The voice that never failed to make me smile. The smile that shines brighter than the sun. The subtle gestures that pierces through my soul.  The details of the woman I unrequitedly love. But now I fear all of them. I fear to see her smile and speak. Her angelic voice that has come to stir the pain in me. Her smile that mocks my despair. Her actions that shows affection not to me but for someone else. I don’t want to go on wrecked but whatever I do to come to her and act fine, I become more of a coward. I am pathetic. How low can I even get?

A month since Seohyun and Joohyuk had officially dated, Luhan buried himself to the depths of work that his friends have come to pity him. As Kyungsoo have said, ‘Oh how I want to beat the crap out of him for acting like a brokenhearted retard from a cliché romance drama.’ Luhan knew that his friends were aware of his love sickness. He was devastated but he no longer cried. One can cry so much and then at the end of the day nothing changes. And besides he’s got nothing left to shed. All the tears went down the drain already so he distracted himself through working endlessly day and night. He typed on his laptop even though he was having a migraine. It was the third day of his attacks and he just came back from the restroom after vomiting.  He barely puked out anything solid as he wasn’t eating properly as well for the past weeks. The employees had gone worried seeing their boss look as if he was going to pass out any second. Among these employees, Minah was an exception. She was so happy that he stayed longer in the office and often times they were left alone. Of course she has an excuse why she stayed back with him for she was his secretary. Countless of times he told her that she wasn’t needed but she “shyly” brushed it off saying she needs to be the thoughtful and responsible secretary.

The employees furrowed their eyebrows and eyed Minah in suspicion as she headed with a bottle of wine and two wineglasses in hand towards Luhan’s office. “She’s so creepy.” One commented softly after she had passed by them. Minah knocked on Luhan’s door and confidently stepped inside without even hearing any reply from him. “Mr. Lu, the investors are asking if the meeting will resume this afternoon or will be postponed for tomorrow.” She said invitingly as she stood next to Luhan who was taking a pain reliever pill. “Don’t postpone it. We’ll move it this evening though because I have another appointment with Mr. Kang.” He replied not sparing a glance to her and proceeded to his unfinished work. Minah placed the wine and glasses on his table and walked to his back. Luhan didn’t notice her until he felt her hands on his shoulders. “Sir you’ve gone so stiff and exhausted let me help you.” And then she pressed and massaged his shoulders. Luhan abruptly bolted upwards and turned to face her. Minah looked back with an innocent face. Luhan sighed before saying “Ms. Park, go back to your post.”

“Awww but I have some wine here. Have a break Luhan. You need it.”

“No thank you.”

Luhan settled back to his seat but Minah remained planted on her spot. Instead of following him, she opened the bottle and poured to the two wineglasses. “Ms. Park.” Luhan called her attention and gritted his teeth. She was starting to annoy him yet again. “Relax Luhan-

“It’s Mr. Lu for you.” He cut her off and she giggled. “Just drink with me. It’ll help you.” She insisted. “I said no!!!” Luhan shouted so loud it reached to the employees outside. Minah put the glasses back on the table so harshly and glared at Luhan. “Why are you shouting at me??!! I’m just helping you get over Seohyun-ssi!!!!” she shouted back. “I don’t need your help Minah!!!! off!!!” he cursed. Minah was startled and cleared . “I’m sorry for nosing Mr. Lu but it’s not just me who’s worried. Everyone in this building is.” She told him apologetically. “I’m sorry for yelling and saying those words too Ms. Park but please I need you to leave me alone.” She nodded and went out of the room.

Minah stormed her way to the ladies’ restroom. As she was passing by the other employees’ posts, murmurs erupted as she cursed and pushed people aside. “Did boss just yell at her?” they started to gossip about her. “She’s just a temporary assistant but she acts like she owns the building.” A man in specs commented.

 “I will kill you if I see you!! I will kill you!!” Minah spat as she continued to walk in angry steps. She didn’t bother looking up and say sorry to the person she just bumped into. Kyungsoo gritted his teeth as his fruit tea spilled over his newly bought shirt and looked back to Park Minah’s distancing back. “What’s wrong with you woman???!!!!” he yelled and shook his head.

Inside the white-tiled ladies’ restroom, Minah eyed her reflection in the mirror as beads of sweat surfaced on her forehead. “You’re already hooking up with someone yet he still thinks of you.” Minah gasped as she struggled for air. Her tears rolled down her cheeks from her bloodshot eyes as the ghostly light of the ladies’ restroom added to the loneliness and anger she felt inside. It was eating her up. Her unfocused eyes shifted from one corner to another as her stomached twisted. She ran to the door and locked it before anyone enters. She needed the place for herself. She walked back to the sink and grabbed her purse from the counter. Her clammy hands were shaking as she hurriedly rummaged inside her bag looking for a piece of foil-covered necessity she had been keeping. She smiled weakly and brought the side of her black skirt upwards as she pointed the sharp edge of the blade to the skin of her right thigh. “Seo Joohyun.” She muttered her name with rage and disgust as she cut a line from her skin. She released a sigh of relief and cut herself once more. Blood gushed out of her skin as she quickly let go of her skirt to cover her cuts. She wiped off the blood from her blade with her thumb and pointing finger, cutting herself in the process. She smiled once again from the satisfaction she got. She covered it back with foil and hid it inside her purse. Then she went out with a wide grin on her face.

“Hyung did anything happen here?” Kyungsoo asked as he and Luhan settled on the coach by the door. Luhan told him what happened and he also informed him of his unfortunate encounter with Minah. “Anyways, how are you?” he asked trying to not look like he wasn’t annoyed at Luhan’s dilemma. “I’m….gonna be okay. I’ll get over it.” He assured him. Kyungsoo shot him an annoyed look and heaved a sigh. “You know what hyung, I really want to punch you in the face right now. Sehyunie is technically still single. She’s not taken!!” “I know what you mean but she likes him so much and I just want to see her smile.” He told him and received a glare from the younger man.

“I read a quote just a few days ago and I want to tell it to you. It said that if a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what.”

Luhan pondered upon Kyungsoo’s words.

___________

A smile crept up Joohyuk’s face as the lady he’s been waiting to dine dinner with gracefully walks to him with a white lacy dress on and a heavenly aura. “Hi!” he greeted childishly. Seohyun smiled and he pulled the chair for her to sit. That evening, for their 6^th date, they dined in an Italian restaurant. Seohyun patiently waited as Joohyuk ordered for their meal and thought of his taste. He’s been taking me to expensive restaurants and art exhibits. He surely has some high class taste. Seohyun is as well fond of anything fancy but if she were to be asked to give her honest opinion on their dates, she would definitely say she wasn’t entirely satisfied. If she were to decide on what kind of date she would like, which he never allowed her because, he hugged all the responsibility, she would go for something with more activity in it like hiking, biking or anything that triggers her adrenaline. She thought it would’ve been a better idea so her nervousness would get erased. She was new to it after all.

Joohyuk can’t help but compliment Seohyun as she was so breathtaking that evening. Her eyes so clear he could get lost whenever he stares at them, her perfect fair skin that housed her goddess profile and her very aura that screams “priceless masterpiece”. She was like a living painting that he can’t get his eyes off. Joohyuk snapped out of his thoughts and sighed. “Is there anything wrong?” Seohyun asked and he shook his head. “What do you say about the food?” he asked and was glad that she liked it.

After their sumptuous dinner, Joohyuk took Seohyun to a road trip. He was surprised to see, for the first time,  Seohyun looking so excited that he wondered whether or not she enjoyed their previous dates. He shooed the useless thought away and drove them to nowhere in particular. As he was driving, he couldn’t stop but notice the wide smile plastered on Seohyun’s face displaying her set of pearl white teeth. She’s so beautiful. I’m ‘bout to choke. He joked in his mind and laughed at himself. “Why are you laughing?” Seohyun asked. “Nothing you’re just too cute.” Seohyun then laughed with him. They were laughing and laughing until he remembered he shouldn’t. He must stay in focus. “Why?” she asked the same question twice now. “I need to focus while driving.” He replied as he fixed his eyes on the road ahead. And so they drove without talking that even though Seohyun had liked the idea of road-tripping, in that moment she preferred to visit an art museum instead. At least when they’re watching paintings and sculptures they can actually talk to each other.

___________________

Luhan exhaustedly climbed the stairs to his bedroom as he was loosening his tie. But even though he did go home, he wasn’t planning on taking a rest and instead, continue with his paperworks. He was basically dragging himself because of tiredness. As he walked to the intersection heading towards his bedroom, the irritated face of his father, Mr. Lu was what he first saw. “Dad? You’re home? Why?” he showered his father with questions. “Thanks to you, Inguk and I had to postpone our hiking trip. What are you doing to yourself son?” an eyebrow bolted up on Mr. Lu’s face. He noticed the dark circles under Luhan’s eyes and even though he didn’t know that Luhan was experiencing heartbreak, he can’t be fooled with an excuse like “he’s turned into a workaholic” since he himself was once a workaholic and Luhan’s actions don’t seem like he was overworking due to being workaholic. Mr. Lu knows he had a problem but he didn’t press Luhan on that yet. “Isn’t this what you want me to do? Be dedicated to my work and look at us now, the company’s stocks are higher.” Luhan told him with an insincere smile. “The stocks will go up even if you don’t overwork!” He told him in a way as if he was slapping it on his face.  “And I’m not asking you to kill yourself. Anyways, I came here to take charge on the company to buy you some time to rest.” Luhan was about to speak when..

“That’s not really necessary Mr. Lu.” Minah spoke coming from behind Luhan’s back. Luhan turned as Mr. Lu shifted his gaze on the tall woman who still had her work clothes on. “What are you doing here Ms. Park?” Luhan asked and Minah smiled confidently. “You left your briefcase sir so I brought it for you.” Oh! I forgot. Luhan thought as he took the case from her. But didn’t she leave first? And how come I forgot my briefcase?

“Is there anything else Minah?” Mr. Lu asked seeing that she didn’t mean to leave yet. “I-

“Luhan!!!”

Minah was cut off when Luhan suddenly collapsed on the floor. Mr. Lu crouched down and placed his head on his lap. “Mrs. Jihyo!!” he called for the middle aged maid and in seconds she came running with her stained apron. “Yes master!” She gasped when she saw Luhan’s state. “Call Dr. Kim.” The maid immediately complied and called the family doctor who happened to be Suho’s father and the owner of the biggest hospital in South Korea.

___________

Joohyuk stopped in front of Seohyun’s house. From their spot, they could hear the loud laughters of Kyungsan and Baekhyun who volunteered to nurse the child. “Thank you. I appreciate it.” Seohyun said sincerely. “I hope you enjoyed.” He asked and was replied by a nod. The alley was only lighted by a street lamp that had managed to penetrate through his car and somewhat spotlighted Seohyun’s face. It made her features more noticeable and Joohyuk was especially entrapped with her small but full lips. Finally he leaned forward for a kiss but Seohyun quickly looked away. “I-I’m sorry. I can’t.” she told him. Although he was disappointed, he understood her because it was too early for that. We’re not even in a relationship yet. He told himself. “It’s okay.” He assured her but Seohyun saw the disappointment in his eyes. They bid their goodbyes and separated.

“Omma!!!” Seohyun gasped when she saw the wreck her living room had turned into. “What happened here?” she asked no one as she carried the giggling Kyungsan in her arms. Baekhyun came out of the kitchen looking more wrecked than her living room. “What happened to you??!!!” She gaped. “What happened to my house??!!” she added as Baekhyun smild sheepishly while scratching his head. “Kyungan’s a bit hyperactive.” He reasoned as Seohyun’s raised an eyebrow.

Beep…beep…. Seohyun heard her phone. She took it out and answered it as Baekhyun rearranged the tumbled living room. “What??! Is he okay??!! I’ll go.” Bekhyun was startled when Seohyun exclaimed s loudly. And what he heard seemed not so good. “Why? What happened?” he asked in panic. “Luhan oppa collapsed.” He gasped. Seohyun held him by the shoulders and was about to speak when he cut her off. “Go now. I’ll take care of Kyungsan.” Seohyun smiled and thanked him for his great help. “Stay here for the night. You can take the guest room at the end of the hallway upstairs Baekhyun. Thank you!!” she told him and hurriedly went out and climbed her car. She was in so much hurry that she didn’t notice Joohyuk’s car still planted on the spot where they bid their goodbyes.

I’m just the man who showers you with flattery but he’s the one your heart ignorantly beats for. You’re so confused Seo Joohyun.

_____________

“Why the hell did you call her??!!!” Minah bawled out at Dr. Kim. “Idon’t know what your problem is but Luhan wants to see her.” Minah clenched her hands and walked to the doctor who was checking Luhan as he was having a high fever. “I can take care of him!!!” she yelled. Dr. Kim kept his composure being a doctor but she was getting on his every nerve. Minah took Luhan’s hand as she sat at the side of his bed. “Hyunie please.” He murmured audibly. She was taken aback and scoffed before walking out. Mr. Lu was coming in as she was leaving. “What happened?” he asked the doctor. “It’s better she leaves.” That was the only thing the annoyed doctor told him.

Seohyun walks in with a worried face and she was panting. “Uncle!!!”  She exclaimed and she hugged Mr. Lu. Mr. Lu patted her back. “Doc what happened?” she was trying to calm down. “Luhan is okay. He just needs rest and he’s also malnourished. It seems that he’s barely eating for a long time now.” Seohyun glanced to Luhan’s peaceful but exhausted face. How could I not notice? “Why did he do that?” she asked still looking at him. “I don’t know but maybe because he has a problem. Didn’t he mention anything to you?” she shook her head.

It was already twelve but Seohyun can’t leave Luhan alone. She sat on the side of his bed feeling so guilty for neglecting him and stared at his sleeping face. She had turned off the lights and switched on the lamp shade on the night table. “Oppa do you have a problem? Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked softly as a tear fell from her left eye. She felt so stuffy and that she can’t breathe properly. She wasn’t used to worrying over him as it was always the opposite. Somehow she regretted worrying Luhan all those years.  She fixed his comforter and leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. “Rest well.” She whispered. She backed away but a force suddenly pushed her forward and they kissed.

Her eyes widened and she squirmed to get away but the force, which she realized was Luhan’s right hand, pulled her more and held her nape tightly as his left hand s over her back. She froze in her position as she felt Luhan move his lips against hers. Opppaaaaa!!!!! She yelled in her mind. Luhan slowly managed into a sitting position as he continued to kiss her passionately although she wasn’t responding. It took a good few seconds before Seohyun finally closed her eyes and kissed him back with the same burning passion. It was sudden and unexpected how they ended up kissing so amorously. And she was now clutching on his cotton shirt so tightly.

It was Seohyun’s first time to kiss someone (because she wasn’t aware she was kissing on her first time.) so she was entirely overwhelmed. Her heart was beating so fast and loud she thought it would leap out of her. She was inexperienced in it as well so whenever Luhan did something else from just plainly caressing with the lips, she always got startled. When he bit her and when his tough s into . They were all new to her. And it got sloppier and hotter as the clock continued to tick.

Seohyun pulled away and gaped while breathing for air hardly as she stared at Luhan. I can’t believe we did that. She thought. Luhan on the other hand smirked after wiping off the wet liquid from the side of his lips. “Why Seohyun?” he gave her a naughty look. Seohyun blushed as she couldn’t look him in the eye. What’s he doing? She thought and closed her eyes as she sighed. She finally realized why he kissed her. She felt his forehead and neck with the back of her hand and she nodded to herself in understanding. No wonder. His fever is still so high. “I’m sorry Han oppa. I didn’t mean to do that.” She told him guiltily as she tried to make him lie down on the bed again. But Luhan refused to sleep. “What are you apologizing for Hyunie?” he asked still with the naughty grin. “For- Seohyun stopped and felt embarrassed to admit that she responded to his kiss. “For- she really can’t say it and she blushed harder. “For kissing me back? But I loved that and I really want some more.” He coolly told her. “Aiiissshhh!!! Pabo!!! You’re not in your right mind that’s why you did such reckless act and I’m such a stupid person for falling into the temptation!!” she was enraged but she decided to tell what’s bothering her. “In other words, I took advantage of you!!!” She exclaimed once more. What did she just say? Luhan laughed hysterically. “I never thought you’ll say that. If there is anyone who took advantage here, it would most likely be me. And I didn’t kiss you because I’m sick or what but in my own free will.” He told her. “Why did you kiss me then??!!” she exclaimed and was thinking of something. Something she was scared Luhan would tell her afterwards. I love you. That crossed her mind and she wanted him to prove her wrong but a little part of her wonders what it would be like if Luhan really loves her that way.

“Because I love you. Not the brotherly affection mind you. But me as a man loving you as a woman Seo Joohyun.” Luhan said as he pressed his thumb on the tip of her wet lips and ran it across to the other tip. To Seohyun’s utter embarassent and discomfort, Luhan then that very same thumb as he eyed her suggestively.

“But… how?” that stupid line just came out of her as she was red like a tomato. “How? I wish I can answer that question but I can’t. I just love you.” Seohyun couldn’t believe he could be so comfortable while confessing. To him it was as if confessing is child’s play. “You must be wondering why I’m acting like this but have you forgotten that I used to be a ladies’ man? Flirting is my original cup of tea.  In fact, until now I’m still a lady-killer. I mean I can’t help it if I’m so hot that girls swoon over me.” Seohyun shot him a disgusted look. “I’m serious here oppa. Why are you telling me this just now?” 

“Because I thought I was doing the right thing in keeping it in until Kyungsoo knocked some sense from me. It’s funny how a heart-free guy like him was the one who knew better.”

“But you know I’m dating Joohyuk.”

“Psssshhh. It’s not like you’re on already. I still can win you over. One great proof is what we just did. I know deep inside you fancy me a little.” Luhan gave Seohyun a sly smirk and she grabbed a hold of her lacy dress.

 “Tell me Joohyun, I’m sure he already attempted to kiss don’t deny but did you let him?”

 “Hahahaha. Oppa what kind of question is that?” Seohyun awkwardly laughed. God I feel so guilty right now.

Luhan raised an eyebrow and she shyly shook her head. “I didn’t.” she said almost in a whisper. Luhan grinned. “See?” “But it’s because I was able to refuse him while you took me by surprise!!!”  She exclaimed but Luhan just rolled his eyes. You liked it though. He thought.

“So what are you gonna do next? I’m dating Joohyuk. What if I reject you?”

“It’s better if I get rejected than not let you know so you won’t unknowingly hurt my feelings whenever the three of us are together. But I highly doubt that will happen. You’re gonna fall for me Hyunie. So let the driver take you home now before I do something to you.” Then he leaned his face closely before hers in swift motion. Seohyun gasped and immediately ran outside of his room.

Luhan smiled at himself. “If she sees me as a mad man from now on I don’t care. I’m madly in love anyway.”

_______________________

thanks for reading...