~chapter nineteen~
promise
____________________________________________

when you’re feeling down
and your sky is grey

Kai embraced Mari in a warm hug. He felt on his place. For a few seconds, the time stopped and he wondered why. He patted her head softly, hearing her quiet sobs. He realized that she has always been alone. And when she found him, he became someone important for her. And the same goes for me, Kai thought.

Mari slowly embraced him back, tangling her hands around his waist and leaning on his torso. The boy forgot about the whole world for that short moment, but Sang Hee’s face flashed in his mind, making his heart clench painfully.

“Let’s fix our lives, Mari” he whispered to the red haired. “Let’s fix it. Let’s think together. We can change everything if we want to. But no more secrets. We have to promise that everything that goes from now on will stay between us two”.

Mari nodded simply, agreeing. Her heart was beating very fast.

She hoped that he will say something like this. Maybe this whole time she waited for someone to give her a helpful hand. But how come it was Kai? Someone she didn’t know at all?

She smiled under her nose. It was funny how their ‘relationship’ transformed. She didn’t even know who Kai was for her. She could understand him somehow. She felt as they have some weird connection.

After a while, she pulled away and looked at the ground shyly.

“So? A promise?” Kai asked. “We will support each other. We are complete strangers, but we will. We won’t tell anyone. We will think about this together, but with no commitments. We will try to fix it”.

Mari nodded with a sniffle and pulled her hand out with her pinkie up. Kai pulled his hand up and they made a pinkie promise. After waving it up and down a few times, they didn’t disconnect, but started to walk while holding hands.

It was comfortable and soothing. Kai started at the river, observing the water. He didn’t think about Mari as someone he can fell for; for him, love never existed. But she was his friend. He was somehow connected with her. They were connected, he knew that.

Mari only stared at the stars and wondered how it all will turn out.

~*~

A week passed. They only talked with each other by messaging. Kai got bored with his job, which was usually very pleasant for him. At the end of the week, he wanted to see Mari. To see if she’s all right and how she’s doing.

He went to McDonald’s and bought a lot of food. He then went to her apartment, but first asked if she’s working or not. It turned out that she wasn’t because of the sickness.

Kai frowned, looking at the message from her. Really? She was sick?

When he entered her apartment, he saw tissues everywhere and a mess on every inch of the room. Mari took a step back and hid behind the wall, her hair looking like hay. She had red eyes and nose.

“Sorry, you shouldn’t be here” she said. Kai eyed her.

She got skinnier and she was pale as ever. His heart clenched.

“Y-yah… Have you eaten anything?” he asked with concern and disbelief. “You look…”

Her hands and face were too skinny. She looked really bad.

“I didn’t have time or strength to go to the shop” she answered, yawning. “Don’t worry, I’m used to it”

Kai’s heart clenched again and he frowned with a painful expression. Mari opened her eyes wide.

“Kai, really, don’t worry about that…” she whispered, feeling guilty all of a sudden. She felt so bad for worrying him. But also, she felt so good to know that he’s worried.

It was weird.

“I will cure you” he stated suddenly, pulling out all the food. Mari’s eyes widened immediately and she felt watering.
“You-you…” she whispered, but her lips turned into a wide smile. She looked at him with gratefulness.
“Thank you” she said, taking the food and biting her lip. “I will give you the money, wait…”
“I don’t want to” he said, stopping her from taking the money. “And now sit on the sofa and eat. I will make you a tea” Kai added. Mari stared in the air when he disappeared in the kitchen. She was dumbfounded.

After a few seconds of denying her own hear, she went to the living room and sat on the sofa. She unpacked the food and started eating slowly, enjoying her food. She left most of it for Kai. He came back with a tea he somehow found and a blanket. He wrapped her in it and she took the hot cup.

“Thank you” she whispered, blowing at it. Kai took his hamburger from the bag and the TV.

They simply watched, munching on their delicious food.

“What are you best at?” Kai asked, turning his head at her. Mari wondered.

“Cleaning, cooking… And painting, I suppose” she answered. Kai hummed.
“You once said that you like to paint…” he nodded. “But you don’t have time for that, right?”

Mari nodded in agreement.

“What are you the best at?” she asked back, looking at him and taking a bite of a McNugget.

Kai froze for a second, because he didn’t know.

“I… I used to be good at dancing” he said.
“Why used to?” 
“I don’t dance anymore”
“Wae?”
“I don’t know really. My legs want to dance, but my mind won’t let me”
“Something bad in the past happened that you stopped dancing?”
“I came here to dance at the first place. But well, it didn’t turn right” Kai sighed, ending the topic.
“You know, if you’re good at something and you like it, you should do it”
“The same goes to you” Kai chuckled. “Wae? Don’t you know?”
“But with me it’s different. I don’t have time for that” Mari answered, crushing a piece of paper and a box after the food. She drank some of the tea Kai made for her and leaned her head.
“I’m sorry to hear that” Kai said. Mari sighed. She felt tired and put her head on his shoulder. Kai looked at her, surprised, but didn’t say a word. He ruffled her hair and she smiled.

~*~

“Do you like it?” Sang Hee chimed, showing him a piece of paper with something painted on it. Kai frowned, looked at it from up and down, tilted his head a bit and looked at Sang Hee again.
“Um… what is it?” he asked quietly. Sang Hee opened her eyes widely and raised her brows.
“Ugh” she only said, disappointed and pissed, and turned away from him. Kai panicked.
“Wawawait, I know, I know what this is! I’m just joking!” he shouted, grabbing her shoulder and taking the painting from her. “That’s a dog. It’s pretty visible”
“It’s a bunny, idiot!” Sang Hee snatched the paper from him and turned away again. Kai laughed and hugged her from back.
“That’s quite a handsome bunny!” he chimed, pulling her up. Sang Hee laughed.
“Okay, okay, I understood” she said. He put her on the ground and she turned to him.
“You’re a terrible artist” Kai said, chuckling. He quickly started laughing loudly. Sang Hee smacked his arm.
“And you’re a terrible boyfriend!” she shouted, trying to get away from his grip, but he only pulled her closer and kissed her. After a short struggle, she froze and embraced him back, answering for his kiss.

Kai woke up frightened. He was covered with sweat again.

It was four o’clock in the morning and he really was tired of his dreams. He didn’t want these memories.

But an idea showed in his mind.

He wasn’t tired anymore. He went out and after hours of walking through the city, he watched the sunrise from the roof of an old bank eating cupcakes Suho made for him.

Around nine o’clock he went to a particular shop and chose the best things he could find. He took it and went straight to Mari’s apartment. When he stood in front of her doors, she was going out in the same time and jumped when she saw him.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, surprised. Kai showed her the giant package he had for her and she frowned. “What is this?”
“When are you starting your job?”
“In half an hour”
“We will take a bus. Now let me go inside” he said, pushing her to the apartment again. “How’re you feeling?” he asked. Mari nodded.
“I’m good” she smiled.
“Did you eat anything?”
“No” she whispered. Kai pulled out three cupcakes that he had left. Mari took it and frowned.
“Who baked them?”
“My friend who lives with me and Taemin” he answered, going to the living room. Mari started eating and he unpacked the things he bought.

In the moment Mari saw what it was, she froze and the cupcakes almost fell on the floor. She caught it in the last second.

A big easel with three canvases was now standing in her room. Kai pulled out a lot of paints and brushes. She started at it with slightly opened mouth and couldn’t say a word.

Kai smiled at her reaction.

“I can’t…” she whispered.
“Yes you can” Kai answered, going closer to her. “It’s a gift. For your birthday”
“I was born in July…”
"Good to know..." Kai mumbled to himself on the side. “Doesn’t matter, it’s a gift for the next year!”
“You probably spend all your money on that!”
“I don’t have anything more interesting to buy. I only buy food and pay the bills. So I could as well buy you something that you will be happy to have”

Mari stared at Kai and couldn’t figure him out. He stared back and she took his hand in both of her hands suddenly, squeezing it lightly.

“Thank you” she said softly, her starry eyes sparkling. Kai let himself get drown by them and smirked, but he was glad that she liked it.

Something in him got revived. Some aspect that he forgot about a long time ago.

He ruffled Mari’s hair and she giggled like a little child, not being able to hold back her happiness. She couldn’t wait to start painting.

He already made her life so much colorful. But was she any support for him?

“Kai” she said. He looked down at her and hummed. “What do you want the most in the world?”
“I want to forget about the past” he answered as simply as he could. But it wasn’t a simple task.
“But you can’t forget. Past is important. It’s meant to guide us”
“What should I do then?” he asked, listening to her with attention.
“Let’s start to fix your memories and every aspect of your life” Mari said.

Kai started at her with wide, curious eyes.

“But after work” Mari said, smiling. Kai scoffed and laughed loudly.

~*~

“Why do people always return to their past? Why is it so hard to let it go?” Kai asked, looking at his hot chocolate. Suho leaned on the counter, looking at him. They were in a café where Suho worked.
“You know, like… Why do they want so badly to go back to the past?” he wondered. Suho blinked slowly. “And why do we want to see the people or be with the people what have no connection to the present already? Is it really so hard to let them go?”
“Are you going to ask me questions about the sense of life too?” Suho teased. Kai on his teeth and smacked his head.
“Yah. I’m serious” he said, pouting.
“What are you talking about?” Luhan asked, peeking from behind of Suho’s back.
“Go to work!” Suho and Kai shouted at the same time. The boy opened his eyes widely and laughed warmly, going back to his duty.
“Past is an important thing” Suho said. Kai saw Mari’s face in front of his eyes. “Sometimes the past seems better that the present, but because it is seen like that, we can’t focus on the present and it becomes boring and meaningless. And… you know, a one wise man said this one thing: that the reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be”.

Kai opened his eyes widely.

“Who said it?”
“His name was Marcel, but I don’t remember his surname…” Suho hummed in wonder.
“How come I’ve never read it?” Kai asked in disbelief.
“Also” Suho interrupted him. “Sometimes, my dear dongsaeng, we miss the memories, and not the person”.

Kai looked up slowly, to see Suho smiling lightly.

“I’m going to work” his hyung said, ruffling his hair. Kai stared in the air for more than a minute.

~*~

Have you paint anything yet?

Mari received this message and smiled. She looked at the canvas.

When she started painting it, she forgot about the whole world. Now she wondered why she chose this animal to paint anyway. But she was still proud.

She took a photo of a stag painted with green, blue, orange, yellow, pink, purple and red. It was her first painting after a long time. She send it to Kai and waited for his reply. She was a bit nervous of what he will say, but smiled at his message.

It’s beautiful! How did you do that?!

She laughed and waved her legs in the air, since she was sitting on a sofa.

I don’t know. I just painted.

I want to paint a human though.

She waited for his reply again, but scoffed when she saw it.

Should I be your model? （｀ー´）

The red haired laughed and didn’t answer. She remembered that she has to go working again and started to pack her things.

Her phone buzzed again and she saw another message from Kai.

It really is beautiful.

She smiled under her nose, warmth spreading in her heart and body.

She was glad that he thought so.

~*~

Kai visited her one day and when he saw the paintings she managed to paint, he was stunned. Every and each one of them was beautiful and interesting. She could paint anything, from animals to some abstract and surreal things that he couldn’t recognize at first. She was using all the colours and mixing it, splashing it on the paper or on the canvas.

“Yah” he said after thinking a lot. “Do you think that you could sell them?”

Mari frowned and glanced at her painting. She scoffed.

“Hah, no” she answered simply.
“No, really. I would buy them”

Mari looked at him with curiosity.

“You would?”
“Yeah. We will see what we can do” Kai said, smiling. “Do you have any paintings that you want to keep for yourself?”
“Yeah. Four or five maybe”
“They we will leave them. But the rest, we will sell it”
“You don’t know if they can be sold”
“I think that they can”

Mari shut . He looked so self-confident when talking about it.

“Oh, and I want to keep the first paint you painted” he added with this characteristic smirk he had.
“That stag?” Mari asked.
“Yup”
“Sure” she said shyly, looking on the floor.

Kai smiled.

~*~

When Kai woke up, he heard Taemin’s voice in the kitchen. When he entered it, his best friend was talking on the phone. He looked worried and it was weird to see him like that. Kai creeped beside him and poked his shoulder, making his hyung jump.

Taemin pointed his finger up as he wanted to tell Kai to wait a minute and listened to the other person on the line. He was nodding constantly, but he was annoyed.

“Of course, I understand. Thank you, have a nice day” he finally said and disconnected with a growl. “Sorry Kai” he said, throwing his cell phone on the counter.
“Something happened?” Kai asked, frowning.
“Not really. I’m just mad”
“It’s rare to see you mad”

Taemin smiled and patted his shoulder.

“Don’t worry. It’s not something I need to talk about and all this stuff”

Kai nodded simply and poured himself some water. Taemin observed him, leaning on the counter.

“You know” he said. Kai hummed, taking out some bread to make toasts. He the toaster and put the bread inside. “You look happier and well-rested lately”

Kai would choke if he was drinking something. He turned at his hyung, making a face.

“Bwoh?” he mumbled, his eyes wide. Taemin laughed at him and shook his head.
“Nothing!” he answered playfully and literally ran out of the kitchen, jumping lightly with every step. Kai shook his head with disbelief. He gazed at the toaster.

Was he really happier?

He jumped suddenly when the toasts popped out; it always scared him, even when he knew that the bread will pop out any second. He got a mini heart attack and took them out.

After eating and taking a shower, he went to work and after, he visited Xiumin at the bakery. He got to see his parents and they ended up talking till the sun went down. He drank like three cups of tea and ate four pieces of cake. Xiumin was stuffing all the kind of food that was available too and Kai laughed at him.

He looked like a bun earlier, but with all these cakes inside his mouth…

“Xiumin” he said, when he was going out already. “Do you have any leftovers I can take?”
“For Taemin?” the boy asked, cleaning the counter and looking around the shop in the same time. “Yeah, there’s always something left. I have fruit tart and chocolate muss. Three pieces of each”
“I will have it then” Kai said, pulling out his wallet. Xiumin chuckled.
“It’s on me” he said, making Kai’s heart squeeze with thankfulness. Xiumin gave him the cakes with a wide smile on his face.

~*~

When Kai went to Mari’s house, she was sleeping. He waited for ten minutes before she answered his call and appeared in the doors with ruffled hair and a light blush on her cheeks.

Kai almost blushed himself; he didn’t even know why.

“I brought cake” he said simply, coughing lightly. Mari’s eyes got wide and she beamed.
“You’re the best” she said, taking the box from him with pure happiness. Kai smiled. She went in and he followed, closing the doors behind. He took off his jacket and went to the kitchen. Mari was already pulling out the cakes on two plates.
“I already ate. Leave something for tomorrow for me” he said. She nodded and took a plate for herself.

Kai went to the living room.

Well, he would go there if he would be able to enter.

His eyes widened and he stared in utter shock at the canvas and papers all over the small room. The paintings were literally everywhere; on the floor, on the walls, on the commodes, on the sofa.

And each one of it was colorful and different.

“I’m out of paint already” Mari suddenly chuckled behind him. He turned his head around and looked down at her. It was dark and only a light of small lamp in the corridor was making her eyes and strands of hair visible. He suddenly felt her warmth very strongly and took a step back, almost tripping over the canvas. He somehow regained his control and Mari laughed at him loudly. She was holding a cake in her hand.
“That was the best week” she said, taking a bite and looking around at the paintings. She probably thinks that she will never get the paints again, Kai thought after mentally scolding himself.

The fact was that—he wasn’t as close to any girl since he broke up with Sang Hee. And he suddenly realized that Mari is a girl. And more than that, he was visiting her frequently in her own house and she trusted him to the point she didn’t mind him being here.

What exactly is going on with me?

He went to the first painting and pulled it up. It was a painting of roses. He wasn’t good in describing paintings, but he loved this one.

“Mari” he said seriously. “We have to try”

The red haired frowned at him while munching on her cake.

“Try what?”
“Selling it” Kai smirked.

Mari thought that this expression somehow suited him the most. 

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Yaay I managed to finish the chapter!
I hope that I will be able to update once a week. I will really try hard to do so. 

Thank you for reading!