Warning: This fic includes a depiction of .

_________________________________________________________

Taemin was burning alive. Or at least, it felt that way. He gasped when he sat up. His joints were aching like nobody's business and his chest hurt terribly when he breathed too deeply. He didn't remember anything... except, didn't Key come over yesterday?

    "Ugh," he tried to stand up and his legs felt shaky for some reason. His mother came and and nearly dropped the bowl of water she had in her hands.

    "Taemin, honey, you shouldn't be out of bed when you're sick," she gently pushed him back in bed.

    "Mom, didn't Key come over yesterday?" the look on her face instantly changed from concerned to disgusted. Oops. Taemin forgot that his mother hated that he was gay.

    "Yes. He brought your schoolwork as well. I wish you wouldn't mention him, honey. He's not good for you," Taemin's mother patted his shoulder and got up. "I'll bring you something to eat." As soon as his mother left, Taemin let out a sob. His mother never was very direct showing how much she hated his homouality. But it was obvious to Taemin in other ways. She never hit him. She didn't need to. The snide comments she made and the obvious dislike for Key were enough.

~

It was a couple of days later when he was finally okay enough to go to school. He wished he wasn't, though. He hated school with a passion because he was never left alone. Not by teachers, not by students. Even the principal didn't bother to hide his disdain for homouality. And Taemin was in his office often enough for fights.

They were never his fault. He knew better than to initiate any sort of violence. But he was always blamed for them anyway, because the teachers looked away when someone else hit him. As soon as he started fighting back, and even when he didn't the teachers always broke up the fight yelling at him. It never failed.

He quite frequently had bruises and cuts across his face and body. But he'd taken to the habit of keeping make-up in his backpack so he could hide them from his mother. It wasn't that his mother was overprotective. It was more that he could just imagine his mother making some small comment about how he wasn't strong enough to take care of himself. It hurt to even think about.

    "Ah, Mr. Lee you finally decided to join us for class again?" Taemin's cheeks burned while the class snickered in amusement. The teacher looked expectantly at Taemin.

    "I was sick," he mumbled. "I have all of my schoolwork, though." The teacher nodded and pointed to her desk. He put all of his work there and shuffled to his desk. He managed to avoid all the people that stuck their foot out to trip him. He wasn't thankful because he knew they'd get him for it later. He was sure the guys in his class would enjoy beating the out of him later.

~

He was on break for lunch period when the main bullies showed up. They weren't in his class. Onew and Jonghyun were in their last year of high school while Taemin was newly in high school. He'd thought that maybe people's attitudes would change. They didn't. He sighed and prepared himself when his sandwich was snatched.

    "So where've you been these past few days, huh? We were bored, you little ," this was the time he hated most because he ate lunch away from the cafeteria, where all the teachers and students were. Even if they counted the fight as his fault, at least they stopped it. He caught a punch to the stomach and winced. He cried out in pain when Jonghyun's kick collided with his jaw. He swore he felt some of his teeth jar loose, but he couldn't be sure. He laid there like a rag doll while Onew and Jonghyun punched him and kicked him anywhere they could reach.

He didn't bother protecting his face anymore. They would just snatch his hands away from his face. Finally, he heard them leave and he nearly sobbed with relief. Key obviously wasn't in school that day, or else he'd have been here by now. He heard approaching footsteps and he closed his eyes to prepare for more of a beating. He jumped when someone patted his shoulder sympathetically.

    "Oh God, Taemin I'm so sorry I wasn't here," he heard Key say. He opened his eyes and saw Key staring down at him with dry eyes. There was no real sympathy at all. He looked kinda high. And then Taemin knew why Key hadn't been there. He was with his stupid friends getting high again. He smiled weakly.

    "It's okay, Key," he lied. Key looked relieved. He held Taemin while he cried. Taemin  winced when the salty tears stung the cuts on his face. He felt so worthless. Key was not open with their relationship, but Taemin knew Key cared about him regardless. His weekends were devoted entirely to Taemin, and he would take Taemin anywhere he wanted to go. Key was the sole reason Taemin was alive. Unconsciously, Taemin rubbed the scars on his arms. It was times like these where Taemin thought about using the box cutter he hid in his mattress. Key wasn't much, but he was all Taemin had.

    "Taemin, you don't have to pretend it's okay. I know it's not. I can't apologize enough," Key said. Taemin looked at him with empty eyes.

    "Why bother saying sorry in the first place? Since you'll never stop," Taemin was sure of this. Key looked down and blushed when Taemin called him out. He knew Taemin was right.

    "Sorry," Key mumbled. What hurt even worse than that was that Key acted like a bully in front of everyone else. He punched hard. His kicks were even harder. He had to make it seem like he really hated Taemin to everyone else, didn't he? But Taemin didn't mind. At least someone loved him. Or at least pretended they did.

~

A week after he'd come back to school, he was suffering from 3 broken ribs. Jonghyun had kicked too hard, and after he heard the practically deafening crack, his eyes had widened.

    "," he repeated. He ran away with Onew trailing behind him. Taemin had checked himself into the hospital calmly. He wasn't exactly used trips to the hospital, but he was used to having to take care of himself. He had to beg the nurses not to call his mother under the pretense that he'd tell her himself. He called her and explained to her that he was with Key and would be for several hours. She was not happy and he knew that he would never hear the end of it when he got home. He'd been right too.

Key didn't know that Taemin had broken ribs and when Taemin called him saying that he'd used Key as an alibi to his mother, he didn't ask. He just said sure and hung up. Key was good at lying to Taemin's mother.

About a week later he'd gone to the hospital, Taemin's class decided that they'd have some fun by pelting him with eggs after school. He wasn't even fully out of the school door when they started throwing eggs at him. He had bruises by the time he got home. In addition to all the bits and pieces of egg in his hair and on his uniform.
Key pretended to be outraged that he hadn't been there. But Taemin knew that Key would've been pelting him with eggs the same as his class if he had been. Still he smiled.

    "Thank you, Key. It means a lot," Taemin lied. It seemed he did that a lot to Key lately.

~

One day, Onew and Jonghyun apparently decided that the punching and kicking weren't enough anymore. Taemin was instantly on his guard when they approached him with secretive smiles on their faces. He was even more shocked when they sat there and let him finish his ham sandwich. He was intensely nervous. As soon as he swallowed the last bite, Onew grabbed him and dragged him to the nearest boys' bathroom.

Taemin started struggling and silently crying when he saw Jonghyun starting to unbuckle his uniform pants. Onew gripped him tighter.

    "Don't bother, Taemin. It'll hurt worse if you struggle," Onew punched Taemin in his still-cracked ribs and he gasped in pain. He stopped struggling and Onew unbuckled his uniform pants. He shoved Taemin down along with his pants and boxers.

The next thing he knew was pain. Everywhere. Onew was punching him wherever he could reach and Jonghyun was in ecstasy behind him. He could feel every harsh from Jonghyun, and he couldn't help the little sob that escaped.

    "You ing , don't act like you don't like this," he hissed in Taemin's ear and Onew just laughed. He had to bite his lip to keep silent, and when he ran his tongue over his lip, he could taste his own blood. He heard Jonghyun moan one last time and then he couldn't help the scream that escaped when Jonghyun released in him. It burned and stung and it just all around hurt. Jonghyun got up and scoffed.

    "I've had better," he said, and Taemin heard his voice fading away. He didn't care about the rest of his classes. He didn't care that he was laying on the school's bathroom floor, half-. He didn't care that Key wasn't there to comfort him. Because Taemin could finally admit that Key didn't really love him. He couldn't feel anything other than regret for wasting his first kiss on Key.

~

When Taemin finally got home, he shut the front door quietly and took off his shoes quietly. He tip-toed past his mother, who was sleeping on the couch. He went up to his room and after he shut the door, he checked his phone to see 3 missed texts from Key. He ignored them all and deleted them without even reading them. Key didn't care anyway. He only cared about the drugs.

He sat down at his desk and wrote the only thing on his mind.
 

'No one cares.'

He unconsciously rubbed the scars on his arm and went to his bed to grab the boxcutter from his mattress. He clicked the boxcutter up as high as it would go and slashed his wrists without a second thought. He hit the floor, and he let a weak laugh escape as he dimly saw his phone light up with a message from Key.

~

Taemin's mother woke up to the sound of a thud above her head. She immediately glanced over and saw Taemin's shoes in the small entrance hall. She was angry. He never came home late from school without calling. He too much of a responsible kid. She marched up the stairs prepared to give him a piece of her mind. She knocked on the door, and when there was no answer she opened it. She screamed when she saw Taemin surrounded by his own blood.

She immediately dialed 119.

~

Taemin opened his eyes and he knew immediately he was in the hospital. The beeping next to him and the starchy feeling of the covers he was under were dead giveaways. There was someone next to him and when he turned his head, he saw his mother asleep in a chair. He felt guilty that she was the one who found him. He was angry that she even found him at all. He lay there quietly, trying not to think and failing miserably.

He knew as soon as he was better he'd be going to the mental ward of the hospital. They wouldn't understand either. He knew it. He was so distracted that he didn't notice his mother wake up. He heard her crying and she hugged him. Taemin knew then that he was on painkillers when he couldn't feel his ribs cry out in protest.

    "Taemin, why?" she asked quietly. He didn't answer. Because she hated that he was gay, and the reason was indirectly because he's gay. His mother got hysterical. He had to have nurses her out.

~

When he finally got brought to the mental ward of the hospital, he found that he couldn't wear any of the clothes he'd brought with him. They all had "dangerous strings" he could hang himself with. Which, quite honestly, Taemin found disappointing. He couldn't commit suicide even if he wanted to now. They always had him on happy pills. Like that would help.

His therapist was an older man. He hated everytime he had to go to therapy. The man looked at him like he was ready to dissect Taemin. Taemin never talked about his problems because of it.

Taemin had been in the mental ward for almost a month before Key came to see him. They were in their free period in the ward and Taemin was sitting by himself in a chair, hugging his knees and trying not to draw attention to himself. As soon as Taemin saw Key, he started screaming bloody murder. He didn't want to see Key. Not now, not ever again.

The orderlies came rushing out of their station and dragged Taemin to his room to sedate him. Before they dragged him off, Taemin could see the disappointment and hurt in Key's eyes. Yeah right. Key didn't care.

~

Key tried to come visit almost every day after school. But each time he did, Taemin would scream and thrash, and the orderlies came. Then he didn't have to see Key anymore.

One day Key came to visit and before Taemin could scream, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He shrieked and turned to find another patient. His eyes widened when he saw a tall guy with wide eyes. 'Was this guy even Korean?' he thought stupidly. The look on the guy's face was serious.

    "You should see what he has to say. I know you don't want to see him, it's obvious. But you should hear him out all the same," the guy said. He started to walk away.

    "Hey wait, what's your name?" Taemin asked hurriedly.

    "Minho," Minho continued walking away and Taemin turned around to see Key. He knew instantly that Key was strung out.

    "Taemin, I'm relieved," Key hugged Taemin. Taemin struggled free and when he saw the hurt and disappointment in Key's eyes, he was angry.

    "Key, why the do you even bother to come here? What right do you have? Huh?" he raised his voice and Key flinched.

    "I-..I--" "Save it Kibum. I don't want to hear excuses," Taemin cut in, using Key's real name. Key started crying.

    "I'm sorry Taemin. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you," Taemin's anger melted into curiosity.

    "What the hell is that supposed to mean, Key?" he asked cautiously. Key looked up at him incredulously.

    "Taemin, the whole school knows what Jonghyun and Onew did to you. Why didn't you ever say tell anyone?" Taemin turned white. No.. No no no no no no no. No one was supposed to know. . He started rocking back and forth. "I'm so sorry, Taemin. I should've been there. I never knew it was that bad." Key was full out sobbing now. Taemin couldn't stay mad at Key.

    "Shh. It's okay Key. Really. My mother doesn't know I was bullied that bad in school. At least, I hope she doesn't," Taemin tried to soothe. Key hugged Taemin.

    "She does know. Your doctor in the hospital almost reported her for child abuse because of your injuries. ... Taemin why didn't you tell me you had broken ribs? It kills me that you feel like you can't tell me anything anymore," Key's tears were soaking through Taemin's thin cotton shirt.

    "I couldn't Key. What would you have done? Nothing. You would have laughed, right along with the rest of the school. At first it didn't bother me but it does now. It hurts that not even my boyfriend will stand up for me at school," Taemin started crying. "You don't care about me Key. You're too worried about your precious reputation."

    "Taemin...," Key looked like he wanted to say something, but he closed his mouth before he could. He started crying harder, and Taemin knew he'd hit the nail on the head.

    "Leave, or I'll start screaming," Key looked sadly at Taemin before walking away. Taemin went to his room and cried himself to sleep.

~

The next day at lunch, Minho came to sit by Taemin.

    "I couldn't help overhearing your argument with your boyfriend yesterday," Minho said, with no hint that he was embarrassed. "You sound like you've been through a lot." Taemin closed him mouth. There was an uncomfortable silence between them. Minho sighed. "You know, talking about it helps. Even if you don't like your therapist, there are other people you can talk to." Taemin looked at Minho with an empty gaze.

    "I was ," Taemin got up and put his paper tray in the trash and walked away. Minho didn't follow him.
Taemin didn't feel better after he told Minho. In fact, he felt worse.  A lot worse. He rocked back in forth in his chair. He felt someone come and sit by him. He jumped when he heard Minho's deep voice.

    "I'm sorry that happened to you," Minho said. Taemin laughed bitterly.

    "Don't pretend you actually care. You don't know me," Taemin started crying. "Nobody cared that I wanted to die. Nobody cared that I went to the hospital by myself after Onew and Jonghyun broke 3 of my ribs. Nobody cared." Minho looked at Taemin with a gentle gaze.

    "Because you wouldn't let anyone care, Taemin," Minho replied. "You only told me about your because you wanted to push me away. I want to be your friend, Taemin. I do. But you have to let me." Taemin looked up and he didn't see anything but sympathy and truthfulness from Minho. He started crying harder.

   He didn't say anything.

~

Taemin and Minho were inseparable. Minho had accepted Taemin unconditionally after he broke down and told Minho everything. Being gay, his attempts at suicide, how he was treated at school. Everything.

    "What are you here for?" Taemin asked curiously one day. Minho had looked at him in a panick-y manner before walking away. His curiosity was peaked and he occasionally asked Minho.

    "Minho, I told you all of the horrible parts of my past. The least you can do is tell me what you're in here for," Taemin pleaded. He genuinely wanted to know. Minho looked at him with anger in his eyes.

    "Fine. But Taemin... you're not going to like what you hear. I have a lot of anger problems, and.. one day I killed a gay kid who was hitting on me," Taemin's face turned white. "Because I used to hate gay people." Taemin backed away, muttering 'no' over and over again.

    "Why did you befriend me then, Minho?" Taemin walked back to his room and sat on his bed, rocking back and forth. He refused to come out even to eat. Minho was just like Onew and Jonghyun. He hated gay people.

~

Taemin eventually came out of his room and when he saw Minho looking at him with a sad gaze. He looked away and walked in the opposite direction.

Key came to visit and Taemin was surprised to see that Key looked terrible. Key was usually (when he wasn't high) very appearance-conscious. Key smiled.

    "Taemin...," he hugged Taemin. "I'm so glad to see you." Taemin was bewildered. What was going on with Key?

    "Uhhh, what's going on?" he asked cautiously. Key hugged him tighter.

    "It was so hard, Taemin. I had no idea that you had it that hard at school," Taemin felt teardrops on his shirt and he couldn't help the cautious hope that spread in him when he heard Key.

    "What do you mean?" he asked. Key looked up and smiled.

    "I told the whole school about us. I'm in the process of quitting the drugs," Taemin started tearing up. "But I know that's nothing compared to what you had to go through Taemin. I'm so sorry that I wasn't there before. I'm gonna be there from now on," Taemin smashed his lips against Key's.

    "Really?" Taemin asked in a small voice. Key scoffed and gestured to his appearance.

    "Do I look like I'm kidding, Minnie?" Taemin sobbed at the nickname. Key hadn't used his nickname in ages. Key took Taemin's face in his hands.

    "I made the changes for you, Taemin. Because it broke my heart when you told me that you felt like I didn't care about you. I do. I love you, Taemin," Key kissed Taemin. "Really, though,  Taemin. I didn't know it was that bad for you at school. The other day those ers ripped my uniform. But 'em. They can ing die in a ditch," Taemin giggled at Key's anger.

    "Thank you, Key. It means a lot to me that you would do this," and this time around, Taemin meant it.

~

Taemin was being released from the mental ward in a week. He was excited to get out and be with Key, but he still had unfinished business. He walked up to Minho nervously.

    "Why did you make friends with me if you hated gay people, Minho?" he asked quietly. Minho turned around and widened his eyes at Taemin.

    "Because you needed a friend here. And it was helping me to be around you and see that gay people are not disgusting. At first I wanted to kill you the same as I did to that kid," Taemin was nervous after he heard that. "But after I watched you for a while, it started making me feel bad that people like me were the reason you were so ed up. Yeah, I knew what you were in here for before you told me. I even started wanting to help you. So I became your friend," Minho's eyes were gazing intensely at Taemin, waiting for a response.

    "So when I felt like I wasn't helping you after all you'd done for me... I actually was?" Minho smiled.

    "Yeah. You were, Taemin. Hey, I got bit of good news recently, too. I'm being released next week," Taemin smiled.

    "I'm getting released in a week," Taemin looked towards the exit. "And Key's coming to pick me up." His gaze went soft. Minho patted Taemin on the shoulder.

    "He sounds like a really good guy. So anyway, I bet you're not looking forward to going back to school, hm?" Minho asked and Taemin's eyes dulled.

    "Not really. My classmates are still going to bully the out of me. And Onew and Jonghyun might leave me alone now that they know Key is with me. But I'm still fighting a losing battle," Taemin looked at Minho. "Too bad you won't be there." Minho smirked.

    "I will be at your school, Taemin. I've been gone for over a year, but I'm going back as soon as I get out of here. Yeah. That's how long I've been here," Minho chuckled. "So thanks for helping me enough that I can get out of here. I think people might find they have a different attitude towards you when you get back," Taemin looked up at Minho with wide eyes.

    "You'd do that for me?" he asked humbly. Minho nodded.

    "Hey, anything for a friend. Especially one like you," Minho replied. Taemin looked humbled that he had such a loyal friend. He started to tear up.

    "But I'm no one special. I even ran away after you told me why you were here," Taemin pointed out.

    "You did, that's true, but I expected you to run away. Even though I hoped you wouldn't. That's why I waited to tell you. Anyway, Taemin, I mean it when I said that you helped me. And even though I can never make it up to the kid who's dead because of me, I will prove to the world that I've changed. Would you help me show them?" Taemin smiled.

    "Of course I would, Minho," He hugged Minho. Taemin felt arms wrap around him hesitantly and his smile widened.

~

Almost a year later, Taemin was doing well. He was doing better than he ever had. His therapist and the medicine he took were helping him a lot, but Minho and Key were the biggest reasons he was better. They were always there for him.

School was no longer a problem for him. The only real problem he still had was that his mother never stopped her snide comments. He'd learned how to deal with that, though, thanks to Key. Key had taught him that he didn't have to listen to those comments.

He sometimes had the urge to cut after he had a small set-back (The students at school had stopped, but the teachers hadn't. Sometimes Taemin still got in trouble at school for screaming at his teachers.)

Taemin had learned that fighting back was okay. And thanks to Key and Minho, he could do so without the fear that someone would bring him down again.

___________________________________________________________________

The ending did not come out the way I wanted it to. -headdesk- I hope it's okay anyway.

~~

Til next time, fair readers. ^.~ ♥♥