December 17, 2015

Dear diary,

            This last week, I had this confidence that I never knew was possible. I texted Yerin a lot, I sent her a lot of pictures and even flirted with her in person! And having this overwhelming confidence, I decided to tell Yerin that I was a lesbian and tell her I like her. It was in the morning and I walked up to her. I had a whole script in my mind, what to say, what to say after for all the possible reactions. I was prepared for everything! I knew she knew… but I just wanted to see her reaction, would she act surprised? I was curious.

            “Hey I have something to tell you,” I said. I hate starting conversations like this, like… it always never ends up good. She smiled at me and replied with a little, “What is it?” And just hearing her voice gave me the little push that I needed.

            “I like girls,” I said. “And, I like you. I felt like you needed to know,”

            She didn’t reply, which was a little disappointing and surprising, as it totally wasn’t like her to not react. I started to panic a little and continued on saying how she doesn’t need to be pressured to do anything, blah, blah. She let out a sigh and placed her head in her hands, which made me feel even worse.

            “If you don’t want to be friends anymore, I completely understand, I’m so-“

            “I’m so happy,” she said.

            At first, I thought that it was kind of strange for her to act that way, I mean, yeah, I came out to her, but I also confessed to her. I remember thinking that if she was going to be this happy, I should’ve told her right after Sana told her.

            “I thought Sana was lying to me only to push me to confess to you,” Yerin said.

            I remember my mouth dropping… I mean… The girl I love just said that she liked me! Shortly after, she hugged me and repeated that she liked me and that she was happy. It made me happy! I didn’t expect this outcome… I mean, this seemed so surreal. It feels like something that came straight out of a fanfic!

            I still can’t believe it, but

            I’m dating the girl I love!

            We promised not to tell Sana, knowing the big mouth she is, but I told Umji and Sinb and they were so happy for me. Umji gave Sinb the “I told you so” look and Sinb just pinched her cheek replying “Yeah, yeah,” guess sometimes, believing does work. I completely ditched my “tell her when she’s a senior” plan, but I’m glad I did.

            I also told Yuju and Sowon (they are both in my science class) and Yuju looked like she was going to cry while Sowon patted me on the back. Apparently, Sowon already knew about Yerin liking me back, but she didn’t tell either of us about our feelings to each other because she didn’t want to mess anything up. She’s aual so she doesn’t really know what would be the best thing to do when two people like each other.

            Besides them, our relationship is kind of secret as it’d be annoying if people found out…

            I’m kind of glad that we’re keeping it low because those couples in the hallways that always kiss and display their love are kind of annoying sometimes… I’m happy that Yerin agrees…

            I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE I’M DATING THE GIRL I LOVE THOUGH!

            This feels like a dream! I better not wake up and find that this was all fake!

Eunha

LOVE IS IN THE AIRRRRRRRRRRRRR