It turns out, Kris’ idea was to go to the Singapore Flyer and we were both thrilled. It was 7pm and the night view of Singapore was incredible. Kris and I stood side by side and we both couldn’t help but be mesmerized with the view. I was happy.

“This is amazing” I said, still looking out the window.

“I know, this is amazing” Kris smiled and ruffled my hair. I wondered how long this would last, this ship between us. I couldn’t bring myself to state them as friendship, and relationship, I couldn’t but I want to. “I purposely waited for you” He suddenly confessed.

“What? Why?” I sounded confused. He shouldn’t be saying all this if he likes Jane. This gives me hope, well; everything he does gives me hope.

“I knew you would love it here and I couldn’t think of anyone else to share this experience with.” He grabs onto my shoulders and I felt my blush.

“Kris” I only manage to say when his phone rang.

“Jane” He said as soon as he picked up the call. Jane, yes, Jane, I almost forgot. “I’m with Lena.”

I could see his eyebrows twitching; I could feel he was getting restless. “Fine, yes, I know. I get it.” He finally ended the call. I didn’t know what to say, I was afraid that I would say the wrong thing but,

“Is she mad?” I asked without beating over the bush.

“Um, no, kind of” He thought.

“She is. See, I told you she likes you” I stupidly commented when no one needs any remark.

“I don’t get it though, she wasn’t like this before” Kris put his phone back inside his pocket after staring at them.

“She’s jealous?” I assumed.

“Of what, this? Us?” Kris turned over to me instead of watching the amazing view.

“Maybe. She’s intimidated; I mean your friend comes over from home to visit you. I bet you didn’t even thoroughly explain who I was. You should have told her.” I raised my eyebrows.

“I told her you were a good friend” Kris mumbled.

“That’s not good enough Kris. You like her, don’t you? Have you told her that?” Why am I suddenly helping this guy out with his love life? I should stop.

“Well” Kris was thinking.

“Tell her Kris” was all I could say. Inside, I was about to hit and smack my head to the glass. Inside, I was blaming myself. Inside, I was questioning myself. Why, oh why Lena?

I tried hard, I tried counting sheep, I tried shutting my eyes tightly, I tried switching position, I tried turning left, I tried turning right, I still couldn’t sleep. I was thinking. I was still thinking about the situation with Kris. I was still trying to find an answer as to why I decided to help Kris out with Jane. This is one of the reasons why things never worked out between us. You are too afraid, Lena. You are a coward.

I got off my bed and decided to go out for fresh air. I walked to the patio overlooking the city. I wondered and asked myself what my purpose was. Why did I visit Kris in the first place? With what reason did I come? I wanted closure, I think. I wanted closure with our ship. I wanted to know my place with him. Who am I to him? Maybe I finally knew the answer. Back at home, I was always confused, with my feelings, his feelings, and people’s observations. People all around us kept on saying how good we look together and I started imagining things. That’s when I knew I would be the one ended up hurting. What hurt the most after was I saw, I imagined my life with him.

“Hey, you okay?” I turned to my side and saw Jake standing next to me.

“Oh, hey” I smiled and tried to overcame the tears which was starting to well up. “I’m okay, I just needed some fresh air.”

“Couldn’t sleep?” He asked and I nodded my head. “Do you want me to make you a hot chocolate?” I shook my head; I didn’t want to bother him. “I could use some hot chocolate though” He said.

“Were you trying to find an excuse?” I asked laughing at his expression. He looked at me with those sad-smiley eyes.

“Yeah, I needed an excuse” He looked over the patio. “How was your day?” He finally asked and I wasn’t ready.

“It was okay” I simply said and rubbed my hands.

“It wasn’t” and I couldn’t help but agreed to those words. “If it was, you wouldn’t be sad”

“I just, I just thought it would be better but I think it’s getting worst” I whispered but Jake could still hear my voice.

“What’s getting worst?” Jake turn over to me and I didn’t know what to say. What was getting worst? My feelings? Our nothing-ship?

“I don’t know.” I whispered again.

“Whatever it is Lena, I think it will get better, don’t be too upset about it. You deserve to be happy as well” Jake said.

I deserve to be happy as well. I never heard those words before and I needed those words. I deserve to be happy. I can be happy. I should stop thinking about other people and start thinking about myself more. But I can’t. Kris looks happy, he’s happy with Jane. I cannot ruin that.