It was about six in the morning when Kyungsoo woke up to use the bathroom. As he got out of bed, his blurred vision could make out Jongin sitting stoned-face and expressionless on his own bed as he held a crumpled piece of paper.

Kyungsoo took a look at the alarm clock on the bedside table. “Kai, it’s six in the morning. Shouldn’t you be asleep? You can’t get to sleep? Is something bothering you?”

Kyungsoo then spotted the piece of paper in Jongin’s grasp. He gingerly took it from Jongin without any protest from the younger, and unfolded it to read.

“Jongin, it was great to see you again. I’m returning to XX tomorrow. Let’s meet at three in the afternoon at XX to catch up a bit. See you there. My number is still the same if you need to contact me. Taemin.”

Kyungsoo paused for a while before he asked cautiously, “So do you want to go meet him?”

Jongin turned his gaze towards Kyungsoo and asked, “I don’t know. Should I?”

“Kai, I can’t tell you what to do,” Kyungsoo replied.

“Hyung, I really want to meet him. I really want to ask him in person how is he able to move on so nonchalantly.” Jongin said trembling. “I had never wanted us to be caught by my parents. I had never intended for him to feel embarrassed. Am I so bad to deserve this? Am I so unpardonable? I want to know if I really mean nothing to him for him to treat me without any slightest consideration to my feelings. I want to know if he really loved me…but…I’m afraid...”

Kyungsoo approached Jongin and gently let Jongin rest his face on his (Kyungsoo’s) chest.

“Kai-ah, maybe you should go. That’s right. You should go. It might hurt. But you need the closure. Maybe that’s what you need to move on,” Kyungsoo said with a determined tone. 

“Just as you encouraged me to be brave so as to face up to my past…to my demons, so now I’m asking you to face up to your past…to your fears,” Kyungsoo continued. “And just as how you stood by me during my time of difficulty, I’m going to stand by you during your time of difficulty. I’m going to help you get through this. We’ll get through this together. So you should go and meet him Kai. I’ll accompany you to meet him if you want me to. I can just sit next to you without uttering a word. Let me just be there to give you moral support.”

“Hyung,” Jongin burst into tears. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

……

Taemin fidgeted in his seat as he kept stirring his coffee. He was nervous. He was about to meet his ex – someone he had dumped heartlessly. He declined Minho’s offer to be by his side through the meeting saying that it would be awkward and inconvenient. He needed and wanted to face Jongin alone, no matter how much Jongin might hate him or scold him.

Jongin and Kyungsoo paused outside the coffee house. From outside, they could spot Taemin shifting about in his seat. As they walked in together, Jongin suddenly turned to Kyungsoo and said, “Hyung, I can do this alone.”

“Kai-ah, are you sure?”

Jongin returned with a confident smile and nod. “Why don’t you go shop around for a while? I won’t take long – half an hour max. I’ll text you when I’m done.”

Kyungsoo nodded in understanding as he turned away and walked out of the shop.

Jongin approached the table cautiously. He pulled out the chair and called, “Taemin.”

Taemin looked up in surprise, “You’ve come.”

Jongin took a seat and nodded.

Taemin’s lips trembled as he asked, “Jongin, how are you doing?”

Jongin remained silent.

“Jongin-ah, I’m sorry. I was wrong. How can you do be doing ok when you ran away from your family and ended up working at a pub?” Taemin blurted. “You’re probably hurting. You probably hate me too. And you have every right to do so. Seeing me with someone else after I had heartlessly discarded you, must really hurt. I’m a bad person for throwing you away just like that. How could Taemin be so rotten as to do such a thing to me? You must be thinking this way.”

Tears began to fall from Taemin’s eyes. “But I loved you Jongin. I really did. But I loved myself more. I was selfish. I loved myself more. I really hated you after we were discovered by your parents. I was worried that they would tell my parents. My parents would disown me…no…they would kill me. I wasn’t brave enough. I didn’t love you enough to risk all the odds to want to be with you. And during that time, I didn’t spare one thought about what will happen to you – how your parents would react. I only worried about myself. It was only later that I found out that you had ran away. It was that early morning when I broke up with you right? You threw away everything to be with me, and yet I threw you away without any thought because I didn’t want to get into trouble.”

“But you’re now with another guy,” Jongin laughed bitterly.

“I’m sorry. I know I’m a bad guy. I don’t expect you to forgive me. I just wanted to get this off my chest. I wanted you to know that I really loved you. I wanted you to feel better. I wanted us to feel better,” Taemin said.

“What’s the point in saying all these? What’s the point in saying you once loved me. As you said, you loved me. It was all in the past. So what does it change?” Jongin asked wryly. “Nothing! It doesn’t change the fact that you threw me away hardheartedly. It doesn’t change the fact that you’ve found someone new.”

“You’re selfish Lee Taemin,” Jongin chided. “You said you want me to feel better. But you’re the one who wants to feel better. By telling me all these, you hope to free yourself from your guilt and feel better. Have you asked yourself, ‘How does Kim Jongin feel if he knows I once loved him?’ You don’t care about how I feel by dredging the past up. You’re just adding on to my hurt!”

“Jongin-ah.”

“You know what. I was really angry. I couldn’t reconcile the fact that you broke up with me. I really wanted to ask you how you could move on with someone new and pretend that nothing had happened between us. I prepared a lot of questions to interrogate you. I wanted answers. But I think I have all the answers now,” Jongin replied sardonically.

“Jongin-ah, I’m sorry.”

“I finally come to realise and see through what kind of person you are,” Jongin replied in a cutting way.

“Jongin-ah…”

“But I forgive you,” Jongin added. 'I'll give you what you want."  

“Huh?” Taemin eyed Jongin in shock.

“I said that I forgive you.”

“But why…? After all the pain I put you through…don’t you hate me?”

“Hate you? Yes, I hated you. I could not wait to gouge out your heart. But now knowing who you truly are, what good would it do hating you? It would only lead my own misery,” Jongin mused. “Now I want to start afresh and move on. I don’t want to be stuck in the past and not be able to move on. Like you, I want to move on too.”

“Jongin-ah…”

“Call me Kai.”

“Kai, thank you. Thank you for having such a big heart.”

“Don’t thank me because I don’t have a big heart. I’m also doing this for myself.”

“You do. And I’m sure you would be able to find someone better than me who would love and cherish you more than I do,” Taemin offered his blessings.  

Jongin smiled as he thought of a boy with the name Kyungsoo. “Maybe, I already have.”

He thought silently to himself, “And I thank you Taemin, that indirectly because of you, I’ve found a place where I can call home – a home that would truly accept me for who I am.”

……

Kyungsoo was browsing the shops while checking his watch every now and then. He was anxious for Jongin’s call and was not paying attention to the surroundings. He was also thinking about a conversation he had in the kitchen early in the morning while he was preparing breakfast.

……

“Kyungsoo-ah, good morning,” Joon-myun said.

“Good morning, hyung. Did you sleep well?”

Kyungsoo was busy preparing the vegetables for brunch.

“I did. Do you need any help with the meal preparation? I remember you taught me how to prepare sigeumchi namul before. I could help you with that. It’s simple…” Joon-myun offered with a smile.

“It’s okay hyung. I can manage by myself,” Kyungsoo politely declined. 

Joon-myun proceeded to take a cooking pot, fill it with water and put it on the stove.

“I said that I’m fine hyung. I don’t need your help,” Kyungsoo recoiled.  

“Kyungsoo-ah…”

“Hyung, if there’s anything you can help me with is that I just want you to stop being nasty to Kai,” Kyungsoo pleaded.

“What do you mean?” Joon-myun feigned ignorance.

“I know…what…you…did…last…night,” Kyungsoo stumbled on his words as his lips quivered.

“Kyungsoo-ah, there’s some misunderstanding,” Joon-myun replied anxiously.  

“Geu-man-hae hyung! Je-bal geu-man-hae!”  Kyungsoo exclaimed. “Where did the kind, caring and loving Joon-myun hyung go to? Why do you have to be so nasty to Kai? Aren’t we all brothers? Shouldn’t we treat each other with care since we’re all in the same plight? Didn’t you say that yourself? Don’t you believe in that any more?”

“Kyungsoo-ah…”

“You don’t have to reprimand Kai for the faults he made at work. You don’t have to ignore him at home. And you didn’t have to pretend to be his date in order to hurt him and hurt another person he loved!”

“Kyungsoo-ah…I just wanted to help Kai. We all know about Kai’s story. The situation was awkward. All I wanted was to help Kai look better and get him out…”

“Geojit-mal! I know exactly what you think. You're trying to take revenge on Kai.” Kyungsoo accused. “You only made things worse for Kai. What happens if he wanted to get back to Taemin? You practically killed off…”

“Kyungsoo-ah, Kai doesn’t love Taemin…”

“Hyung, if there’s anyone you should vent your anger and hatred on, it should be me and not Kai. Kai is innocent,” Kyungsoo pleaded as he trembled. “I’m the bad person. I’m the one who’s unable to reciprocate your love. Blame me! Hate me! Scold me! Hurt me! But please don’t hurt Kai! He’s not wrong!”

Both Kyungsoo’s and Joon-myun’s eyes and faces had a pained expression. Joon-myun clenched his fist in anger as his body flinched from rage.  

“Kyungsoo-ah, I can’t get angry with you. If Kai didn’t appear…”

“Hyung, it’s not his fault. You can’t force love. I know that you love me and you’ve gone out all of your way to take care of me, but I just don’t love you. You’re just a brother to me. I basked in your love and attention, yet I was unable to return anything back to you. I’m the sinful one. So please don’t blame Kai,” Kyungsoo shuddered as he was overwhelmed with emotion.

“Hyung! Jeong-shin-cha-ryeo! I beg of you. Please don’t hurt Kai anymore. Otherwise, it would be very hard for me…”

“Hard for you to what?” Joon-myun lost his patience and raised his voice.  

“To be able to face you and talk to you again. Because you’re no longer that generous and loving person I know. I don’t want to lose this hyung who has been so precious to me,” Kyungsoo faltered and fumbled along his words. “And I won’t be able to face myself knowing that I’m the one who caused your change…to turn into a bad person. I won’t be able to live with this thought. I won’t be able to look at you or Kai in the eye thinking it isn’t my fault…”

Joon-myun stumbled backwards in shock before running out of the kitchen as he thought to himself: “What have I done?”

……

“So I guess we’re all good?” Taemin enquired guardedly.

“I guess we are,” Jongin smiled.

“Still friends?”

Jongin nodded. “But I’m still not ready to face you fully yet. So please give me sometime to collect my thoughts and find my peace. It’s not easy. Please understand.”

“I understand. So can I come visit you the next time I return to Seoul?”

“You’re always welcome. But not so soon. Just give me sometime. Just give me a message.”

Jongin then rose from his seat, borrowed a pen from one of the serving staff, scribbled his number on a piece of napkin and handed it over to Taemin. “This is my new number.”

“Thank you.”

“My pleasure. I should get going. Have a safe journey back home.”

As Jongin turned to walk away, Taemin said, “Thank you Kim Jongin. Even if you want me to know you as Kai from now onwards, you’re always Jongin to me. That passionate and generous Jongin who’s never selfish with his love.”

Jongin nodded, smiled to himself as he headed for the exit. He quickly texted Kyungsoo a message telling him that he was done as well as a place to rendezvous. Along the way he passed by Minho and they nodded in acknowledgement of the other.

……

“So how did it go Kai?” Kyungsoo asked.

“It went well. I decided to forgive him. I can’t blame him for being selfish. I might have done the same thing if I were him. It’s hard for him to be able to look at my parents after that embarrassing scene,” Jongin replied rather coolly.

“You’re magnanimous.”

“I’m not. Don’t make me out to be someone bigger than who I am. I’m also doing this for myself,” Jongin said as he stopped in his tracks causing Kyungsoo to stop as well.

And then, Jongin held Kyungsoo’s hand, “Come on, didn’t you say you have some groceries and food to buy. Let’s go to the supermarket to get them.” 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is practically a chapter full of confrontation and smackdowns. 

Did you all like the chapter?

Did you expect Kai to forgive Taemin? Did you think Kai did the right thing? He did call out Taemin's selfishness. I really like this bit here when he told Taemin off, do you?

And what do you think of Kyungsoo's exchange with Joon-myun? Finally Kyungsoo is able to stand up and tell Joon-myun off, but poor Joon-myun. His heard must be totally shattered by now. Will this make him turn to Lay?

Anyway I do have a little bit of bad news here. This story would probably end within 10-12 chapters. And there's a chance that two to three characters might be killed off. Sssh. I won't say who. But do you all want to guess who will be bumped off? If you can guess which, I might spare the character from death =)

Thanks for all the comments. Please continue to comment and subscribe.

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My other fan fics

KyuMin: Almost a love story

KyuMin: 60 Days 

It's You (너라고) Neorago (a YeWook fan-fic)