Exactly five minutes later, we were all outside the guest house and started walking towards our destination. It turns out Jake was our tour guide for the day and we were all very pleased. I walked next to Kris who kept on asking how I was feeling and finally stopped when I said “If you ask me the same question, I’m going straight home” I really didn’t understand why he kept on asking me the same question repeatedly.

As usual, Kris pulled me for a side hug, to us it was natural. When we walked around back home, he kept on side hugging me because as he like to put “You need protection” As if. But I felt blissful. At times like this, my feelings keep developing. His protective side had always melt me.

“I wished you would stay here longer, Len” Kris muttered, “I need to show and bring you to places”

“I can always come visit” I tried to make it seem positive.

“I know but I want you here longer” He whispered and I immediately look towards him. He looked sad, he is sad.

“Next time I come here, I will stay longer. Maybe during the semester break.” I tighten my hug, wanting him to feel better.

“The next time you come here, I’ll treat you better. I’ll be good.” He said with a determination.

All I could do was smile and nodded. He knows how to make me feel better and I just hope this feeling will last.

We arrived to the first gallery and it specialised in contemporary sculpture, paintings and ceramics. I straight away walked around the gallery and Kris followed suit. Kris asked me questions about the paintings, and I was more than happy to answer.

“I knew you would love this” Kris said and glanced over me while I was still looking over paintings. “I love this side of you, Len” He continued and I stopped watching and turned myself towards him.

I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t think too much about what he had just said. It was a mere phrase, Len. Nothing more. Don’t Lena, don’t over think it. I tried to snap myself from what Kris just said. He grabs my waist and continue walking the path.

“I think this would look good in your dream room” He thought. I look towards the painting and he was right. The painting was simple and had used Chinese ink. I nodded again. I noticed I keep on nodding for the past few hours.

“You remember?” I asked Kris.

“What? Your dream room? Of course I do. We had the same idea, didn’t we?” Kris took a look at the next painting. I remember. We had a project for our General Paper and we had to build a model of our dream room. We worked together then, in a group. I think he finally noticed me then because we kept on saying the same things about our dream room. The same paint, concept, theme, story.

I was glad Kris was here and decided on joining us. I miss this; I miss him next to me. I was always with him back at home, week days, weekends, functions, outings, hang outs, you name it. If you see Kris, you’ll find Lena. If you find Lena, you’ll see Kris. I don’t know why though. I became comfortable with him and I grew to like him, love even. I noticed my growing feelings when a friend of ours asked what I thought of Kris and a girl name Diana and all I could think of was ‘No. I wouldn’t agree’

“Where are we heading next?” As soon as we walked out the gallery, the rest of us asked Jake.

“There’s another gallery a block away. They specialised in Prints” Jake answered. We started walking when I felt Kris falling behind. I look back and saw him on the phone. I walked towards him.

“I’m out, I don’t think I can come.” I heard Kris said to the phone. “Well, I never agreed to get lunch with you” Kris started to sound annoyed. “Come on Jane, seriously?” I raised my eyebrows as a sign to Kris and Kris just shook his head. “Seriously, you’re playing that card?” Kris sighed.

“Well, what do you want me to say? I can’t choose Jane! I’m not doing that. I wouldn’t!” He started to raise his voice. I shook my head and told him to calm down. “It’s just a few days!” He shouted. I’ve never seen this side of Kris before. Kris started frowning and started pacing around.

Jake tapped my shoulders. “You guys okay?” He asked quietly.

“We’re fine, you guys go ahead. I’ll catch up.” I told Jake to take the lead.

“I can’t believe you are doing this. Why can’t you understand? Stop this non sense!” Kris argued back and I was starting to get anxious. “It’s just lunch! You have lots of friends, Jane! You can go ask them to accompany you!” I held onto Kris’ hand to stop him from pacing around and I motion ‘Go, just go’

“I will not go” It was directed both towards me and Jane on the phone. I took his phone away and “I’m sorry Jane! I didn’t know you two had lunch plans. I’ll send him to you” I immediately ended the call. I was afraid Jane would yell at me.

“Lena!” Kris yelled instead and started dialling Jane’s number.

“Don’t!” I took his phone back. “Stop, Kris! You like her, don’t you?” I asked.

“I will not choose, I told her I’m going to spend the day with you. I told her last night!” Kris argued.

“But you didn’t need to shout at her like that!” I finally burst. I was confused with my own feelings and logic. I was starting to think again.

“Lena, just this once. Let me be a good friend.” Kris hold onto my face.

“You are a good friend, Kris. Who said you weren’t?” I shoved his hands. I was on the verge of crying. I was upset. I’m mad at myself, at Kris, at Jane, at the world. “Just go.” I mumbled.

“I’m not going anywhere” Kris insisted and bends his head towards me. “I’m not going anywhere, Len. Not today.” Kris hold me tighter by the shoulders. “I can’t go, I can’t” he muttered.

I realised it then. When he said those words, I understood.

“Kris, if you’re staying just because you are feeling guilty over all the stuff which had happened to us, don’t” I stated. “Don’t stay because you feel guilty. Stay because you want to.”

I saw Kris looking edgy; he knew what I was talking about. The fact that he always felt guilty about the two of us and whenever I ask why, he wouldn’t answer. I tried as much as possible to understand why he feels guilty to the point of us having a huge fight once and the fight wasn’t nice. We both got hurt and he still feels he is to blame. Kris stared at me, trying to change my mind.

“Do you like me, Kris?” I asked knowing he wouldn’t answer this. I never ask this because I know he wouldn’t answer. I knew he couldn’t answer the question.

“Len” He sighed knowing he lost the argument.

“So, go.” I pushed him away and turned around. I walked slowly towards Jake’s direction. I knew it. I knew this would happen. I knew this happiness wouldn’t last.