Yoseob’s pov

 

 

 

“Just…let me go and find someone else. I don’t think I can love you anymore.” I say and get off from the bed, legs heading to the bathroom.

 

Once I’m in the bathroom completely, I lock the door and immediately go to the shower cube, hand twists the rain shower’s tap and sit on the cold floor. To honest, I am regretful what have I said and told him. My words must be hurt him as his eyes were all red and teary.

 

I hug my knees against my chest and sob, letting all what I feel and store these days inside of my heart vanish with the water’s dripping. I know it was all unpredictable. I know it wasn’t his fault. I know I can’t turn back the time but..i can’t forgive him and others.

 

Just if they believed with what I have been telling and saying, this would not be happened. The innocent unborn child that I craved most would not die. If..if he believed me and said ‘yes, I can feel it’ on that night..I might give him other chance.

 

Just if…he believed me..I wouldn’t hate him as much as I love him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was being alone in the room, or the house as Dujun was leaving to his office for an urgent case. He left me a small note on the nightstand, which is for me, nothing more than rubbish. Slowly, I went to downstairs.

 

The house is so empty and I couldn’t cope with the silence by my own. To the fact that I was all alone, with no one to accompany or loves me, it ragged me up and down.

 

“Ayy, don’t be that emotional.. you have me.”

A smile plasters on his warm face and he slowly approaches me from the kitchen to the living room, my place. he sits on the couch’s hand and smacks my head lightly. I smile.

 

“At least…though I know you’re only my delusion, you’re here to cherish me.”

He laughs and nods.” Then stop from this graveness and let me accompany you until the time where you will no longer need me,” I only smile and nod.

 

 

 

 

We spent our time together, although to the fact and reality that, I was talking, laughing, playing and crying no to other, except of myself in this big house.

 

 

Sigh.

 

Yes, someday..i will awake from this world and by that time, I have to live by my own. There will be no more of my baby, there will be no more of happiness, and there will be no more a guy who always comfort and tells me sweet thing- beside Dujun though they all are my hallucinations and delusions.

 

 

Yes, someday…and I will wait for the day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

End.

 

 

 

Dujun’s pov

 

 

 

I park the car in front of the entrance door, as I don’t have any intention to put the car into the garage. Grabbing the case and the foods, I step into my house and to be surprised, the door was unlocked.

I hope nothing went wrong with this. Perhaps, Yoseob had a walk around the house this evening and he forgot to lock the door.

 

I put the case on the couch and went to the kitchen, heat up the foods I bought and prepare them onto the plates. I was washing my face at the sink when I heard a mere laugh and chuckle from the backyard. Courage enough, I grab a tissue paper, wipe my face and walk to the sound’s direction.

 

There, laying flat on his back on the grassy ground, a boy which I haven’t hear his laughing for ages is giggling and talking to a friend, which I can’t see him/her.

I try to approach him but I decided not to do so and watch him from far. My heart aches.

 

“Seobie..”

 

Yoseob is still talking to his left side and sometimes, he will turn to his side, stares the ground as if there’s someone is accompanying him. He laughs, he chuckles, he smiles and he does everything that I long to do and play with him.

 

Somehow, I wish I were his delusion friend. I wished I were his man, forever. And to be thinking of this morning, his words, his cold attitudes toward me..I hope and pray..he doesn’t mean ALL of them.

 

 

 

                                                       ************************

 

 

The clock showed almost passing midnight and the breeze is getting colder so that I went back to the backyard and saw my wife was already fall asleep. Slowly, I approached him and once I’m guaranteed that he was deadly falling into his sleep and dream, I carried him into our house, to our room.

 

Slow and gentle, I put him on the bed, pull the duvet to his chest, his hair and finally, I kiss his forehead for the final touch. I whisper ‘sorry’ for million times and slowly walk to the couch in the room. Taking my book, I start to read some of my files and slowly doze off on the couch before in the middle of the midnight, where Yoseob suddenly screams and shouts in his sleeping.

 

 

 

End.

 

 

Yoseob’s pov

 

I awake from my slumber drastically and eyes wild searching for someone. I shout his name repeatedly for minute before he rushed to me panic and scrutinized me. He cups my face, pulls me into his embrace and caresses my back. I hold and clutch hard and tight on his shirt and shiver madly.

 

As always, though I hate to admit, Dujun will always be my side and soothes me down. No matter what happened, no matter how I hurt him, Dujun will always give me a thing that nobody can give: the comfort and secure feeling.

 

 

Somehow, I hate myself.

 

“ssh..I’m here..” dujun caresses my back over and over, mouth talks sweet, comfort and console things until I ask him to break the hug.

Dujun wipes my eye bags and when our gazes met each other, he quickly looks away as he knows how much I hate and loathe of him from this morning.

 

“A-are you okay? Do you want some water?”

I shake my head no and clasp the duvet. Dujun sees that and he climbs fully onto the bed, ignoring my protests and pulls me into his cuddle. Dujun hugs me tight though I hit and slap his chest.

 

“pabo. Stay still, won’t you? You’re this scare yet you want to be ego?!”

I breathe heavily.

“For once…Forget your anger and hatred…You’re having nightmare just now…” he whispers but I pretend not to hear him.

“I will release you…after you’re fully calm down and go back to your sleep. I will be here,” he says soft yet firm. I snort.

 

“I don’t need you-“

“But I DO!”

I shot my eyes open.” I do need you most in my life!”

“…”

 

“The thoughts of you leaving me… the fact that I killed both of my baby and wife… the feeling that my wife loathes of me, the cruel thing that I ruined your life from the beginning..do you think I can survive from those painful  and damn spiteful feelings?!”

 

I tongue-tied.

 

“I hate you..” I try very hard to hold my tears but I’m such a loser. I cry barefaced, again, in a man that I hated and destroyed my happiness.

 

“I hate you! I hate you!” I chant the word repeatedly, hands hit, punch, slap him mercilessly until to the stage where I feel tired of crying and hitting. My crying and sobbing even grew bigger and heavier with hands gripping hard on Dujun’s shirt.

 

Again, I cried as much as I wanted and fell asleep in his embrace.

 

 

 

 

End.

 

 

Dongwoon’s pov

 

 

I stand in front of the house and walk back and forth. Kikwang hyung that is watching me doing so asks me to stop. And I did. He sighs.

 

“Do you want to go in or what? It has been an hour we wait in front of their house…like a stalker.” Kiki hyung says and I laugh.

 

“I’m afraid…Seobie hyung doesn’t want to receive any visit and it has been months already.”

“So?”

 

I raise my eyebrows and stare Kiki hyung.” Then you rather us slowly dying here in coldness?” I pout.” Haish, you always being like this. hold on.” He says and takes out his phone. Minutes passed and the gate opens slowly, with Dujun hyung walking to us.

 

I chuckle.” See? It’s easy. Pfft, now let’s get in before you die.” Hyung wraps his arms around my shoulder and together, we enter Dujun’s hyung house.

 

 

 

Hyung says that Seobie hyung is still sleeping in their room while preparing us some hot beverages. Hyung comes minutes later with three mugs of hot drink and I take it with please.

 

“Say, is Yoseobie okay? How’s he?” Kiki hyung asks hyung when he saw the chance to do so. I only curve my lips, waiting for hyung to reply him.

 

“He’s..”

 

“Hyung!”

I snap in and shout ‘hyung’ when I saw Yoseobie hyung is stepping down the stairs. I quickly run to him, hold his hand but to my surprise, Yoseob hyung pulls it back, giving me shock.

 

I turn to Hyung and he only smiles.

 

 

 

----------------------------------------

 

 

“So..hyung! Do you want to go buy something for this upcoming Christmas?” I ask Dujun hyung that is giving Seobie hyung a warm drink.

Hyung stares me and wrinkles.” C-Christmas? Already?”

I nod and laugh. “you’re not old yet you already forgetting.” Dujun hyung laughs while Kiki hyung slaps my thigh. I make what the face to Kiki hyung.

 

“Seobie hyung?”

 

I turn to him and wait for his reply.

 

 

 

End.

 

 

 

Dujun’s pov

 

 

 

So, woonie and Kikwang were here, paying a visit. Though I don’t know how to react with this but I hope Yoseob likes it.

“Seobie hyung?”

 

My dongsaeng asks yoseob if he wants to tag along to go to the mall for Christmas preparing but I don’t see if my wife wants to do so.

 

Gesturing Kikwang with my eyes, Kikwang snapped in and said that it is fine if Yoseob didn’t want to go. My dongsaeng just smiled and agreed by nodding.

 

 

 

                                                                        *******************

 

 

Yonghwa gives me a call and asks me on a case that we received yesterday. He told me to take look on the files I got and without wasting the time, I went to upstairs, took the files in the room and walked down back.

 

He asked me to do some paper works on the files. Courage and confused, I asked him why. I don’t know what is he wants to tell me as he asked me to wait for some confirmation.

 

Deep sigh.

 

I hope nothing serious about the new case I got. However, I was still thinking and bothering about it as I study the files for some time, where out of sudden, Yoseob approaches me and sits on the couch next to me. I was stunning enough with his behavior, adds with him laying down his head on my laps.

 

“B-Bab-..seobie..” I startle at first as I was going to call him ‘baby’ but I changed and called him with his name.

 

“Something wrong?”

 

Yoseob only hums, he shakes his head no weakly. He touches my thighs slightly and closes his eyes. He tries to sleep but he ends up with sobbing soft.

I put down the papers and files, hands his hair. Yoseob whimpers.

“I’m sorry but I can’t erase this abhorrence in me..it’s too hurt Dujun-ah..” he clutches my pants and holds back his sobs.” I can’t pretend I don’t love you…” I inhale deeply.

“-and I can’t deny that I hate you,”

 

“…”

 

“It’s too hurt, too hurt Dujun-ah. I hate you as much as I love you..” he confessed and I only heard him. Yes, it’s happy to know that he is still loves me and in the mean time, it too hurts and twinges the fact that he hates me.

 

“I’m sorry but I can’t pretend to be happy with you,” my shiver hands are still caressing and his hair.”-and I’m sorry because I can’t live with you anymore. I need time to think about this..”

 

My hands stop.

 

“No..pl-please..dont stop caressing me…embrace me…give me more,your love…Dujun-ah,” yoseob half pleads. He adds more,” just once…I want to fall asleep in your warm touches.”

 

 

 

 

End.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay. I will write something romance in next update. well, i can't write a very happy and comedy chapter right, after those happened, haha, it would be really awkward if I did so.

Please dont be broken heart..well, it's depend , meh. haha :p

 

thanks for reading, subscribing and commenting this fic. I love you guys. REALLY and I meant it. ^3^