For my lovely yeobo, Southpaw. It's not my best work, but I hope you like it anyway.~
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Minho had a.. well, a bit of a problem, in his opinion. He didn’t know why it had started, or how. It was a hobby that not even his best friend Onew knew about. He liked dressing up in women’s clothing, and it felt nice to shave his legs occasionally, and he actually liked to put on makeup… It was a secret he thought he would take to his grave. Until he found himself on the streets of Seoul one, fine afternoon dressed like a woman. Complete with makeup and shaved legs. And heels, which were unbearably uncomfortable for a man of Minho’s height. And the worst thing, the most embarrassing? It wasn’t the first time.

He had successfully ignored most of the men who whistled or wolf-called, blushing furiously the whole time. But the last guy.. He just didn’t know when to give up. Minho was dying of mortification as it was, being out in public dressed as a woman, so he sure as hell wasn’t about to tell the guy the truth. He was almost in tears he was so frustrated when he reached the subway platform.

    “Come on, pretty lady. What’s your name? Can’t you at least tell me that much?” the guy wheedled. Knowing he was screwed either way, Minho sighed. Running through a mental checklist of suitable girl names, he prepared himself.

    “It’s.. um, Minju--,” “Minjung-ah! There you are! I was looking for you,” A man who was even taller than Minho (in his heels, which was definitely saying something) came up and put his arm around Minho’s shoulders. He relaxed, and smiled genuinely.

    “H-hey, you. I got tired of waiting, you know. Learn to get with the program old man,” Minho smacked the guy’s shoulder lightly, and the guy laughed. He started leading Minho away, much to the disappointment of Minho’s would-be suitor.

    “Yah, you’re not that much younger than I am,” the guy pretended to be hurt and when he looked to make sure they were out of eyesight of the wanna-be suitor before he turned and smiled softly. “I’m sorry for butting in, I just noticed how frustrated you seemed to be.  I’m Changmin.” Minho shook his hand warmly.

    “Thank you so much, Changmin,” Changmin laughed, and waved it off.

    “It’s no problem. So, Minjung.. would you agree to have coffee with me?” Minho blushed furiously, and shook his head.

    “I.. I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Minho dropped the falsetto in his voice and resumed his normal deep voice, feeling the mortification all the way to his bones. “My name isn’t Minjung. It’s Minho. I’m not a woman.” Changmin’s eyes widened and he gestured wildly to the getup.

    “Then why…?” Minho shook his head, feeling tears roll down his cheeks in humiliation. “Oh God, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry…,” Changmin looked around, noticing that he was getting dirty looks. He grabbed Minho’s hand, looking visibly uncomfortable. “Come on. I know there’s a nice café around the corner on the street.”

Minho didn’t protest, feeling utterly miserable about admitting the truth. At least Changmin hadn’t started screaming, that was always a good thing.

By the time they were at the café on the street, Minho had managed to dry his tears and not smear his eye makeup too bad.

    “So, Minho..,” Changmin started uncertainly, once they’d gotten settled in. “Why are you dressed in drag? Are you… gay or something?” Minho shook his head quickly, eyes wide.

    “No!” he ducked his head when people looked in their direction. “I’m not gay. I.. I..,” Minho struggled for an explanation that didn’t make him sound like he was absolutely off his rocker. Changmin suddenly held up a hand and shook his head slowly.

    “You know what.. I don’t want to know. Whatever reason it is, I don’t want to know,” Changmin shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Um.. Well. What else do you like to do, then?” Minho stirred the straw in his coffee.

    “I like playing soccer,” Changmin’s eyes had taken on a gleam, and Minho smiled widely. “You like soccer too, huh?” Changmin shrugged nonchalantly.

    “I was the captain of my soccer team back in high school, and I was on my university soccer team as well,” he shrugged again, as if to emphasize that it wasn’t a big deal. Minho smirked, feeling the silent challenge in Changmin’s words.

    “Really? I play for my university’s team, too. We should have a one on one match some time,” Changmin smiled sweetly.

    “Just waiting for you to ask, Minho,” he laughed suddenly. “Since it would be a pleasure to beat you so thoroughly.” He didn’t use the information he was about to give often, but Minho felt that it was justified in this case. Since Changmin seemed so full of himself.

    “I don’t think so,” he crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. “It’ll at least be a fair match, I think… Considering that my dad is the famous soccer coach Choi YunKyum. And of course… he’s taught me and my brother a few things.” Changmin’s eyes went wide, and his cheeks reddened. Minho decided then that, yeah, that reaction had definitely been worth it.

“Y-you could’ve told me that from the beginning,” Changmin spluttered and Minho chuckled.

    “I don’t like to tell people, but in your case..,” Minho laughed. “I just couldn’t wait to wipe that cocky grin off your face, it was so priceless.”

Changmin protested, and seemed to forget entirely that Minho was in a dress. He shoved Minho forcefully, and Minho punched him. His good mood wavered when he received a text from Onew asking if he could come over. Then, one sent 10 minutes later saying that he was waiting for Minho at the apartment. Minho gulped, feeling nervousness settle like lead in his stomach.

    “I have to go,” he sighed and stood up. “It was nice to meet you, Changmin... Even considering how we met.” He started walking away when Changmin started after him.

    “Wait!” he turned around, looking at him curiously. “Let’s hang out at my apartment. I’ve got the newest Madden game...” as soon as he heard it, Minho smirked.

    “You’re on, man. I’m gonna whoop your ,” he challenged, and Changmin shook his head.

    “Impossible,” his eyes raked over Minho’s form and flashed with uncertainty. “Umm.. Are you gonna.. y’know. Change clothes first?” Minho’s good mood instantly dissipated and his shoulders slumped. He should’ve known Changmin wouldn’t be able to really get past his strange hobby.

    “Actually, I think I’m just gonna go home,” Minho shrugged off Changmin’s objections and smiled weakly. “I need to.. get ready for a date. Or something.” He turned around and walked out, not listening to Changmin’s spluttering.

~~

Minho hadn’t expected to run into Changmin ever again. But as luck would have it, Changmin was a friend of Onew’s and he’d been invited to their holiday get together. Minho’s eyes widened and for just a second, he could see Changmin’s eyes doing the same thing.

    “I never knew you were a friend of Onew’s,” Changmin said later, when they were in the kitchen getting drinks. Minho shrugged.

    “I could say the same thing,” he countered and then it was silent for a few moments. He was juggling 8 bottles of soju and getting ready to hand them out when Changmin’s hand on his shoulder stilled him.

    “Hey, I don’t know what I did that day at the café to mess things up, but I’m sorry. Let’s start over. Friends?” he held his hand out and Minho slowly looked down at his full arms and then at Changmin. He raised an eyebrow and chuckled.

    “Sure. Friends,” he affirmed.

It seemed like it was only a few minutes later and they were both incredibly, stupidly drunk. Not including their first meeting, they had hit it off famously. Or maybe that was the alcohol talking. It didn’t matter though, since Onew got impatient with them. Fast.

    “I never should’ve introduced you guys,” he shook his head sadly. “I should just change my name to Forever Alonew.” Minho giggled and slung an arm over Onew’s shoulder.

    “Cheer up, hyung,” he cooed. “We’re not gonna leave you. I promise.” Changmin back-hugged Onew tightly.

    “Nahh,” he waved off the idea. “You’re my favoritest dongsaeng ever, Onew.” He rolled his eyes at them, muttering something about ‘drunken idiots’. He abruptly stood up and threw his hands in the air. “I’m done! You two can get drunk all you want, but don’t come crying to me when you wake up tomorrow feeling like death warmed over.” He left and walked back to his bedroom. Minho laughed when he heard Onew’s bedroom door lock.

    “He knows I get kinda touchy when I drink,” he whispered conspiratorially, seeming to forget that he and Changmin were the only ones in the room. Changmin nodded solemnly, and then busted out laughing.

    “Me too,” he gasped in between laughs. Minho started laughing too, and somehow they ended up with Minho snuggled up to Changmin’s chest. They weren’t even talking, but Changmin decided that he liked it. He liked the feeling of Minho against him, and at the moment.. He didn’t care.

But the next morning, when they woke up tangled in each other on the living room floor with all the couch cushions around them, the feeling vanished. They didn’t speak of it, and Minho’s shoulders were visibly tensed. It was so very clear that Minho regretted his actions last night, and Changmin couldn’t help feeling a little hurt.

    “Minho,” Changmin forced Minho to look at him, and smiled. “It’s not a big deal. It’s okay.” Minho shook his head.

    “No, it’s not okay,” his tone was angry. Minho scrunched his face up in disgust. “It makes me seem like a ing .” Minho spat the word with so much venom it made Changmin cringe unintentionally. He was definitely not comfortable with where the conversation was headed, so he tried to let the subject drop.

    “Whatever, man,” he shrugged, and Minho scoffed.

    “Why doesn’t it bother you? Are you some kind of -lover?” when Changmin didn’t say anything, Minho’s eyes widened. “Oh my God, you are. You’re a ing —“ “NO,” Changmin slammed his hands down on the kitchen counter, making Minho jump. His face hardened and he turned to face Minho furiously. “But my brother is. So if you don’t mind, I’d really like for you to stop talking about it.”

The room was silent for several minutes. “Changmin.. I’m sorry. It’s just--,” Changmin interrupted him by holding his hands up.

    “Don’t say another word about it,” his tone was deadly soft, and Minho shut his mouth with an audible click.

Things grew even more strained between them when Changmin ran into Minho again a couple of weeks later, in the same subway station. Again, while Minho was dressed as a woman. Changmin really couldn’t understand. If Minho was so embarrassed about his hobby, why even go out in public in the first place?

Changmin forced a smile and walked over rather slowly when he saw Minho’s eyes pleading for his help getting rid of more guys. He slid an arm around Minho’s shoulders, feeling a flinch. He had to fight to keep his anger in check.

    “Yeobo, I told you to wait for me,” he said rather tiredly, and Minho’s glance was full of questions before he smiled tightly.

    “Ahh, well.. I thought you had already bought your ticket,” Minho was the one who dragged them away this time, and as soon as they were a decent distance away, he looked at Changmin with a questioning glance.

    “What’s up? Why are you acting weird?” Minho asked, and Changmin sighed, trying not to focus on the rising feeling of irritation.

    “Nothing, Minho. I’m just a little tired today, is all,” he lied, and Minho shrugged.

    “Well, okay. Thanks for coming over to save me, hyung,” he smiled, and Changmin’s irritation disappeared a little. He relaxed his shoulders that he hadn’t even realized were tensed. He put his hands in his pockets, and waited for the train in silence. He was perfectly fine, but Minho was fidgeting with his hands and kept sneaking glances at him.

    “Say it,” Changmin turned to Minho with a steady gaze. “Whatever it is you want to say.” Minho blushed, and Changmin couldn’t believe it when he felt his heart start beating faster. His eyes widened in shock.

    “I.. um. I just wanted to know if you wanted to come to the apartment and hang out. If you’re free,” Changmin shook his head, even though he had no plans at all that afternoon. He glanced over at Minho, and saw the faint blush on his cheeks. His false eyelashes, and the outfit he was wearing did make him look really pretty… Changmin’s heart thumped, and his eyes widened. He quickly looked away, fearing that Minho would see his reaction.

    “I can’t. I.. I have a thing to go to,” he muttered, and was relieved beyond belief when the train finally arrived. He used the opportunity to slip away in the crowd, feeling awful. He had told Minho he wasn’t gay, and yet… He was so easily affected by the way Minho looked in a dress. And that was only the second time he had seen Minho dressed up.

He pounded on his head, telling himself over and over again that he didn’t like boys. He really didn’t.

But it never mattered, because the heart thumping and blushing only got worse. The more time he spent around Minho, the more things Changmin saw to admire about Minho.  His eyes. His lips. His . And even occasionally his crotch.

It was worse on the occasions when they met up to play one-on-one soccer, because then Changmin saw Minho in all his masculine glory. He was so strongly affected by Minho that there were times he had to walk off the field to try to clear his head.

It wasn’t right, wasn’t natural. Changmin tried to avoid Minho to make the feeling go away, but he gave in every single time Minho asked him to come over to hang out, making all his efforts in vain. He couldn’t help it. Minho’s puppy eyes were too hard to resist, and he hated that he couldn’t.

He knew how Minho felt about men liking other men, and he used to feel the same way (not as strongly as Minho, but he really hadn’t liked the idea of men liking other men). But that didn’t stop his growing attraction. Sometimes, he thought about it so much that he started to feel slightly nauseated.

The third time Changmin ever saw Minho in a dress, he was knocking on Changmin’s door at 3 am and he was dressed in party clothes. He had mascara stains and tear marks all down his cheeks, and his wig was askew and he had a split lip. Changmin didn’t even have to be told to know what had happened. He didn’t say a word as Minho came in and hugged him tightly. The fury rose so unexpectedly that it caught Changmin off guard.

    “Who did this?” he asked between clenched teeth. No matter what people chose to dress in, it wasn’t an excuse to beat the out of them for it. Minho’s tears started again, and he clamped on tighter.

    “No, you don’t have to anything. I’m a man, I can handle this--,” Changmin’s eyes softened when he heard the slightly hysterical tone Minho had used. He put his hands on Minho’s shoulders, and smiled. It was weak, but it was all he could manage. His heart was beating so hard and so loud, he wondered if Minho could hear it where he was standing. He was so angry at whoever had done this to Minho.

And just like he’d been er punched in the gut, the anger drained out of him, and was replaced entirely by a sudden dawning of understanding. His breath was knocked out of him, and he turned away, making an excuse about going to get a beer for Minho. He really hoped that Minho hadn’t seen the realization in his eyes. The realization that he had gone way beyond feeling physically attracted to Minho. He was in love with Minho.

He loved the way Minho was competitive, and the gleam he would get in his eyes whenever they played soccer. He loved the way Minho could be so awkward, trying to impress his friends with his nonexistent skills. And how he could be so cute… in the most unmanly way possible.

They sat sipping on beer and quietly talking about nothing in particular when Changmin blurted out the question that had been in his head since the last time he’d seen Minho in the subway.

    “Minho, why do you go out in public dressed in women’s clothes if you’re ashamed of it?” Minho twisted in his seat to face Changmin. His expression was unreadable. “I mean… Especially if things like this happen to you,” he finished lamely, trying to fill the suddenly incredibly awkward silence. Minho sighed, and set his beer on the coffee table in front of him.

    “I guess… It’s for the thrill,” Minho admittedly slowly. “I get a rush from dressing up like a woman, and people not being able to tell that I’m really a man. I feel… accomplished.” He nodded, like that made sense. It didn’t to Changmin, but he accepted the answer anyway. He patted Minho on the shoulder, silently thanking him for even answering such a personal question anyway.

A few hours later, when he was finally alone in his apartment, he buried his head in his hands and thought about calling his brother to ask for advice. His brother wasn’t the kind of person who would laugh at him, especially if he knew it was a serious matter. In the end, his fingers scrolled through his contacts, and stopped at the one person who’d always been there.

    “Yunho-hyung…, I need some help,” and as if it wasn’t embarrassing enough, Changmin felt tears start choking him. “I’m in love with a man, and I can’t stop it.”

Yunho hadn’t been much help. He’d told Changmin in so many words that this was something he would have to figure out on his own. Deep down, Changmin knew that Yunho was right, but at the moment, he resented Yunho for not being able to help him.

It wasn’t even a month later when Minho announced proudly that he’d gotten a girlfriend. Her name was Eunsook and when Changmin met her, his heart was ripped to shreds. She was a nice girl, who was wholly undeserving of the resentment Changmin felt for her. The first time he saw her face, he had to look closely before he realized that no, it wasn’t Onew in drag. He shot a curious glance to Minho, but it seemed like Minho had never even noticed that Eunsook looked a lot like his best friend.

Onew noticed, of course. He was having a party the day he met her and when he finally, actually laid eyes on Eunsook, he looked a little green. Changmin had to bite his lips (hard) to keep an inappropriate laugh from escaping. The expression on Onew’s face was just priceless. For the rest of the night, every time Minho glanced his way, Onew would look away like he hadn’t seen Minho looking at him.

Changmin was in the kitchen talking to Onew’s extremely sarcastic neighbor Kyuhyun when Minho dragged him away rudely. He felt his chest ache when he noticed how good Minho looked in his clothes.

    “Do you know why Onew is avoiding me? It’s really starting to piss me off,” Minho ran a hand through his short hair frustratedly. Changmin sighed, and decided to tell the truth. Honesty is the best policy, and all that.

 Mistake. Big mistake.

    “Because.. dude. You can’t tell me you haven’t noticed that Eunsook looks just like a chick version of Onew. It’s weird for him, you know? It’s kinda like you like him or something,” Changmin didn’t expect the punch to his face, and he fell to the floor in a sprawl. He held his hand to his cheek and he glared up at Minho.

    “Are you suggesting that I’m gay?” the fury in Minho’s voice made it almost unrecognizable. Changmin slowly got up off the floor, feeling anger and pain radiate from his chest into his limbs. His fists clenched.

    “Maybe I am! Since.. I mean, you do like dressing up in women’s clothing. I dunno, that seems to me like there might be something wrong with you. Some unresolved issue like Mommy running away or some bull like that,” Changmin sneered. He really didn’t mean those words, he was just so angry. And he wanted to hurt Minho in the worst way possible. Minho growled and balled up his fists. Changmin squared his shoulders, and braced himself for a fight. But before they started all out brawling, a feminine voice broke the tension completely.

    “What?” both Changmin and Minho’s head sharply turned to see Eunsook standing in the doorway, looking confused. “What did he say, Minho-yah? You dress in women’s clothing?” Minho glared furiously at Changmin before he turned and walked over to Eunsook. When he tried to hold her hands, she stepped backwards out of his grasp. “Were you ever going to tell me?” He spluttered and stammered, trying to come up with an answer, but Eunsook turned and ran before he could manage to say anything. He glanced back hatefully at Changmin.

    “This isn’t finished,” he hissed. “Not by a long shot.” Changmin scoffed.

    “Looking forward to it,” he shot back before he left the room and headed for the kitchen, for the relief he knew alcohol would give him. 

Single-handedly, Changmin had just ruined 2 relationships. The guilt of that realization started settling in, and he drank shot after shot, back to back, of anything he could get his hands on. Light and dark liquor went in his stomach regardless of the consequences. By the time Minho came back to the party, without Eunsook, Changmin was so drunk he literally couldn’t see straight. He saw doubles of Minho in front of him any way he looked.

    “Mmiinnhooo,” he slurred. “I’m sssorryyy aabout Eunnssssook.” He frowned heavily. “Ssshee didn’t desserrve you anywaaayy.” He looked up, and he sighed when he noticed what appeared to be a halo around Minho’s head. “Yyou’rre toooo pprettyyy forrr herrr.” He busted out laughing, and didn’t notice the look of disgust on Minho’s face. “I’mm iinnn lovvve with you Mminhooo,” he sang happily, and when he looked up to see Minho’s reaction, Minho was gone.

~~

The next morning, Changmin woke up soaking wet in Jinki’s bathtub. He got up slowly, checking for injuries. When he found none, he sighed in relief. He walked out of the bathroom and stepped gingerly around all the broken bottles and smashed beer cans.

He felt horribly guilty for his actions last night. Getting so drunk he didn’t remember anything past… His fists grasped tightly onto the counter top. Past when he confessed his love to Minho.

To get his mind off his horribly-timed, unwanted confession, Changmin grabbed a trash bag out of the cabinet above the stove and started picking up all the beer cans and broken glass bottles. By the time Jinki stumbled out of his bedroom, Changmin had already bagged up all of the trash in his apartment and cooked them both something to eat.

Jinki stared, dumbfounded, and then looked at Changmin with questions in his eyes. Changmin shrugged.

    “I needed to take my mind off some things,” Onew nodded in understanding and sat down at the kitchen table. They ate quietly, barely speaking. When they finished, and Onew had washed the dishes, he sat across from Changmin and cleared his throat.

    “So… Would you mind telling me why Minho ran out of here last night like he was possessed by a demon? Twice, I might add,” Changmin’s cheeks darkened with guilt.

    “I..,” he swallowed hard. “I ed things up between Eunsook and Minho. He.. he has a secret, that I discovered completely by accident by the way, and when we were fighting last night I threw it in his face.. And Eunsook overheard.” Onew patted him on the shoulder, but Changmin couldn’t help noticing he seemed relieved. Changmin couldn’t say he blamed him, considering the circumstances. “And the second time?” Oh god. Changmin hid his face, trying to avoid the truth.

    “The second time, I was drunk and admitted that I’m in love with him,” he was proud that his voice didn’t quaver or break once. When he looked back up, Onew was looking at Changmin with an incredibly sad expression.

    “I’m sorry,” he said softly and Changmin’s expression changed into one of puzzlement.

    “For what?” Onew sighed and turned the mug of coffee in his hands restlessly.

    “I know what it’s like to be in love with someone who’s as homophobic as Minho,” his voice was full of misery. Changmin gasped, feeling shocked. He’d never known that Onew liked men.

    “Does Minho—“ “No,” Onew interrupted. “No, Minho doesn’t know that I like men. And obviously.. It’s a bad idea to tell him. So if you could keep this between us, I would appreciate that immensely,” Changmin agreed readily. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to,” Changmin quickly replied. “Seriously.. It’s okay.” Onew shook his head.

    “It’s fine,” he insisted. “His name is Joon. He and I used to work together. And.. I made the same mistake you did. I told him how I felt. He never even gave me a chance before he beat the out of me. Broke 3 of my ribs, and fractured my collarbone.” Changmin’s eyes widened in horror.

    “Oh my god.. Onew. I’m so sorry,” he said sympathetically. Onew waved him off.

    “It was almost 4 years ago now, what’s done is done,” he stared Changmin down. “I just wanted you to know that I know. I get it.” Changmin swallowed a sudden lump in his throat.

    “Thanks, Onew,” his voice was roughened from the effort of remaining dry-eyed. “I’d better go and talk to Minho. I owe him that after last night.” Onew nodded.

    “As far as I know, he went home last night. But just in case he’s not there.. you might want to check the bakery across the street from where he lives. He goes there when he’s not feeling well.” Changmin thanked him and left in a hurry.

As it turned out, Minho was in the bakery. That gave Changmin some clue as to how Minho was feeling, so he approached cautiously.

    “Minho.. I’m sorry about last night,” Minho jumped about a foot in the air when he heard Changmin’s voice from behind him. “I shouldn’t have said the things I said.” Minho’s shoulders were quivering they were so tense.

    “Even.. even the confession?” the words had so much venom in them that Changmin involuntarily recoiled. He felt like he’d just been punched through, leaving him with a hollow spot where his heart should be.

    “No, I don’t regret that,” Changmin whispered. “Not even for a second. Because it felt good to let you know how I felt. Even if you’ll never feel the same way, even if you don’t ever want to talk to me again. It felt good to finally accept it.” Minho stood up and faced Changmin with so much hatred in his expression that Changmin took a step back.

    “Get out of my sight,” he hissed, clearly not wanting to draw attention to them. “If I ever see you near me again, I won’t hesitate to beat the living out of you.” Changmin had no doubt at all in his mind that it was true, so he left the bakery feeling absolutely miserable.

He had just sat down on a nearby park bench and was thinking of what an awful person he was when a white paper bag was shoved in his face. He looked up to be met with the sight of Onew, and he took the bag in a daze.

    “How’d you know I was here?” Onew shrugged.

    “I was in the bakery when the confrontation with Minho happened. I knew he’d be there, so I went ahead of you to talk him out of punching you at first sight.” Changmin was deeply touched by Onew’s consideration. Never minding the white paper bag, he flung his arms around Onew and cried the tears he hadn’t allowed earlier.

When he’d cried himself out, Onew took Changmin by the hand and led him back to his apartment. He could only stand so much silence on the walk back.

    “Onew… Why are you doing this for me? Shouldn’t you be back there with Minho, trying to calm him down some more, and helping him find Eunsook?” At the mere mention of the girl, Onew looked nauseated.

    “No, Changmin, I don’t think so. You need me more than he does right now, and besides… I want to be there for you the way no one was there for me after Joon,” Changmin squeezed his hand tightly to show his support.

    “Thank you, then,” he looked at Onew with all the sincerity he felt. “Thank you so much for being here with me.” Onew’s shy, answering smile was worth a thousand words and Changmin felt a sudden warmth in his stomach. Really looking at Onew for the first time, Changmin couldn’t help noticing just how attractive his friend really was. He squeezed Onew’s hand back and replied with an equally shy smile. He was uncertain of what might happen in the near future, but with Onew’s support, he felt that it might not be so bad.
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LOOOOOOOL WTF, CHEESEBALL ALERT. orz Yeah, that ending is awful. Sorry about that.

~~

Til next time, loves. ^.~