This is not a new oneshot. For more information, please refer to THIS BLOG.
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For the last 3 weeks of my life, I feel like I've been asleep. Even when I'm awake, I feel numb to the world. The only time I've felt even remotely alive is at night, knowing that hardly anyone else is awake at such an ungodly hour. I feel a terrible sense of resignation to my fate. If I were to die this second, I would be okay with that.

Each day passes, and it seems to pass so slowly, but before I'm aware, the whole week has passed me by.

It stings knowing that someone noticed all this but did nothing, and watched me silently break down. You look at me with eyes that scream 'you're a freak'. It doesn't help me feel any better. I go through the motions of life and I guess I must be a pretty good actor, since no one else (except you, it's always you) has noticed. You cling to your girlfriend (what I wouldn't give to be her. God, what I wouldn't give) like she's your sanity.

You are probably half the reason I'm in the state I'm in. You shy away from my touch. You hardly eat when I cook. You look at me with such hatred, your eyes speaking the words you never say to me. Why? I say three little words to you, and you begin to treat me the exact opposite. I thought love was supposed to be a beautiful thing, but in reality it's an ugly dead tree without branches or leaves. The pain that used to be so fresh from this realization has grown dull and lackluster.

I am numb. I feel empty and look at the world with hollow eyes.

I fade, with each passing day. I look in the mirror and want to cover it up. I make myself sick. I have let myself become so pale and thin. The cheekbones that once stood out proudly now stand sharp and imposing. Maybe it would be better if I just left this life behind. It scares me how much I don't feel after thinking that.

Months pass in this manner and finally, finally people begin to notice. But the one who really matters continues to turn a blind eye. Do I mean so little to you now? You watch my pain in silence and I see none of the concern which I so desperately want from you.

One day he comes up to me and just starts talking to me. About things that have happened around the dorm but I've apparently missed. At first, I look at him in astonishment. But sooner than I'd thought I could, I relax and realize how much I enjoy his company. He speaks volumes without saying a word. His silence is much softer and sweeter than yours. It's been ages since I felt this much of a sense of relaxation.

The next few days, he randomly shows up next to me and starts talking. Sometimes, it's in the kitchen. Sometimes in the living room. Wherever it happens to be, I relax around him. I let my walls (I don't remember being this defensive. Did you do this to me?) down around him. I notice that the other members seem relieved for him helping me. He continues to relax me, though I've never realized I was so tense.

The first time we're alone in the dorm, he kisses me. I'm shocked. I never expected something like that. He smiles softly and tells me that he wants to be by my side always and be there for me. My heart breaks, and I don't understand why. I weep and tell him that I'm okay, since he looks concerned. I tell him that he already is. He's the ray of sunshine that my old dead tree needs.

You continue to look at me with indifference. But I think I'm beginning to be okay with that. Because I don't feel quite so numb anymore.
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This is the last of the old SHINee fics that weren't in my collection. Haha, well. Anyway. I hope you've enjoyed seeing all my previous, (tbh) kinda awful fics.

Have a good day.

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Til next time, loves. ^o~