“Bros, pardon me. I am going off first. Meeting Hyuna.” I took my one last shot of Soju before getting up from my seat. “You guys enjoy the food.”

“And you enjoy your date!” Yoseob teased.

I gave them a faint smile and headed towards the taxi stand. Hopping onto the cab, I sent Hyuna a text.

“Baby, Let’s meet. I will be at Guryongpo Beach, near your dorm.”

“Seunggie, I am still having practice. Will be ending late. Should we meet another day?”

“I need to see you tonight. Will wait till you come. That is it.”

Strolling along Guryongpo Beach, my mind was in a whirl. As much as I wanted to escape from all these turmoil, I was reminded of it every now and then. Hara, Junhyung, Hyuna and me. The four of us were entrapped in this complicated love affair which we can’t extricate ourselves from.  If only just love was involved, it would be much easier. But sadly, this is the tug of war between love and friendship.

I stopped in my tracks, and had my eyes closed.  The wind was brushing against my face. I raised my arms, letting the wind tickle my hair. The wind circled me, toying with my clothes as they flapped in the wind. When I inhaled a breath, the smell of the salty ocean enveloped my senses. There was a peacefulness and calmness that had taken over me. In the back of my mind, I clearly knew that I had other things to worry about. But that was a distant memory at the moment, and I never wanted to focus on anything else. At least till Hyuna come.

Sitting down by the beach, I admired the scenery before me. The night view ahead of me at the other end of the sea was indeed captivating. The lightings in the architectures seemed to light up the darkness in my heart as well. I felt enlightened suddenly. I know what I should do. And that is the only thing I can do.

The vibrations in the sand disrupted my thoughts. Taking out my phone, I realize it’s already 1130pm. Hours had passed without me knowing. I opened the text message that Hyuna sent.

“I am reaching in 10 minutes. Which part of the beach are you at?”

“Next to the bicycle rental shop.”

I felt a shadow casted over me. Without looking up, I knew it was Hyuna. The most familiar scent which belongs to her and only her- Citrus Dream Fragrance - Her favorite body mist from Victoria’s Secret.

“You’re here?” Brushing away the dirt in the sand, I motioned her to sit down, with my gaze still on the scenery in front of me.

“How long have we been together?” I broke the silence between us with this question.

“Hmm, about a year I guess? Oh wait? Or is it our one year anniversary today that’s why you wanted to meet me so urgently?”

“It’s been 11 months and 23 days.”

Silence engulfed us once more. “Hyuna-yah.” I called her again, now looking at her.

“Hmm?” She looked back into my eyes.

“Let’s take a stroll.” I stood up, interlocking her hands with mine.

Under the pale moonlight, with our bare feet in the sand, we walked by the sea.

“Hyuna-yah. This had been the happiest 11months 23days ever. And I know I can’t be any greedier. We should just put a stop here, shouldn’t we?”

There was bewilderment in her eyes.

I continued. “I thought if I worked hard, I can walk into your heart. But I was wrong. You are my everything. But why? Am I not good enough? Have I not done enough? Why can’t I have your heart after all that I have done?”

“Seunggie, what happened? I like you and I really do. I am sorry if you are angry that I didn’t remember the exact days we’ve been together. But I really cherished the days we shared together. I am just bad with numbers, you know that you know that…”

“Hyuna-yah. It’s definitely not because of that. Are you sure you are happy during the times we are together? Truly happy? Hah, stop deceiving others, and stop deceiving yourself. I know there is someone else in your heart, another him. I love you, but I want you to be happy as well. I’ll give you some time to think about it. Who you wanna choose to be with. Me, or him.”

She remained silent, probably too dumbfounded by my confession. I saw tears trickling down her silky cheeks, and I just watch them fall. Cos I know, what's done cannot be undone.

The wind carried our tears and sorrows as I walked her back to her dorm. Upon reaching her doorsteps, I planted a deep kiss on her forehead. Yes, that’s the last kiss goodbye. “Go on in. It has been a long day for you.”  I let go of her hands, and turned my head away. I let go of the hands, the hands that I had held on for so long, and the hands that warmed my heart during the coldest moment of my life.  I let her go.

It’s my decision.

But I wish my heart wasn’t crazy. I wish to go where no one could hear the sound of my cry. I wish I didn’t feel so alone. Sometimes I wish I could close my heart forever. But I know I only can wish for a better tomorrow.

And in the meantime, I can only live with my blues.

As they always say, ‘But all good things must come to an end.’

And I understand that liking someone doesn’t have to be lovers.

Sometimes we can just be friends.