~ chapter two ~
under the bridge
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My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

"What?” Kai whispered with a cold, stone tone, his clenched fists shaking. The girl in front of him shivered, her big, dark eyes widened and she took a step back. After a few seconds, she clenched her teeth and fists as well, a flash of courage lit up her face. She straightened her posture, looking straight at him.

“You heard me, Kai,” she whispered with some kind of power and belief. Kai was only piercing her with his stare. Sadness together with grief, anger and disbelief overflowed him completely.

“But what do you mean by that?” he whispered even quieter. “I came here just for you. I opposed to my father, my mother, I cheated and abandoned their dreams, I left everything there just for you. Everything because of you!” he screamed, waving his arm to the side and gesticulating crazily.

"Do you regret it?!" the girl screamed. Kai shut his mouth. "We both know that you'd leave sooner or later. I was just the person who pushed you towards it."

Kai tried to swallow this huge lump in his throat, tried to focus on their relationship and not on his past or his feelings about leaving home. He bit his lip, looking at her in disbelief, pain all over his face.

“You said that you will never leave me. I thought that we will be together forever. You promised, remember?” his voice was shaking and he didn’t know if it was because of anger or sadness. He was feeling as if his world was collapsing and slipping through his fingers, as if his heart was slowly tearing into shreds. He was looking at the girl he loved the most in the world, at the girl for whom he left everything behind him and forgot about his past. The girl that made his life better, that was the only reason for him to live. The girl he loved was now trembling, with tears rolling down her cheeks, and he knew that it was because of him. Because he wasn't enough for her.

“I’m so sorry Kai. I can’t do it anymore,” she whispered, her knees weak suddenly. She leaned on the wall, hugging herself and rubbing her own shoulders like she wanted to cheer herself up. “I can’t… I can’t anymore, Kai,” she said, tears burning on her cheeks. She closed her eyes and sobbed loudly, finally unable to stand. She slipped from the wall on the floor, but looked up when Kai came closer.

“This whole time…” he said. “This whole time… you didn’t love me?”

“I never did, Kai,” she sobbed and shivered, closing her eyes again with guilt all over her face.

“Then why?!” Kai screamed, making her forget about guilt or embarrassment. She looked up to see her boyfriend’s furious face and eyes full of sadness, misery, loneliness. She felt even more guilt.

“Tell me,” Kai said, pulling her up by her shoulders and pushing her on the wall. She gasped from this sudden contact. It wasn’t easy for him as well, having her there, with teary eyes and shaking breath.

“Why,” he breathed out.

“Be-because…” she started, shaking violently. Kai was patiently waiting, staring at her with sharp eyes. “Because I had to run away… from my parents… I needed someone who would help me. I needed someone… who…”

There was silence. After two minutes, when Kai was piercing her with his wounded stare, and she was just looking at the ground. The boy scoffed suddenly, making her jump.

“Who would love you with his whole heart and had a lot of money,” he said, scoffing. His grip loosened. “That’s why?” he looked up at her. She was biting her lip. Even in this situation, she was the most beautiful person in the world for him. The most kind, good and amazing girl he's ever met.

“I’m so sorry…” she said, tears silently rolling down her cheeks, and her eyes seemed not to know that they're crying. “Please, let me go, Kai…” she sniffled, looking up at him. He pulled away with heavy breath.

“You said that you love me,” Kai said accusingly. “That you will be with me forever.”

“I lied.”

“You said that you will never lie to me.”

“But I did.”

“You said that no matter what will happen, you will be with me…”

“I-“

He hit the wall with his fist. The girl shivered and jumped in the place.

“But… all this time. When you hugged me, touched me, kissed me. Every time when you told me that you love me, that you will stay with me forever, that I’m everything to you. All this time… you were lying?” he looked up in a final question.

“I d-did,” the girl closed her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Kai. I never thought that you would love me… that much. I thought that you will forget about me once we will get here. I thought that…”

“But I didn’t do so,” Kai said strongly. “Why can’t you give me a chance?”

She looked up at him, unbelieving. Her eyes were wide.

“What?”

“Give me a chance,” Kai whispered, coming closer to her. Finally, their bodies were touching. They were so used to this, but even after all this time Kai felt his heart clench. The girl felt nothing truly. Only his warmth, like a brother’s. And yet, she felt embarrassed and awkward at the moment.

“I will make you fall in love with me,” Kai said, looking in her eyes sincerely.

“I tried, Kai,” she said, pushing him away with strength. “I tried to love you. I can’t. I can’t fall in love with you. This is impossible. I’m really sorry,” she said, her voice quiet, without any power, her eyes full of tears, heart full of guilt. She couldn’t look at him. “I just can’t. I tried many times. I’m sorry,” she said, gasping slightly at the end and bursting out with tears. “I’m going back. Please, don’t follow me,” she said, trembling.

Kai was staring at her with wide eyes. His body was heavy. His heart was beating rapidly, he wanted to scream. Don’t let her go, don’t let her go, you will never see her again, his heart said.

In the same time, his mind was shouting - That's enough, she doesn't love you.

She doesn’t love you.

She never did.

The girl ran out from his house with tears rolling down her cheeks. She left him. His mind was blank. His soul was burning.

A wild shout got out from his throat, first tears formed in his eyes. He didn’t know when he broke the glasses, vases and turned the table upside down. He didn’t know what he was doing when his fingers clenched around the shattered glass all over the floor and the first blood flew. He only noticed it while staring at the sink, water turning pink.

He snapped from the weird daze and shook his head suddenly. His coffee started getting colder, so he sipped on it slowly before that happened. His gaze traveled to the girl preparing a hot chocolate for a seven years old girl who came to the café together with her sister in age of about eleven. The younger girl was jumping up and down with wide eyes and focused stare, waiting for her chocolate, the older one was just looking at the girl who was preparing it. She was pretty calm even though her sister was freaking out. Kai smiled under his nose and sipped his coffee again. He his lips.

“Thank you!” the older girl chimed when the hot chocolate came. She took it from the waitress and gave it to her sister, who smiled widely. “What do we say…?”

“Thank you!” the younger one chimed, bowing to the waitress. The girl bowed back and smiled widely as well. It looked like she really liked children. Two little girls came out from the café with Kai’s stare following them. He focused on his coffee again.

“Is it good?” the waitress asked, smiling. He nodded slowly, without looking at her. She made a face and shook her head. “You really don’t remember me,” she sighed and went back to work. Kai frowned his brows and looked up, piercing her with his cold stare.

Yes, her features were familiar, but he was coming here almost every day, so that was pretty normal. Right?

Did they meet once?

He was observing her for a few minutes, but nothing came to his mind. He drank the rest of his coffee.

“Thanks,” he said and exited the café. The girl stared at his back when he was walking away, wiping some glass with lonely stare.

“You really don’t remember me,” she whispered with disappointment.

Kai was wandering through the city. People were in a hurry, they were running and shouting, looking impatiently at their wrist watches and cell phones. When he was younger and he was always in hurry for school, practice or just a meeting with someone he never noticed this weird wave of people flowing in the city like a swarm of insects flying to find their queen. Right now it was kind of similar to that picture. When everyone were running, Kai was slowly walking in the middle on the sea of people, with straight face, looking at everyone, but not looking at anyone in particular. No one seemed to notice him. At this hour, this city was wild and weird.

He stopped in front of the bakery. It was the biggest one in the whole city. And the best one in addition. He could already smell the sweet scent of candies, cakes and buns and an image of his friend popped in his mind at once. He smiled under his nose and went to the shop.

“Good morn… Oh, hey, Kai!” he heard. His friend, Xiumin, was standing behind the counter. He himself looked like a steamed bun. He was smiling at him widely. “Haven’t see you here lately. Howyou doin'? I was going to visit you today.”

“Yeah, Taemin told me,” Kai said. “Well, I’m okay. I have a day off so I’m bored.”

“And that’s the only reason for you to visit me?” Xiumin pouted and his face became rounder than ever. Kai chuckled. “Want to eat something? My mom just baked some buns…”

“Sure, why not,” Kai said, looking at the sweets. “I will take the one with frosting and berry fillings."

“Here you go,” Xiumin packed it and handed it over to Kai, who immediately started eating. When it comes to sweets, he could eat everything. Especially when it was with frosting.

“Why are you alone? You should call someone to hang out with,” Xiumin said, leaning on the counter.

“Why? Everyone are working and I don’t want to disturb them. And you perfectly know that I don’t really like hanging around with people.”

“Even me?”

Kai chuckled, staring at his bun.

“Aw man, I like you. But I like your mom's baked goods much better,“ Xiumin slapped his shoulder lightly and Kai leaned to the side, laughing. “Okay, okay. Yep, I like your company, so I came here. Happy?”

“Very,” Xiumin nodded, puffing out a breath. Kai munched on his food like his life depended on it.
 

~*~


 

He found himself near the small river. It was already dark and snow was falling from the sky. The lights on the streets were on, and the whole city was echoing with the sounds of cars and wind. Everything was yet again covered with soft snow.

Kai jumped over the barrier and almost slipped at the slippery surface. Now he could see the river. Well, not river in particular, because now it was a big piece of ice, but yes. It was a small river, not the one he'd stopped by in the morning and imagined himself jumping into, but a smaller one. He glanced around if anyone is looking (he didn’t like when someone was following him and bothering him in his favorite place) and rolled off the edge. He checked if the ice is hard enough, for fun rather than security (he liked how it creaked under his shoes), and sneaked under the bridge.

Some people would think that he’s behaving like a homeless boy. Sitting under a small bridge, away from any people. But for him it was a great place. He sat in the middle of the wall, stretched out his leg and yawned, when leaning his head on the wall. When he looked left, he could see the rest of the river, the next bridge quite far, the streets lightened up with street lights and cars passing. On the right, there were people walking and sitting on the high, usually green edges. Also, the park was visible from here. But more than that, a big scene was near. And at this hour, music was always playing. The beats and vibrations were flowing to him. He couldn’t dance, but he could imagine the people dancing. They were on the scene now probably. Maybe even Taemin was dancing now.

It quickly became dark, but the ice covering the river was mirroring all the lights from the bridges, all the street lights and every possible little bulb on the street or in the park. But here, under the bridge, was completely, pitch dark. Kai liked this kind of darkness though.

He was suddenly torn away from his thoughts because of some weird sound. He frowned his brows and looked on the right. His eyes widened when a figure appeared at the other side of the bridge. He could say at once that it was a girl. She was panting heavily and ran quickly to hide under the bridge. She sat on the ground – well, more like slipped and hit the ground with her , growling and hissing quietly – and sneaked closer to Kai, who was still frozen. He could hear her deep breaths and pants. The girl was looking at the right, rubbing her leg. Kai heard someone running on the bridge and looked up. Some dust and sand fell into his eyes and he sneezed suddenly, making the girl jump at her place. She turned her head with a gasp, her eyes wide with shock and fear, and she was already shuffling on her feet, ready to run away. 

“Sorry,” Kai said, shaking his head to get rid of the dust. The girl was staring at him, still panting, in quite a funny pose. She looked like Spider-Man, almost hanging from the wall.

“Um… Cheers?” she said. Kai frowned his brows and looked at her.

“What? Cheers?” he asked and chuckled. “Are we drinking?” He eyed her and saw her shoulders and limbs relaxing. She slipped on the wall and sat down. 

“No, I mean… Be healthy,” she said awkwardly, her voice high and shaky. 

Kai looked at her, completely dumbfounded. It was dark, but he could see her eyes very well. They were big and dark, very… shiny. He realized that they looked like the night sky. Her features were drawn by the moon’s and snow’s light. Her full lips were slightly open, because she was still breathing deeply. But more than that, her hair was in the coulor of blood.

It’s her. The one I helped today.

"You meant 'bless you'," he decided to tell her. The girl turned, looked at him up and down and smiled lightly when she stopped on his eyes.

“Who are you?” Kai asked, squinting his eyes and turning his whole body towards her.

“It’s a secret. Who are you?” she asked, playing with her fingers. She sounded carelessly, even though those men were probably chasing her again. Kai wasn't easy to trick though, he heard the last syllable break on her tongue.

“Why is it a secret?” Kai chuckled.

“I just met you. And you are sitting under a bridge. Are you homeless, ahjussi?”

Kai’s eyes widened.

“Yah!” he said and laughed, throwing some snow at her. The girl covered her face with her arms to not to let the snow hit her. She laughed and Kai felt his heart jump in his chest.

Was that a laugh? Or was that the music from the scene? It sounded like tinker bells.

“I’m not homeless,” Kai said defensively. “And you are sitting under the bridge as well. Why?”

“Meh. Just because,” she said and brought up her knees and wrapped her hands around it.

Some car passed nearly and Kai could see her face in the instantaneous light. Her eyes were teary, but she was still smiling. She was wearing a black, simple dress, knitted, light sweater revealing one of her shoulders and a red coat thrown carelessly on her shoulders. She was shivering a bit, steam coming out from her plump lips. She looked too scared to move to even fix her clothes, even though it was really cold.

“Wear your coat, it’s cold,” Kai said. The girl looked at him, then at her coat and laughed, but it sounded awkwardly and muffled.

“Right. I forgot,” she said and stood up. She was wearing brown boots and black tights. She was rather short. She wore her coat and sat again, slowly, her legs wobbly.

“So, what are you doing here?” Kai asked again. The girl shrugged and looked at him with a smile.

“Hiding, I suppose,” she said, chuckling. Her hands were shivering crazily as she tried to calm down, rubbing her palms together.

“From whom?” Kai asked.

“It’s not important as long as I’m here,” she answered. “And you? From whom are you hiding? Or from what?” she asked, making Kai froze.

“Me?” he frowned his brows and pointed at himself. The girl nodded. “Um… I… Wait, I’m not hiding.”

“Well, it sounded like you are,” she laughed again. “Are you hiding from people? From the world? Maybe from the memories? It’s hard to hide from the memories though.”

Kai was staring at her, completely frozen. How could she guess so fast?

Wait, no. I’m not hiding. I just like to be here. It's my place. My spot.

His cell phone rang suddenly and he jumped. The girl chuckled.

“Sorry…” he mumbled and picked up. “Hello?”

“Where are you?” he heard Taemin’s voice together with some laughs.

“Ah, sorry, I lost track of time,” he said quickly. “Everyone are there already?”

“Of course, idiot! I was worried. I messaged you many times, I thought that you are in library or something like that,” Kai could literally see Taemin’s pout. He chuckled.

“I’m fine. I will be home in seven minutes,” he said, running a hand through his damp hair. “Don’t wait for me.”

“You always says ‘don’t wait for me’. And we always wait for you,” Taemin said. “Okay, hurry up! Chen started singing,” Taemin chuckled at the other side.

“Sure, see you,” Kai said and disconnected. “I have to go,” he said to the girl. She nodded.

“Don’t mind me,” she said, but it sounded a bit quieter what before.

“Um… Are you okay by yourself?” Kai asked suddenly, surprised by his own question. The girl chuckled.

“Of course. Go, go,” she said, waving her hands at him.

“Um… be careful?”

“I will,” she smiled widely.

Kai glanced at her once again when he was going out. She leaned her head on her knees, closed her eyes and breathed in and out in a slow pace. Kai wanted to stay with her without a particular reason. After a few seconds of thinking, he climbed up and stood on the street.

She will be alright.

He ran towards his home with a weird, nervous feeling slowly blooming in his heart.