I rush to the dressing room of the guys, Taehyung must definitely be there . I want to meet him before he gets on stage . I knock a couple of times but get no response . It’s already so noisy with all the fans screaming in the background . I take a deep breath and abruptly open the door , tears fighting to come out . I look around trying to find Taehyung . He was bent over trying to fix something in his pants knee hole . I rush his direction . I wasn’t aware of anything I was doing . I’ve been thinking of what I said to Seunghyun this morning . I basically did nothing with my life for the whole day besides thinking . I feel so guilty and I wish death to myself because of what I did to Taehyung this morning . I pull him up and push him against the table behind him . There’s something I need to make sure of . I didn’t care about all the managers , bandmates , makeup artists . I didn’t care about anyone at that moment . I need to do this . Taken aback , he left himself sit on the table and I grab his face into my hands , abruptly kissing him . With every move I made , and every move he made , I only cried further . We never really kissed that often , or that passionately , so I didn’t really know how I would feel about it . I bit on his lower lip , only crying further . He tried to push me back , but I can’t , not now , I still didn’t get what I wanted .
“Just a little longer.” I beg against his lips .
“I have a stage in five minutes .”
“Please !” I beg further looking into his eyes .
He pushed me back , catching breath , and pierced my soul with his glare .
I wipe my mouth looking away . As much as I loved kissing him ,  I hated what I was thinking of .
Taehyung grabbed my wrist and dragged me behind him , heading to the door . He angrily opened it and pushed me before him before closing the door behind him . We continued our walk to a small isolated corridor . He pushed me again before him :
“What’s wrong with you ?”
Again , I was trying not to cry . I move forwards , approaching his face again . He turned away from me and my dignity dropped .
“Don’t turn away from me .” I order.
“What was all of that about ? “ He questioned .
“Taehyung !”
“Answer me !” He yelled .
I jump to his sudden anger . My shaking hands barely made it to hide my face . What is happening to me ?
“You’ve been my best friend for so long , can’t you just do me one more favor and kiss me !” I cry .
He sighed .
“Amani  ,what’s wrong with you ? I know you’re not that kind of person !” His voice softened .
“I know that you know I’m not that kind of person , and I know you wouldn’t get me wrong if I asked you to kiss me . So please , do it for me !” I use up the last drop of hope I had .
“I won’t get you wrong , but all the people out there , what do you think they’ll be thinking about you right now ?”
“I don’t care !”
“I know something’s wrong , but this isn’t the way to fix it , Amy .”
“This is the only way to do it , Taehyung . Believe me .”
He looked at me , sorry , for a couple of minutes .
“Ok ,then , if you really need it .”
He hesitated a moment before kissing me again . I was painfully crying to all the thoughts in my brain ,and sooner i could feel his tight b*ner against my belly . The guilt in me only grew bigger .
“I’m such a horrible person.” I whisper parting away from him , breaking down in tears .
Out of breath , Taehyung sat besides me on the ground . I could see how bad he was trying to ease his b*ner , and how bad he felt about having it in the first place . I could see the sorry look in his eyes looking at me then back at it . I could see all the guilt he was feeling because of a very natural and biological thing .
After completely catching breath , he moved my side and whispered :
“I’m sorry about that . I’m really sorry . I knew it would happen , that