I slowly sat up from my chair, feeling very tired and sleepy. I had 2 hours of sleep last night. While on the bus and on my way home, I wrecked my brain because all kinds of thoughts came in my head.

This is real, but what if he's clouded by the fact that I like him as a fan? What if he's only mistaken that he likes me? What does he even like about me? For an average girl, I admit that I look ok but his looks are celebrity-level, literally. Maybe I remind him of someone he loved in the past... It only has been less than 2 months since we met. Doesn't it seem too fast and sudden? Can people actually develop feelings for someone they met with this short period of time? The guys wouldn't tease me to the point of faking a confession, right? They're good people. They wouldn't do that, right? Why does it feel like a joke? Or maybe I'm just being paranoid. 

All these thoughts and more have been on my mind. The fact that it has been less than 2 months since he met me says that this probably isn't a real thing. But the fact that he held my hand, looked me in the eye and told me he liked me, plus the goodbye kiss from last night, says otherwise. He also told me he wanted to get to know more about me. So that would mean something, right? "I don't want to think anymore," I said ruffling my hair and letting my face fall lightly on my bag. 

"You were thinking? It looked more like you were just out of it." Jieun sunbae, appearing from behind the counter, plopping her elbow on the table and resting her chin on top of her palm. I did the same and looked at her. "how long before you and Jisoo-ssi started dating?" I asked. "Well, we had a 'some' kind of thing before we really confessed our feelings to one another. So which part exactly are you talking about?" She asked. I waved my hands in front of her like I wanted to erase the part I just said in air. "I meant, how long did you know each other before you started having feelings for each other?" restating my statement, she nodded in understanding then set aside my drink to explain. 

"Our 'some' thing started... 8 months or so, after meeting each other? Then in my case, I already started liking him 6 months after meeting him so, there." She said. I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled my hair, resting my elbows on the table and looking at her with a distorted look on my face. "Why is it like this? This is so wrong." I mumbled. Jisoo-ssi popped up beside Jieun sunbae, also resting his elbows on the counter and resting his chin on his palms. "You look troubled, and I heard my name. Why is that?" He asked. I looked at him and sighed. "How long before you started having feelings for this sunbae?" I asked Jisoo-ssi, pointing at Jieun sunbae when I mentioned the 'sunbae' word. 

"Well, I already knew her the first time we met. I saw her a couple of times walking around the hallway since my class was after hers. I realized I liked her already, 3 months after talking and hanging out more." He said with a smile, briefly glancing at Jieun sunbae who stared admiringly at her boyfriend. "I keep falling for you every day." He said to her, pinching her cheek making her giggle and smile, hugging his arm. I stared at them, unamused by their open flirting. "Hi, I'm still here by the way," I said waving my hand in front of my friend. "Yeah, I know." She said, smitten. I shook my head and went back to what Jisoo-ssi said. 

So technically he already knew her but never really talked to her. He said that he realized after some time, so that meant that he already started having feelings earlier than she did. If I were to compare it with our situation..."So I like him first?" I whispered. Then both their attention turned to me. "What? Who? You're dating someone?" Jieun sunbae shot me with questions. "Not dating." I cleared out the matter. "So there's someone?" Jisoo-ssi asked. My eyes widened and so did Jieun sunbae's. I did not mean to say it yet. Oh gosh, here it comes. "What?! There's a guy?! Choi Eun!" I held the bridge of my nose. Me and my mouth. "Sunbae.." I started. "I-, well-, Aye I don't know anymore!" throwing my hands everywhere, I put on a distorted expression. I'm now confused as ever. 

"Jieun-ah, calm down," Jisoo-ssi said patting Jieun sunbae's shoulder. "Do you need someone to talk to with this? Maybe we can help you?" Jisoo-ssi offered. I turned to him and to my senior. Then I sat properly, facing them after looking elsewhere contemplating whether to ask advice from them or handle this on my own. But then again, my only experience was through my imagination, books, and television, so here goes. 

"There's this guy. He told me he liked me..." pausing for a moment to look at their reaction, I was surprised when they calmly absorbed what I just said. Then I continued. "...he's known me for less than 2 months. But I've known him for maybe 4 or 5 months? Know him like just the superficial stuff like facts, how he is around people and what not. And we're just starting to like really know each other. He told me that he'd like for me to be more expressive and that I could trust him with my story and all but, I'm not really sure if this is right. I admire him, but how do I know if I like him? How would I know if he's serious? Can I tell if he's sincere?" taking a deep breath, I calmed my nervous heart. I felt scared and excited because I was getting answers today. Well, somehow. I guess. 

Jieun sunbae stared at me then chuckled, Jisoo-ssi too smiled at me and chuckled. I frowned at them. "Why are you laughing? This is not funny. Oh gosh, just forget I said anything." I said waving my hands. I felt embarrassed all of a sudden. "You're really cute." Jieun sunbae said. I frowned at her more. "It's because you're overthinking this, that's why we're laughing," Jisoo-ssi said in a more kind tone. "You can't really have an instruction manual or a heads up when you enter a relationship. Rather, you get into it first, before knowing all the answers to your questions." Jisoo-ssi explained, rubbing Jieun sunbae's shoulder. My friend layed her temple on her boyfriend's shoulder and nodded in agreement. 

"When you get to like someone, you just like them. There's no requirement that you should know each other months or years before agreeing to date each other, Eun. I applaud his bravery for confessing this early. He knows how he feels about you, let's just hope that he won't fall out as easy as he fell in. I mean, you're not really hard like Eun. " I weakened at my friends' words. They were comforting, touching, and really just impactful for me. If someone heard me, they'd say I'm shallow but I just really feel things deeper than anyone.

"Is it really okay?" I asked. They nodded and smiled reassuringly. I sighed in relief. Why am I doubting this so much? I suddenly felt guilty because it looked like I doubted Daniel oppa and his feelings so much. It just occurred to me that I didn't really know him that well. Sure I knew him, but on a fan level. I guess I really do pay so much attention to Jihoon that I don't even notice the real colors of my own bias. This is good right? We'll get to know each other for real. One on one. Person to person. 



Blinking, I stared at what was written on the board. I'm in my 5-7 lecture class on human anatomy and physiology. Our lecturer talked about the highlights of the cardiovascular system, and thankfully, I was paying my full attention to it. For once in weeks, I was focused on my class and not doodling on my notebook and what not. 

My eyes were extra blurry today. Either they're tired or my vision acuity got higher. "We'll have a 15 minutes break before moving on to the blood flow in the heart." Our lecturer announced, making almost everyone loosen up and stretch. Other went out, probably to get coffee or something from the vendo machine. I stretched as well, my arms, my neck, and my back. 

"