Diary Entry Three | Unrequited

I don't know how long this feeling will last...

Jessica sits by herself at a table outside on the grassy grounds of the school. She munches on her chicken sandwich bit by bit and chews it delicately. Suddenly she sees Donghae from the corner of her eye and instantly her mood perks up.

She smiles and quickly raises a hand and waves towards him and he happily reciprocates with a quick wave back and his usually toothy, cheesy grin plastered on his face.

... because every time I see you, you make me feel like I'm the happiest girl there is. 

She signals him to come over and he nods, complying to her request. One step, two steps, three... and they suddenly stop in their tracks. Jessica is confused but follows his gaze to Yoona sat on a table with a few of her friends Tiffany, Sunny and Yuri. Her sweet smile made another appearance on her pure face as she waves and yells at him to come join them. 
 

But at the same time...

Donghae sends a split second glance towards Jessica. Wordlessly asking for her permission and no sooner did she nod and force a smile on her thin fragile lips. Donghae smiles shortly before joining Yoona and her friends just was a few other guys came over too, Eunhyuk, Siwon, Sungmin and Leeteuk. 
 

... I do not want to feel these feelings.

Jessica observes for a while. Her sandwich still clutched in her slender fingers and the crumbs falling to the wooden surface, her concentration too distracted to even notice the tiny mess she is creating. 

She observses Donghae and Yoona smile, laugh, joke and initiate skinship. They are far too friendly to be just friends. You must be blind or deaf to not know that in fact Donghae and Yoona have been a couple ever since the baseball game last weekend and you must be heartless to not even think they were a sweet couple. 

Jessica herself cannot even bring herself to feel bitter or resentful of Yoona for she is genuinely a lovely personality and has a kindness about her. Her doe like eyes are so sincere when she looks at you as you speak and her smile and pleasant mood is quite contagious. Yoona is simply a beautiful person inside and out. One which is adored by everyone.
 

Because I know, in the end...

It kills Jessica knowing she cannot hate Yoona in any single way. It annoys her that she was feeling so pathetic. It annoys her that she felt so lonely. It annoys her knowing Donghae does not feel the same about her as she does him. 

But when he and Yoona kiss before her eyes.

That does not annoy her.

She cannot possibly feel annoyed by her best friend finding love. 

... I'm just going to be hurt.

[ninth of may two thousand and twelve]

Dear Diary...

I don't know how long this feeling will last, because every time I see you, you make me feel like I'm the happiest girl there is. But at the same time... I do not want to feel these feelings. Because I know, in the end, I'm just going to be hurt.

- Jessica Jung