Ten
But I love you ♡ (하지만, 사랑한다)
21st Nov 2012, Monday, Gloomy
Hyunseung's POV
I just ran and ran. It did not matter where my legs took me anymore. I just want to ran away. Away from everything. Eventually, fatigue settled in and brought my strained, tired body to a stop. I found myself at a secluded playground which I don't even know where the exact location was. Sitting on the swing, I kicked the snow on the ground. And subconsciously, I wrote Hyuna's name on the snow with my feet, and using the same feet, I brushed the name away.
The image of the duo kept replaying in my head. This made my heart wrenched as the pain washed over me once more. Now that I'm alone, tears flowed down freely, freezing at the instance. My mind was chilled by the cold. Swinging back and forth on the swing, memories of the past started to unfold.
I remembered that day Hong Sajjangnim brought in a batch of new trainees into our company and started his welcome speech, "Now, our Cube Family is happily expanding, with more and more members joining us. I hope all of you can learn together, grow together and most importantly, living harmoniously together."
One by one, the trainees introduced themselves.
Blah Blah Blah. It's always the same old procedures.
I hated icebreaking activities and was falling asleep with my head bobbing up and down every now and then onto Doojoon Hyung who was sitting beside me. Suddenly, a cheerful, bright voice caught my attention. I was animated, for once.
"Hello everyone. I'm Kim Hyuna, seventeen this year. I'm so honored to be part of the Cube family and I'm really excited for this life learning journey I'll be experiencing here. I know it's not going to be easy, but I'll still give my very best." She flaunted her sweetest smile, and gave a 90degree bow before returning back to her seat. Everybody in the room seemed to be captivated by her bubbly, positive attitude as her applause was the loudest among all, or so I thought.
She was in a pink plain tank top, matched with a pair of baggy trackpants and Converse sneakers. Her black silky hair tied up messily in a bun, and the minimal makeup on her flawless complexion emphasized her features even more. Simple as that, but everything on her seemed to shine.
Love at first sight, as what they always say.
We were then told to mingle around. The room was filled with laughter and chatter. But I only had eyes on one. She was chatting happily with Junhyung, exchanging tips on how to rap and such. They clicked well, right from the start.
That was the day I first met her, and I saw beauty, for the very first time.
Time passed, and she soon debuted with four other members as 4minute.
One fine day, company decided to come out with a new collaboration, choosing a member each from Beast and 4minute.
I was lucky to be chosen, and even luckier that Hyuna was actually my partner. We were awkward initially, cos I couldn't act like my normal self in front of my ideal girl. But it soon gets better as she had a lively character, striking conversation with me during our breaks when we practice for our Troublemaker unit. I fell deeper for her as well.
One night, after practice, she didn't leave the studio. Instead, she sat against the wall, hugging both her knees tightly and buried her face inside them. She was crying. I knew any words of console are just plain useless. So I just sat next to her, handing her tissues when she needed and lending her a shoulder to cry on.
I knew, that under this bubbly facade lays an emotional Hyuna. She had secrets which she thought only she knows. I knew who and what she was crying over. Her best friend and the man she loved were together.
She had some kind of special feelings towards Junhyung, but I wasn't sure of what Junhyung was thinking. This was one of the reasons why I kept my feelings for so long. I didn't want to spoil our brotherly relationship over a girl. Junhyung soon revealed his relationship with Hara. It shocked me a little, but cos of that, I decided to confess to Hyuna.
During our break the next day, I finally plucked up my courage, at the same time, afraid of rejection. I slowly started, "Would you be my girlfriend?"
She looked at me, puzzled.
"I know it's hard to accept me now. I will be by your side, to accompany you whenever you're feeling lonely, lost or scared. Would you give me this chance? You can take your time to think about it." I continued.
She didn't say anything. I soon regret what I said, cursing myself inwards.
Sensing the tense atmosphere I've created, I tried to joke, "But I hope I don't have to wait too long. Let's say, erm, three days?"
I then turned to leave. She suddenly hugged me from behind. "Your back is so broad and warm."
That caught me off guard, at the same time, excited. "So I take this as a Yes?"
She nodded.
"I love you." I whispered. I felt blissful. I clearly know her heart wasn't with me, but having her by my side is enough.
But what I didn't know then was that humans are actually greedy creatures. Once you gotten what you wanted, you would eventually yearned for more.
I longed for a day that Junhyung would be completely out from her heart, the day that she would tell me 'I love you too'.
Truly. Madly. Deeply.
Cold wind brushed against my cheek. I was snapped back to reality.
And reality hurts alot.
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