WARNING: Implied!Drug use
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The taste is so strong in Onew's mouth he wants to throw up, but he can't. It's far too quiet in the dorm, and he doesn't want to shatter his bandmates' image of him. He's the leader, he's not supposed to have problems. He's supposed to be the one who takes care of the rest of them.

But they have Key for that, and mostly Onew just stands in the background, silently watching. He hangs on to the hope that someone, anyone, will notice but not a single soul asks. He thinks Key might know, if the questioning glance is anything to go by.

It doesn't really matter. At least it makes him feel better for a little while. Then, he gets an awful aftertaste in his mouth and he wants to throw up. The cycle repeats itself, and he wakes up a day later feeling worse about himself than he ever did.

He does a good job of covering up how disgusting he looks now. Innocently, he had once asked Key how his skin looked so nice and even, and Key had told him all about the wonder of liquid foundation. It had become increasingly useful.

It's a wonder no one asks him why he goes through a bottle of the stuff so fast. He can go through a bottle faster than Key now, and still no one even bats an eyelash.

Minho comes to him one afternoon looking to chat for a while after he's already self-medicated, and he only half-listens. When he realizes Minho has stopped talking, he shakes his head like he was in a trance. He didn't remember a word of what was just said.

    "I'm sorry, what was that?" he smiles, though it's a tired, strained smile. Minho looks at him as if just noticing Onew for the first time.

    "Hyung.. are you okay?" after so many weeks has passed by, Onew realizes he no longer cares if people notice. It doesn't matter if one way or another, really, but if they want to find out, he's not going to help them any.

    "Yeah. I'm just a little sleepy," Minho looks reluctant to believe him, but nods anyway.

    "Whatever you say, hyung. Just know that if you need something, I'm here," Onew resents that statement with everything in him, because he feels how empty the sentiment behind those words actually is. Minho doesn't mean it one bit. But he can't bring himself out of his haze enough to say something. He just waves a hand, and Minho gets up and leaves with a small frown on his face.

It's a few days later when he comes out of his room for something to drink and hears Minho talking to Jonghyun in their bedroom.

    "Jonghyun-hyung, be serious. Something's obviously wrong. I was talking for nearly 5 minutes before I realized he wasn't even listening. His eyes, hyung. His eyes. It looked like he was only barely conscious," the note of worry in Minho's voice didn't do anything for Onew. He didn't even feel guilty. He walked on without listening to the rest of the conversation, and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. He gulped half the bottle and returned to his bedroom without saying a word to Jonghyun, who'd come out of his and Minho's room looking surprised.

He noticed his band members starting to shoot him concerned looks, and shrugs them off casually. He's fine. He really is. He's convinced of that, so why isn't everyone else? It's kind of annoying because Onew knows they would never have noticed if that conversation with Minho hadn't happened.

Minho corners him after breakfast one morning with narrowed eyes.

    "Tell me what's wrong," he demands, and Onew laughs in his face.

    "Why are you sure something's wrong? I'm healthy, I'm doing okay performance-wise. I'm fine. Besides, it's not like any of you give a damn about me anyway. So I don't see a problem. Do you?" the sheer disbelief on Minho's face made Onew feel a touch of uncertainty. But.. the signs had been right there...

    "That's what this is about?" Minho asked quietly. "You think we don't care?" Onew squared his shoulders. That awful taste was back in his mouth, and he wasn't sure if it was from being so close to relief or because of Minho.

    "Well, it used to be about that, but not anymore. Now, if you please. I was about to take a shower," Onew side-stepped Minho and walked calmly to the bathroom. Except he wasn't going to take a shower.

He was in the bathroom for over a half hour, according to his phone. He couldn't seem to make his legs, work, though, and that made getting out a little difficult. Key had been pounding on the door for the last 20 minutes, screaming about how other people needed to take a shower. Eventually, Jonghyun and Minho bust through the door.

    "Jinki-hyung? What--" "What the ?" Minho interrupted Jonghyun angrily. He was staring at the tourniquet and needle still sticking out of Onew's bare thigh. "What the is this?" Onew smiles.

    "Oh. I can't seem to use my legs. Every time I try to get up, I fall right back down," Onew stood up shakily, and took a step only to collapse on his hands and knees. "See? Someone's gonna have to carry me out of here." He had completely forgotten there was a needle in his thigh. Minho picks him up gently and carries him to the couch.

    "Hyung. We're gonna take you to the hospital, okay? We need to.. um, get some things checked out," Minho said cautiously. Onew nods.

    "Fine," he waved a hand and smiled easily enough. "Shouldn't I be wearing some pants, though? I think mine are right... oh." Onew looked down and saw the needle sticking out of his thigh. He sighed. "So that's why we're going to the hospital." Minho nodded.

    "But first... why?" Onew started playing with his fingers.

    "I just wanted someone to notice, at first. After a while, though, all I wanted was to feel like someone cared," he looked around at each individual member. "But you guys never showed any kind of indication at all. So I stopped caring about myself." He let the explanation dangle in the air, and was only minimally surprised when no one said anything. He'd come to expect silence from his bandmates, as far as he was concerned.

    "Come on, Onew-hyung," Minho patted his thigh gently. "I'll get your pants and we can go to the hospital." Onew's lips twist in a bitter half-smile and he scoffs.

    "Okay," well, it's not like he doesn't already know what the doctor is going to tell him. He knows the risks of reusing a needle, and he's fairly certain he contracted AIDS. He won't tell them, of course. He would never dare. They have far too much else to worry about. He just wishes he had more courage to apologize for being such a coward.
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Wow. I've never written an angsty Onew before, I don't think (lawwwll, I can't remember). But I think this came out fairly decently. What do you guys think?

Oh, and regarding the fic... I personally think that the members DO care about Jinki, but they don't know how to express it.
Some of you may be wondering about what drug Onew's supposed to be addicted to (since there's more than one injectable drug). Well if you guessed heroin, you guessed right. It's kind of implied throughout the whole oneshot, if you look close enough. Heroin affects the dopamine levels in your brain, and it makes you feel more mellow and relaxed, which is why Onew seemed really laid back.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading. :)

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Til next time, loves. ^o~ ☺ ♥ ♫