Diary Entry Four | Target Practice

Sometimes I wish...

Today was a hard day. It was one of those days as a teenager that can only simply be called a 'bad day' and what an utterly resentful day it was too, one which matched Jessica's mood completely. She was resentful that the girl, Hyuna, who sat across from her during class and whisper words of tease about her. Her smug smile and attitude like she was better than everyone else. She was resentful of hierarchy and how the 'cooler' much more popular people thought they could look down on the 'nerds', the 'freaks', the 'outsiders', people like her. More importantly, she began to grow resentful of herself.

... that I was pretty, so I wouldn't be made fun of.

The smug girl across the room was a pretty one but her personality didn't match up with her face. As the result of this Jessica did not think she was pretty at all. She always knew that this girl had something against her that she could not put her finger on. Even in the previous school they both went to she would pick on her not so slyly on her simplest actions. It got to the point where Jessica thought she could not even breathe to her satisfaction. Jessica had no idea why but finally came to the conclusion it was because she was a nobody. An easy target.

I wish I could be strong and speak up for myself.

How she hated her for it. Yet she never did anything bad in return, she had even returned her planner back to her with a smile when she had left it on the table absentmindedly.

I wish I could be more social and talkative, so people would like me and I would have more friends.

All because she was a nerd? She did not think that was fair. And when she heard her taunting giggles as she talked about her behind her back... it was at that point she would break. That night she walked home solemnly and walked up her room and simply thought. Thinking... Thinking... Thinking... such a simple everyday activity. One we do not even realise we are doing, yet it is one of the most destructive ones we could ever do.

But most of all I just really really REALLY wish...

That night she scrolled onto Facebook and 'Im Yoona' appeared on her timeline. She clicked in curiosity and found herself scrolling through her profile, pictures and messages on her wall. So much love and kind comments. So many 'likes' and praises on her photos. So much activity and friends she had. And it was that night Jessica began to hate herself - looked at herself in the mirror and frowned.

that I could be her.

And even Donghae was not there to cheer her up, because he was too busy with the girl she could only hope to be.

[fifteenth of may two thousand and twelve]

Dear Diary...

Sometimes I wish that I was pretty, so I wouldn't be made fun of. I wish I could be strong and speak up for myself. I wish I could be more social and talkative, so people would like me and I would have more friends. but most of all I just really really REALLY wish... that I could be her.

- Jessica Jung

this was a very spur of a moment chapter I wrote. It's pretty irrelevant to the main plot and it is based on my experience. I know you guys are probably hating me for not putting any romance in but that is coming (relatively) soon, I promise! But this story isn't all about romance, but also more Jessica's experiences with new things in life too. I know you guys want romance soon but from my past experience, I have gotten the same demands and I complied but I found the plot just moved on too quickly and I lost inspiration - I hope you understand! :))