21^st  Nov 2012, Monday, Gloomy

Junhyung's POV

I flagged a cab back to dorm. My head was throbbing in pain. Hangover is seriously no joke. How much did I exactly drank last night? I always thought I was a good drinker. How did I even get drunk? What’s more is that I didn't have any impression on how I got into the company. I only remembered strolling along Hangang River, drinking few bottles of Soju and... and... and... the rest of my memory of that night was vague. How on earth did I land in Hyuna's practice studio? Hopefully I didn't blabber any nonsense or make a fool out of myself in front of her. Somehow, I doubt Hyuna's reply was truthful. She seemed to be hiding something from me. There were lots of questions running in my head which I had no answers to.

The cab soon stopped below my dorm. 

7 am in the morning, and luckily my members were still in their dreamland. I heaved a sigh and silently tiptoed back into my room. Throwing myself onto my bed, I tried to catch a few winks, but my head was still spinning. I guess a refreshing bath sounds like a better plan. After washing up, I woke the rest the members up. We’re leaving for Thailand this afternoon.

We were preparing to go out when Hyunseung came in, looking as if he just bathe himself with snow.  His frost bitten lip was pale, his nose and ear were red due to the cold, and his stares were just plain lifeless. While walking in, there were snowflakes falling from his hair. He was just like the snowman outside our dorm made by our B2uties. No, I wasn’t exaggerating. I was just describing what I saw.

“I’ll meet you guys in the airport right after a shower. It wouldn’t be long, I promised.” Small clouds of mist escaped his breath when he spoke.

We looked at him, not moving an inch. “You okay?” I blurted out.

“Just go!”

Though hesitant, we decided to do as what we were told.

Hyunseung's POV

Standing under the shower tap with hot water running down on my body, warmth was embracing me, and I felt so much better.  Through the bathroom mirror, I saw a pathetic self.

“You okay?” were his words of concerns. But it was also partly because of him who caused me in such misery. That’s the irony in life. And as much as I wanted to hate him, I couldn’t bring myself to.

Coming out of the shower, I quickly stuffed a few shirts into my backpack and prepared to leave for the airport. Just then, the doorbell rang. I opened the door, and saw Hyuna at the doorstep.

"Seunggie-ah, you came to look for me last night?"

I knew there were more to question than simple curiosity, so I chose to feign ignorance.

"Oh, wanted to, but I overslept from my nap, so I didn't go down in the end."

"Oh is it?" She paused for a moment before putting her hand into her pocket, taking out a tiny shimmery thingey. "Isn't this yours?"

"Ah, so it's with you, no wonder I can't find it. Thanks!" I reached out my hand and took the earcap from her, putting back on my phone.

“I’ve got to go. Need to rush to the airport before the plane takes off without me. See you when I am back.” With that, I left. I could sense Hyuna’s stares from behind, but I chose escape from her, from the reality.

You can call me a coward. Yes, I am. But I need a break from our relationship. I need some time to think about our relationship.

***

We reached Thailand after six hours of flight and proceeded straight to the press conference venue. One ugly truth about being a performer is that we have to smile and joke around despite feeling down in the dumps. Though reluctant, we have no other choice when the camera was rolling, when reporters from over the globe were there. To put it in a nicer way, bringing joys to our fans and audiences was part of our job. But in actual fact, we were just selling our soul to this industry.

After the press conference, we continued our next schedule – rehearsal for our fan meeting. To make sure everything runs smoothly for our Thai B2uties tomorrow, we practised each segment thoroughly till wee hours before retiring to bed.

I shared a room with Junhyung. It was a good opportunity for men’s talk. I have a lot of things to tell him. I have a lot of questions to ask him. But I don’t know where to start from. Furthermore, I was both physically and mentally exhausted after a long day, and fell asleep as soon as my body touched the bed.

Undoubtedly, the fan meeting was a success. Those fan chants harmonized with our songs perfectly. Performing up on the stage was the only time that I was able to break free from all the troubles that was bugging me. Once again, I felt alive in the world of music.

Back in Korea after three days, I was seized by a heartwrenching news.

My dad passed away.

He had always appeared to be robust, leading his daily lifestyle vigorously, and had no history of any illness. I was taken aback by his sudden departure.

This winter, seems to be the coldest I had ever experienced.

***