She loves me , and I don’t doubt it anymore . She loves me and I can see it in every cell of her body . I can feel the pace of her heartbeat rise whenever she’s trying to hug me , and then her all body eases down when I finally squeeze her against me . I can feel loved , and I never felt that before , maybe just once .
She’s a baby . It didn’t take her long to fall asleep on my lap . I stare at her closed eyes under a dark cloud of eyebrows . Do you know that feeling ? As if your heart is a balloon , and it’s carrying you in the beautiful skies where your shadow is covering that one and only person , protecting her from the burning sun rays . Or I don’t know . I can’t even describe . Wait ? No ! I can’t even understand this feeling . I hold her head off my lap and gently rest it on a small couch pillow .
I sit down on the carpet and hold her left hand in both mine . It’s so small and soft , so womanly . A tear drops snuck to the corner of my eyes , but I wasn’t sad , I was thankful , actually . I was wondering what’s the good I did to deserve such a beautiful reward . I don’t think I’ve been so good . I haven’t gone to church every Sunday , neither have I donated that much money to the poor . I haven’t been nice to all the people I met in my life , and broke a lot of girls’ hearts . Or is she a punishment ? Did god give her to me to make the guilt in me grow bigger ? As in : “You did bad , but I’ll reward you anyways.” . Is this his plan for making me regret all the bad things I did in life ?
I wipe a tear that slid down my right cheek and lean to kiss Amani’s hand . I move closer to her .
From now on , I’ll be closer to god . Now I believe he’s strong , and he’s able to create anything at all , because he created her . I caress her messy hair and place a kiss on her forehead . I just love her .
Tears form again and I move away to stop them from going any further. The figure of my mum surprised me . I look up at her and bitterly smile , nodding . She knows it happened , again . She knows I will be deep down in the love hole and there will be nothing to help me out of it .
She knows I will be broken with every fight , that I will break that girl’s heart again . She knows that one day , she , too , will get enough of my and just leave . My mother knows . She knows i’ll be drinking every drop of alcohol in every closet and drawer in my house and I’ll be losing weight and crying on my own . She knows I will be destroyed , because that’s how I am . I ruin people’s hearts and let myself rot in the guilt right after . She knows I will be ignoring every other girl that comes in my life for the next seven years , again . But she smiled back , and let me be . Because that’s what mothers do , if there is the smallest glimpse of hope that their kids will be happy , they let them be . And I will be happy with Amy by side . Always and forever , if forever existed .

18 months later :
“ Bae !! We’re late !!” I complain over the phone as soon as she answered .
“Oh , I’m sorry . I am about to put my shoes on ! You know I’m not used to these kinds of things. I’m so stressed ! I don’t know if my make up is on point or if my hair is done good .” She paused . “Why didn’t you take someone else with you ? I don’t fit that luxury . .” She finished .
“Shut up and get your down here ! I’m waiting in the car .”
“You’re already here ?” She screamed in surprise .
“I have been parked in front of your apartment for the past thirty minutes . Come down already !”
“Ok . Ok . I’ll put my shoes on . See y..”
“NO!” I interrupt . “Stay on the phone with me . I know if we end this call you’ll go back at doubting your hair , you’ll try to fix it , you’ll ruin it all , and you’ll need another hour to fix it again .”
She burst out in laughter and finished : “You silly . Ok . I’m putting my shoes on . I’ll end the call now.”
I smile and put my phone back in my pocket . She wouldn’t feel under that much pressure if she knew my plans for tonight . I am the one that should be curled in a corner , worrying . I dig my hand in the pocket of my coat and bring the little red box . I open it and stare to the little ring I chose for her . The worries in my heart grew . What if she says no ?
“Babe ! I’m here .” She yelled barely running in her heels .
I run my eyes up and down her body . She looked stunning . I jump at her sight and barely made it alive putting the ring back into my pocket . 
“Hey !” She sighed getting in the car .
Words couldn’t leave my throat . She looked terrific . I’m mean enough to think of all the jealous men that will be dropping their chins tonight because I have such a beautiful lady with me .
“Hi !” I smile , leaning in to kiss her pink lips . She forcefully kissed me back , opening the window .

“What’s up ?” I ask .

“I’m so stressed !”

“It’s just a an exhibition , Amy !”

“I know . I’m not stressed for that. I’m stressed for you , I don’t want to embarrass you . I know a lot of important people will be there , and a lot of people from work and from the biggest companies in the world . I don’t want them to think low of you because of your companion !”

“You’re not my companion . You’re my woman ! And if they don’t like you , they can all go rot in hell .”

She sighed one last time as I start the car . To be honest , I’m enjoying her current state . She’s too stressed not knowing what I have planned for her . She doesn’t know , in the schedule, there’s “Seunghyun proposing to his girl” written in big letters to the organizers of the exhibition . If everything goes right , tonight , she will be wearing that ring that says : “Y’all off , someone already owns me .” to all the men who try to approach her .

“Are you ready ?” I ask , holding her hand and standing in front of the entrance .
She nodded .
My steps get heavier the more I walk in the place . As soon as we show up inside , a group of people looked my way and smiled : “ Here he is !” . Said John , my british associate that I haven’t seen in about three or four years . My business with him have always been done online . The first time we met , it was at an exhibition of one of my students in Germany . Turns out he was the