this lately day is so hard for both being chanyeol or kris. he can't speak out loud his voice because he can't recognized which one is chanyeol or which one is kris. he is not ego alter, definitely not. its just, he doesn't have any idea how long he became chanyeol and how long he stop being kris. He is tattered. his heart is still kris yet his body isn't him anymore.

Now let's just saw whats on the deep inside chanyeol heart and kris (after accident) heart.

--- Chanyeol POV---

I look at the mirror and smiled. the day is sunny out here in china. Let me tell you that i am canadian-chinese. past year I spent my time at Canada, did some treatments and surgeries. they tell me I was at a big accident. thats why sometimes I feel a great pain when someone asking 'how have you been'. because i really don't know how to answer. I didnt remember me, at the past year. anyway my day is okay at chinese, maybe because I am free from my strict parent.

But now when yixing requested to my parents for moving to chinese due the 'time' reason, we moved. yeah time, because yixing is staying at chinese and its wasting our time to flying back and forth to canada-chinese. so i moved.

I live with both luhan and yixing here, and a korean doctor apparently he is yixing best friend which is my best friend too now.

"suho.. How does Korea look like?" I ask. he, a gentleman and kindhearted doctor smiling at me.

"then what do you think it is?" he asked out of the blue. i raised my eyebrow, "ofcourse i didn't really know thats why i asked" i said. he chuckled and bit his lip to sniffle his own laughter.
"it is beautiful, gorgeous and amazing country..its my homeland, whatelse do you expect me to said?" he said in korean. i nodded.

but a second after I was so surprised untill I can't move my jaw.
"what- Why.." i was too startled even to realized. I UNDERSTAND WHAT SUHO SAYING. i mean, its not english but korean!!!!

suho smiled appologetically to me.
"don't be too surprised.." he said, patting my shoulder. "you've been there before.. for long time, you just forget it.. but your ability still work on everyone including you" he explained. of course from suho.. he done it smoothly, almost flawless.. he manage to get the safety side for me to acknowledge something.

"i've been there before? for so long? but.. what did I do back then.." its maybe a common question for suho, he is the professional on this anyway, he just smiled bitterly to me and pat my shoulder before stood up and went away. leaving me with my own dazed mind.

"thats whats you should find yourself.." he said.
"can't you just giving me a hint? I am lost suho.. luhan or yixing will never understand this feeling, suffocating" i said. suho stopped right away and turn around in slowly. his smile is still hanging on his lips.

"thats it kris.. why do you sounds lost.. and what is  the 'thing' you lost really  untill you struggling with your life to found it.. sometimes brain destroyed, but heart will never die .."

he leaving me in dumbness. sometimes brain destroyed but heart will never die , still i keeping myself together. maybe oneday I will get what suho said.

..

Its sunday and I am staring at my TV. I will be brave. I decided to watch korean channel. its music program.

this is the new feeling for me.. the MC or the singer talking with each other in korean, its amazing i can understand what they are saying even if maybe i dont really understand a word. but still its amazing i know what are they saying.

my eyes landed on a blonde who standing between 8 girls giving a ment before they perform. the nine of them is goddessly beautiful but i found the blonde is the most beautiful thing in the world. my heart beating fast.. its racing when the blonde smiling, shy.

my lip unconsciously lifted up. she smiled I smiled wider. she laugh i laugh wider.

"what are you doing??" suddenly luhan barging in. I snapped back to my self.
"seriously luhan, you need learn how to knock the door??" i ask. he smiled sheepishly and sitting next to me.
"sorry~.." he meekly said. "what are you doing?" he asked.

i pointed the tv with my chin and suddenly he frozen.
"w-what are you doing with foreign channel?" he asked, awkward.
"why do you ask.. you know i've been there before.. suho explain it, you know its amazing i could understand what they are saying" i bragged and luhan timidly smiling. my eyes focused again on the tv screen when the 9 angels are performing their cute song. their cute and sentimental movement, their calm voice

the blonde shy movement. the blonde cheerful voice.

"who is she luhan? She is beautiful.." i asked luhan and luhan stiffened.
"i like her.." i continue and luhan staring at me blankly.

....

I heard loud voice coming from yixing room. luhan and yixing having an argument. i heard my name called over and over. i was about to enter but suddenly a hand stopped me from behind. suho.

he shook his head .
"let them.." he said and open the door. " don't worry I will never let them hurt each other " he said.

and the next thing I know is yixing knocking my door.
"pack your things, we will move to korea.. I and luhan got a recruitment at best hospital at seoul.. lets move" he said.

..

 I was in korea a week after.
"park chanyeol.. your name is park chanyeol. you are not kris. everything about kris is left behind at china, so you should remember, you are chanyeol" luhan said. i unknowingly nodded. I am park chanyeol..

we move to an apartement. since suho live at seoul so he isn't live with us anymore. yixing always busy with his duty as new doctor in seoul hospital. meanwhile luhan as a nurse is as busy as yixing but he always have private time to check me. everyday.

they just leaving me alone at home.

it was cold night and i decided to take a walk of night at seoul. the city which is never sleep. cars and motors are back and forth along the road and some shops still open, some of them closed. I stared at an advertising baloon and My heart skip the beat.

"so nyuh Shi dae first concert in seoul" i mumbled. the blonde.
i walk finding my path to the balloon, and it stops right above a dome. and a large poster of individual personel is hanging around the dome. I stopped at the blonde haired girl poster. jessica is written on the below. i smile unconsciously. this girl really has power over me. slowly and powerfully. yi fan.. kris..  suddenly light voice ringing on me. i turn around and found no one. i must be hallucinated.

but a second after my head spinning in pain.. a great pain striking hard. saranghae soo- .. voice and voice keep coming and it is too much to handle.
"argh!" i let out a roar when the second voice suddenly ringing, this once is my own voice.. "how could this be? am I regain something? b-but why here?" i turn around.. I keep observing around despite my suffocating head and clenching heart, but I still couldn't get what is going on.

suddenly dome entrance door is bursting open. a petite girl with thin jacket getting out from the dome. a blonde with heavy shoulder walking aimlessly on the road. once in a time kicking the pebble off of the ground. and It hit me.. its jessica .
"what is she doing in this late? its dangerous outside.." worried about the girl, I walking tracing behind. i don't want to look obvious though. but somehow the trained with paparrazi is seems stiffened. she stops abruptly and I take a sudden stop too. in a blink of second she whirled around and a sudden flash striking my eyes with clicking sounds heard in second after.

its too surprising and I can't react, but i remember those face . she running fast and Im still frozing on my ground.
I know her.. right? no?. I keep staring at her back until she suddenly gone like a magic. but suddenly I feel so warm.

..

I was fighting physically and mentally. Whats really going on with me before? Who Am I ? what have I done? Why everything seems more difficult every morning come into night and sun rises again. Until I find myself move to korea.

“Hospital where suho work recruit us to work there..” that’s what yixing explain. I know I’m not blind, but I just pretend to understand them, maybe they should make a secret from me because of a reason. I understand.. and maybe I can gain my memories back..

I am learning to be a composer music since I interested in music so much and I took music class to fill my boring day.

It was bright Monday and this is the first day for me to attend the music class. Luhan against it at first but suho tell that it will be better I should learning and maybe it can make my mind clear. So I attend SeoMyung Music class, because I heard it is great school.

It was busy, there are so many friends at the same age, younger and maybe older.. they are working hard studying about music. There are 70 people at my class, and the teacher is quite cool.. he is hot and has beautiful voice when he show his singing skill. He should be a singer instead of vocal trainer.

But suddenly he is startled while his eyes wander around me. He pointed at me and waged his finger calling me. I come forward and stop in front of petite man.
“did we ever meet before?” he asks. I vaguely shake my head, I didn’t really remember know him. He scratch his hair and smiled sheepishly.
“I guess I was wrong then.. jja~ lets start with introducing my name, I am Kim Jonghyun, born in 1990 I'm not that old but I'm old enough to give you some advice in music. so just call me jonghyun if You are same age with me or older, call me oppa just for younger girls, and sunbaenim for younger boys~ lets get along well” he sounds so confident and all great but its true though. so he is not old and just same age with me.

…

I was walking home when I met again with vocal trainer. He waves goodbye to his friends and putting his leather jacket. He startled once he saw me and give me a light smile.
“don’t you go home yet?”

I shook my head. Just then a girl with petite body and beautiful face show herself waving to the boy.
“then I will go first..” he said zipping his jacket, grabbing his helmet. But once again he turns around and stared at me deeply.
“but seriously, did we meet before? I feel familiar though..” he said. I raised my eyebrow and stared at him confusedly.
“ah.. forget it, I must be old ” he said muttering the last sentence and leaving with a beautiful girl with his motorbike. I smiled at the two couple.

“I’ll go first~ bye! kajja gyuri ah..” he said and waving goodbye. But all I can see is staring blankly.

‘bye jonghyun.. have a nice day with gyuri..’ the whispers keep coming and echoing in my head. "annyeong sooyeo-" My head spinning around and without I realized I was collapsed right away.

“help…!!”
“Anyone please help…!!”

The last face I remember.. and the last voice I remember before I fully awake at the very same room.

My room and I found yixing crossed his hands. Sighing hard.
“you are awake?” luhan was the first one greeting me, I just realized there are luhan and suho next to yixing. Without any words, yixing take his coat and walking away from the room. Suho sighs and smiled.
“how you feeling?” he asks. I nodded my head and rest my spinning head on my hand.
“what’s wrong?” I ask.
“you’ve been collapsed for 3 days.. are you okay? yixing giving you a little surgeon on your broken neuron.. are you fine?” luhan asks. I nodded. Only my head is not fine. Luhan leaving me with suho. Its time to treatment with  suho. Its just I used to it.

“what are you remember?” he ask, frankly and understandly. I smiled a bit.
“her wishper..” I said. Suho nodded and closed his eyes, ready to hear my explanation.

“I met someone, he asks me whether if we ever meet before or not.. he bid me goodbye and then I hear her voice.. and bang- I was here” I explained nonchalantly.
“what else?” he asks. I shook my head. “there isn’t anymore”

Suho nodded and stand up from his seat.
“rest a bit, let your spinning head cooling down and I will give you the brain treatment” he said.
“suho-!”
he stopped and gazed at me. I was struggling.. between my heart and my brain, yet maybe my heart is always the winner. It pushed me till the edge.
“cant you just  tell me who is she? I promise I will be fine but please don’t turn me into a fool who doesn’t even know his own love..”

suho gazing me with serious eyes. "what did you heard from your mind?" he asked.

"kris.. yi fan.. jonghyun.. gyuri and sooyeo- something" I told him what I remember the most.

…

I was walking alone in the street. Staring blankly at the display phone. ‘jung sooyeon is Jessica jung of snsd’ he explains. It cant be..

Is that the reason why I recognized her and love her once I saw her?
is that the real feeling?
is that what luhan meant with my heart recognized everything?
is that.. perhaps right?

a while ago suho secretly giving me a big push on my investigation. "what is you searching.. your lost memories.. all is up to you, park chanyeol"  he said to me.

but I remember the girl voice is calling me with kris.. or yi fan. she must be know something. and Is she really my important part of my lost memories?

my hand keep fiddling a ticket of first concert. who are you jessica jung?

my heart keep beating faster and faster when I walking near to the grand entrance.
"i seriously know nothing like an idiot suho " i said.
"follow your heart.. follow the bright on the dark of your heart.. it may be hard, but if you give a faith, you'll achieve it" as a thrapist, he know well how to push me , i wonder how luhan and yixing react if they knew suho spilled the secret.

and what my heart leading me is here. to Girls Generation first concert. I was sitting on the VIP row. thanks to suho and his great channel so I got an amazing ticket at the last second of selling. money can buy you everything they said.

but not enough to bring back your memories without hurting yourself each time you get a little piece of your treasure memories. money is not powerful enough.

the music started and lighting goes off. only stage is shining brightly with pink lasers and flash light. one by one member popped out from each side of stages. and then come a blonde, slowly lifted up from the ground and smilling brightly to audience.

Her smile..
Her voice..
Her movement..

i was a momment distract before I suddenly remember.. 'this is what i get from luhan's room.. It is maybe your part of memories' suho gave me a necklace but due the fire, it get burned and only the liontin itself still remain.

  i take out a digital camera, and the liontin is tangling on the side of the camera, I use it as a chain.

the concert is going smoothly and perfectly until the beautiful blonde angel suddenly stopped in front of me and giving me 'surprised' look. I took her image with my camera and giving her slightly eye smiled, since i used my mask on she will never recognized me. I might get her surprised or scared off since she will remember the incident night before. another member I really don't remember her name dragging off her from the spot and she.. as professional giving her best untill the last.

...

getting out first from the dome is hard thing to do but I manage to did. I was walking to the VIP parking lot but suddenly heard male voices.

"Kwon Jiyong You really going with jessica?" a deep voice heard. at the name of jessica I suddenly getting nervous and unknowingly hiding in the dark side. I saw two guy walking to the luxury cars which is park next to each other. the taller walking and standing next to black car.. but the shorter standing next to white car.

"yes.. I told you I'm serious about her" the short guy said and playing with his car keys.
"Tiffany told that It would be hard .." the tall guy said.
"I already fight park jaebum, lee donghae and kim jaejoong for get her.. So I'm deadly serious now" the short boy said. and somehow my heart is tightened untill I want to punch him right away. my heart react on its own.

"woah.. Looks like you really serious this time huh?" the taller teased.
"I confronted with jaebum and make him leave his group, and same as jaejoong and the 2 his supporter.. I give lee donghae the taste of blood.. is that not enough to show me that I'm being very serious? I love her back then, even before she is become a great person like this.. I have so many enemy already and I can't giving up yet.. or maybe never" he sounds so sure and he didnt have any fear of saying it, it is make me somehow smaller and smaller.

"you know she still love her previous boyfriend.. even me know it" the taller asked. now the short boy seems hesitated.
"that.. I never know I have very big obstacle after another. I need to know him to get rid of him.. but the problem is, jessica never look any man but him.. what did I do, she never knew and let it be. I need to know him. yes.. I will prepare for another fight" he said.

my eyes flashing fire without any reason. as a man.. it sounds so threatening. but.. as more as i heard, as more as I am being confused. jessica has someone she love? she love her previous boyfriend? is that mean she already broke up with her boyfriend? and she still have feeling for him?

with the same amount of fighting spirit. I need to fight him.

"I need to go.. I should waiting for tiffany at the promised place, she will waiting for me there." the taller guy said and driving out from dome. leaving the short boy alone. he seems so nervous alone, very different when he with his bestfriend. maybe he is thinking about something.

"you did great job jessica..?" he mumbled himself. "no no.. it sounds too formal" he maybe practiced to meet jessica, I feel uneasy.
"that was amazing stage.. you did good job" he continue to practicing words.

he must be love her so much.. man tend to look good in front of the girl he loved, but she just didnt know that the 'good' thing is born with so much effort, start from the word up to himself. I'm a man too.. and I have same feeling.

an half hour after a blonde girl getting out from the exit room and the jiyong guy suddenly standing straight to look good. she flashing him a timid smiled before the two of them driving somewhere else.

i stepped out from the darkness and softly gazing to the running car.
what is left behind..? why my heart feels like killing me inside?

and thats when suddenly my feet brought me to my house.
"yah park chanyeol!" luhan voice striking my consciousness up. my camera is hanging on my hand and I am gripping tightly on the liontin. is this broken heart feeling?

luhan giving me odd look. "where did you come from?" he asked. he saw me gripping something and snatching my camera. his eyes rounded.
"y-you.. where did you get this from?" he asked.
"its not important where did I get this.. the important is, why did you hide it? is this a big clue? is it something very very special?" I asked. his expression stiffened.
"this is the best thing to kill you alive" he said.

i got the code between his words. I need to keep this.. dead or not.. I need to know what it is. dead or not is only the answer for me at the last.

"then I'm ready to die.. for her.." luhan seems understand what I mean. he gritted his teeth.
"for sooyeon.."  i continue and luhan seems surprised more.
"i know luhan.. I used to have feeling for her.. I'm getting there luhan.. just wait.." i said. luhan is hanging confused.

just waiting untill I know who really I am.. and untill I know who are we used to be. and mostly how everything turn complicated.

A/N : hello guys~ the new chapter for you guys, lets see whats inside chanyeol's heart~