December 12, ****

I pushed Choi Sooyoung off the staircase. I was so scared because I did it in a crucial time and place. Its my first time too and the feeling is unexplainable. I can't explain why I'm so happy and relieved about it. I hope she dies so I wouldn't have to go to her and do more work than I already have to. My plan is slowly put piece by piece. Not a single can stop me. Right now I'm here in my dark and cold room typing in my computer my exciting experience.

On another thought, I have been sending Luhan gifts. I wonder if he likes it though but of course he does. Why wouldn't he? A woman who wholly gives her heart to him is much more satisfying than that Seohyun who thinks she can have him all her life and doesn’t even care about him. Sooner or later, Luhan will see what he's been missing and I'm here to help him.

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Seohyun woke up or rather, decided to stop pretending that she was sleeping to see Luhan sleeping on the end of the bed with the side of his upper body on  it and his legs on the side dangling. He must have slept while looking after us. She thought and got up half of her body and leaned it on the border. “Oppa!” She called as she shook his shoulder lightly to wake him up. “You have to position your body properly on the bed so you wouldn't be bedsore.” she added and went off the bed to offer her side to Luhan. “Thank you. I’ll just take a few more minutes and then we'll get ready.” “It's still dawn and you need as much rest oppa after all the work in the office. We’ll visit in the morning.” Seohyun told him before she went out to call Sunny.

“Unnie how's Sooyoung unnie?” Seohyun asked as she settled on the cold and cozy sofa in the living room. “Hyunie the doctor hasn't come out of the operation yet. I don't know why they're taking forever it's just a freaking fall from the stairs!!!! It wouldn't cause that much damage right??!!” Sunny worriedly replied almost shouting the words. “She was pushed so the fall had more impact. But let's not lose hope. Is Chanyeol and Suho there?” “Yes and my husband and Yoona and Sunggi also.” Sunny replied. “Okay. We’ll be over there in a few hours. Rest first.” Sunny agreed and they hung up the phone. Seohyun sighed and slumped her back on the soft sofa. Why does this have to happen? She thought. The silence of the morning did not help her sleep and the ticking of the wall clock seemed louder. Seohyun tried to think of other things but they all end up on Sooyoung that made her frustrated. It was hard for her to act strong in such a situation but it was no use crying like the rest. She barely even had slept or maybe she hadn't slept a wink even. She stared at the view outside her window. It was what you can expect in that hour, desolate street and a pale light coming from the lightposts. A screeching cry came from a running cat as the neighborhood dog ran after it. If only she can. But she can't. She doesn't know how to or where to find the culprit. She could only painfully wait until the police come out with a trace of him or her or them and Sooyoung to wake up. “Look at you. You're the one who needs sleep.” she was startled to hear Luhan from out of no where. “Han oppa?” She squinted to the staircase and there stood Luhan fumbling over the wall searching for the switch. Seohyun hurriedly went to him and the light herself. “You could have called me when you wanted to come down. You can't see a thing. what if you fall?” Her eyebrows furrowed as she reprimanded the older guy. “Let's sit on the sofa first.” he told her as he reached her hand and guided her back to the big sofa. “How did you know I wasn't able to sleep? You can't see my face through the dark.” Seohyun asked staring at the floor. “I can feel it. Actually I was really dying to hold you back in the bedroom but I know you were trying to be strong so I respected that. But I can't let you go out in that state.” Seohyun looked at him and sadly stared for a few seconds. “But I can't sleep even if I want to.” she finally replied and was immediately pulled by Luhan. “I will make you sleep.” he said as he placed her head on his lap and raked his fingers through her cool hair. Seohyun closed her eyes and focused her thoughts on Luhan’s fingers that continued to run through her hair. A melodic voice followed it and soon she fell asleep.

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As soon as the first ray of sunshine broke signaling the morning had come, they all came in groups and hurriedly joined Sunny and the rest as they waited for the red light to die and the doctor to come out with, hopefully a good news. Taeyeon, who came with Chen who cancelled his schedules for the day to join them, quietly sat on the chair and eyed the red bulb over the door of the operating room. “Are you fine now Taeyeon?” She peeled her eyes off the bulb and glanced to her side and was shocked to see Kris sitting next to her. “You were so focused you didn't notice I came and sat next to you.” He smiled as Taeyeon stared at him for a few seconds before giving out a tired and sorry chuckle. They were silent for a few seconds but they didn't feel awkward about it. Not even Kris. “Thank you for taking the responsibility of Taehyung. Sooyoung will be thankful for sure.” “Taehyung needs a distraction. As he stays in the orphanage, there are kids his age that can play with him so he would think less of his mother.” Taeyeon nodded her head and smiled at Kris. “You will become a really good father one day Kris. Its not hard to tell.” her comment caught Kris off guard and he looked away to cover his blushing face. “I-I'm not really sure if that time will come but I feel what all other father's feel whenever I’m with the kids in the orphanage.” he replied.

Soon the doctor came out while taking off his mask and they all gathered in front of him. “How's she doctor?” Yoona restlessly asked clasping her hands together as if praying. “The patient hemorrhaged in the brain too much both from the accident and the operation. She received multiple fractures as well but the good thing is that her vital signs are back to normal.” “Oh thank goodness!!!” Yoona exclaimed and hugged her husband. They were all slowly calming down with the good news. “But also in connection to the huge amount of lost blood added that it took a lot of time for her to be sent to the hospital, she is now in coma.” The doctor said in a sorry but professional manner. “What? Coma?” Taeyeon asked as breathed deeply to calm herself. “Yes. we are not sure when she wakes up but she has a good chance of surviving so please do not lose hope.” “Can we see her?” Jessica asked. “She's still vulnerable after the operation. Tomorrow you can after we place her in a new room.” The doctor replied and excused himself. “It is a good thing that Sooyoung responded well in the operation. We just have to believe in her and wait until she wakes up.” Suho reassuringly told the rest and they all nodded in understanding.

Nothing can be done afterwards so they all decided to stay together in the orphanage so they went to there after they took their necessities from their respective homes.

“Seohyun I'm really sorry I couldn't be there for you when you needed me but I have to go back to Europe because my parents need me there. I'm sorry.”

Seohyun read the text sent by Joohyuk. She hadn't even realized that he had been absent all these time. And now reading his text proved her something. She was truly disappointed but she did not show it . If he's not willing to be there for me in tough times then he doesn't deserve my time. she thought and pocketed her phone. “You okay maknae?” Yuri asked as she and Hyoyeon walked to her and sat either side of her in the bench. “Just tired.” Seohyun replied and smiled acutely at them. “Don't worry, our Christmas will be perfect. Sooyoung better wake up now.” Hyoyeon joked as she acted mad at the said woman. “You hear me Choi Sooyoung???!! You wouldn't miss the Christmas dinner right??!!! Of course you wont. So you wake up now or we’re gonna have ice cream and ham and all those mouth watering food you can imagine for Christmas while you're stuck in that tasteless dextrose!!!!” She yelled and choked as she broke down into tears. “I'm sorry. I just wanted to lighten the mood but I worsened it.” Yuri and Seohyun wiped her tears. A rare occasion for Hyoyeon was never a person to show her weakness. “It's gonna be fine.” Yuri told her and Seohyun seconded.

The kids were in the playroom running around as they played. Taehyung was on the floor with Jihoo and Kyungsan playing with some legos. “Hyung is it nice sleeping here?” Kyungsan asked with hands full of Lego blocks as he unwittingly put them together. “Yes because I can play and eat whenever I want.” “Kyungsan want too.” the younger boy commented. A boy came up to them and joined them on the floor. “Hi Mark!!” Jihoo exclaimed and waved his hand at the kid. “Hi!!” Mark cheerily replied and waved back. “Mark and I shared a bed last night.” Taehyung commented. “Oh!oh! I want to join!!” Jihoo giddily raised his hand and Kyungsan butted in saying he wanted the same. “But the bed is enough for two of us only.” Taehyung told them and Kyungsan pouted as Jihoo being the eldest among the four rubbed his back. “Besides, the beds are only for orphans.” Mark added. “What is an orphan?” Kyungsan asked. “Kids who don't have an omma and appa. Like me and Taehyung.” Taehyung furrowed his eyebrows as Kyungsan and Jihoo did not understand him. “But Hyung has Sooyoung auntie. Sooyoung auntie is your omma right?” Jihoo asked. “But she's dead now.” Mark replied. “She's not!!!” Taehyung shouted and punched Mark across the face. Mark was shocked when he was punched and immediately punched back. “She's dead now. That's what happened to my parents. There was blood and they were sleeping on the floor!!!!” Mark yelled and Taehyung froze. “Stop this!!!” Jihoo shouted as all the kids looked at Taehyung and Mark. “What is happening here?!” Chanyeol came in as soon as he heard the shouts. “Uncle am I an orphan?” Taehyung asked and cried. Chanyeol gasped and immediately walked to his aid. Wiping his tears away, Chanyeol asked “Who told you that?” He asked in a serious tone. “Mark.” Chanyeol turned to Mark as the child nervously shifted in his place. “He told me last night that he saw his mother sleeping on the floor with blood around her. That's what I saw when my parents were killed.” Chanyeol sighed and gestured for Mark to go nearer. “Kids listen. Sooyoung noona is not dead. She is now curing her wounds.” “So I'm not an orphan?” Chanyeol shook his head. “No you are not.” Taehyung hugged him and he hugged back. “We will visit your omma tomorrow if you want.” Taehyung merrily ran around the room hugging each kid saying “I'm gonna visit my omma!!!!! Yehet!!!!” The kids laughed at Taehyung but Mark. “What's wrong Mark?” Chanyeol asked after noticing the glum look of the  child. “I'm sorry uncle Chanyeol. I made Taehyung cry!!” Chanyeol hushed the crying boy as he closed his eyes and thought of Sooyoung. I know you're going to wake up Sooyoung noona. We all know that.  He left the kids after Mark and Taehyung said their sorrys and resumed playing. Where did they learn how to punch?  He sighed.

The night had a cool breeze and Taeyeon hugged herself as she sat on the swing gazing up the sky. It was bedtime and she had tucked Jimin to bed and prepared herself as well. The crunching of leaves jolted her and she turned her back to see Kris in his cotton shirt and pajama. “Sorry.” He shyly told her. “It's okay.” She replied and watched him as he settled on the swing next to hers. “Isn't this the second time we're in the swing set together?” Taeyeon nodded her head and smiled when Kris looked to her. “The atmosphere is nice here. I feel at peace.” Taeyeon commented. Kris smiled to himself and was honestly shocked and overwhelmed for managing to have long conversations with Taeyeon that day.“Do you know what I have been thinking a few moments ago?” Kris asked and she shook her head. “I realized how this incident although none of us wanted it, Paved way for things to draw closer to each other.” Taeyeon looked at Kris curiosly. “What do you mean?” “There are secrets that have long been kept and feelings that always wanted to burst out and be known but it never happened because there was a barrier. That barrier was built by the feelings itself. But now they have naturally broken down and everything is just beautiful. Though they haven't been expressed clearly yet but it’s a start.” Kris smiled and Taeyeon's breath hitched as her heart hammered in her chest. A feeling that have long been lost is coming back to her. A flash of her husband's image ran through her mind. He was smiling now though. Totally opposite to the usual sad look he carried whenever he visits her dreams. And that's when she agreed that everything is beautiful.

“Show omma your teeth.” Kyungsan clicked his teeth against each other twice before he locked them while smiling widely. “Very good!” Seohyun exclaimed after she checked his teeth. “Omma Taehyung hyung and Mark hyung cried.” Kyungsan pouted and Seohyun stopped moving as she glanced at her son. “Why did they cry?” “Sooyoung auntie is dead.” Seohyun gasped and widened her eyes. “Who told you that? Your aunt is not dead. Okay?” Kyungsan nodded and Seohyun just stood their thinking of Sooyoung and her deep unconsciousness. Unnie we'll be waiting. She thought and smiled knowing that Sooyoung will not disappoint them. “Now let's put powder on you.” She snapped out of her thoughts and reached for the powder that was sitting a few inches away from Kyungsan on the bathroom sink. Seohyun turned to the door as soon as she heard knocks and it clicked open as Luhan peered through it. “Appa!!!” Kyungsan excitedly raised his arms and swung his legs at the sight of his father. Seohyun smiled and her gaze did not miss the dark circles under his eyes. It was as dark as hers she thought. “Hello!” Luhan said almost in a whisper. “How are you little boy?” He asked and settled on the sink beside his son. “Oppa get down.” Seohyun sternly told Luhan as she busied herself rubbing the baby powder over Kyungsan 's back. Luhan jumped off and told Kyungsan never to follow that. Seohyun put on a fresh shirt to Kyungsan and combed his hair with a brush. “Each day he's looking much and much like you. What should I do?” She said. “What do you mean what should you do? Aren't you happy our Kyungsan will surely grow up handsome like me?!” Luhan exclaimed and showed his unbelieving face to Seohyun. Seohyun rolled her eyes and chuckled afterwards. “Let's go to sleep honey.” Seohyun told Kyungsan and Luhan carried him and they went to the children's bedroom. They tucked him to bed where the kids were already sleeping. “Don't make a noise Kyungsan okay?” Luhan said and the child nodded his head. Seohyun and Luhan took turns in placing a kiss on the child's forehead before they turned the lights off and left. They walked along the hallway not talking to each other for a while as they were both in deep thoughts. Seohyun was thinking of Luhan and then of Joohyuk. She was torn between the two of them but now Joohyuk left. As much as she wanted to cry, she can't. She couldn't find herself to be so upset about him leaving and she did not bother to wonder why. When she was younger, the thought of trusting her heart to a boy disgusted and maddened her. Why must I entrust everything to a man? I can do everything I want by myself!!! She once told Jessica in high school. She hated the idea of being dependent to someone else especially a man. Luhan oppa is the only guy I trust in everything. She added. In retrospect, Seohyun wished she could turn back time and not let herself slowly fall for Joohyuk. It was a relief she hadn't fallen completely. And now she is left with Luhan again. She laughed loudly and forgot that the said man was walking with her. “Have you gone crazy?!” Luhan raised an eyebrow and she quickly shook her head and hands at him. “I was thinking of something.” she said and turned to Luhan. They were now before the door of the ladies' assigned room. If there is a man I can trust my heart it would be you oppa. She told Luhan in her mind and smiled as Luhan furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “You're weirding me out.” He commented and pecked Seohyun on the forehead. “I'll go to the boys' room now.” He turned his back. “Oppa wait!!!” Seohyun grabbed on his shoulder and tiptoed to his height. Luhan turned around and both of them froze as their lips slightly brushed. Seohyun stepped back astounded and nervously chuckled as she looked up to the man. Luhan smirked. “Yes?” He asked and Seohyun troubled herself in forming words to speak. She gave up and sighed. She once again tiptoed and pressed her lips on Luhan's cheek for a few seconds. She peeled herself from him and smiled. “Have a good sleep oppa. I love you!!” She waved her hand and Luhan robotically nodded his head twice and walked away with his shocked face.

Luhan stop this goddamit!!! It's not a kiss in the lips!! She does this all the time. He thought. But she never gave me that kind of good night kiss!!!! He frustratingly ruffled his hair as he headed to his room.

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heyah!!!!!!