jealousy
Skinny Love
A quick reminder about previous chapters (since I last updated like two months ago omg I’m so sorry):
- Kai decided that he would like to go to college again, but he still doesn't know what would he like to study.
- He met Tao who turned out to be Mari's friend; he also found out that Jinki, his doctor, is Mari's friend as well.
- Jinki told Mari that Kai is a complicated person and had a lot of ups and downs during the past three years.
- Kai got beat up. He had a flashback about his father beating him and he reacted very violently. He regretted it later.
- Kai didn't want Mari to see him in the state he was in, so he didn't contact her for a few days, which made the girl very nervous and sad.
- When they finally met, Mari admitted that she was scared that he won't talk to her again. Kai hugged her. They made a promise that they won't hide anything from each other anymore.
- Kai found out that Mari likes to paint and one day he bought her canvas and paints.
- Kai got an idea about selling her paintings. He set the date with Xiumin to see if it will go well.
- Someone was chasing Mari again. She almost got attacked by a dog, but she escaped.
- Kai and Mari went to Xiumin's bakery and started selling the paintings.
~chapter twenty-one~
jealousy
____________________________________________
when your days are long
and lonlier than before
Mari stared at two pieces of paper in her hands with disbelief and wide eyes. She couldn't believe that she's holding them; whole 22000 won for just one painting of roses. She heard a chuckle and looked at Kai, who was smiling at her.
"This" she said, stretching her hands out until the money were a few inches away from his face. "This much just for one painting!"
"It's because the painting is pretty" Kai shrugged. "I think that the flowers will be sold the quickest" he added, looking around. There was a pause in their conversation. Kai was yawning widely and Mari was still staring at the money. Eventually the boy on his teeth and slapped her arm lightly.
"It's because the painting is pretty" Kai shrugged. "I think that the flowers will be sold the quickest" he added, looking around. There was a pause in their conversation. Kai was yawning widely and Mari was still staring at the money. Eventually the boy on his teeth and slapped her arm lightly.
"Stop staring at it so intensively, it will burn" he said, making Mari raise her brow and laugh.
Kai really liked to look at her smiling face. It was because it was rare. It was rare to see her honestly smiling, and today she was smiling really brightly. She was happy because of some twenty dollars. She pulled out her wallet from the bag and put the money there, but suddenly jerked her head and looked at the boy with big, questioning eyes.
"The half should be yours" she stated. Kai frowned.
"What? No..."
"Yeah, definitely! You paid for the paints!" Mari said, standing up. Kai followed her until she disappeared around the doors to the bakery. He couldn't figure out what she wanted to do. She was back after a minute, holding four bills.
"Here" she said, pulling out 11000 won. She exchanged the money with Xiumin so she could get smaller bills.
"I don't want the half" Kai said, crossing his arms on his chest.
"You have to. That's for helping me. And I have to give you back for buying the paints"
"I told you that it was a Christmas present!" Kai chuckled. "Sit down Mari and don't worry about it"
The red haired stood there for a few more seconds until somebody stopped in front of the paintings. She took a step back to give them a good view. It was a mother with a small child eating a lollipop.
"How much is it?" the mom asked.
"This one is 15000 won" Kai answered, nodding. Mari awkwardly hid the money in the pocket of her coat.
"What a shame I didn't bring my wallet today" woman said, sighing.
"We can just leave this one for you Ahjumma" Kai answered and smiled. Mari watched the mother praised Kai and had a feeling that she will jump on him any second to hug him and pet him like he's a little child, she was so charmed by him. In the end they talked for five minutes about the weather, about kids and, surprisingly, about the shoes. Kai seemed to get along with her very well. After she went away, Mari sat on the bench beside the boy.
"And you say that you're bad with people" she scoffed. Kai glanced at her. "Also, I insist that you should take half of the money" she quickly added. Kai rolled his eyes and growled.
"You are such a pain in the !" he said and made a face. He pulled out his hand. "A quarter!" he almost shouted. Some man on the street looked at him, surprised. Mari grinned at him and pulled out the money. She counted and gave him the right amount. She was satisfied as ever. Kai scoffed at her and snuggled in his seat.
They were sitting in silence for the next ten minutes. A few people passed by, four visited the bakery, but no one bought anything. Mari was looking in the air with a slight pout. It was getting colder with every minute, but it wasn't snowing and the wind wasn't blowing too hard, so it was quite peaceful.
"You know" Kai said. "I've been thinking of going to college again". Mari focused her attention on him. "I just don't know what I want to do"
The red haired hummed and waved her leg.
"You should choose something that you like or you're good at" she said.
"As if it was that easy" Kai sighed. After a while, there was a sudden change in his voice and he almost sounded excited. "Like, really, I have no idea what should I study. There's no way I'm coming back to medicine. I'm bad at drawing and math, so architecture is one of the worsts courses"
"Is there only medicine and architecture in this world?" Mari asked, chuckling. Soon, her curiosity kicked. "Wait, you've studied medicine before? I thought that you were a dancer?"
"I was studying medicine in my home town" he said quietly. "But very briefly"
Girl nodded in understanding. She also knew that Kai told her his another secret, which was probably quite difficult for her.
"When I was a child I wanted to become a dancer at first" she said. "A ballerina to be exact. A lot of girls want it, but I really dreamt of it. I was dancing in the room, when I was going to school, everywhere. But I quickly figured out that there's no one worse at dancing than me. I couldn't even keep my balance and I was stumbling upon my own feet" she chuckled. "Soon after that, I was often staying home alone. Out of boredom I started to draw and paint. I learned how to do it by myself. Everybody were telling me that I should become an artist. I liked it, but I didn't like people telling me what to do". Kai laughed at that and she looked at him with a smile. She played with her fingers a bit. "What I'm trying to say is that... Sometimes we don't see our talents. Or we don't use our real talents because of somebody else. Which is the worst thing we can to" she finished. Kai stared at her.
Sometimes he wondered if that girl knew everything about him. He wondered if she can read his mind. She always seemed to give him advices out of nowhere that somehow matched with the situation he was in. That somehow tangled with his past or his experiences, or memories. He almost laughed.
"You really can't dance at all?" he asked just to keep the conversation going. He also hoped that he will get something out of her.
"Not. At. All" Mari said, shaking her head. "I'm a terrible dancer. In fourth grade I was dancing with a boy named... Taejun? Well, I was supposed to dance with him, but on the first practice I almost broke his leg. He ended up with a twisted ankle and I ended up as the only person in class who's not going to dance in the show" she explained. She suddenly covered her eyes. "Gosh, this is so embarrassing"
Kai laughed quietly, but sincerely. He sniffled.
"You were a child, most of the children are really clumsy. I bet that you can dance fine now"
"You wouldn't like to find out"
"You are fine with balancing on the roofs of the buildings! So what can be so hard about dancing for you?" he laughed again.
An old lady came and started to examine the paintings. They both bowed to her and greeted her. She pulled up the painting of some abstract trees.
"My son loves this kind of things" she said with a wide smile. "How much is it?"
"This one is 30-"
"It's 15000 won" Mari interrupted Kai, smiling back.
"Omo! It's really cheap!" the lady said. "I would like to buy it" she added, satisfied. She paid and Mari gave her the painting. When the lady was away, Kai questioningly looked at the red haired.
"Wae? It cost twice as much" he said. Mari sat down.
"She had a really worn-out bag"
"So?"
Mari looked him in the eyes.
"She's quite poor. She just wanted to buy a present for her son" she said.
Kai frowned, but didn't say a word. Maybe she could recognize poor people. He thought about it for a second. She herself was poor, but he has never seen her in dirty or worn-out clothes. He wondered why. But lately he noticed that she's wearing the same clothes all the time, she just wears them in many sets. That's why she looked like she was wearing something new every day. Kai considered it as very admirable.
Mari gave him a quartet of the payment again.
"I'm fine with running on the roofs, but in dancing you have to have a sense of rhythm. I don't have one. And my legs are both left" she returned to the topic of the dancing. She could remember what Kai told her about his passion for dancing and to be honest, she wanted to make him dance again. She didn't have a plan yet, but she was in the middle of making it.
"That's the most stupid saying ever, I never understood it" Kai laughed. He was quite stiff, Mari noted. She looked at him with sadness. He looked away to avoid her stare and leaned on his hand.
He closed his eyes. Talking about dancing was painful; he could almost immediately hear the music in his head. Especially this one song that he Sang Hee once liked to dance to. He suddenly found it funny. The song was about the last show and about falling asleep before even finishing the performance.
Mari woke up from a dream. A thin layer of sweat covered her. Her eyes were maniacally searching for any source of light, her limbs woke up and her body tried to rip away from the numbness and stiffness of a dream.
Panic washed onto her body. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so scared and so bad. From every corner of her room she should see faces and hands reaching out for her. She could hear the familiar sound of steps following her and the sound of her bones getting broken. She shot out from her bed, stumbling upon her feet and making her way towards the small bathroom. When she finally reached it, she closed the door and switched on all the lights together with a fan. She was scared to look in the mirror. She was scared that she will see somebody else and not herself. She only the water and dipped her face in the sweet, velvet coldness.
The day of the payment was close.
Mari was used to running away and being scared of the time. But she never admitted to herself that she was terribly scared of anything that reminded her of running away. Once in a while she would get those little panic attacks and fear would flow into her. Right from the start, when they started to get money from them, she couldn't get rid of that terrible fear. The closer it was to meeting the men in black, the more scared she was and the scarier were her dreams getting. To the point that her imagination would rave at night.
~*~
"Thanks a lot, hyung" Kai said, high-fiveing his friend. The older boy smiled and shook his head.
"No big deal" he answered. "I don't have anything else to do today anyway"
"Part of the money you will earn will go to you of course. But don't worry if you won't earn anything"
"Well, that would be depressing" Luhan scratched the back of his head and laughed dryly. He agreed to sell Mari's paintings. "But you know, those paintings are really good. Do I know the person who paints them?"
"No, I don't think so..." Kai mumbled. "Her name is Mari?" he added. Luhan shook his head.
"Don't know her" he answered. "Well, I've been searching for some kind of a poster to my room since I painted it... But as I look at these, I think that a watercolour painting would be even better"
"You have something in mind?" Kai asked with curiosity.
"Um... No, not really. I would like it to be some kind of a building maybe. Eiffle Tower? Something like that. And the paint would kind of... drip from it"
Kai hummed.
"I can just ask Mari to paint you something like this"
Luhan turned at him with wide eyes.
"Really? Are you that close to her?"
"Quite close, yeah"
Luhan smiled suddenly. He looked like an angel. Lately he dyed his hair white and in the whole snow he looked like a Snow Prince.
"So that's why you're so energetic lately" he said, nodding. "I'm happy for you"
"We're not going out" Kai made a grimace and took a step back as in disgust. The older boy laughed.
"Yeah, yeah"
"We're not!"
"But she makes you kind of happier right?" Luhan gave up. Kai gave him a quick glance and looked in the sky.
"Yeah, I guess" he said, small clouds puffing from his lips.
For the next week he didn't hear from Mari. He called her many times, but she wouldn't pick up. He also visited her two times, but she was out. He knew that she was because her friends told him. At least he knew that she's safe.
"She's really busy lately. Quite nervous too" Myungsoo told him when he came for the second time. Kai eyed him up and down. The boy did the same, but they didn't say a word to each other anymore. Myungsoo knew that there's something going on in Mari's life and he knew that Kai knew. But it wasn't his business.
Kai spend the evenings with Taemin, watching movies. But it got lonely and quiet. Christmas were right around the corner; he wanted to go shopping. He wanted to buy Mari new paints, a music CD for Taemin and a new apron for Suho. It was their tradition to buy an Apron for Suho every year and this year it was his turn.
But Mari's quietness was driving him crazy.
~*~
Kai woke up from his phone ringing. At first he growled and decided to ignore it, but he glanced at the screen and saw Mari's number. He couldn't remember the last time he got up so quickly.
"Hello?"
"Hi" she chimed. Her voice was weak. "I'm sorry I didn't contact you, I was busy. Like... really busy"
"Yeah, I can imagine" Kai said awkwardly and quietly. He leaned his elbows on his knees and pinched his nose. He rubbed his eyes, trying to wake up properly. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine"
But he knew that she wasn't fine.
"We're going to sell paints tomorrow right?" he asked with a smile. He heard that specific sound of air breathed out and he knew that she smiled too.
"Yep" she answered. "But today I have a thing to do"
"Good luck then" Kai said.
"Thanks. Have a nice day Ahjusshi"
Kai laughed and felt his heart getting warm. Mari disconnected and he stared at the screen for another five seconds. He then stood up and stretched out.
Hearing her voice after a week was refreshing and he suddenly found himself in a good mood. It surprised him. Just a few words from her and he was already happier. He was actually happy to wake up. He wanted to see her already.
That wasn't normal for him, but it was amazing.
~*~
"What are you doing on Christmas Eve?" Kai asked Mari. They were eating steamed buns in front of Xiumin's bakery and chatting. Mari swallowed a bite of the sweet bun and turned at him.
"I will probably spend it with Jinki" she answered.
"Really?" Kai asked with disbelief. "Just the two of you?"
"Of course not. He's inviting his parents, his wife will be there and his kids too"
Kai choke on his food. Red haired glanced at him and wanted to pat his back, but he stopped her from doing so.
"He has kids?"
"He's an adult man, what do you expect?" Mari chuckled.
A group of ladies passed by and one of them stopped to see the paintings. Suddenly the whole group started fangirling over them and Mari couldn't believe that people really liked her paintings. In the end they managed to sell five of them. She was sitting and staring at the money again.
"That's just unbelievable" she stated.
"By the way" Kai said, sitting down and ignoring her weird behavior. "My friend asked if you can make a big paint for him. He want you to use watercolors to make it a bit..."
"Softer? I like it when the paint is falling on the canvas... It's as if rain has touched it" she finished for him. Kai blinked.
"Uh... Yeah" he said.
Mari started to look around out of boredom. Suddenly, she spotted a tall boy with white headphones on his neck. He was smiling to some selling lady on the street, showing his cute dimples. When she saw him, he felt happier and at ease right away. Her heartbeat increased, because she haven’t seen him in quite a long time and he was one of the people who could always make her feel better about everything. She stood on her toes with a wide smile.
“Lay!” she shouted. The boy turned his head and when he saw her, he made a surprised face and laughed loudly. He waved and Mari left Kai without a word. The boy opened his eyes with questioning look.
He watched as Mari ran towards the boy with the headphones, who took a few steps towards her and hugged her without hesitation. He then ruffled her hair and looked at her with disbelief. Kai felt his heart drop out of a sudden.
“I haven’t seen you in ages!” Lay said. Mari nodded and giggled.
“Nice to see you too” she said.
The boy pulled Mari close and hugged her again. Once again, Kai's heart squeezed with the feeling he hated the most in the world.
“I missed you” Lay said. The girl looked up at him. “What are you up to today?”
“Working” she said simply, pointing at the paintings.
Lay fixed his headphones and pulled up his hood. It was quite cold today. He never wore warm clothes, even in winter. He took Mari’s hand. They always acted like a couple when being together, but they never had this kind of feelings for each other. They grew up together. Lay was her neighbor. He never asked about her debt or her family. It was easy to be with him.
His hand felt familiar and warm. Like a brother’s hand. The boy looked at the paintings and his eyes widened.
"Those are your paintings! You decided to sell them?" he asked. He wasn't shocked or mad, it looked like he was glad. They went towards the bakery and Kai stood up. "Hey" Lay said to him. "I'm Yixing. You can call me Lay" he said, pulling out his hand to greet him.
"Jongin" Kai said. Mari froze, but her head shot up.
"Wait, what?" she asked. Kai glanced at her.
"What? You thought that Kai is my real name?" he asked. He then scoffed and smirked at her.
She raised her brows.
"Well, you never said otherwise" she said. Kai frowned and shook his head in disbelief.
He was acting like a jerk.
"Um... So... You're helping her with selling the paintings?" Lay asked, playing with Mari's fingers.
"I was the one who convinced her" Kai shrugged, hiding his hands in the pockets of his jacket.
Lay blinked and looked at Mari. The red haired rolled her eyes and looked at Yixing apologetically.
"Well, then I should definitely buy one of them" the boy said.
"If you want one of them then just ask. I will gladly give it to you" Mari smiled widely and hugged his arm. He was warm and soft, she liked to hug him. In the same time, she noticed as Kai rolled his eyes and made a face at their affection.
It was kind of amusing.
"I want this one" Lay said. It was a painting of a girl dancing. It was just a simple, very abstract shape kept in cold colours. "And there's no way you're giving it to me. It's your work and I'm the same customer as anybody else is"
"What? No, Yixing, that's..."
"30000 won" Kai said, grabbing the painting and almost throwing it at Lay. The boy stumbled upon his feet and had to let go of Mari's hand. He shot Kai a look.
"Uh..."
"Kai!" Mari helped her friend to hold the big painting. Kai only smiled.
"Here" Yixing said, giving him the money.
"Wait, don't-" before Mari could stop him from paying, Kai already took the money.
"Well then" Lay said awkwardly. He glanced at Kai and then stretched out his hands at Mari. The girl made a cute face that literally drove Kai crazy for a short second. Before he knew, he suddenly squeezed between them, covering Mari protectively.
He wasn't sure who is more shocked, Lay or Mari.
"Uh... sorry" he mumbled to Lay, but he didn't move an inch. Mari stared at the back of his head. Yixing took a step back and stared at Kai's confused and apologetic expression. He then glanced at the red haired girl. She fixed her stare on Kai and didn't move an inch from his body. She didn't say a word too.
And Lay understood.
He smiled widely.
"Thanks. I will see you soon Mari. It was nice to meet you Jongin" he said quickly and waved to him. Only when he turned, Mari looked at his back with big, sad eyes.
"I wanted to hug him..." she whispered. She looked up at Kai's wide shoulders. He was so close that she could feel his scent. She slapped his back. "Yah! Jongin Ahjusshi!"
Kai turned to her with somehow lost, but quite angry eyes. Their eyes met and they both blushed suddenly, looking down right away. Both of them felt embarrassed and confused, realizing what has just happened.
Kai scratched his head, but his movement got violent suddenly and he ruffled his hair in frustration and disbelief. He didn't know how could he do something so impolite.
He couldn't believe that he was jealous. More than that, he showed this. And Mari knew.
He coughed and turned away to sit on the bench again. Mari glanced at him. She suddenly felt small and weak after he left. The wind hit her. The spot he was standing on just a second ago breathed with coldness.
She went to him very slowly and sat beside him. She was stiff and couldn't look at him. In the same time, he leaned his head on his palm and stared at the side, mad at himself for feeling this way and acting this way.
"It's okay" Mari said suddenly, playing with her fingers. "I would be jealous too".
Kai jerked his head up and stared at her, blinking from time to time. Mari took a deep breath and finally looked at him. She smiled a bit bitterly and awkwardly, and he looked down again. He coughed - again.
"Yeah" he finally said, swallowing. A small smile appeared on Mari's face.
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Dear Readers, thank you so so much for being patient and waiting for this fic. I'm so happy to know that you like it and that you still want to read it even though the updates are so rare ;_____; I would love to change it, but as for now, school doesn't let me.
Hopefully I will write another chapter today and since I'm not going to school tomorrow, maybe I will be able to write two. I'm just waiting for summer vacation and then I hope that I will update more often.
Please do comment. Your comments often give me inspiration to write. Thank you all for subscribing and reading. It means a world to me!
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