Warning: Drug use

A/N: China white = heroin, crank = crystal meth (Those are US terms, though. >.< The article I read didn't say anything about international terms.) Oh and yes, meth can be injected if you didn't know.

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Jonghyun liked to pretend he had it all. He had a nice car, a hot girlfriend, and people adored him. But the truth was, he didn't have everything. He wasn't happy. He wasn't satisfied with his life. He hadn't been since he was a teenager, since his life had really started. He felt like the only reason people liked him was because of his money. He was pretty sure that's the only reason his girlfriend was with him.

He coped the best way he knew how. It wasn't healthy. Not at all. Isn't it what people expect rockstars to do, after all? The bags he bought cost him, but he didn't care about the money. It wasn't about that. It was about forgetting who he was, if only for a few hours. It was about finally feeling happy.

No one, not even his best friend, knew about it. He didn't want anyone to know. It was reasonable, he thought. They didn't need to worry themselves sick over him, not that they would anyway. He was a grown man, he knew what he was doing.

Not even the feeling of being on stage could compete, really. The white substance in his veins calmed him down and just mellowed him out. He felt like he could really handle his life. And that made him happy.

--

When he left the stage after a concert, he preferred to be as normal as possible and walk around the area. People recognized him, of course. They asked for his autograph multiple times. He acted like he couldn't hear them and walked right on by. He could care less, really. He just wanted to feel normal again. Normal felt happy to him.

He walked until he realized he was close to his dealer's apartment. He called, and as soon as he heard the words 'china white' he was running as fast as he possibly could. That was the best kind  money could buy. And Jonghyun definitely had no problem spending his on the stuff.

He woke up in an unfamiliar environment. His head was pounding, his arm was incredibly sore, and he was sweating. He didn't have a shirt or pants on. He started to panic when he didn't recognize the outside environment. Then a sound caught his attention, and he looked over to see an unfamiliar face.

    "You're awake. Good. I found you face down, passed out in a pool of your own vomit on my way home from work. And since I didn't want you to die, I brought you here. 'Here', in case you're wondering, is my apartment," Jonghyun stared at the stranger. He'd rarely ever seen such kindness. Even from his own family.

    "Thank you," he said quietly. "I owe you. How much do you want?" the question had obviously caught the stranger off guard by the surprised look on his face.

    "Nothing. I don't want your money, I want you to quit. That isn't good for you. With that stuff, it's not a question of 'if' but 'when' it'll kill you," the stranger had pity in his eyes. Jonghyun scowled.

    "What the do you know about it?" he snapped and the stranger's eyes turned hard.

    "I work in a hospital as a nurse. Almost every day I see people come in with track marks, blown veins, and bloodshot eyes. They're too far gone to save most of the time. Even with the hospital's help, they usually leave the hospital in a body bag. Cause of death, you ask? Heart attack, , suffocation, suicide cause they can't handle the withdrawal. Take your ing pick," Jonghyun was silent. "I don't want to see that happen to anyone else if I can help it. Especially someone like you. For Christ's sake, kids look up to you."

    "A touching story, but I really don't care," Jonghyun got up and snatched his shirt off the table beside him. "Later, whatever your name is." He didn't bother to listen to the stranger shout a name as he left.

When he finally got back to his place, his girlfriend was on the couch, being pounded into by his best friend, Minho. How cliche. He knew there was someone else. He just didn't expect it to be Minho, of all people. Minho was one of the few people he'd thought genuinely cared about him. He looked at their guilty faces and walked on to his bedroom. Maybe he still had some of that last bag he'd bought...

He left the stage feeling exhaustion take its toll on his body. He was only 26 but he couldn't even handle a single concert anymore. He was due for a new bag of his favorite relaxation tool. It was the only way he could relax anymore. He couldn't even ing sleep without it in his system. Somewhere in his mind he realized he was in way too deep. Even if he wanted to stop (and sometimes, he did think about it), he wouldn't be able to.

Jonghyun went to his dealer's, hoping the guy had something good this time. Because lately the quality of the stuff he'd bought was complete .

    "Try this, Jonghyun. I think you'll like it. Crank's kinda like to China white," he didn't get a chance to voice an objection before the new stuff was pushed in his vein and and -- Oh GOD, it had been ages since he felt this happy. He felt so light. But before he got up, he had to make sure he took his dose of relaxation. He didn't want to go too crazy.

--

He opened his eyes and immediately noticed he was in the hospital. The beeping next to him would've been a pretty clear sign if the strong scent of some kind of disinfectant hadn't reached his nostrils first. No one was next to him, not even his girlfriend. He had a phone beside his bed, but before he could reach for it, someone entered.

    "How cliche. The guy who saved my life the first time," Jonghyun commented drily. "Your name tag says Onew, but that can't be your real name." He was given a sharp glance.

    "It's not, it's just a nickname the other nurses use. My name is Jinki," Jinki paused to refill the room's humidifier with water. "By the way, the paparazzi doesn't know you're here. Patient confidentiality says the hospital staff can't say a word. So you're 'safe'." Jonghyun breathed a huge sigh of relief.

    "Oh thank God," he stared at Jinki, who was fidgeting uncomfortably. "What is it?"

    "Your parents refused to visit you," pity was thick in Jinki's voice. "After we told them why, they said they didn't have a son and hung up." Jonghyun scoffed.

    "Those people haven't cared about me in a long time. They haven't been my parents since I was 14," he looked around the room once before settling his eyes on Jinki. "Don't you have other patients to take care of?" Jinki shrugged.

    "No. My shift ended an hour ago," Jonghyun furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

    "Then why are you still here?" Jinki sat down in the only chair beside Jonghyun's bed.

    "Because no one else is here for you," Jonghyun couldn't help laughing at the cheesy line. Jinki looked incredibly upset and started to get up.

    "I'm not being ungrateful, I promise you, but that was just too cheesy," Jinki blushed with embarrassment and shrugged.

    "I'm a naturally cheesy person. Honestly it's a curse," Jonghyun started laughing again at Jinki's grumbling, completely forgetting that he was in the hospital, or the reason he was in it.

Jonghyun started suffering horrible withdrawals after waking up. He was sweaty, pale, and nauseated. He threw up any solid food he ate. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't even manage to get out of his hospital bed as his body wouldn't support him. His body rioted against a complete, sudden stop to his use of drugs. It cramped up and shook nonstop. He never had a moment's peace. He was constantly in pain.

It goes without saying that his drug of choice was constantly on his mind. He wanted it, CRAVED it, NEEDED it. But Jinki was there through it all. He'd taken his entire well of unused sick days to be able to take care of Jonghyun around the clock.

    "W-why would y-you do wa-as-ste your tim-me on me-ee, Jinki?" Jonghyun stuttered. His extreme tremors hadn't yet stopped, but it was a day where he was 'okay' mentally. Jinki merely offered a smile as a response.

Finally, after forever and ever (a week), Jonghyun felt like the worst of his symptoms had passed. He knew he would probably slip back into his habit later but that was in the future. He wanted to focus on the now.

He and Jinki celebrated the occasion with a small cake that Jinki had brought in from his favorite bakery. Jinki gave him a huge smile and presented him with the cake. All Jonghyun managed to do was cry. He didn't know why Jinki had been so nice to him because they weren't even really close. Jinki had done more for him than his parents ever had. Cake forgotten, Jinki climbed into the bed with Jonghyun and held him while hearing Jonghyun's repeated "Thank you"s and "I'm sorry"s.

Even after he was at himself, Jonghyun didn't bother to call anyone 'close' to him (except his manager). Jinki was plenty enough. He spent all his free time at the hospital with Jonghyun, lunch break included. He wasn't Jonghyun's primary nurse, but he was efficient enough with his care that Jonghyun's actual nurse had very little to do.
The doctor finally came to check on Jonghyun over a week later. Jonghyun wasn't prepared at all for the news he received.

    "Mr. Kim, we ran some mandatory blood tests after you were admitted, due to the nature of your visit. The results have come back from our lab, and I'm sorry to report that you've been diagnosed with acute Hepatitis C. However, there is good news.The type of Hepatitis C you have is treatable and because it was caught in an early stage it can be cured much, much quicker than normal."

The doctor smiled, as if he'd just delivered the best pep talk ever. "You'll have to come to the hospital once a week to receive IV treatment for... let's say 18 weeks to begin with and then we'll go from there." The doctor patted him on the shoulder sympathetically before he left.

The word 'Hepatitis' was still ringing in his head when Jinki came in to have lunch. He didn't respond to Jinki's 'hello'. He just looked up at Jinki with tears in his eyes. No explanation was needed for Jinki to hug Jonghyun and let him cry.

    "I got a diagnosis from the doctor before you came in," Jonghyun gripped Jinki's waist tighter. "I've got Hepatitis C." Jinki's breath left him in a rush. "But he said the kind I have is treatable." Jinki hugged Jonghyun tighter.

    "You'll get through, I know it. If you need someone to go with you to weekly treatments, feel free to give me a call. I'll go with you," Jonghyun scrutinized Jinki's smiling face.

    "Tell me something Jinki," Jinki looked surprised. "What would you do if I told you I was in love with you?" Jinki blushed profusely. He stuttered and tripped when he tried to sit down. Jonghyun couldn't help the grin that appeared on his face. Just seeing Jinki had soothed some of the pain away.

    "Well. U-uhm. I'd say that was highly inappropriate. You're my patient after all, and we're forbidden to have relationships with patients and-- it, who cares? I don't," Jonghyun's smile got wider.

    "Hey Jinki?"

    "...Yes?"

    "I love you."
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Ahh, I'm really happy with the way this turned out. All except the end there, LOL, I feel like this is realistic (I dunno if you guys notice or not, but that's what I strive to do with my fics, is make them seem realistic).

Anyway, in case you're wondering about the random title, it's a combination of the things that influenced me. Fake It by Seether, Hysteria by Muse, and The Heroin Diaries of Nikki Sixx (You guys should really read that, by the way. It's an excellent example of why you SHOULDN'T do drugs. Not to mention it's an incredibly interesting insight into the "glamorous" 80s rockstar lifestyle).

It pains me to have to put this here, but Nikki Sixx is the bassist for Motley Crue. Because I know the majority of my readers probably didn't know. 

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading it. 

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Til next time, loves. ^o~ ☺ ♥ ♫