When Jonghyun met Kibum for the first time, he immediately knew they were going to be friends. They got along famously, and everyone around them thought so too. It was no surprise that they were the ones who showed the most skinship. They were comfortable around each other.

But when Jonghyun started noticing things about Kibum, like how he looked so good after he'd just gotten out of the shower, everything started going downhill. He wasn't even gay, so he tried to distance himself from Kibum. He even tried to get himself a girlfriend, but that had been a complete disaster. All he could think of when he was with her was Kibum.

Obviously, they didn't last very long. Jonghyun went back to avoiding Kibum. He wasn't just hurting himself, though. He noticed Kibum would send these long, pain-filled glances at him and it just made him feel guiltier. Until one day, he just couldn't take it anymore.

When he sat next to Kibum at the breakfast table, there was only dead silence. None of the other members said a word, and Jonghyun had the decency to feel ashamed of himself for it. He looked over at Kibum and gave him a weak smile.

    "We need to talk," Kibum didn't say anything, he just turned his head and started eating. As if that was a cue the other members were waiting for, they also started eating. Jonghyun sat there feeling humiliated, but resigned to it. He kind of deserved it anyway.

After breakfast, they had some free time before their first scheduled appearance on a radio show, and Jonghyun intended to take the time and use it wisely. If he had to force Kibum to listen, he would. He knocked on Kibum's door, and could honestly say he was surprised when Kibum said to come in.

He stepped inside hesitantly, still afraid Kibum would tell him to get out. Kibum's eyes were watching him with a mixture of amusement and pity.

    "So.. What does a person who's been avoiding me for months have to say that's so important now?" Jonghyun flinched, feeling like Kibum had just dumped heaps of salt on an already sore wound. He took a breath.

    "I'm sorry I've been avoiding you. I.. tried to deny it for a long time. But I can't anymore. Kibum.. I like you as more than a friend. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you," Jonghyun said in a rush. It was so quiet in the room you would've been able to hear a pin drop. Kibum was looking at Jonghyun, not knowing how to feel. Setting his feelings aside, he hugged Jonghyun.

"I feel the same way, Jjong," he smiled and leaned in to peck Jonghyun on the nose. "I think I love you too." Jonghyun beamed. That was where things really started going to hell.

Jonghyun was cocky, and flirty with everyone. Until he started dating Kibum. That was the first thing Kibum put his foot down about. He told Jonghyun that he would leave if the flirting didn't stop. And Jonghyun thought that was a fair deal. He stopped drinking quite so much. He wasn't as touchy with Kibum. If he put even one toe out of line, Kibum threatened to leave him.

Eventually, Jonghyun had almost completely changed who he was. He was funny and kind of dorky like he always was (though never as dorky as Onew or Minho), and he still had the basics of his personality. But everything else had changed.

Not that Kibum had asked him to change, or anything. He just felt like it, because Kibum would give him such a disappointed look otherwise... His favorite color became Kibum's favorite color. His favorite food became anything Kibum liked to eat.

Anything he chose to wear, Kibum would turn to him with a disgusted expression. "Really, Jjong? You're wearing that?" With those words, Jonghyun would feel a little of his self-confidence crumble. It was starting to affect his mentality. He started wondering 'Am I good enough to be an idol?' He'd never had felt that kind of insecurity before. He had always been good-looking and he knew it.

So why now? He had started noticing that the other members of the band were giving him these looks. They fell somewhere in between anger and pity, and Jonghyun didn't like it. He didn't understand. Kibum was his and they were happy. Because Kibum might've said those mean things, but he always made up for it. He would cook and be absolutely loving towards Jonghyun the whole night.

It was one night after Kibum had once again picked the kind of food they were going to eat that night, and Taemin cleared his throat when Kibum left to cook.

    "Jonghyun-hyung," there was so much anguish in Taemin's voice. "Kibum-hyung isn't right for you anymore. He's damaged you, hyung. No one who claims to love you the way he does would do that to you. Please.. leave him." Jonghyun recoiled from Taemin's touch. He frowned.

    "I don't know what you're talking about, Taemin-ah. Me and Kibum are fine," he ignored the pitying looks from Onew and Minho. Taemin looked like he wanted to say something else, but instead just turned and faced the tv. Everyone was silent until Kibum called them for dinner, and even then the short phrases were awkward.

Kibum didn't look affected, and even seemed a little cheerful. Just the thought that Kibum was okay with everything cheered Jonghyun up immensely after what Taemin had said. He didn't want to give Taemin's words any more thought, but it was impossible not to think about them.

Later that night, they were having a mindless conversation about which brand of BB cream they liked to use better when Jonghyun turned towards Kibum in bed, still unused to feeling so insecure about himself.

    "Kibum.. do you still love me?" he asked, hating the fact that his voice was soft, like he was afraid of the answer. Kibum was silent for a few minutes, and Jonghyun could already feel his heart crumbling.

    "Yes, Jonghyun-hyung, of course I still love you. We're still friends, after all," Kibum scoffed. "Whatever made you question that?" Jonghyun had to turn around to hide his heartbreak. He was pretty sure Kibum had just indirectly broken up with him. And honestly.. he should've known. He had felt that they were becoming more and more distant recently.

He sighed, and shut his eyes in the vain hope of falling asleep. He didn't know if it would work, since his mind was working overtime. But as soon as his eyes closed, he felt like all the earlier heartbreak and energy had been right out of him. He settled down and let sleep take him.

The next morning confused Jonghyun more than he thought he could be confused. Kibum was still being himself, and cooking breakfast for the both of them (still kissing his cheek and saying good morning cheerily..). Like they hadn't just broken up the night before. Jonghyun didn't know what to think, but instinctually... He knew it was over. It was probably just Kibum being friendly.

It gave Jonghyun a surreal sense of their relationship. Like.. they were still together. But not, at the same time. It was disorienting.

Minho and Taemin shot him looks all throughout breakfast, and all he wished was for the looks to stop. For the confusion to stop. For Kibum to stop dragging him along. For Kibum to be mean to him, for once. Just one good time would be all it took.


And god, did it ever. Jonghyun got his wish, alright. In fact, it was later that same day. It was funny how fate worked like that, huh? Kibum was mean to him in the worst way possible.

He had gone with Taemin to eat lunch, after being begged to come outside for a little while. Jonghyun had spent nearly 45 minutes dallying, because Kibum hadn't said anything about his wardrobe choice, and he had to make sure he looked okay. It had to be pretty bad if Kibum hadn't even opened his mouth to remark on just how awful Jonghyun looked.

Still, they eventually left the dorm and Taemin successfully forced him to eat something (Kibum had been talking about how fat Jonghyun looked lately, how he needed to lose some weight). They managed to have a good time, despite Taemin's nagging and even though Jonghyun felt kind of guilty for having a nice time without Kibum.

Taemin and Jonghyun walked back to the dorm. Taemin insisted, because it was better for them, and because Jonghyun needed more sunshine... though it wasn't exactly sunny outside.

It was actually silent in the dorm until the door opened. As soon as the door closed shut, Kibum started . Loudly. To the point of being obscene. Taemin at first looked shocked, and then he just looked absolutely livid. Jonghyun couldn't feel anything but a sense of resignation. His earlier instincts had been right. They really had broken up last night.

To satisfy his own curiosity, Jonghyun (Taemin was right there with him, clenching his fists and breathing hard) started walking up the stairs to the bedroom, wanting to know who it was that Kibum was screwing. The steps seemed to take forever, and Jonghyun couldn't wait to get to the top.

Though.. Once he got to the top, he was scared to turn the knob. Taemin did it for him, and the scene in front of Jonghyun's eyes took several seconds to register. Then he felt an enormous sense of betrayal. Minho was supposed to have been his friend.

Minho's eyes were closed, and he had Kibum on all fours, ing into him roughly. Kibum was still loudly, even when he turned and saw Taemin and Jonghyun at the door.

    "Mmm, Minho-yah... You're the only man who can dominate me this good," Kibum said, looking directly at Jonghyun's blank face. Taemin lost it then, crossing the room quickly and punching Kibum on the cheek. Kibum cried out in pain, and Minho's eyes opened, startled that he hadn't noticed they had visitors in the room. Jonghyun looked at the floor when he noticed Minho trying to catch his gaze.

    "You two deserve each other," Taemin was so angry his voice was quavering with the effort not to scream. He said nothing more, and led Jonghyun out of the room. Jonghyun was in a daze for nearly 30 minutes after that. He could see and vaguely hear Taemin talking, but the words went right over him. All he could feel was betrayal, and that awful sense of resignation.

Later that night, Minho tried to talk to Jonghyun, but.. Jonghyun didn't know what to say to him. Instead, he avoided the issue. Frankly, it wasn't even that Minho had slept with Kibum. It was that Minho had seemed so concerned about Jonghyun. And he'd pretended to hate Kibum all this time. Minho had lied to him.

So when Jonghyun refused to sleep in the same room, and made Onew switch rooms with him, the agonized, guilty look on Minho's face went completely unrecognized. If Jonghyun had any say, it would be a long time before he and Minho were anything but business partners. Not friends. Not even someone you'd say hi to on the street. Just a complete stranger. It would be better to start over than to try to fix a broken relationship.

Because Jonghyun didn't know if he could let himself slip low enough to be considered a doormat. Even though he already was.
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This is dedicated to my umma, Isadora_Quagmire because she just got back from vacation, and I missed her so much. ;~; /clings

In case it wasn't really clear in the oneshot, Key was being verbally and emotionally abusive towards Jonghyun.

I hope it's okay, and.. yeah. Lol, I always make Key such a bully towards Jonghyun. XD Don't ask me why.

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Til next time, loves. ^o~