Spring comes, the flowers bloom

Summer comes, making memories melt down.

 

 

“You’ll pretend it was easy for him to leave you. You’ll ignore the way tears were forming in his eyes when he said goodbye. You’ll tell your friends he probably never loved you anyway.

They’ll say you deserved better.

It’s easy to paint him as the bad guy. It’s easier to make it black and white and forget the grey. It’s easy to turn a complicated story into a simple one.

After all, how do you voice the truth?

The version of the story that hurts the most?

That he loved you, and then he left. That there was no good or bad in any of it.

That it was just mind numbingly painful to think about and too complicated to explain.

That the love both of you felt just wasn’t enough.”

                -Sue Zhao (via blossomfully) : Poets

 

 

 

Chapter 3: With love, from Hanbin.

 

I was a pathetic little girl after I broke up with June. He pushed away everything like it didn’t mean a thing to me, like our relationship was just nothing for him. Everyone knew it, me living in a place where I could see him everyday wouldn’t be too great and that’s how I went back to Miami, the place where I started with nothing.

Then there was Hanbin.

The guy who would fly miles from Korea during the limited vacations he got just to see me and just to make sure I was okay.

My boyfriend of one year- Kim Hanbin.

Apart from Hanbin, my family was the most precious thing ever. My mom and dad, they were my strength, my everything.

 

 

*Come out* the text read as Haneul peeped out of her window

Why would Hanbin want me to ‘come’ out?

Haneul ran outside as a smile formed on her lips looking at the figure outside. He waved to her as she ran to him engulfing herself in his giant embrace.

“Hey baby” Hanbin smiled hugging her tightly

“Hey” she smiled

“yah but you said you won’t be able to come and you know it’s been three months since I last saw you and—”

“I missed you” he smiled as his dimples formed at the sides of his cheek

“So cheesy” Haneul chuckled as he pecked her lightly on her forehead.

“Come let’s get inside” Haneul said grabbing his hand as her boyfriend dragged his luggage behind.

 

Dinner:

“What do you mean go back to Korea with Hanbin this weekend?” Haneul stared at her mom as Hanbin casually ate his dinner

“You knew about this didn’t you, oppa?” Haneul sighed as her boyfriend looked at her and then at her mom

“He knew about it only last night dear, and besides I’ll be coming to Seoul in a few days after you guys” her mom said as Haneul sighed

“But still, you should have at least asked if I wanted to go or if I wanted to do this...why was I not included?” Haneul asked putting down her spoon as she stopped eating, annoyed.

“Just send me wherever then, I don’t care” she muttered as she grabbed her sweater before walking out of the house.

“Aigoo, what do I do with her” her mom sighed as the son-in-law patted her reassuringly

“I’ll make her understand eomma, I’ll be back” he said before running after Haneul.

 

I don’t know why I was so mad either.

That I was being sent to Korea without my permission?

Or was it the past memories with June that I was afraid to face?

 

“I’m sorry” Hanbin’s voice said from the back as Haneul stood up about to leave

“I’m sorry” he said grabbing her wrist as he made Haneul face him

“”I can’t do this anymore” she said as her voice cracked

“I’m sorry Hanbin oppa, I really can’t do this...I really can’t forget June. I don’t want to see him anymore...I don’t want the Seoul air around me anymore” she broke down

“Hush” Hanbin patted her back hugging her

“I really don’t want to” she cried as Hanbin continued her.

 

Dear Haneul,

I’m sorry that you are in a relationship with me. I’m sorry that even after being with me for a year, he is all you think about. And I’m sorry that I can’t send you back to him though he too looks for you in every person that he meets.

I’m sorry I am selfish and want you only for myself. I’m sorry that I don’t want to see you go through all that you’ve been ever since he left you.

I’m sorry that all I can do is try to give you all the happiness you’ve lost.

And I’m sorry I can never be enough for you. But I wish you find happiness one day...I really hope I can be the one ...

With love,

Hanbin.

 

“I’m sorry” she cried as Hanbin patted her reassuringly

“That’s enough” he said pulling her back

“You can’t cry for him anymore Haneul-ah...what about all the efforts we made for the past year to not think of him anymore?” Hanbin said as Haneul looked at him

“What about us...” he said in a soft voice as Haneul looked down

“What about us?” his voice rang in her head.

 

That day, I regretted. I regretted the fact that I told my boyfriend about how I couldn’t forget Koo June. How could I possibly say that to the guy who worked so hard to give me everything?

 I really must have been a fool.

 

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