~ chapter one ~
memories
____________________________________________

Come on, skinny love, just last the year
To pour a little salt, we were never here
 

“Have you ever imagined what would happen if we haven’t meet?” the girl asked with a soft, sweet voice, playing with his hair and moving her feet all the time. The boy hummed quietly, focused on her delicate touch and scent. He opened his eyes to see her curious, big ones. Her black hair became silver in the afternoon sun and the wind played with it. The boy smiled warmly, stretching his hand out to touch her cheek. She flushed pink.

“I would probably still be studying medicine… And you would still work in a bar. We would never be here,” he answered.

The girl smiled widely, showing her teeth, visibly pleased with his answer; dimples appeared on her cheeks and he had to stop himself from poking at them. Strands of her hair fell over her shoulders.

“Yeah,” she mused, biting her lip and leaning down to place a soft kiss on the boy’s lips. He hummed again and because of that, she blushed even more. She pushed back slowly, letting the boy taste her lips some more before parting.

“I want to be here forever,” the boy said with a happy, small and private smile, observing the girl carefully. Her lips stretched out in a smile again, but this time it was one of those sad smiles that made him want to hug her with all his might.

“Why are you looking at me like that, Kai?” she asked quietly. “We were never here, were we?” she added, and the boy felt a throb in his heart, the same he felt…

His eyes snapped open and he found himself under the blankets, unable to breathe properly because of the lack of oxygen. He sat up. The first rays of the sun were filtering through the windows.

His head was pounding. Nothing he hasn't experienced before. His sleeping schedule was hectic enough for dark circles under his eyes to became a standard feature on his face. He got out from his room and headed for the kitchen, set on drinking a glass of milk. He started into the air blankly, watching as the sun slowly creeped in between the blinds, filling the kitchen with silver light intensified by the fresh, white snow laying outside. He heard some silent footsteps and he looked up to see Taemin observing him.

“Morning,” the boy said cheerfully.

“Morning,” Kai answered. They were best friends for ten years already, so Kai stopped calling him ‘hyung’ a long time ago.  He was only using it for special occasions (read: when he wanted something Taemin was reluctant to give to him). “Suho still sleeping?” 

“Yep,” Taemin said, popping the 'p' as he poured himself some milk as well. In contrast to Kai, he was already awoken and brisk, his big eyes were shining with life, only his hair were the evidence that he actually slept.

“I have a dance practice in an hour. Want to come and watch?” Taemin asked quietly, turning his back to his friend. Kai felt another throb in his heart, but they were almost undetectable for him already. He shook his head and smiled slightly. "I'll pass," he said before heading for the bathroom.

Taemin watched him carefully and sighed, clenching his fingers around the glass.

His performance was announced. She smiled warmly and squeezed his hand, then kissed each of his fingers. He leaned closer and kissed her forehead.

“Good luck,” she said.

“You are my best luck,” he replied, chuckling. “Wait for me,” he added andran out onto the scene.
 

He got out from the shower and leaned over the sink, staring at his own reflection in the mirror. His oval face was flawless, only his plump lips were a bit cracked. His black hair was messy, but it "gave him some kind of a charm", as his female friends used to say. He never understood that. If not his sad, empty eyes and deep circles under them, if not his unchanged expression and cold attitude, he would be the most popular guy in college. If he would be studying at college of course.

When he got out from the bathroom Suho was already in the kitchen, making them breakfast. Taemin was watching TV, as always in the morning.

“Morning, hyung,” Kai said and Suho smiled at him warmly, with his usual, bright smile. He looked good in a red apron and with a wooden spoon in his hand. He was making scrambled eggs.

“Morning, Kai,” he answered. “Slept well?”

Kai didn’t answer, only glanced at him with a questioning, sarcastic look. Suho and Taemin knew the best that he was suffering from insomnia for two years now. He usually slept in the mornings, or right before the dawn, and even then dreams and memories from his past were tiring him. Because of that, he would take long naps in the afternoons.

He started shoving the curtains away, letting some light into the room. He loved the sun and that’s why he didn’t like winter – in winter the sun was almost invisible, and the sky had that ugly, grey color, completely blank.

Taemin and Suho exchanged glances. The younger one sighed, the older one shrugged and went back to making breakfast.

Kai stood and looked through the window. A small street in front of their house was empty; their yard was covered with fresh, shiny, white snow. Kai wanted to go outside as fast as he could, sit on the bridge above the river and do nothing for the rest of the day. It was what he was doing almost every day after finishing working.

“Come eat,” Suho said, setting the plates on the dining table. Once they sat down Suho and Taemin were chatting freely, smiling and laughing from time to time. Kai was rather silent, but it wasn’t that he didn’t care about their business – he was listening carefully, saying something from time to time and smiling as well. He wasn’t the same cheerful, self-confident person he was in the past (he got quite sarcastic though), but he still liked Taemin’s and Suho’s presence. Their voices were always tearing him away from his memories, both of them were really important for him.

He's known Taemin since they were kids. The older boy was cheerful and energetic most of the time, but also stubborn as hell. Even though Kai was younger than him, he could as much as he wanted to and Taemin would only pout and say that “he’s a hyung”, but wouldn't do anything to stop Kai. Suho they've known for four years. They've met when Kai first came here and he could witness Kai's downfall. Suho was the oldest in their group, so he was the most responsible and caring as well. He was like a big brother, taking care of them both in the same time and never complaining.

Taemin was a dancer. He had dancing practices every day and, what only Taemin, Suho and some of Taemin’s friends knew, he was a trainee in a big entertainment. He always dreamt about becoming a real artist and he was working really hard to fulfill that dream. He was dancing on the streets, sometimes making performances, almost everyone in the city knew him because he was quite popular among the people, not only because of his skills, but because of his looks as well. He had a legit fanclub, mostly made of girls that'd scream out their love for him every day, but Taemin had never actually been in love.

Well, good for him, Kai always thought.

Suho was in college. He was studying architecture and working a part-time job in a small, cozy café near the college. The girls were calling him Coffee Prince. Together with his two friends, Chen and Luhan, they formed the “Sunny Squad” – they were all so cheerful and charming that they became quite popular. People were saying that they got together like this purposely, to bring attention to themselves. Suho, Chen, Luhan, Taemin, Kai, and a few more people – Chanyeol, Kris, Minho, Jonghyun, Sehun – they were all handsome and talented, but really, they just met and became friends. It wasn’t forced, it wasn’t plastic, it was real.

When Taemin and Suho were working hard to fulfill their dreams, Kai was working a part-time job in a library. The books were the second thing in his life beside his friends that could help him forget about the world and reality. In his “previous” life, he would've never read. Now he couldn’t even imagine his life without reading books; he'd spend the most part of the day reading. Working in a library was relaxing, the days were long but not boring. And that was all. He wasn’t studying, he wasn’t even trying to look for a school; he quit college a long time ago only after half a year. He objected to his parents and ran away with the instigation of one person.

He ate half of his meal and was already full. He glanced at Suho, who already knew that look. The oldest boy sipped on his tea.

“Thank you for the meal,” Kai said quietly and stood up.

“Are you working today?” Taemin asked quickly.

“No, I have a day off,” Kai answered with a small grin. “You?”

“Yep, but later,” the dancer drank the rest of his tea. “Right now I have to get to the practice. We can walk together,” he proposed with a wide smile, standing up. “Oh, Suho hyung. Can the guys come over today?” he added and Suho nodded. It was kind of funny how both Kai and Taemin were treating Suho like he was their father.

“Thanks,” Taemin said and ruffled Suho’s hair affectionately.

“I will be in a bit late today, though,” Suho said quickly before the boys could go out. Taemin and Kai looked at him, frowning. “We're looking for new workers, so we will be talking with a few new people.”

Taemin's eyes widened and made a long “uh-oh” sound, which made Kai chuckle.

“Maybe you will finally find yourself a girlfriend,” he said, nodding in agreement to his own comment. Everyone knew that Suho was incredibly nice and kind and that’s why girls were treating him like a brother. An older brother. He had no luck in love. 

“Okay, we are off!” Taemin chimed, saluting to Suho before he could reply. Suho saluted back, munching on his bread gruesomely. Kai and Taemin got out of the house and they shivered almost at the same time when the cold air hit them. Taemin mumbled something, cursing the snow while he tried to get over the piles of it. Kai liked snow. It was soft and light. Clear. So what if it was cold? It was pretty. But Taemin truly hated winter and snow.

“Don’t be late today,” he said to Kai when they finally made their way out onto the street. They crossed it and headed for the malls. There were more people and cars around with every step they took.

“Why?” Kai asked, frowning and checking the hour unconsciously. It was kind of a habit.

“Because the guys are coming!” Taemin said in a 'duh' tone. "You do not want to miss the party."

“Yeah, because I like parties so much," Kai mused, chuckling to himself. Taemin glared at him and shoved him lightly. 

"Just be there," he said. "It's not the same without you." 

"Sure, sure," Kai replied, looking him in the eyes for a short moment. "Have fun on your practice. I'm off."

They waved their goodbyes and Kai left after he saw Taemin entering the dance studio. Then he headed for the bridge. He passed Suho’s café and found himself on the big bridge hovering above the river. Cars were driving past him on his right, and on his left was a barrier. He could see the water from there clearly. He glanced down at it and imagined how it would be to jump in.

He would probably feel as if all his internal organs reached his throat. Then he'd hit the freezing cold water. His skin wouldn't be able to take it, his heart would slow down, he'd go into shock. The temperature would be low enough to make his whole body freeze, making him unable to move, and his brain would probably feel like a heavy chunk of ice once he'd go underwater.

Would he be able to forget then?

Someone bumped him on his shoulder and he lost his balance for a short moment, grabbing at the barrier on his left to keep upright. A girl with bloody red hair ran past him, but glanced at him when he grabbed at the barrier; she bowed apologetically, noticed something behind Kai, made a really frightened face and ran even faster, her hair jumping up and down. Kai was surprised that he could notice all those things, but he was a dancer in the past after all. Noticing the movements was his specialty. But something in this whole situation made him feel a little bit disturbed. He looked back.

Three tall, huge, well-build men were running towards him. They were all panting, their faces covered with sweat and it was visible that they were tired as hell. Kai frowned, glanced at the running girl and then at the men. They were shouting something at her. The boy realized what they were saying only after a few seconds, when they made their way to him, and their words weren't very nice.

What he did next was probably the most idiotic thing he's done in his life. He stretched out his leg to the side right before the first man ran past him. In the next second, one of the men tripped over his foot, going down like a sack of potatoes, landing on his own face with a loud thud. The second man tripped over the first one and only the third one was still standing, completely dumbfounded, looking at his friends as if they were ghosts.

Then he looked up at Kai and glared. It was the most murderous look Kai has ever received, and he was friends with Kyungsoo, so that meant something.

"Hey!" the first one shouted with hatred, but Kai jumped over him with sudden panic and started running, cursing under his breath. 

Kai was running like crazy, his hair jumping up and down, with red cheeks and his shoes and trousers covered in snow. He was trying to avoid the people in front of him as well as snow piles and puddles of melted ice. After him, three men were running - they were panting and covered with sweat even more than before. And they were even angrier than earlier. The first one's nose was covered in blood and Kai wouldn't be surprised if it was broken. They were shouting and screaming, and Kai was just running, elbowing his way through random passerby. The girl he just saved was nowhere to be found and it pissed him off because he just saved her .

He saw a familiar house and without thinking, he jumped over the fence. He landed in the yard and cursed again, because he totally forgot about... 

…the dog. 

A huge black boxer barked in front of him and he made a weird sound between a hiss and a shout. He ran in the opposite direction and jumped over the fence again, landing on the street on the other side of the house. He could hear the dog's barks and the men's dim shouts and voices. He was now between two big, but old buildings, in the poor side of the whole city; he used to spent a lot of time here some time ago, so he remembered all of the places worth remembering. He sneaked near the building, crossed the empty, dark street and sat on the ground behind two big trash bins in a small and really stinky alley. He could hear men's voices, but they were searching for him in the wrong places.

"You little piece of ! My nose is broken!" the first one screamed with pure hatred, and Kai realized that he was talking to him, even though he didn't know where Kai was. "I swear, when I will see you, I will rip your ing arm off and beat you to death with the amputated limb..."

"Oh shut up, Flash," the other one shouted suddenly. "Write those sick scenarios in your head and don't share it with us, dammit," he hissed and some scratching noises were heard. "Just because of your stupid revenge and inattention we've lost the girl! How will you find her right now, huh? ing idiot."

It sounded like he hit the other one, because a thud, a hiss and a slap noise was heard. They struggled some time, whispering to themselves, but Kai couldn't make out the words. He just wanted them to be gone and at that moment he was cursing his own good will. It looked like they were pretty serious. 

"What now?" some other, surprisingly soft and peaceful voice asked. It belonged to the third man. "Boss will kill us if we won't find her. And really, I have enough of running after her all the time." 

"That ..." the first one hissed. 

"Okay, get up you piece of , you lost her, you are searching for her."

"Excuse me?!" another thud, but this time loud shouts were heard. 

"I'm out, you take care of it, Flash," the third one, the most peaceful one said. Some scuffle was heard again together with footsteps and Kai waited five minutes more to make sure no one was around. He peeked from behind the bin and breathed out with relief. 

"You are so stupid," he said to himself, standing up and putting his hands inside his jacket’s pockets. He glanced around and sneaked through the streets. The sun suddenly hit him. He saw his traces on the snow and scoffed. They were really dumb, not being able to see them. He looked around, wondering what was this all about. The girl with red hair really was in a deep trouble. But well, it wasn't like he could help her anyways. He did what he could, didn't he?

Still, it bugged him. Things like this didn't happen without a good reason and in a daily life, so it was a bit disturbing. 

He was walking slowly through practically empty streets. No one was around this area, it seemed completely dead. Old, cement buildings were crumbling because of the cold snow in winter and hot sun in the summer. Maybe there were some people living, but wherever they were, they stayed unnoticed. And some time ago this area was full of people. What the heck happened? 

He passed a shop with a witch on her broom painted above the doors and he felt his heart throb. He quickly walked away. 

 

"Yes, how can I help you?" a boy with blonde hair and penetrating eyes asked them. 

"Two cokes please," Kai said, smiling and squeezing the girl's hand tighter. 

"Anything to eat?" the waiter asked, scribbling in his writing pad. Kai hummed and looked at the girl questioningly.

"You want something?" he asked, a small smile playing on his lips. Just looking at her curious and questioning eyes was enough to make him smile. 

"Um..." she made a face, not knowing if she want anything. 

"If you aren't that hungry, I can bring you a couple set," the waiter said, pointing at something in the menu and winking to the girl. She blushed a bit and Kai chuckled. 

"It will do," he said to the blonde boy, who nodded and wrote it down in his pad. The waiter glanced at them and stared at them for a few seconds. 

"You are making a really pretty couple you know," he said casually, making the girl blush even more. And with this, he just left. 

The girl turned to Kai, covering her cheeks with her hands. 

"Woah. So embarrassing!" she whispered and Kai ruffled her hair gently, looking her in the eyes. 

"See? Everyone knows that we are a couple even when we're not doing anything special," he said proudly.

Kai shook his head, making the memory go away. But even now, when he was passing an old, closed ice cream stand, memories flowed in his mind again. He remembered the girl's ice creams' taste, how someone accidentally bumped her shoulder and she got her nose smeared with it. How they were kicking the rocks here, passing it to each other, how they were imagining ninjas and dragons jumping on the roofs since it was a very charming and mysterious night, how they stopped to let the kids playing with a ball pass in front of them and how Kai was smacked with some girl's shoe because she wanted to throw it at her brother, because he just ran away from home, not wanting to eat. Yes, this area was always a bit weird and mysterious, but right now it was completely empty and Kai wondered why. Every scrap of this abandoned city was making him remember his past and he wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. He turned left, passed the buildings, houses and shops and stopped in front of another fence. He jumped over it. Some girl was making a snow man on her yard and a big, fat cat was sitting on the table beside her, apparently hunting for a pink pompon hanging from her glove. She saw Kai and jumped with surprise, covering with her hand. 

"Sorry, I'm just passing..." Kai said with tired and bored voice and jumped over the fence for the fourth time, even though he could use the gate. He never was a normal type of person - he liked hiding, jumping over the roofs and being in a state similar to flying. Yes, he was surely a weird person. 

He felt his hand ache and glanced at it. He had a cut on his small finger. He took a handful of snow to put it on the top of the cut.

 

“Do you have a band aid?” she asked with a bit shaking voice, looking at his cuts and frowning.

“Nope.”

“A plaster?”

“Um… no.”

“Alcohol to clear the wounds...?”

“Uh. No.”

“Do you have anything?” she asked, scoffing a bit and looking up at him. “Kai, you have to buy a first aid kit!”

“I didn’t have time for that.”

“Because what?”

“Because I was with you~” he leaned closer, so there was no space between them; Kai kissed her head lightly, but she pulled away suddenly, looking down. Kai frowned at the reaction.

The girl soaked her handkerchief with warm water and put it on his wound. She cleaned his cut and pressed he fingers around it until the wound got smaller and no more blood was dripping out.

Kai looked at her with amazement.

“And they say touch doesn't heal," he mused. She was avoiding his stare and it wasn’t nice for him. He became nervous and annoyed.

“Okay, I will get going,“ she said, but Kai grabbed her by her arm and pulled her closer, so they could look each other in the eyes. She averted her gaze.

“Such a shame our touch can't heal our relationship, too,” Kai whispered, making the girl shiver.

 

He heard some weird noises and looked back. His eyes widened when he saw a hint of red as blood hair playing in the air just above the old building’s roof. They disappeared as fast as they appeared and he was blinking rapidly. After a minute, he chuckled.

I suppose I’m not the only weird person around.

So, here's the first chapter. 
Hope the flashbacks didn't tire you.

Thank you for reading guys <3