POV from Yunho

There are many things on my mind right now. They are rather disturbing and I am having a hard time sorting them out.

Mostly because the events that had taken place are rather surreal and I am having a hard time digesting the information given to me and assimilate them. The baby and all… Unbelievable but I like it!

So… about earlier… when I was being mean. Fine. I admit it. This is the first time I have ever felt jealous. I don’t give a damn about getting anyone to believe me, but feeling jealous was never a part of any experience I ever had.

I was the only child hence never needing to vie for my parent and grandparent’s attention. I was number one back in every school I attended, from ever since I knew what a school is, for all my tests, exams, pop quizzes… everything! I have always been number one in all the competitions I ever took part in, every sport, even chess and international math challenges. Even my IQ is on par with those in Mensa! Not forgetting my family asset! AND my own asset which I’ve earned by myself, which now surpasses whatever my family owns!

I was both the most admired jock and best nerd out there, combined. My life is perfect. I was and AM still perfect. I even choose when I want to feel and what I am feeling. I feel sad only when I allow myself to; I feel angry… which is rare, when I allow myself to. I usually control the circumstances leading me to feel a certain emotion.

There was only this once when I liked a teacher back in school. It’s an inglorious past to me though it might not even be considered much of an incident to anyone else. To me, that was a stain in my perfectly controlled life. Which I take charge of, of course! A small tiny insignificant glitch but still a glitch…

That teacher happened to like women more, which is disappointing, but nothing ever happened between us anyway. Not even a verbal or written confession. Heck I didn’t even feel jealous when he was flirting with her. In fact, I just felt really disgusted when he was all over her.

I was quicker at getting angry with myself for having such bad taste. Then I subsequently felt annoyed at myself for even thinking about liking the likes of him. I only spent a total of 3 days,12 hours, 48 minutes and 13 seconds thinking he is someone I did consider liking. Then I ‘got over’ it the same day I saw him touching the female teacher, over a period of 32 seconds, so you can’t exactly say I really liked him.

Well… I never really liked anyone to be precise. Not enough for me to even care to feel heart broken, much less jealous. No one is suitable enough. No one gives me the right feeling. No one is WORTHY enough. That was when ‘was’ was a ‘was’.

Jealousy! What does that even feel like?! Haraboji always told me how he remembers being so damn jealous when halmeoni had a suitor prior to falling for him. Appa shared with me about feeling jealous when umma liked her puppy more than him… that was when he was drunk of course. He never talks about himself much you see. My friends would always go on and on about how they are jealous of me. My life of luxury and wealth to be more precise…

But the moment jealousy came to me for the first time… jabbing at Jung Yunho for the first time in 30 years. It came like a and tore through me in an instant. In the car, when I see people ogling at him from the neighbouring cars. I felt it for the first time... if you guys can remember. I yelled at him to change a little faster and he pouted at me.

Then when the detective was being all protective around him, I felt it again. In waves… but those amounts were manageable.

Alas, those incidents are nothing much in comparison to what happened back at the hotel. This time around though, I was consumed by it. I thought I had it under control but I was wrong. I am never wrong but I was mistaken.

The way that… creature held him! The way he was allowing himself to be touched by another person so willingly. I… I couldn’t accept it. I just couldn’t! It was all well even when he tricked me. I only felt a little hurt. Not enough to get violent.

Talk about feeling hurt. I never felt hurt before either! Not even by that teacher! What the hell! Asides from jealousy, there was also hurt this time! They are a lethal combination I’m telling you! I was already feeling upset at him for plotting against me… though he did have his reasons, but he had to add on to it by allowing skin contact with another man!

I wouldn’t have done what I did if he had not done what he did. Why am I blaming him?! He drives me crazy!! That’s why!! He is the only person in the world who can drive me mad!! Making me mentally unsound and dangerous!!

LAST but NOT LEAST. I am feeling really really scared right now. Like genuinely scared! I am terrified. Afraid that he will lose the child he is carrying. Even more terrified about losing him. I am losing sleep and even started chewing on my nails for the first time!!! Why!? I HATE hate hate hate ‘fear’ the most!! I am fearless!! Nothing scares me!! Not until recently at least.

Sheesh. Life is so hard ever since he came along. Why did Haraboji do this to his favourite grandson?! Why didn’t Haraboji and Appa just give up and leave me be, to be a bachelor for life?!

Also, I have heard many horror stories about people doing stupid things when in love. I was one of those sceptical people who laughed at romance movies when the couple act like two total imbeciles, which is also partly why I can’t stand that annoying genre. Love. That answers all the questions I ask myself, to be honest. Love explains why I’m feeling so many emotions and losing control over them.

‘Why was I so jealous?!’ Because I love him and I am overbearing and possessive. ‘Why was I feeling so hurt and angry when I realised he had tricked me?!’ Because I love him, and I absolutely do not want him to be the one to deceive me. ‘Why do I feel so afraid now that he is sick?!’ Because I love him, and I won’t even consider losing him as an option. Only the question, ‘why do I love him?’ is not answered. A chemical reaction in my brain, what about an intense goodwill?

My life. My perfect life. I’m not saying it is not perfect now sine it is actually even more perfect right now. But why am I feeling so much!? I don’t like to have so much feels!!! Don’t you dare say I am contradicting myself because I am not!

Whatever.

Oh! Before I forget to gloat about one most important thing! I am becoming a dad! Haraboji and Appa made me store my essence in the bank some time back. I went… but there were nothing involved since I only poured some milk mixed with some gel that one of my buddies had made for me. No one needs to know that though. Why would the great Jung Yunho allow any random being to mother his child? Jung Yunho picks the person even if it means this person doesn’t exist!

Fortunately for him, Kim Jaejoong exists. Jung Yunho’s bride and the only person allowed to bear the Jung family’s heir! The only one who is worthy enough of Jung Yunho’s love! Why I am speaking in third persons?

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Rushing home to his sleeping beauty, Yunho wasted no time on the roads. Speeding and eventually getting a ticket, he does not even bother to entertain the traffic police. Grabbing the ticket and pressing the paddle, he passes the illegal speed limit again shortly after. He figures that since he is already booked, he might as well go all out with it. What is a sports car for if it isn’t used for its speed?

Arriving home in a flash, making his way up the steps headed back into his room, the man paused when barely half a meter away from the entrance to the exaggeratedly lavish room. Inching in closer to identity the retching sound emitted from within, the man quickly throws the door open and races in.

Following the coughing sounds to the bathroom, he finds a figure clutching onto the side of the shiny white toilet bowl, purging into it. The person is spewing so forcibly that one can see that he is using every single one of the muscles in his body to suppress the puking. Through the near transparent nightgown, the man can see those well sculpted shoulders and scapulars shuddering. It looks almost pitiful.

Feeling the anger growing in his core, the man slams his fist on the sink and dashes out of his room. “GET ME ANOTHER DOCTOR!!” Barking orders at the retreating servants, the man stood by the railings and shouted so loudly that the floor and roof vibrated with the echo.

Then, wasting no time, he darts back into his room just to see the toilet bowl hugger still in action. The person hadn’t really left the toilet since he entered an hour ago. There is no longer anything coming out and the sickly person is too weak to even get himself out of the bathroom.

Slumping against the toilet wall, the person panted prettily, big pretty eyes glassy, usual ruby lips pale and body cold and clammy. Reaching a hand up to wipe off the sweat glistening at his forehead, slowly drying his eyes, the person grimaced in an attempt to stand up by himself.

Fingers clutching onto the toilet seat so tightly that the knuckles are turning white, the person gives up after a couple of tries. Smiling at Yunho as the man nears him, he never looked happier upon spotting his supposed ‘arch enemy’ is so close by. Yunho immediately realises that Jaejoong had not recovered from the delirium yet. The man then automatically lifted the smaller person off the ground and transported him back to his comfy bed.

Curling up as soon as his head touches the incredibly fluffy pillow, the person drifted off, breathing shallow and laboured. Feeling the gentle caresses on his forehead as a piece of wet cloth runs down his face to his clavicle, the person simpered weakly in response, opening his eyes but staring into the space beside him.

“The doctor said the anti-emetic injection will only work after some time.” “We might have to wait a while more…” The servants tried to calm a sulky Yunho down as he gets onto the bed as well.

“Hey are you with me?” Patting Jaejoong lightly on his cheeks, Yunho tried to test for a reaction. Ever since the doctor injected the medication to ease the latter’s pain and anxiety, enough to put into a good knock out state, there has been nothing but on and off confusion. Apparently, the younger one isn’t suited for the medication and though he is no longer in pain and more relaxed, which also means the small life he is carrying inside is steady for now, the other side effects are yet to be relieved. Nausea and vomiting being the most frequent.

Smiling at Yunho since all he ever did was smile and laugh for every time he wakes during the past night, the man is concerned. Jaejoong is increasingly alert this time around but he is still talking nonsense. The doctor had assured the anxious partner that there is nothing to worry about. The drug he had given Jaejoong was merely for the latter to sleep, yet the side effects turned out nightmarish, making him all confused and high. The effect will wear off soon enough but they will need another day before Jaejoong can revert back to his normal self. In fact, it is said that the more 'at peace' Jaejoong is with himself, the faster he would recover.

“You will be alright.” Holding the cheery latter’s hand after pulling the thin frame into a cradle, Yunho watches as Jaejoong remains quiet in his arms. The latter is looking somewhere far away or seemingly imagining happy things. His beautiful long lashes were fluttering and the glossy nature captured the rays of sunlight perfectly, emitting a breath taking glow whenever he opens his eyes.

“What are looking at?” Yunho asked after a long while. Jaejoong shifted his shoulders a little and looked around himself. Beckoning his partner to lean in closer, the smaller person whispered the ‘secret’ into the eager person’s ear. “Unicorns.” “Shhhhh. Don’t tell anyone or they will fly away.” Hushing the person as if afraid he would give away his secret, Jaejoong got Yunho laughing heartily.

Unable to resist the small soft body he holds so precious and close to his heart, Yunho lowered his face into Jaejoong’s as the other watches him without breaking eye contact. Jaejoong is being awfully seductive though unconsciously, since he wouldn’t stop gazing at the tall man while they snuggle together in bed.

Locking their lips in an upside down kiss, Yunho at the small dried up knick on his beautiful partner’s lower lips, courtesy of Yunho’s battering. Jaejoong does not engage, simply closing his eyes as if enjoying the wet teasing from the other. This is the first ever time that Yunho gets to frolic with Jaejoong like they were a genuine loving couple. This thought made the man rather upset but he will enjoy the moment while it lasted.

“I’m sorry…” Whispering into both of Jaejoong’s ears, Yunho repeated himself and the younger one let out a weak giggle when it got too ticklish for him. “I didn’t mean to hit you.” Grazing a finger on the now visible bruise on Jaejoong’s neck and cheek, the man kept apologising for the first time in his life.

“You have me to do many crazy things you know that Kim Jaejoong?” The man nibbled gently at the latter’s earlobe and nuzzled his neck with amorous affection.

Clearing his throat when the other’s lovely eyes widens, though not really because of what he had said earlier, Yunho felt really self-conscious all of a sudden. “Are you still feeling the nausea?” Changing the topic hurriedly, the man took a long look at his watch, calculating the time it took for the medicine to ease the incessant morning sickness his lovely partner is suffering from.

“Heee. He know you you I know you know.” Jaejoong tried to answer, failing miserably since his mind is practically blank and dysfunctional. The older man does not ask any more, putting his finger on the other’s pale full lips, hushing the person gently.

Smiling an alluring one again before drifting off, Yunho is pretty sure things are going to be different the next time Jaejoong wakes up.

TBC

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