive" luhan muttered.

I just chuckled at him and motion suho to do what he should do.

..

the day after I feel so tired during suho exhausting therapy. but somehow my mind seems fresh and clear. But what keep bothering me is the possibility of I love jessica jung of snsd. come to think it again, How come I got a relationship with an Idol? is that telling me something at the past life?

and what Irked me the most is a guy named Jiyong.. I feel I need to get rid of him. but somehow I feel it will be hard.

"park chanyeol" I whirled around and saw a short boy calling. I don't think I know him.
"ne" but another person answered. so.. he is calling a broadcasting crew named park chanyeol. the other chanyeol running and by chance dropping his staff member ID. I look up to the Big station Tv building.

I know its illegal but somehow I survive to enter Artist waiting rooms by chanyeol ID. with my black cap i observe and stopped at snsd waiting room. Its still empty, just few make up artists and coordi seems busy tidying up some property.

I stopped at a Mirror with label name jessica. this feeling.. this feeling slowly driving me crazy. with only watching her bag i feel giddy.
"excuse me.. who are you?" a voice suddenly waking me up from the daydream. I nodded simply to the girl who seems to be make up artist.
"excuse me.." she called again but I take a long steps and hiding next to the room. thats when suddenly 9 girls is coming to the room. they seems exhausted. I softened at her back figure who seems tired.

Is something happen? i asked myself when I feel suddenly atmosphere feel awkward when they 9 gather.

I look over her face. uneasiness write all over her face. I softened at her sad face.

meanwhile I look at the heavy rain outside. its good I come in to this building.

back again to the blonde, meanwhile I observing the weather, she seems crying ang smilling hugging her member.

I was overwhelmed when I saw her crying and smilling, my heart feel queezed and all. maybe my love this much for you. but it is nothing else but maybe.

A middle aged yet handsome man walking in and calling the leader of the group. I heard he saying that the schedule is delayed due the heavy storm outside. its nice to see you longer. I was hiding behind the wall when the nine of them walking out of the room to the hall. I was stunned when suddenly the blonde making eye contact with me.

her eyes full of softness. warmth. and love. striking me with deep gaze. she started pointing me and mumblng something to her friend next to her. this is me.. I'm chanyeo- no.. kris, do you remember me?. she stepped backward and start running to me.

she running to me.

but my leg struggling to bring me far. I can't show up to you, I just can't. my heart tell me to run.. because I can't explain a thing I remember. My legs is longer than her so its easy for me to running from her. I am hiding on the below stairs and making sure she can't see me.

her hard breathing heard. and her legs seems giving in. she leaned on the wall. I'm sorry..

"what the hell with me?" she said. I heard it clear. it's not you.. It's me
"this is absurd. so absurd. why do I have to care with this creepy man" she continue. creepy.. man?

I stared at her sorrowfully. 'am I creepy man for you? who Am I really..' I questioned myself. just then I heard the door opened and a boy show himself. the very same boy at the parking lot. its getting my nerve.

they start talking and conversationing. honestly I was burn with jelaousy.

My bad side is slowly appear. the killing desire.
I want to kill him for giving you the deep affection gaze. giving you broad smile. giving you attention. but suddenly my attention turned when the blonde said my name.

as kris. not chanyeol.

"there was no they between kris and yifan. you have no idea how many time world turned us down but we struggled and stood because each other support.when my parent dead. He was the one who stood and support me. He left his family and against them to be with me. Such romeo and julliete huh? I only acknowledge a man in my life and its only for yifan" she tells him everything. as same as me. I heard it clear.

she.. my lover? why I didn't acknowledge it from the first time? that we used to be a lover.

the boy slowly retreated. I can't catch what he said because my mind is dizzy and all. the whispers that came for me is hers.

"yifan, what should I do? I kind of scared with his will.. and I’m afraid,.. whenever think someone who trying his best to get rid your place, I’m seriously afraid" she quitely said.

my leg slowly giving in. my eyes blank out. jessica.. can you recognize me in this face?

I took off my cap and staring deeply to the depressed girl. My eyes softened with sorrow. And I hate seeing her like this.
‘park chanyeol…….? This is pathentic’ I stared down at My fake IDcard.

..

I laid myself on a large sofa. I took off my capped and coat. I throws away my fake ID with tired smile.
“how long you will living your life like this?” a deer eyed boy said from the upstair room holding a rubic on his hand. Within 2 minutes the mess rubic become plainly organized by its color.

“park chanyeol, give up” the rubic boy take a seat next to me, chanyeol? should I stayed being chanyeol?.
“shut up xi luhan” I trying to closed my eyes with one of my hand and sleep but the pretty boy next to me keep bothering.

He throw an envelope to my face.
“really, chanyeol.. I just hope you silently and quietly die..” he stomp his feet back to his room upstair.

The result must be bad.

I sighs and half-heartedly open the white envelope. Is this the day? I thought. I already aware of the letter’s cop so I can predict what its says after that.

I sighs again and again, I could imagining yixing’s angry face between the words. I then remember sooyeon’s expression. The pain and exhausted expression.
“maybe luhan is right, I better die quietly” because there is no way I can turn back time.. I was afraid she know I'm still alive.

I stood up and take a tiny camera from my pocket. I definitely understand how does it feel, to be hope and always hope. Because until now, I also hopes.. hoping the impossible thing.

I print the pictures right away and run into my room to grabs a tight book, maybe the tightest book I ever have. I opened the latest page and glued the pictures on it. Its jessica’s book. my precious book.

“how come.. I love you this much? When I don’t have the right question to question myself? Really? Jung Jessica.. who are you? You played my life so so well” I muttered, smiled and caressed the picture of Jessica sad face. Pain shot on my heart.

‘baby don’t cry..’ I heard a whisper, my mind go black, and the great pain zapped on my right arm. I let out a loud Growl and Grunt. I rolls my body left and right. the pain spread to all over my body as well as my mind. slowly my legs paralyzed.. and then arms.. and all my senses.

I saw it crystal clear. memories. smiled. love. kisses. sooyeon. memories and all.

Love.
Tears.
Fire.
Necklace..

'when you remember everything, your brain will destroyed. the accident caused so much damage on your brain. the pain on your arms or legs its just a little reaction when your brain pushed due the little piece of memories.. just imagine when suddenly you remember the truth. your brain will be crashed and automatically your body will react the same.. or more, and possibility for died is high..' I remember yixing too.

slowly My eyes closed. and sooyeon laughter could be heard. yifan..

And thats when I thought I am dead.

A/N : its been so looong~ i miss my writing too ~ for a while I lose my ability in imagining thing. thats all tasks fault! anyway, living as a student full of hardships kkk.. but the thing is how we get it through make us to be a proper student, isnt it?..

anyway.. enjoy~~