POV from Yoochun

I will be damned. The deed is done. I did not stop even though those disapproving faces constantly appearing in my head. His mother whom I haven’t contacted for quite a while. His brother whom I have met recently. My grandmother whom I haven’t seen in ages. Who else?

I’m still undecided about what to call him now. I kept calling him by his real name while we were… you know. It sounded nice and he probably liked it. I liked it for one. Gives me the feeling like I know him at last, though he ended up being someone I shouldn’t love.

He comes from a well to do family. He was educated, recently graduated and awaiting entrance into tertiary education. He was involved in many activities and played all sorts of sports. He is well liked by his peers, had lots of friends. He was a healthy teenager who is entering adulthood soon. He is everything but a housewife to be kept domesticated back in a small apartment with nothing for him except books, DVD, housework and a dog.

I tell myself that every day and night. Every day since I found out his real identity, every damn day since I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to know more and digging through his past like a creepy stalker! Of course I did say it’s for investigational purposes but we all know that’s not true.

How nice would it be if he were just a vagrant with nowhere to go! So I can love him without hesitation? It’s still really selfish of me to do so but I haven’t been in love for donkey years somebody please sympathise with me. It is not easy for me to fall for someone and it is definitely a lot harder to fall out of love. I can’t no matter how I tried.

Let’s just take things one step at a time from now on, since I ended up doing the unthinkable. There is no going back. I did something to him and I need to take responsibility. I WANT to take responsibility. Even if everyone else denies me of this benefit and label me a ert of whatever. I still want to hang on to him.

Call it a selfish wish but I can tell that he has feelings for me too. You can’t exactly say that we are in love… but I am in love. He is probably in love though he never said he was, and so that makes us a pair. I really don’t want to think about parting from him for now. I won’t let that happen even if I have to give up certain things.

The most important thing now is to keep him alive. I shouldn’t be thinking about other things! The doctors said before that they can’t do anything until the defining moment, but I have done some research on my part and there are people who survive and the damage is a lot less if they are operated on early. I was just a little behind time in searching for a suitable and trustworthy doctor.

But now I have a viable option, why give it a miss? Even if the doctor is related to a mafia, he is still a good doctor if his performance is outstanding. He might be Junsu’s best bet and I’m taking it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile…

Inside a mansion bustling with life, peaceful is not exactly the most suitable word to describe the place. “GET THE DOCTOR!!” Yunho’s cry startled the rest of the servants standing nearby and got them buzzing around.

Then, shovelling Jaejoong up by his back and legs, Yunho made a break for the room. Kicking the door open, the older man cannot stop mind slapping himself for his violent behaviour earlier on. Jaejoong is in a trance by now, big beautiful eyes glassy and unfocused.

Placing the small frame on his large bed, Yunho got on and patted Jaejoong softly on the cheek. The person flinches, anticipating a slap that never came. Rubbing his warm palm on the now ghostly white and cold skin, the man dabbed off the small amount of blood at the edge of Jaejoong’s mouth, condemning himself silently.

“Yah! Are you alright?” Yunho broke the silence while pulling off the latter’s socks for him. Then, trying to remove the other’s torn jacket since he is clammy and perspiring, Yunho stopped when Jaejoong yelps in pain, grimacing and with half lidded eyes.

Patting Jaejoong on the cheek again, Yunho heaved a sigh of relief upon inciting a response. Jaejoong is near dozing off despite everything and his eye lids never felt heavier. Opening his mouth to answer since Yunho keeps bombarding him with questions to keep him alert, he could only manage a few weak whimpers.

The rest became a blur after that, even though there were loud voices and bright lights to interrupt his almost-slumber. The feel of cold stethoscope on his skin made him jump a little, but asides from that, his brain is no longer receptive. Allowing Yunho to handle him like a million dollar vase, a stark contrast to the serious manhandling from earlier, Jaejoong is somehow still slightly aware of every procedure that is going on. Ranging from needles sticking into his bruised arm and something cold and gelatinous rubbing against the spot where it hurts the most of his abdomen.

Hearing a short sharp inhalation right beside him as a silhouette hovers over him in the dim lighting, reading off the screen on a machine situated somewhere nearby, Jaejoong wondered to himself. Allowing his imagination to run wild, he came up with many suggestions about his own conditions. Yunho’s loud exclamations did not help ease his bewilderment either, though it is the reason he remains awake.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

POV from Jaejoong

Cancer! I have cancer! I definitely have it!! That will possibly explain all of the symptoms I am experiencing!!

Loss of appetite, weight loss, fatigue and pain! The pain is something! Like a short knife lodged in my belly and working its way downwards, slicing me apart. Or maybe you can say that it is just the horrible cramps. I used to volunteer at a hospice back home with Hyun Joongie when his grandmother was dying there.

These symptoms I display tallies with that of the poor patients I chatted with and entertained there. I remember there was a ahjussi with metastasis to his entire peritoneum and he would always give me a vivid account on his conditions and the sufferings that he had to go through, and the ways he cope. He was a great teacher and to think I got a chance to take his advices at such a young age.

I am sure since I heard someone whispering something about a lump and I am telling you, I would rather be unconscious instead of listening to the diagnosis. There was no diagnosis actually, but they were talking about a lump for sure. I thought I heard something like a possible foetus or something but that must be some form of auditory hallucination on my part. How dumb of me.

I may not be a doctor, but I know what is anatomically impossible or possible please. I have a lump to deal with. A massive lump I presume… and I should just it up all and move on.

I am actually starting to rethink my life right now. What I have accomplished so far. The mess I have made of my family by deciding to come here at the first place. I should’ve just settled for the offers from those local universities! Anyhow, now is not the time to think about all this.

There are a couple of paramount needs I have to tend to. No time for denial or some stupid five stages of grieving!

Damn it that I don’t even have time to grief but my cancer really isn’t the most pressing issue here since I still have a few months to live even if I don’t get treatment. Hyun Joongie’s grandmother was a survivor but the remission lasted merely a year. She died within half a year of relapse. How much time do I have left? I guess that depends on the extent of the growth.

If I knew I would die so young, I would’ve definitely taken life more easily! Why does life have to be so easy for everyone else except me? Is it because I like to poke my nose into everything and own all the problems? It’s called leadership please. Don’t judge my character.

Oh right where was I? No wait! Why am I feeling so strangely calm and composed? … Goodness me… I should be gathering hysterical and crying my heart out! Must be the happy drug someone was injecting me with earlier! I can feel the liquid literally flowing into me and I won’t deny that I’m actually feeling a little high right now.

You know what? I don’t even resent him for what he just did to me!! Like what?!? Not possible yet still happening! He hit me earlier! No no no! He hit Hyun Joongie. He punched my best friend for life and I don’t even know how to hate him anymore! I just feel too happy to hate on anyone at the moment.

My thoughts are so jumbled up and this is probably one of the messiest accounts I have ever given. Like I don’t even know what the hell am I going on and on about! … Must be the cancer… Makes people delirious too.

Let me just observe a minute of silence for my impending death and celebrate my life though there is nothing much to mention.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“YAH!! You… bad… you naughty you… guy bad…” As soon as Yunho’s back is turned towards him, discussing something with the doctor at the door, Jaejoong is up and about, pointing at all the Yunhos he sees as he sways back and forth. Though not exactly ambulant, he is restless enough to aggravate his condition, delirious since the doctor had prescribed him with a medication to calm his nerves.

Flailing his arms as he swings his legs over the side of the bed, Yunho’s loud hollering for him to stop does not faze him. To Jaejoong, he is currently at the top of the world and Yunho is merely an inanimate object. Waving at Yunho as the man rushes over to tuck him back in, Jaejoong patted the man’s head and continued with his mindless rambling.

Smiling a dazzling smile at the man, Jaejoong’s glassy black orbs even twinkled a little mischievously as he grabs Yunho by his head, holding the bigger man’s face close to his. “YOU! You think you… I think I think…” “HAH!!” “FOUND YOU!!” Rubbing his own bloodless cheeks against the older man’s warm flushed ones, Jaejoong slammed their nose together and Yunho’s lips.

“YAH!! WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING TO HIM?!!” Shouting for the retreating doctor, who was standing by the door with a huge frown on his face, Yunho summoned the man again. Subduing the now maniacal Jaejoong as he laughs and cries at the same time, Yunho rasped repeatedly. “WHAT DID YOU GIVE HIM?!!”

This time, Jaejoong almost leaps out from under the sheets, hands grappling at the doctor. Had Yunho not pressed him down, he might have the doctor too. That Yunho will never allow. Getting on top of the now silent Jaejoong, Yunho held the bobbling head down with his forearm while the rest of his torso hovers over his lover carefully.

Looking down to check on the unusually quiet person, Yunho almost couldn’t control his own testosterone. Seeing Jaejoong sprawled so ily beneath him, with a rebellious yet totally out of the worldly expression on his face. The younger one is watching him like he is some sort of prey and Yunho can’t help but feel disturbed though it is a big fat turn on for him too.

“Yah Kim Jaejoong!” Yunho started and Jaejoong beamed. Nodding his head weakly but eagerly, giggling like he had been exposed to laughing gas. “My name you like?” Jaejoong questioned the man in the most endearing manner using a mix of Korean and English and Yunho almost died from the explosion of cuteness.

Noticing how their private moment is interrupted, Yunho quickly shields the small frame from the doctor. Then reaching down to cover up the exposed collar bone, Yunho waved for the man to leave them without even hearing the explanation he demanded for earlier.

“Yah! Pull yourself together babo!” Caressing Jaejoong’s forehead and getting off the other this time, Yunho could not stop himself from chuckling when Jaejoong puffs up his cheeks like an adorable puffer fish, looking exhausted but all determined for no apparent reason.

However, Jaejoong’s myriad of crazy blubbering and facial seductions quickly turned into a grimace as he snivels. “ACK!! Pain!! Pain pain pain pain!!” Curling up on his side in agony, the younger one looked so pitiful that Yunho ended up feeling like the world’s biggest moron ever. Though the younger person’s finger nails are digging into his skin at the biceps, Yunho did not feel any pain and that made him feel worse. He felt ready to take anything Jaejoong wants to do to him, but all the other would do is act like a hopeless drunkard, not hating on him or doing much for the matter.

“Wooooo!!!” “Woohooooo!!!” Whooping in response to the intensifying cramps, threatening to rob him of more sanity, Jaejoong is sweating buckets as he wraps his fingers around Yunho’s pants, crumpling the fabric there feebly. In fact, most of the small body is trembling as the latter’s previously energetic cries of pain from earlier turns into frail moans and groans.