Hurting

Flower of Despair
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“You know,” Luhan began to say after Hana finally calmed down. “Maybe … just maybe your parents simply don’t know how to show affections.” The girl wanted to laugh at what he said, but why was it that it sounded like an actual possibility to her? There wasn’t any ill intention in what he said; it was simply a thought that crossed his mind. “Maybe they were thinking about you, but just didn’t say it.”

Hana shook her head. “That's hard to believe.” And still, the urge of wanting to believe with all her heart spread across her. The male shifted his gaze to the pond. “In the end they still came, didn’t they?” He mumbled, more to himself, but Hana caught it. Although his voice had been very quiet, Hana didn’t miss the weird undertone. For a moment there was only silence, and the girl traced his side-profile with her eyes while thinking about what he said.

“I don’t think they were thinking about me,” Hana said after a while. “Once my talent disappeared, my parents didn’t appear in my life anymore … My skills were the only thing that bound people to me.” She cocked her head. “My character's not nice, I’ve never been very smart, nor am I very pretty. All I had was my being as an artist to give people a reason to bother with me.”

Hana put out her her hands and stared at them. “And now?” Her healthy hand clenched into a fist. “Now I'm an artist without her skills,” she whispered, her voice sounding bitter. “I … I'm afraid I'll be like a book no one reads. Music no one listens to anymore …” she trailed off and gulped. “I'm afraid I'll be abandoned like … like a movie playing in an empty theater.” She turned her head to Luhan. The male was met with her eyes that were filled with sincere fear. “Just like that, I'll be like a human no one wants to be with.” The girl said nothing afterward and just looked Luhan in the eyes, whilst suppressing the urge to let the tears roll down her cheeks.

When she suddenly felt a hand wrap around hers, her eyes widened in surprise.

“Am I no one?” Luhan asked with a gentle voice, smiling sadly. Hana froze, her whole body stiffening, as the realization hit her. Although he met her when she had long lost everything, he was willing to be with here. Not only willing to be with her, but willing to be kind towards her, willing to befriend her. Even when she'd been giving him the cold shoulder at first, he patiently waited for her to open up, whilst offering her a helping hand.

Not knowing what to say as she was so touched, Hana's eyes filled with tears. Her mind was unable to retort anything serious, resulting in her only being able to come up with her ever so lame joke. “You're just a stranger, did you forget?” She softly chuckled, her eyes glistening with tears.

Luhan smiled, amused. “You're unbelievable.”

“But you are the kindest stranger in the world,” Hana continued undeterred, looking at the lilies on the water, as a little smile lit up her face. “The kindest person I know, kinder than everyone else – an angel.”

“I'm not.” She heard him say and turned her face to him again. Her eyes slightly widened at the expression on Luhan's face. It was one she had never seen before. So full of guilt and sadness that Hana wanted to cup his face and tell him to smile. However, she didn’t do that, and she felt that it wasn’t the right time to ask about it. Instead, she wanted to protest, but the second a smile – a sad one – spread across the male's lips, she was completely lost. Although he was smiling, the somber look in his eyes gave off such a painful feeling, and the girl got caught in this male's paradox. How could one look so sad when smiling? How could the eyes be literally crying when the edges of the lips were curled up?

Luhan used the seconds of her just staring at him to stand up. Hana watched as he slowly left the lily pond, feeling unable to tell him to stay or to grab his hand. Something told her to leave him alone for now. She didn’t exactly know why she felt that, though.

Shaking her head lightly in an attempt to scatter away her thoughts, she thought about his answer again. I'm not, he'd said.

Hana closed her eyes.

To her, he was an angel. Definitely.

 

 

The Chuseok holidays quickly passed, and during those three days Hana didn’t see Luhan. Whenever she went to the lily pond, he wasn’t there, leaving the girl clueless. And after not having seen him for so many days, he felt almost surreal to her. Like an angel who was sent to earth and now had to go back again. There wasn’t anything she could grasp onto besides his name. His age? His job? Or was he still going to school? University? His family? His interests? She didn’t know about any of these, and the girl asked herself what she actually knew about him. However, there was so much she wanted to know. .

A sigh escaped her lips as she shook off those thoughts, making her way back to her room; she had just gone to the pond again. Just as she walked past the reception, a nurse bumped into her. Hana watched as the nurse let go of the stack of paper. The whirled around in the air before slowly landing on the floor. Feeling responsible for it, the girl bent down and picked up a few ones. As her gaze fell upon it, she realized those were the documents of the patients' visitors.

Each patient's name was written on the left side of one line, and the visitors' names on the right side, date and time next to them. The documents contained the visits from 2008 to 2016 (currently it was 2012). She skimmed through the paper in her hand, assessing that every patient had at least one visitor (most dates were the Chuseok holidays of the past four years). Everyone had people visit them. That's good, Hana thought. However, when her gaze fell upon a certain name, her eyes widened.

It was pure coincidence that the paper she picked up contained Luhan's line.

Her gaze slowly wandered to the right side, curious about the visitors' names. But confusion spread inside her when she saw nothing but white. Then, when she reached the edge of the paper, the girl blinked several tim

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dreamyflower
(FoD) finally working on a new chap, guys, orz.

Comments

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Leyla_99
#1
So long ago read this amazing story. I remember crying in my bedroom late at night from reading this heartbroken story. Like i miss those moments when i still obsess with reading a fanfic.
snowcastles
#2
Chapter 4: It’s always important to have someone to confide your feelings/hardships with! I’m so glad that Luhan is willing to be that one branch of support for Hana, despite feeling like there’s no one else she could ever reach out to again. We all need someone like Luhan in our lives!
snowcastles
#3
Chapter 3: Poor Hana.. things are just getting progressively worse for her as time goes on. Her parents are so selfish and uncaring! Like seriously? It’s honestly ridiculous.
snowcastles
#4
Chapter 2: Man, I seriously relate to Hana’s troubled feelings and negative perceptions surrounding her internal/external issues. It’s hard, honestly. So glad that she’s finally meeting Luhan! He’s so positive and adorable! (:
snowcastles
#5
Chapter 1: My heart really goes out to the female lead in this one.. what a traumatic experience. Losing what you considered as the one and only thing that's extremely important to you is devastating in so many ways. Especially, when there's no potential recovery for it.
felizity
#6
Chapter 31: it made me cry real hard, but the fact that it given a lesson in life is just pure bliss
felizity
#7
Chapter 20: the pain, is just too much to bear
SRS375 #8
Chapter 31: you have no idea how many times i came back to this; and regardless of the count, i cry every time i read it like the first time.