Donghae's POV

My emotions ran wild as I watched them lowering Heechul hyung's coffin into the ground filled with brown soil. "Hyung!" I cried, "Hyung! Come back! Hyung!!!" Tears were pouring down my face like rain but the pain in my heart only multiplied. I couldn't believe that he.. they left us. Heechul hyung who doted on me as if I was really his younger brother. He was the one who made plans to get us together after knowing that I spent many sleepless night agonizing over my feelings for Hyukjae and was also the one who spent many nights consoling me when I had a fight with Hyukkie. He seen all my tears and pain but why was it that when he was the one in pain, I was unable to help him? Why was I unable to save him?!

Flashback:

I watched helplessly by the side as he wasted away. His face always twisted in pain whenever anything related to Hankyung hyung was mentioned and Hankyung's name quickly became forbidden to mention in front of Heechul hyung. He could not take in any food, not even a mouth of soup and each day he grew skinner and weaker. Time was rapidly running out as the inevitable came closer and closer with the end of every single day. Every night, he screamed and cried in his dreams, curling himself into a tight ball and clenching at his heart where the pain was ripping him into pieces and killing him from the inside. Often, during these episodes, he injured himself through actions such as bitting onto the sides of his lips to keep the pain in until it began to bleed or pulling at his own hair to keep the memories out. It was so serious that Sungmin and Kangin hyung had to hold him down to keep him from further weakening himself. There were also many moments in the day when he would just suddenly space out and tears began flowing down his face uncontrollably. I knew how much he hated people for pitying him and how much he hated making others cry because of him. So, I put on a brave face and smiled and laughed in front of him, hoping to make his last days happier and also perhaps, maybe just perhaps, he could find the will to live on...but I couldn't. I failed. Instead of living out the previous last few days of his remaining life with us, he opted for suicide. He chose death and walked into it without a second thought of us, of me...

End of flashback:

Although I knew that I would have probably made the same decision if hyuk left me just like how Hankyung hyung left Heechul hyung, but I was angry. Angry that Heechul hyung was, as usual, only thinking about himself; angry that he didn't even try to overcome the pain and instead, sunk even further into it until he was forever gone from us; angry at Hankyung hyung for turning a strong person like Heechul hyung for turned into a coward by committing suicide. However, more than anything, I was angry at myself; why didn't I try harder to help share his pain? Why was I unable to help him find the will to live? Why?! Why was it that death is so cruel to take him away from me?! Now, no matter how much I screamed and cried for him, he won't come back to us. He'll never come back to us. He had gone to a faraway place. He was gone. "Hyung!" I cried out for him as they began to cover the two coffins with soil, "Hyung! No, no, no! Hyung!!!!!!!!". The men who were rapidly shovelling soil into the hole dug for the coffins ignored me while Siwon hugged me tighter from the back. Too caught up in my emotions, I didn't ever realize that Hyukkie was not with me. Then, my breath caught as I watched them, it was as if they were moving in slow motion, they scooped up the last pile of sand and dumped it onto Heechul hyung's coffin. It was done. They had buried him and my favorite and beloved hyung was forever lost to me. Suddenly, I couldn't get enough air into my lungs and with a last whisper 'Hyung!', my world went black and I collapsed,