Maroon 5 - sad

jongin sat on the swing, playing alone in playground. he stared at his shoes, thinking deeply about what just happened to him.
After hanging up the call, he quickly went to the nearest store and bought strawberry ice cream which was soojung's favorite flavour to cheer her up. after paying it, he ran as fast as he could to soojung's house, completely forgot that he could've used his bicycle instead ran there.
jongin stopped in front of soojung's house, looking at two people who hugged each other tightly. he subsided, feeling the sharp pain stabbed his chest. he felt so dumb and pathetic, standing in front of soojung's house, bringing her favorite ice cream to cheer her up because she said her boyfriend hated her.
reality slapped jongin so hard, it's like the scene in front of him telling him that there's no use to  love someone else's.
he gripped the plastic in his hand, holding back his anger. he shoved the plastic into the mailbox and left her house. he didn't know whether he's angry because of them or angry because of his dumbness.
or both? he couldn't tell.
He suddenly felt so tired. tired of lying to himself, lying about his feelings to his bestfriend, lying about how he always tried to be okay when the truth was, he wasn't.
He has never been okay.
how could you say that you're okay when a girl you really loved always came to you, showing her weakness side, leaning on your shoulder because of....another man?
jongin felt disgust because of himself, trying to disguise his feelings behind the "friendship" title, enjoying every moment with her whenever her boyfriend wasn't around because he's her bestfriend.
being with her whenever she's alone, always be there whenever she needed someone to cry on..
Being a very good bestfriend.
he sighed for a thousand times already, feeling sorry towards himself.
"how pathetic.." he laughed with no humor in it.
jongin closed his eyes, feeling the cold air suffocated him. he was nearly numb because of the cold weather but he could care less. his heart was colder than the weather.
Many thoughts passed in his head, making him slightly dizzy. He kept questioning himself about his feelings and things about them.
Is he a secondhand?
Is it okay to love her?
What's he for her?
What's it He lack that taemin has?
He could have been better to her than anyone..
He knew her better than anyone else..
He spent more time with her een more than family did..
He loved her the way nobody could do, one-sided love that hurted him but made her happy.
soojung didn't know..
nobody knew..
and at that time, he almost burst into tears because he's upset.
"i've been patient for these years. It's not wrong if i cry, right?" he whispered to himself.
he shook his head. "no, i'm not supposed to cry. i'm not pathetic."
jongin stood up, moving to the slide. he climbed up the slide and sat at the top of it. he leaned his head against the pole and thought about it.
"should i stop loving her?" he questioned himself.

Author's Note

i swear i love kim jongin, guys. don't kill me.
it's just...i feel so sad and blue lately that's why i end up writing like this and put all the sadness to jongin.

(((forgive noona, jongin-ah)))

hmm..and i just realized this is so short so forgive me guys /bows

i promise i'll make it longer next chapter. 

welcome to new subscribers! i hope you enjoy reading this story :)
thanks for reading, and super duper mega thank you for those who leave a comment below!

i love you so much, guys!