Joon-myun was busy working on the account books at the bar counter when he heard footsteps. He thought it was just one of the other boys who had gotten home and did not want to use the back door so he was rather surprised when he heard a voice call: “Joon-myun-ssi.”

He looked up, “Lay! It’s you. Why are you here?”

“I had some time off this afternoon. I thought I come by to see you,” Yixing smiled awkwardly. He noticed the various stack of papers, books and a calculator at the bar. Joon-myun still holding on to his pen. “Are you busy? Am I disturbing you? I could just go if…”

“No, it’s alright. You can stay. Let me get you a drink. What do you want? However, I don’t serve alcohol at this time of the day,” Joon-myun joked. 

“Maybe a juice.”

“Is orange fine?” Joon-myun asked as he got off the bar stool to pour a drink for Yixing.

Yixing nodded.

“So Lu Han didn’t come with you?” Joon-myun enquired as he brought the drink for Yixing.

“He’s probably busy with work.”

Joon-myun nodded in acknowledgement. Looking closer at Yixing, he noticed that the Chinese boy brought his guitar case with him. “You’ve brought your guitar with you today.”

Yixing replied shyly. “Well, I wanted to a sing a song just for you.”

“You could have recorded your performance and put it online. Didn’t I help you once with of your previous songs?”

“Well, I wanted to perform it live for you so that you’ll be the first to hear it?”

“What about Tao that housemate of yours? Hasn’t he heard it the song yet?”

“No. This song is for you.”

Joon-myun felt a little unsettled when he heard those words. Nevertheless, he agreed to Yixing’s request and the boy frenziedly ped his bag to take out his acoustic guitar. With his pick in hand, Yixing started to strum and sing the song. However, the lyrics were in Mandarin, so Joon-myun did not quite understand the song although this made Joon-myun secretly happy as he dreaded the day Yixing were to say that he likes him (Joon-myun). 

“So what do you think of the song?” Yixing asked.

“The melody was simple and easy to catch. I found myself being moved by the melody,” Joon-myun replied warmly.

“What about the lyrics? Do you understand them?”

“I’m sorry I don’t.”

“Shall I explain the meaning to you?”

And without waiting Joon-myun to answer, Yixing continued, “It speaks about a crush and the person finding the courage to be able to confess his feelings to the other party.”

Joon-myun nodded as he hastily turned his glance away from Yixing.

“Joon-myun-ssi,” Yixing said earnestly. “I don’t know if this is an appropriate time and whether this comes as a shock to you…but I really want to let you know how I feel about you. I won’t say that I love you. But I like you very much. I wonder if you feel the same way about me. And whether we could make things work out between us.”

There was an uncomfortable silence following Yixing’s confession with Joon-myun continuing to avert Yixing’s gaze.

“Joon-myun-ssi?”

Joon-myun took a deep breath. “Lay, mianhae.”

“Joon-myun-ssi?” Yixing was starting to feel a little apprehensive. His voice was trembling. His confidence was starting to waver.”

“I’m really grateful for you liking me and for your honest confession, but I can’t accept it. I’m sorry,” Joon-myun apologised sincerely.

“Do you not like me? Is it because I’m lacking or…?” 

“Lay, it’s not that. I don’t know to explain. The problem lies with me, not you. I’m not prepared to date or accept anyone at this moment,” Joon-myun explained patiently.

“Is there someone else you like?”

Joon-myun thought for a while. He thought of lying but he felt that it was only fair to be hones to Yixing, and thus he nodded.

“Is it someone from Heaven?”

But Joon-myun did not respond to the question.

But that non-response was the confirmation that Yixing got.

After an awkward moment of silence, Joon-myun continued, “Lay, I’m not who you think I am. I’m not a nice guy. I’m full of flaws and emotional baggage. You’re a nice guy. You should be with someone better. Anyway you’re training to become an artiste, right? The world would be yours. It is just out there for your taking. For me, I’m just going to stay here. This is where I belong. We’re both heading on different roads. Our paths are divergent. We won’t be able to meet.” 

Yixing clenched his fists into a ball and gritted his teeth, trying his best to hold back his tears. With a shaking voice, he asked, “So all this time, were you being nice to me out of sincerity or manners?”

Joon-myun thought hard for a while. He knew that Yixing is a sincere and easy guy to get along with from whatever short time they had spent together. Joon-myun did like and appreciate Yixing. Furthermore Yixing wasn’t asking him to get into a relationship – he just wanted to date and explore the possibilities between them – that would not hurt right?

But Joon-myun was still unable to get over Kyungsoo and he did not want to lead Yixing on any further. It would be unfair to him. Also, Joon-myunfelt a sense of unworthiness. He felt inferior about himself. He was unwanted, unloved. He never spoke about his past to Yixing – would Yixing mind his past?  Joon-myun did not want to open his heart again – only to have it crushed. And hence, Joon-myun took a deep breath and then muttered, “Manners.”

Yixing nodded his head in understanding as he repeated, “I get it. I get it. I get everything.”

“Lay,” Joon-myun pleaded, “Please don’t take it wrongly. I really do enjoy having you as a friend.”

But Yixing did not respond to Joon-myun as he picked up his guitar, put it back into his case, zipped it and slung it over his back. With that he trudged off.

“Lay, wait a minute,” Joon-myun called out. “Let me at least walk you to the bus stop.”

“Joon-myun-ssi, please don’t,” he pleaded without turning around. “I feel so embarrassed that I just wish that a hole would suddenly appear and just swallow me.”

“Lay…”

“Why are you trying to be nice to me but at the same time push me away? Why the conflicting signals Joon-myun-ssi? I don't understand."

Yixing then took a deep breath. "Once again…” he asked, “Sincerity or manners?”

“Manners,” Joon-myun replied softly but it was audible for Yixing to hear.

And without looking at Joon-myun, Yixing trudged off.

……

Sehun cursed and swore as he sat down on his bed. “ you Lu Han! I thought you were different. You’re just like anyone else! You toyed with my feelings! I hate you!”

He kicked the space aimlessly in anger and frustration.

And then he remembered the gift that Lu Han had passed him earlier in the day.

“A farewell gift, huh! So you think you can make this better with a farewell gift,” Sehun spat. “Whatever. Let’s see what he has prepared for me. It might be something good.”

He took out a nicely wrapped package from the paper bag. There were two envelopes on top of the wrapped present which Sehun tore from the wrapping paper and tossed it aside. The box was strangely light, he thought.

He proceeded to tear the wrapping paper voraciously to reveal a box. He opened the lid hoping that it would be something of value like an accessory, piece of branded or clothing or a gadget, only to be left stupefied and fuming staring at an empty box.

“What the !” Sehun shouted as he flung the box aside annoyance written on his scrunched up face. “Is he kidding me? Is he such a pauper and miser that he can’t even afford a proper parting gift? What did I ever see in him besides that face? you Lu Han! You’re an idiot Oh Sehun! You never learn, do you?”

And then Sehun remembered the card. Teeming with ire, he stormed over to where the card was, picked it up and opened it, “Let’s see what the cheek he has to write.”

“Sehun-ah, I know you’re properly throwing a hissy fit right now with the empty box.”

What the , Of course I am, Sehun thought.

“I did it on purpose.”

What the , Lu Han? What the ? Do you take me as an idiot?

“Because there’s nothing left to give you.”

Can’t you give me something valuable?

“I know that you’ve been seeing other guys at the same time. I know that you’ve been receiving presents and gifts from them.”

So what? Are you jealous? At least they’re more generous than you?

“I hoped that my sincerity would change you – for you to recognise that love is about feelings, and not just a business exchange. I hoped that my sincerity and love would be enough for you to want nothing more but true love. But I was naïve and wrong. So there’s nothing more I can give. I emptied all my sincerity into that box.”

What the ? What can you buy with sincerity? Nothing.

“I remember that you told me you enjoyed me kissing you on your lips, your forehead, your cheek, your face…”

I was lying to you.

“Besides my sincerity, you will find my kisses in the box. I put in 999 kisses in the box. I hope that my sincerity and kisses will find a way to encourage you, to give you hope that true love still exists when I’m not around with you. Love was what I can give you then. But now, this present is what I can leave for you. I wish you all the best and that you would be able to wake up from your slumber. You know, Sehun-ah, I’ve also been hurt by others in a relationship before, maybe not in the same way that you’ve been treated and hurt. You never even once asked about my past. It’s like you never cared about me. I’m transparent to you. But I’m an optimist. I still believe in love and I still believe in you. By the way, the other envelope contains some cash. I’m returning to you what you had spent on me during all those dates. It may not be a considerable sum, but I know the money means very much to you. Lu Han.”

Sehun dropped the card on the ground with his trembling hands. He noticed the said envelope which contained the cash that he flung aside. He wanted to reach for that envelope but instead, he found himself subconsciously getting up from his bed. He dragged himself to where the overturned box without its lid was lying. As he genuflected, he reached for the box, and with his still trembling hands, set the box upright. Tears began to fall from his eyes into the box. With his outstretched hands and palms, he scooped up the “kisses” which fell out of the box to put those back in. He repeated the same movements as he uttered his apologies to Lu Han.

“I’m sorry Lu Han. I was wrong. I was childish. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

As he scooped another kiss in between tears, he brought his palm to touch his right cheek, and closing his eyes, he imagined that Lu Han’s lips were on his cheek right then.

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Let me clarify something which I said in my previous chapter. My next fan fiction/story is a KyuMin fic, not this chapter here. Sorry if I didn't make it clear enough.

And what do you think of  Lu Han's gift? He totally trolled Sehun, didn't he? 

And SuLay. What do you think of Joon-myun's response/action? 

Something big is going to happen in the next chapter. Anyone want to guess what's going to happen?

Do check out  and comment on my other fan fics if you have not already done so.

My other fan fics

KyuMin: Almost a love story

KyuMin: 60 Days c

It's You (너라고) Neorago (a YeWook fan-fic)