Mental Breakdown

Jiae kept walking away from the house. She was hungry. She wanted to came back but her feet betrayed herself. Her mother was right. She did a mistake, giving her a terrible consequence. She knew she should have fun, chasing her dreams and doing things with her friends, but now all of those things had taken away from her.

Does Kyuhyun need to know this?

Her tears fell. She felt guilty for crashing his life with her pregnancy. If anyone has to be blamed, it has to be her. She was his trigger to do that. She doesn’t want to see him again, too dirty yet too guilty to see him. She doesn’t know. Will he be happy? Or will he going back to his old-self, being rude and leaving her? She’s unsure now.

Rain was falling hard tonight. Jiae let the rain washed her. She hoped the rain washed her dirts, her mistakes, her guilts. She didn’t feel cold at all. She felt numb, not wanting to feel anything. Jiae doesn’t know what to do. She still tried to accept all the pain. The consequence, will she be able to do it?

Her feet betrayed her, guided her to a clinic. She wanted to step inside, finding some warmth. But before she made it, she fell down, lost her consciousness.

“Kyuhyun-ssi, this is me. You left your jacket at the clinic. Please let me know if you wanted to come, because I don’t know your house. Thank you”

He listened to the voice mail that came to his phone. He dialed back the doctor’s number, calling him.

“Doc, are you still there?” he asked. “Alright. I’ll come in a minute”

Kyuhyun came out with his umbrella, walking to Dr. Kim’s house. He trusted Dr. Kim for years, since he knew that Dr. Kim is his mother’s best friend. The only person he trusted in his life, aside from Han Jiae. He always came to him when he’s sick, or sometimes he helped him when Dr. Kim’s clinic is full of patients.

When he reached Dr. Kim’s clinic, he quickly knocked and came in, as if he was coming to his own house. But he noticed another slipper near the door.

“Doc?” he called. “Doc? Its me, Kyuhyun!”

But then, a woman came. Kyuhyun knew her. She’s Dr. Kim younger sister, Kim Young. She’s in her late twenties and lived with her brother in here as well. Kyuhyun smiled and bowed politely to her.

“Kyu?” Young looked surprised. “Its late in the night... what happened? Did Chun-oppa told you something?”

“Ah, I left my jacket here yesterday” Kyuhyun smiled. “Noona...Where is he?”

“He’s upstairs” Young said. “Do you want some tea? You must’ve feel cold”

He nodded, too lazy to do some denials. Besides, he can’t say no to Young’s offers. “Yes, please. I’ll go upstairs, then” he said.

“Sure” Young approved before she went back to the kitchen to make some tea. Kyuhyun went upstairs, and saw Dr. Kim, who just came out from the room, closing the door.

“Kyuhyun-ah” he called. “I wanted to ask, do you have a ‘girl’ friend?”

“Mworagoyo?” Kyuhyun asked back. “What do you mean, Doc?”

“I found a girl fainted in front of my clinic” Dr. Kim said in a worried tone. “She kept calling your name... Here, you should see her”

Kyuhyun was surprised. He followed Dr. Kim into the room.

Han Jiae was half-conscious, lying on a bed. She was sweating, her head kept turning to the sides, murmuring his name. Her whole body was trembling, although a blanket was covering her body and Young changed her clothes. Her forehead was covered in a wet handkerchief.

“Jiae...” he gasped. He turned to Dr. Kim. “Doc, thanks a lot” he bowed to Dr. Kim.

“Its fine, Kyuhyun-ah” Dr Kim said. “Who is she? Who is Jiae?”

“She’s my girlfriend” he said in a low voice. Dr. Kim nodded, wanted to know what happened to him, but he’ll wait for Kyuhyun to tell by himself.

“I’ll leave you two here” Dr. Kim said before he left. “And tell me if you need anything. Even if it is about telling your story with her, I’d like to know because I wanted to understand”

“Sure, Doc” Kyuhyun nodded. “I’ll tell you”

Dr. Kim left, but not closing the door. Kyuhyun knew it. He doesn’t want him to do anything bad.

Kyuhyun took a chair and sat next to the bed. He can hear Jiae mumbling his name again.

“Kyuhyun...” she mumbled. “Kyuhyun...”

“Jiae-ya, I’m here” he took her warm hand. “I’m here. Please wake up”

Jiae slowly opened her eyes. The moment she saw Kyuhyun, her tears fell down to her cheeks. She got up and ran her arms to his shoulders, hugging him. He can feel her frustation, her sadness, her pain.

“I’m pregnant” she whispered.

Kyuhyun didn’t say anything. He can only hug her. He knew it that she’d be pregnant. On the other hand, he felt guilty. Its his fault for making her like this.

“I’m not ready, Kyu...” she cried. “Its so hard”

“I know, baby” he replied in his soft voice. “Its hard for us. I’m not ready too”

“My mother told me... to abort the baby” she sobbed. “Kyu, she’s cruel. How can she told me to do that? I can’t...”

“Me too” he said. “Just, calm down... have some sleep first. We’ll figure this out, together”

They released each other as they stared at each other. Kyuhyun ran his thumb to wipe her tears, then pecked her cheek. “You’re sick. You should get some rest, okay?” he said.

Jiae can’t believe it. Among all reactions she can think, she never thought that he would be like this. He hugged her and tell her in his soft voice, calming her down. She felt more guilty by seeing him like this.

“Go home, Kyu” she said. “I wanted to sleep”

He nodded and left.

When he closed the door, Jiae was crying again. Her mother’s words echoing inside her head.

“You know girls who did this? They called !”

It was a frustating night for her. Dr Kim told her to stay until she’s in a better condition. But her mental condition was worse. She kept crying, mumbling words, she can’t even sleep, feeling devastated of what happened to her. After crying and mumbling, her face was the same like a withered plant. She looked down, her face was expressionless.

Meanwhile, Kyuhyun stayed in another room, just behind Jiae’s back. They were separated by a wall. He played his windmill necklace, his mind went everywhere. Questions filling up his head, hitting his head like a hammer.

How should I react?

Am I ready for this?

What if I’m not?

What if something happened to us?

What would people say?

How can I get through this?

Aborting the baby? Should I do that?

Tell me, what should I do?

Kyuhyun asked Dr Kim in the morning. He sighed, he doesn’t even have an appetite to eat anything. The rain was still falling from last night, something rarely happen in the summer. Dr Kim watched him, worried. Both of them had mentally suffered upon their consequences.

“I guess you two should calm down” Dr. Kim said. “You and Jiae can decide what to do, after you two cool down your heads”

“What do you mean by that?” Kyuhyun asked. “I can’t. I’ve been worrying so much, I’m afraid that the news will spread everywhere”

“If you keep worrying on what will happen, it will happen soon” Dr. Kim answered. “Look. So far, there’s only me, Youngie and Jiae’s mom who knew about this”

“Maybe we should start from Jiae first” Dr. Kim stood up and took a tray. “Here. I’ll give her some medicines, but make sure she’ll eat breakfast first”

Kyuhyun nodded as he brought the tray to her room.

Jiae was sitting down on her bed, hugging her knees. She felt numb, only thinking about the words that came from different people, and her mind, feeling afraid yet not ready for the consequence.

“Jiae-ya...”

She didn’t turn. She knew who was talking. But she refused to do anything. Not even an inch.

“Jiae-ya... come on, eat your breakfast” Kyuhyun called her. “Aren’t you hungry?”

He put the tray on the table and opened the curtains, made the sunlight stung her. She felt her skin was burning. Jiae is not in mood to do anything. Not even to breathe.

“Jiae, you better eat before it gets cold” Kyuhyun called to her once more.

Kyuhyun went in front of her now, holding a spoonful of a porridge. “Hey, aren’t you hungry? The porridge is not too hot here–”

Jiae slammed his hand, causing the spoon to fall to the floor. Kyuhyun immidiately stood up. “Yah! How could you–” he sounded angry and Jiae ignored him.

But he sighed, holding his anger back. “I’ll get another spoon” he said in his soft voice as he came down for another spoon. He quickly got back and shoved another spoonful of porridge, then blew it. He sat down again in front of Jiae and held out the spoon.

And again, she refused. She threw again the spoon this time. Kyuhyun quickly caught the spoon and fell to the ground. Jiae didn’t care. Kyuhyun did the same thing and she threw it again.

“Maybe you don’t want to eat” Kyuhyun smiled. “Here. Have a glass of milk”

Jiae took it and threw it to the floor. Kyuhyun smiled as he looked to the shattered glass. “I know you don’t have any appetite, but your baby needs food. Its fine if you don’t want to eat, but I don’t want our baby suffered and got worse” he said. “And I know you don’t want that”

“I’ll take another glass of milk” Kyuhyun said as he left.

Kyuhyun walked downstairs, and saw the Kim siblings are watching him. “Is everything alright?” Dr Kim asked.

“Its fine. I can handle this” Kyuhyun smiled as he went upstairs with a glass of milk in his hands.

This time, he just put the milk on the table and cleaned up the mess. He saw Jiae, who’s sleeping, facing him. He bent down as he smiled upon her sleeping face.

He wiped the milk stain on her lip. He leaned closer to her face, trying to kiss her. He closed his eyes and leaned closer, but then he pulled away.

“Whatever happens...” he said. “I’ll be with you until the baby comes out”

“Please be strong, sunshine” his tears fell. “I’m here. We can do this, together”

Kyuhyun and Jiae struggled hard after that day. Kyuhyun decided to keep Jiae in Dr Kim’s house – since he wants to avoid rumors and he doesn’t want the school knows – and made a reason that Jiae’s sick and had a hard disease. Mrs Han didn’t want her daughter again, even if she’s sick. She knows that Jiae’s fine and if she’s really sick, Kyuhyun will tell her.

Jiae had to study by herself. Kyuhyun will come home every night and they will study together. Although being pregnant was the hardest situation for her, but Kyuhyun always there to keep her standing. He’ll always there when she cried, trying to comfort her.

On the other side, she was feeling caged. Jiae can’t go out anywhere, she can’t even see Yoona or Yuri. All day, she spent her life inside Dr Kim’s house. She wanted to go outside. She always begging to Kyuhyun, Dr Kim or Kim Young to take her outside.

“I wanted to go outside...” she mumbled. Kyuhyun, who came up in the morning to greet her, smiled as he placed Jiae’s favorite milk on the table.

“Alright”

Jiae was taken aback upon that one word. After three months of begging, he finally said yes. She smiled. She was never this happy, it was the first time she’s smiling since three months ago. Kyuhyun stepped forward and ruffled her hair.

“You heard that right, sunshine” Kyuhyun said. “We’re going out”

“Finally” Jiae smiled. “Where are we going? How are we gonna get there? Is there anything good later? Do you prepare a surprise for me?”

“You’re asking too much” Kyuhyun pouted. “Just take a shower and change your clothes. I’m just gonna take you out for lunch, since you’re waking up six hours too late”

“Thank you thank you thank you!!” Jiae jumped and hugged him. “Finally!”

“Yah, yah, don’t get too hyper” Kyuhyun laughed. “Come on. I’ll wait downstairs”

And so they’re going out. Kyuhyun was just taking her for a lunch, since he felt bored and he wanted to take her out. He can’t stand for nine months without dating.

“My appetite has changed so weird, Kyu” Jiae said. “I ate a lot more than usual and everything seems delicious. Doctor said that its normal”

“At least you ate properly” Kyuhyun smiled. “You’re not skipping meals, right?”

“You would’ve reprimand me if I’m skipping meals” she replied. “There’s no way I’m gonna do that”

“Good girl” he ruffled her hair. “Anyways, I’ll go to the restroom for awhile. Just wait here, okay?”

Jiae nodded as she watched Kyuhyun going to the restroom. She looked around the interior, it was beautiful in her opinion. It was all wooden with flower pots here and there.

She saw a clumsy waiter accidentally pushed the flower pot upstairs, making the flower pot fell. What made her worried was a kid down there, standing and will be hit by the flower pot soon. Jiae ran as fast as she could to save that kid.

“Andwae!” she shouted.

The kid was pushed away, but Jiae fell down. She was too late, the flower pot hit her back and made her fell down. Seconds later, people start clustering her.

Kyuhyun was too late either. The moment he came out, he started to walk closer to the crowd and found Jiae. She was lying unconscious, blood flowing, made a pool around her. He shouted her name.

I felt bad for taking you out...

“Jiae...”

Jiae’s eyes slowly opened. Everything was too bright at first, but then she found out that she’s in the hospital. She looked around, finding the first person she wants to see right now.

“Kyu?”

But Kyuhyun’s not there. She looked for him, but she only saw doctors and nurses trying to calm her down while checking on her current condition.

“Where’s Kyuhyun?” she asked the doctor. “Where’s he?”

The doctor pointed outside. He was there, watching her with a worried look. Kyuhyun walked inside and calmed her down.

“Kyuhyun...” she kept calling his name. Kyuhyun held her hand and looked to her, hoping that Jiae would know what happened by just looking to his eyes.

“Why am I here?” she asked. “Kyu, answer me”

Kyuhyun bit his lip, he didn’t know how to answer. Jiae looked worried. “What was happening? And the baby... what happened to the baby?” she asked.

The baby. It hit him hard. It was pretty specific, but Kyuhyun doesn’t want to hurt her. But Jiae can read his expression. Something’s not good was happening.

“The baby was...” he lost his words. “Do you remember what happened?”

“What?” Jiae was confused. Jiae tried to remember of what happened. She was saving a kid from getting from a flower pot. She clutched her stomach.

“Kyu, it can’t be!” she exclaimed.

“I’m sorry, Jiae...” he said in a low voice. “You... You’re... miscarriaged... the doctor ... told me”

“You’re lying!” Jiae shook her head. “I must be dreaming! Kyuhyun, you’re lying, right?”

“I don’t want–”

“TELL ME THIS IS NOT TRUE!” Jiae shouted. “MISCARRIAGE? IT CAN’T BE! ITS NOT TRUE!”

Jiae started to hit him, but Kyuhyun caught her arms and let her cry in his embrace. Jiae cried hard, not accepting the fact that she lost the baby.

“I don’t want to lose the baby too...” Kyuhyun said. “None of us wanted for this, Jiae...”

But Jiae was thinking something else. “I was just saving the kid... Its my fault. I risk my child for saving another child...”

None of them wanting this. She doesn’t feel any weight lifted off her shoulders. Even though her mom’s opening the door when she hears this.

She didn’t realize that she’ll have a mental breakdown.

Few days passed and Jiae was darker than usual. She kept herself inside the room, not wanting to go outside. At first, Kyuhyun was still coming in. But she felt much worse than before. Jiae started locking the door, staring at random places and can’t accept the fact that she’s miscarriaged.

“Jiae!”

Kyuhyun knocked the door for the umpteenth time. He tried for three days to open the door, but Jiae won’t come out.

“She still not coming out?”

Doctor Kim was behind him, bringing a spare key. “I just got this from the spare keys shop. Try to open it, then!” he said.

Kyuhyun took the key and open the door. The door broke open, but Han Jiae isn’t there. He looked to the open window.

“Oh no!” he started to get worried. Kyuhyun ran outside the house, finding for Jiae. But Jiae was nowhere to be found. Jiae... where is she?

“Jiae!” he shouted. “Han Jiae! Where are you!”

He started to run and think hard about places where Jiae can go. His feet lead him, he can’t think anything. All that popped in his mind was questions.

“Jiae!” he shouted again. He ran again and again. She was lost. Where is she? Kyuhyun kept running, until he reached a bridge. The main road was crowded, cars were speeding here and there. He saw a glimpse, a familiar glimpse.

It was Han Jiae.

“Jiae!” he called.

But it was too late. Jiae climbed the bridge’s railing and jumped. Kyuhyun was too late when he ran to the railing. He shouted her name and jumped, trying to get her. Then, a truck was passing down there and couldn’t control the brake. The truck was hitting Jiae hard, tossing her out of the railing. Meters away from the railing was an inclined ground that led to the forest. Jiae was tossed meters away, far to the forest.

Meanwhile, Kyuhyun was too late. He fell to the ground, jumped for nothing. Blood coming out from his head. He looked to the forest. He wanted to find Jiae, but his body was too weak for him, even to get up.

He saw people was coming, clustering him before he felt tears running to his cheek and the world suddenly took him to the total darkness.

While Jiae was lying down there, dead.

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