Author's name : snsd_4_suju_:)
Email: [email protected]
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/asianbesties
Desired Reviewer: 2pmvietguh
Anything else.: this is the beginning story of never give up :)

Title: 3.5/5

I don't really like the title. Yet, it does go along with your story, you know, dancing and all. I still believe that you could've chosen a better title though.


Appearance: 9/10

Soft color for the background and poster. The poster pretty much blends in with the background. It's a pretty color, pink(ish). The pictures are nice, and I like that quote, "If you don't break my heart. . . "


Forewords: 9/10

This is a nice foreward. You've summed up your fan fic. The readers will know what to expect in your story. You've acknowledged the main characters and supporting characters; their relationship with the main chracters. As a reader, I woul continue to read this story because of the foreword, no lie.


Plot: 19/20

Hyoyeon and Eunhyuk hate each other. They soon find out that they have feelings for eachother. He doesn't love Yuri, which is a fact. He loves Hyoyeon. So then, Donghae falls for Hyoyeon. He tricks her into becoming his fake girlfriend. On the other hand, Hyuna, Eunhyuk's brother spreads the truth about Hyoyeon being on a scholarship. Taeyeon found out about it. What I liked about Taeyeon's character is that she forgave her friend even though Hyoyeon lied to her for a couple of years. Hyoyeon gets hit by a car. Due to that accident, she's lost some of her memory. She soon leaves for America with Taeyeon and Taecyeon; they will return in 3 years. 3 years later, Donghae and Hyoyeon are together. Donghae proposes to Hyoyeon, and she accepts. Eunhyuk learns about it, and got into a fight with Donghae.- Hyoyeon finally has regained her memory. The wedding day comes, Eunhyuk arrives and objects. He takes Hyoyeon away. It was a good ending, for the two main characters. I always love a good ending. :)

There was still a few things that I was confused about. For example, why does Eunhyuk's parents and sister not like Hyoyeon. I mean, I know that her hanging out with him back then isn't the main reason, right? Maybe I'm wrong.

Originality: 11/15

I don't know, there was sort of a cliche scene/part. The part when Hyoyeon lost her memory. The only person that she has forgotten is the one she loves, Eunhyuk. Other than that, it's an original. (Man, I really wished I could've read this story first before I read the sequel. :( sad for a mere second.


Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 14/25

There was quite alot of grammar/vocabulary mistakes, but I'll just point out some:

Dancing to the beat Hyoyeon fallowed the rhythm, moving her body graceful;(followed / gracefully)

Hyoyeon curled her fist into a ball and decided wither or not. . (whether)

'clearly ferious with Hyoyeon's daring action. . .' (furious)

I've noticed that you use than instead of then alot; mistake.

There room remained the same as it did the last time they were here as a roommate. (their)

You're still learning english. I didn't know. You've put in a lot of effort then-


Flow: 5/5

The story didn't take forever to reach it's , etc. It didn't take off fast either. So, a steady flow.


Writing Style: 9.5/10

Like I've said before on the other review for "Never Give Up", other than your grammar mistakes, your writing style is good.

Total: 80/100