October 5, 2015

Dear diary,

Did I tell you that Yuju out of school for this whole week? Well… now I did. She went to Japan… out of nowhere! She’s so lucky, but I was lonely! I have a lot of classes with her as she’s in the same grade as me, but I was so lonely since she was gone! Have I mentioned my social anxiety? Well, let me tell you… it’s terrible!

So I went to homecoming a week ago, and boy was I having a breakdown. It’s not like my friends left me, they kept me company, but the thought that there were literally a couple thousand other students that could possibly be judging me made me just lose it. Of course, I didn’t show it on my face… that would’ve been even worse… I grabbed my trusty little headphones, put on Beethoven and blocked everyone else out. Anyways, Homecoming was not worth the $15.

Anyways, back to Yuju ditching me for Japan… It was a long terrible 4 days (she’s coming back tonight). I’m so happy she’s coming back. Sinb tried to talk to me to calm my awkward overload, but that girl is just too popular so she only attracted more attention, which resulted in more anxiety. I’m a pretty nice person when you get to know me… but before that… It’s pretty bad…

The practice ACT is coming up. I’m not too pumped to see what I’ll get, but I feel bad for always talking about my stress when Sowon and Yerin should be stressing out more. Sowon is pretty confident and stress doesn’t seem to affect her, but I don’t know whom Yerin feels… like if anything she should be the one stressing out about school and not me… what if she thinks that I’m just being stupid and self-centered and not thinking about what she or Sowon feels… I’m a terrible person… I want to be like Yerin and put others in front of myself, but I just can’t… I’m a wreck, socially, mentally and academically… Yerin’s been holding in her stress and going on with a smile… I should do that too.

EunHa