You stirred in your bed. You tossed and turned around as bead of sweat started to form on your forehead. You were having a nightmare. People were shouting. A car had crashed into a brick wall while small flames started dancing around it. You could hear your name calling but you just can’t recognize their voice.  

JiHyun. It called out to you. The small tiny voice that kept calling your name. Haunting you on the very same day every year. You clutched your chest as you felt your heart tighten with sadness and hopelessness. It felt like the darkness was going to consume you.

You felt like it was the right thing, to disappear from the face of the earth but wrong at the same time. Without warning your alarm went off and your eyes snapped open.

You looked around trying to comprehend where the heck were you. As you sigh in relief that you were still in your bedroom, you covered your eyes with your forearm. “Is it time already? Why can’t it wait another year?” you mumbled, before rolling off your bed and opening the window as the sun started to rise.

You breathed in a lump of fresh air and shivered underneath the kisses of the cold wind. You love the feeling of it, it cleared your mind and relaxed. If only you could relax longer without a care in the world.

***

You walked downstairs and dragged your feet towards the kitchen. “Good morning JiHyun-ah,” Mrs Seo hummed as she cooked an egg-omelet.

You let out a tired sigh before replying, “Good morning.”

“Will you be going to school today sweetheart?” she questioned, even though she knew the answer to that was.

“No,” you replied lowly, looking out the window and then the floor.

“Ara, but remember to eat okay. I’m off to work,” Mrs Seo said before placing the egg-omelet on the table and heading out the door with her belongings. Leaving you by yourself in the house.

***

With a doleful look, you walked towards a small playground. It was pretty popular in your neighborhood since a lot of kids would go there in their spare time. You head towards the swings and sat on one of them before pushing yourself off the ground slowly.

“Who is that girl I see~ staring straight back at me. When will my reflection show, who I am~ inside~~” you began to sing softly as you swing back and fro.

An event happened on this day many years ago. An event you wanted to forget, yet couldn’t. It was the day your mother disappeared from you and your brother’s life. Mrs Seo was similar to her in many ways, the way she smiled, her embraces, her laugh……but in the end, she wasn’t her.

You and your family were always happy, enjoying each other’s company. Yet the family bond was broken at the same time. Everything was going well in the family, until your biological father started an argument with your mother. They fought everyday afterwards. Your brothers cried on the sidelines while your parents ignored them and kept yapping at each other.

You didn’t do much at the time—you sat there at your desk, listening to the entire ruckus outside of your room, wondering if they will ever stop. Ideas crossed your mind as you listened quietly to the sounds outside.

You even thought of running away from the family, but then again you didn’t have anywhere to go and if you left, you thought about how your brothers would feel of abandoning them and leaving them without a noona. In the end, your father left