Silly Mistake
Shattered Hearts
It's been a week..
No single sign of recollection from Junsu..
He know based he should be happy that the other look very happy right now.. But he can't help his heart but to grieving silently inside..
Restless night has become daily routine for him.. It isn't a wonder that his eye bags become more prominent each days..
It also no wonder that everyone look at him worriedly, Junsu not excluded..
They are in the practice room.. All the schedule due to Junsu's condition has been pushed back..
So here again they start the dance practice from the scratch.. Because Junsu of course remember nothing of the routine.. But fortunately the man is genius so he has no problem mastering the movement in short time..
Actually he has no obligation to come since he already mastered all of the movement.. He can just use a replacement dancer to fill his spot in their coordination for group dance routine practice..
But maybe he is a masochist.. He still need to come just because he missed the other even though he would see the other calling another person's name sweetly and got hurt in the end.. Fortunately Junsu isn't fan of PDA and isn't an overly seeking of affection type of person..
"Hyung.. Whats wrong with you?.." Junsu asked softly to him who is resting his body against the glass wall with closed eyes..
He doesn't bother to open his eyes.. Not willing to see the other's eyes because he know it probably fill with worry..
"Just tired Junsu.." It's his only answer..
"I'm sorry, it's because of me people need to doubled the practice.." Junsu's voice become softer..
He finally opened his eyes.. Heart drop slightly at the other's contrite face..
On instinct he reached out to gather the other inside his arms.. Rocking their body slightly.. "It isn't your fault.. I'm just sleepless because I composed song.." He tried explained..
"But I'm still feel bad to make everything pushed back.."
"It's okay Junsu.."
It isn't his intention that the hug is lingering.. He just too absorbed in the other's warmness and the feeling of the other once again in his arms.. Breathing the other scent that he missed, he has no thought of letting it go.. He want it to last longer or maybe forever..
But it seems to be opposite with the smaller man.. He abruptly pulled away from the hug.. Look a little bit awkward..
"I'll continue my practice so I can catch up with you guy soon.." Junsu blabbered quickly while detaching himself from the hug..
Jaejoong can see a faint blush decorated the other's cheeks.. But he isn't sure because the other turned and walk away too fast..
His eyes following the man who now back to the middle of the room.. Eyes fixed on the mirror wall..
From the corner of his eyes, he can see Yoochun is staring intensely on him with unbearable expression.. But he shrugged it off.. He just focused back on the youngest man..
Why the other act awkwardly from just a mere hug?.. Did his hug make the other feel uncomfortable?.. But why?..
Awkwardly he putted down his arms which still aloft midway.. He chuckled.. But his own chuckle ringed sadly on his own ears..
Take a breath to get a grip of himself.. He made his way to where the dancers are..
"Are you okay buddy?.." One of their dancer said to him and put a hand on top of his shoulder.. Eyes glancing at Junsu who now pulling Yoochun to the middle with of the room with him..
"Why wouldn't I?.." He let out a forced chuckle and punch the other's arm lightly..
"Well we'll pretend that I believe you.." The other replied playfully.. He glad that they just put it down..
They conversed a little.. Some dancers joined their conversation..
"Gunyoung hyung.." Junsu came to where they are and called the man who stand beside Junsu.. "You need to teach me.."
Gunyoung raised an eyebrow.. "I thought Yoochun is teaching you.."
Junsu pouted at that.. "He is no use.. I believe he missed some details.. You know how lazy he is when it come to dance.."
Gunyoung laughed and nodded his head in acknowledgment..
"Why don't you ask Jaejoongie?.." Gunyoung mischievously glancing at his direction..
"Jaejoong hyung?.. Come on hyung.. Don't you think Kim Jaejoong teaching Kim Junsu dancing sound funny?.." Junsu retorted back, sending playful stare at his direction..
Jaejoong laughed.. Relief over flooding him that the other act as usual.. Maybe it's just himself who think too much and become oversensitive..
"Ya!.. I know this routine better than you at least.." He start to dance in fast movement, act cool..
"You are right Junsu.. The very idea is funny and ridiculous.."
Both of them burst into fit of laughters, followed by him..
-----
"Chunnie.." He called his own boyfriend who sit down at the driver seat..
They are on the way driving back from the office to Junsu's apartment..
"Hmm?.." Yoochun answered absentmindedly..
"Can I meet Yunho hyung and Changminnie?.." He finally asked..
It's been few days already that he has this urge to meet them, well actually since he heard their group's break up.. But since he need a lot to catch up for their work, he didn't ask for any personal matter yet..
But it keep bugging him inside..
Especially why they don't just get out with them from the company.. Jaejoong hyung already explained to him why the three of them decided to go out from the company and he understand it.. He just doesn't understand why it's just three of them..
When he asked Jaejoong hyung and Yoochun about it, they never willing to answer.. They said that only Yunho hyung and Changmin know the answer by themselves..
But he know Jaejoong hyung wouldn't let them go if he didn't get the clear answer yet.. Or Jaejoong hyung and Yunho hyung's break up affected it?.. Or the break up happen because of it?..
And why Yunho hyung and Jaejoong hyung break up in the first place?.. They love each other so much.. Jaejoong hyung even seems to be still affected by it.. He keep spacing out.. And the only guess Junsu could muster is Yunho hyung.. Well there also big chance ut's because something else that happen between the period which he lost his memory of..
He want to know the answer to all of it..
But besides that.. Jaejoong hyung also keep staring at him.. It's numerous time he caught the older man staring at him.. And it make him feel funny inside..
There also another thing that he found weird.. It's Yoochun.. Why he didn't break up with him.. It isn't like he want it.. But all this time he thought that the day Yunjae broke up will also be the day Yoosu broke up..
So why they didn't?.. Or Yoochun finally feel something for him.. But why he act quite strangely.. He is obviously become quieter..
Many thing is confusing him.. He hate it that he lost his memories.. He want it back..
"We can't.." Yoochun gave laconic reply..
"Why?.."
There is long pause before Yoochun answer.. Like he is unsure what to answer. "Just because.."
"But.."
"We just can't Junsu.." Yoochun cut him before he can protest.. Eyes still fixed on the road..
He stare at Yoochun's straight face for a while.. It's unreadable from him.. Let out a sigh, he turned to face the view outside the window..
Eyes watching the buildings they passed in silence.. But his mind is floating..
The rest of the ride was silent.. No one said any word..
-----
The bell ringing all over the room..
His body is tired.. He doesn't even have the willingness to stand up and take a look on the intercom even though it is just few feet away from the sofa he sitting at..
No longer after he heard Changmin's footsteps marching toward the living room..
"Aish.. Hyung, why you don't just open the damn door.." The younger man grunted, but he still make his way to the where intercom is..
He keep his stare at Changmin as the younger look at the intercom.. And see as Changmin annoyed face change into surprised one..
"Why Junsu hyung is here?.." He heard Changmin mumbled surprisedly..
Hearing who came, he immediately straightened his body from it's slouching position.. Why Junsu come here?..
He focused his stare at the entrance way.. And waiting for the new comer to come..
Junsu finally appeared..
He immediately on instinct standing up.. Heart thumping in uneven speed..
"Yunho hyung.. Changminnie.." The man greeted cheerfully like he is glad to meet them..
It's weird..
"Oh Junsu hyung.." Changmin greeted back.. Junsu gave the other a brief hug before making his way to him and also gave him a brief hug..
"Changminnie.. I miss you, you brat.." The other said while hugging..
It's really weird..
Junsu is too cheerful.. From last year the other always act serious and cautious around him.. So he cheerful and careful persona is weird in is view..
It's more like the Junsu he knew before the confession happen..
He can see Changmin look puzzled as well..
"Why you guys look weird?.." Junsu asked puzzled too.. "Isn't going to let me sit?.. I'm a guest now.." He playfully joking, as if trying to break the awkwardness of the moment..
"Of course you can sit hyung.." Changmin was the first to answer..
The three of them take a seat.. Junsu situated on the middle of homin duo..
"Why you suddenly come here hyung?.." Changmin asked the very same question he had in his mind..
"I just miss you guys.. Why?.. Are we aren't friends now and I wasn't allowed to visit you guys?.." The cheerful persona Junsu had turned into uneasiness..
"Are we in bad term now?.. Did something happened?.."
Why Junsu is asking all of this?..
"I'm sorry.. I lost some parts of memories because of some accident.." Junsu caressed his side bums.. The thing he always do when he is nervous or feel awkward..
What Junsu said answer what has been on Yunho and Changmin's mind..
They know understand why.. He side glanced at Changmin.. It's just at the same time as Changmin glanced back at him before they turn their focus on Junsu again..
"Why?.."
"Just small accident.. Bumped my head to the balcony's railing.." Junsu smiled sheepishly while scratched the back of his head..
Changmin nodded his head..
"So what happened until you guys didn't quit from the company like us?..
Once again his glance meet Changmin in silent discussion..
-----
With slightly staggered steps.. He making his way to his apartment flat..
He is drunk?..
Yes, he is.. But he is still sober enough, even though his mind is slightly in haze..
Why he is drunk?..
Well everyone know how much Kim Jaejoong loves to drink.. And drink is always a good accompaniment..
He punched the lock digit and made his way inside..
He is a neat person.. But in his state of mind, he could careless but to throw his jacket to wherever it is on the sofa..
He then made his way to his bedroom.. He just want to plop down onto the soft bed..
He opened the bedroom's door.. He immediately throw himself on to the mattress.. Care of nothing.. Not even care enough to change his clothes to comfortable one..
"Hyung.. Why are you here?.."
He immediately turned his head toward the puzzled voice..
Junsu is standing before him.. Wearing his black pajama bottom with black singlet..
The haze on his mind cleared slightly.. He realized he is in Junsu's place rather than his own..
Inside he is slapping his foolish self.. How can he make such ridiculous mistake..
Maybe he isn't as sober as he thought he is..
He scratched the back of his head which isn't feel itchy at all..
"I'm sorry.. Seems like I mistaken you place as mine.."
Junsu look at him weirdly before bursting into fit of laughters..
"Hyung.. How can you make such mistake?.." He said.. Not really a question.. It's more like he is amused by the mistake..
He laugh too.. But more awkward..
"I-I'll go now.." He made his move to stand up..
"It's okay hyung.. Just stay here.. It's midnight already.. You look really tired.." Junsu said..
His heart beating a little bit faster than before.. The idea spark up his excitement.. But he also nervous by the idea sleeping together.. He is alone with his suppose to be boyfriend in a room for goodness sake.. What if he do something foolish?..
"But.. It's really okay for you?.."
"Of course.. We used to share a room back then.. Remember?.. Even though you usually left me sleep with just your clothes.." Junsu laughed again..
Now he followed suit laughing..
"Okay.." He scooted over slightly to give room for Junsu.. Junsu climbed on to the bed and lay beside him..
"Hyung.." The sweet husky voice called him again..
"Hmm.."
He heart almost stopped when the other's face suddenly just few centimeter away on top of his.. Watm breath sweeping his face..
"Did you just drink?.." The younger asked him after sniffing the smell from his breath.. Scrunching his nose after it because to the strong odor..
He to laugh at the other's adorable expression..
"Yeah.."
"So you are drunk?.. But you doesn't seems to.. But then again you made a really silly mistake.." Junsu giggle..
"I think I am little bit drunk.." Smile formed on his lips.. He didn't know why but he just feel like smiling when he hear the other's giggle..
"But how can you didn't notice when you unlock the door?.. I mean we had different security code.."
"No.. Ours are the same.." He answered absentmindedly..
"Ohhh.." Junsu nodded.. "But why ours security code are the same?.."
"Because we just somehow agreed to do so.." He doesn't know what to answer.. So he just come up with whatever answer he can thought of.. No matter how ridiculous it's sound..
Fortunately Junsu seems to take the answer well..
A small pause before Junsu called him again..
"Hyungie.."
"Hmm?.."
"I met Yunho hyung and Changmin today.. We talked for a while.. Chunnie actually doesn't allow me to meet them.. But I just went on my own because there are so many question in my mind.." Junsu is talking in fast speed.. Jaejoong barely can catch up with what the other said..
"What you guys talked about?.." He asked.. Trying to keep his composure.. But inside his mind is anxious..
"They refused to say anything about why they didn't join us filled the lawsuit.." Junsu pouted.. "Chunnie refused to say anything too.. Hyung.. Please tell me.. This curiosity is killing me.." Junsu said with low voice.. His eyes pleading with his infamous puppy eyes..
Jaejoong averted his eyes away to see at the ceiling.. He can't see that face any longer or he will just give up and do whatever the other ask like always..
"It's better for you to forget it Junsu.. Trust me.."
Junsu pouted.. He stay like that for some time before sighed.. "Okay.."
He averted his gaze back on the younger man.. "Let's just sleep now.. I'm a little bit dizzy..".. He said with a gentle smile..
Junsu nodded but doesn't move.. He instead made his way off of the bed..
Jaejoong said nothing.. He just keep his gaze on the other until he saw the other opened his wardrobe.. And the other actually opened Jaejoong's section of clothes..
"What are you doing Junsu?.."
"Getting your clothes.. You need to change your clothes hyung.."
"Hmm.. No need to it.. I'm to lazy to move now.." He said.. Closing his eyes.. He really feel like doing nothing..
It took few minutes before the other picked pair of clothes..
"But it will feel uncomfortable wearing those shirt sleeping.."
"It's okay.." He said.. Eyes still closed..
"Hyung.. I got your clothes already.." He heard Junsu's whine.. But he didn't give any respond to it..
"Aish.. To think I'm the laziest one to change clothes.." Now Junsu is grumbling..
Jaejoong can feel the bed beside him dipping from addition weight.. Indicating another person already took the place beside him on the bed..
Without any warning he was pulled to sit straight.. Fingers fumbling with the buttons of his shirt even before he came back from his shock..
"Just seeing you make me feel uncomfortable.." The younger boy mumbled.. Word dying slowly with each words said until it's barely audible.. Fingers still fumbling with Jaejoong's buttons..
He has his head bend down.. And if Jaejoong's eyes didn't lie to him.. The other's cheeks are tinted with red.. Look adorable and innocent without even putting single effort to look so..
Ba dump Ba dump..
He can do anything.. Not he can say anything as the other helping him changed his clothes like he is a five years old..
Embarrassment isn't his problem.. He liking being cared of.. But the desire that flamed inside of him because of the gesture and the other's expression are the problems..
Sweat trickling down slowly as he resisted his inner urge to just pounce onto the younger man right here and right now..
He scolded himself for being ert.. But he can't help him.. Not when there are just two of them inside the room.. And not when he desired the other so much..
"You know hyung.. It's weird doing this.. Just change your clothes by yourself.. Quickly.." The other whined.. Hands leaving the shirt just halfway undone..
His whining is probably to hide the embarrassment judging by the red tinted cheeks that just added another tone of redness while being puffed.. Eyes averted away from his direction..
The awkwardness filled the silence as he changed his clothes in fast pace..
"Finished.." He exclaimed when he is done..
His heart is still breathing so fast to allow him to act calm and composed.. His usual self probably will tease the other.. But he can't do it now..
"Let's sleep now.." He said.. Junsu nodded.. Immediately lay down and buried his face inside the blanket protection..
"I'm sorry that my action was weird and make you uncomfortable.." The smaller man mumbled softly through the thick blanket make his voice muffled slightly..
"It's okay.." His only answer that he can thought at that moment..
He also lay down.. Closing his eyes.. Trying to calm the still flared up heart..
This is bad.. How can he sleep like this.. When the desire to reach out and held the man who not even arm distance away from him is flaring crazily inside of him..
"It's really awkward.." The man beside him mumbled again.. Voice still barely audible..
"Indeed it is.." Now he said something back.. He even chuckled a little.. All in order to erase the thick awkward air around them.. But it didn't give the wanted result..
Long silence lapsed between them..
Jaejoong closed his eyes and turned.. So he is lie on his side with his back facing the other..
Ba dump ba dump..
Why this heart can't stop beating too fast.. The fright of it maybe too loud that the other can heard it even start to creep inside him..
He didn't know how long he sleep.. Or at least he pretended to sleep.. It feel like it's hours already.. And sleep hasn't give any sign that it will come to him..
He turned his body to the other side.. It's at the exact same time like the other turned..
Now they are face to face.. Eyes wide awake.. Showing none of them got any sleep..
"Can't sleep?.." Jaejoong was the one who opened the conversation..
Junsu nodded.. "Hyung too?.."
"Yeah.."
Another silence..
"Want me to make some warm milk for you?.." He offered..
Junsu shook his head.. "No need hyung..".. There is a little pause before Junsu continued his words again.. "Why you can't sleep hyung?.. I thought you were tired.. Not to mention you were drunk.."
Because of you.. His heart answer so.. But his mouth mouthing "Why you can't sleep too?.." instead..
"I don't know.." The other face is almost unreadable.. But Jaejoong know that his suppose to be lover is lying to him..
"You can tell hyung honestly if you have some problem Junsu-ah.."
"Nothing hyung.. Really.."
Jaejoong decided to not press further and just let it go..
"Let's just counting on sheep like mr. Bean do so we can sleep.."
Junsu chuckled at the suggestion that even Jaejoong who suggest it feel random and ridiculous..
"You are really random hyung.." Junsu said between his chuckles..
"We must begin now.. 1 sheep.. 2 sheep.. 3 sheep.."
Junsu laughed.. But he actually followed Jaejoong while giggling..
4 sheep
5 sheep
6 sheep
7 sheep
8 sheep
Sunlights slowly crept into the room from behind the closed curtain.. Making the room radiance in faint light..
It seems like he slept for many hours already..
It's been so long he fell into deep slumber like this.. It feel like all the tiredness being lifted from his whole body..
He looked down to the source of warmness that he feel..
He doesn't know how they actually really fell asleep.. Especially how the other ended up snuggling against him with his arms warped around the smaller figure..
But he doesn't care about it.. He just want to relishing the feeling of the others inside his arms again..
Smile formed gently on his face.. "It's no wonder I sleep so soundly.." He thought to himself.. Holding the other closer to him, letting the other's hair tickled his face as he breathe in the other's smell while burying his face on the other's blonde locks.. To his surprise after a while he can feel the other snuggled closer to him..
His smile probably widen because of it,,
Few minutes later he pulled away slightly.. Just so he can see at the other face closely..
Without him able to stop it.. His hand already reached out to caress the other's face gently.. Fingers soaking the feeling of the other's skin.. Tracing every contour of the other's face.. He missed seeing the other's sleeping face.. It's so serene that it make him feel calm too..
But it saddened him a little because he can see dark circle also painted below the other's eyes.. Just like him..
But why?..
"Are you stressing over something and can't sleep like me too Su ah?.." He whispered softly to the sleeping man..
"You should not.." Gently he caressed the other's lips.. "You should always smiling.."
Slowly his fingers replaced by his lips in gentle chaste kiss.. Feeding the longing he feel for the other.. Even though he know a kiss wouldn't be enough to satisfy his longing..
"I love you.." He whispered again in the sincerest voice he could muster without tearing up after he pulled away from the kiss..
He stay quiet for a while.. Just staring on the other's face for more minutes before decided to climbed off the bed..
Leaving the room..
Afraid he will do something further if he keep letting himself drown inside his emotion.. He is selfish enough to kiss the other while the other is sleeping..
The soft click of the door sounded as he closed the door.
Without he know it.. When the door closed.. The sleeping man's pair of eyes that closed just now.. Now opened wide in shock.
Fingers touching his own lips..
Flash of images appeared in his mind..
"What if I really fall for you?.." Jaejoong accidentally blurted out in hushed voice..
To his surprise the other's eyes suddenly opened..
"What did you just say hyung?.." Junsu straightened himself up and look straight to his hyung..
Jaejoong swallowed the lump in his throat.. He didn't know whay to say.. "I.. I.."
"Are you really.."
"I'm sorry Su ah.. I should not feel like this.. You are my little brother.. But.. I think I started to see you in different light.. I think I start to fall for you.."
-----
a/n : Aigoo.. I don't know this story break your hearts.. Hope this one is better..
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