After the art tour, everyone else started packing as they were travelling back home, to another destination and such. I was in my room still trying to understand everything that had happened. My head was spinning. I was confused, well, I think confused was an understatement. I heard a knock on my door and quickly got off my bed.

“We’ll be going Lena! Have fun; enjoy the rest of your stay.” Anne said and gave me a hug. I waved back to everyone at the door. I walked out along with Tia and Jake.

I was still standing outside after five minutes. I don’t exactly know why I was still standing there. Maybe I was waiting for something, maybe I was hoping for something. A cup came into my view and I smelt chocolate coming from the cup. I turned towards my right and noticed Jake.

“I didn’t know what else to get you but I noticed you preferred Hot Chocolate this morning, so...” Jake handed me the cup and sat on the chair in the patio.

I smiled and said my thanks. The taste of hot chocolate warmed me. It felt nice.

“Do you want to go anywhere?” Jake suddenly asked. I took a seat next to him and pulled my knees to hug them.

“Tonight? Not really” I said with a sad tone, even I noticed it.

“Are you waiting for Kris?” He asked and oddly, I didn’t feel like he was prying into my business.

“I’m not sure, I guess so” I confessed and took another sip of the hot chocolate.

“Maybe you should call him?” Jake said.

“Honestly, I want to but I can’t. Not after what happened back there” I muttered.

“Lena, it would be better if you let everything out now, you can’t always keep them bottling up. You can’t always keep expecting everything is going to end badly. You shouldn’t be negative. Maybe, maybe you’ll regret the outcome but at least, you tried.” Jake advised. It made sense.

“I don’t want to get hurt” I was afraid, yes, I was a coward. I don’t want to hurt my own feelings, I don’t want to feel sad, I don’t want to get caught up with the things I have with Kris.

“I know, no one wants that but hurting is a feeling we can’t escape from. No matter how much we try avoiding it, it will turn up one way or another” Jake smiled, “You won’t get hurt though, Kris cares.” Jake tried to convince Lena.

“I don’t know Jake, I’ve known Kris for four years, I tried talking about this once with him and it only ended up with him having more guilt and I can’t understand why. I don’t know why he’s scared and I don’t want to push him” I felt a tiny pang on my heart. I could feel my eyes watering and I hate this. I hate this. “I don’t even know what’s going with me and Kris, I really don’t”

“That is the reason why you need to talk to him, clarification. What are you to him? Ask him Lena; don’t think of the answer, that’s his job. Ask him and you will feel better.” Jake said and smiled again.  

As soon as I walked into my room, I saw my phone lying there on my bed. I decided to try. I decided that it wouldn’t hurt. I convinced myself, I just need clarification but first,

You okay? I texted Kris those two words hoping he will text back.

Len, I’m not okay. I finally received those words after three minutes, yes, I counted.

I’m sorry; was the only thing I could say.

Why? He texted back and I couldn’t text back. My phone rang after ten minutes; Kris was probably tired of waiting.

“Why, Len? Why?” Kris immediately said when I picked up the call.

“I’m sorry, Kris. I’m just sorry. I’m sorry for making you mad, I’m sorry for being mad at you, I’m sorry, I’m just sorry for everything.” I muttered.

“I’m not mad at you” Kris said, “I’m disappointed. Do you know how much I miss you? Do you know how much I wanted to spend the day with you? Do you know how guilty I felt when I left you the night you arrived? Do you know how mad I am with myself?”

I didn’t know what to say to his questions. I felt my heart breaking; I was the one who made him feel guilty. I was starting to feel overwhelmed.

“Lena, do you understand now? I’m not mad at you, I miss you.” Kris said again.

My head was thinking again, of course I miss him. I really do, why would I take a flight here all alone?

“Len?” Kris called my name when I wasn’t answering him. “We shouldn’t be having this conversation over the phone. I’m coming over.”

“Kris!” I sighed and I heard him standing, walking from the phone. “It’s late.”

“I don’t care” With that he ended the call. I sighed again and took quick steps to the bathroom. I washed my face with cold water, I needed to wake up. This is going to be a long night.