Even though you were tired and your body wanted to do nothing more than get some sleep, your eyes just wouldn’t fall close. Because of everything your mind was working on overdrive and your heart just wouldn’t stop throbbing. The thought that with each minute that passed the moment that you had to let him go was getting closer was killing you. Of course you were happy that you had decided to have this moment with him before he left, you would never want to undo it. But it made the thought of him leaving even harder. You wished that you could change his mind, that he would stay with you, but you knew that would never happen. Baekhyun was a brave man, he wouldn’t back out of a war because he was afraid to die. But you were, you were afraid that this would be the last time you’d be able to hold him, to feel his steady heart beat against your back, to feel his soft breathing on your skin. The thought that he could possibly be taken away from you was too much to bare, you couldn’t loose another person you cared for. It was during these kind of moments that you actually realized how much you had started to love this man, how he had taken over every single thought and feeling inside of your body. The things you felt for him were those you had never felt before towards anyone else, it was so powerful and endless. If he would die then would you still want to live? Imagining a life without him just wasn’t possible, he was in every single one of your memories, he colored your mind. 

And even if he wouldn’t die, what if the capture of Nobregas would change him forever? You had no idea what it would do to your lives if he would join the life in this castle. All of a sudden the future seemed so unpredictable, it made you feel unsteady. What if he would come back and he would realize that you weren’t what he wanted? What if he changed his mind after he had some time away from it all, after he had some time to think things through? It were things that terrified you, that would haunt you day and night. Even while laying here in his arms like this, when it seemed as if you were the only thing that mattered to him. “You’re so tense, I wonder how you can even possibly think that I assume you’re sleeping.” He whispered, the hold he had around your waist tightened as he lifted his head in order to look at you. A deep sigh left your lips as you noticed he had figured you out. You had already tried to make it more believable by turning away from him, your back pressing against his chest as he spooned you. But he was right, your muscles were strained underneath his touch and for one reason or another you just couldn’t seem to relax them. Slowly you turned around, facing him, crawling closer against his chest, wanting him to hold you. He didn’t say anything but you were sure that he could feel your need to be close to him radiate from your body. You were glad that he didn’t complain about it, instead he just circled his arms around your back, his fingers brushing back the hair at your neck in the process. 

For a while it just stayed silent as you enjoyed each other company. His nose brushed through your hair before he lips collided with your forehead, a soft and intimate gesture. Your fingers drew inexistent lines over his chest, feeling the heat of his skin against the tips. The way he smelled, was something you wished never to forget, it was exceptional, sweet but powerful. When being here with him like this you felt so safe, so protected and you knew you would never feel like that again anywhere else. “I’ll be back before you know it.” He muttered, and when you opened your eyes the only thing you could see was his chest, raising and falling as he breathed. Maybe that was true, but then you still didn’t know when that would be. It was terrible to know that he would leave soon, but not to know exactly when he would return. Then you would be able to count the days, look forward to when you could be in his arms again. But now, the only thing you could do was wait, guess when he would come back because you didn’t know anything. “As long as you come back then it’s okay.” You were sure that he could hear the upset tone inside of your voice, and for now you were no longer able to contain your feelings. You hated it to show your weakness around him, to show him how much all of this worried you and how bad it made you feel. He was the one who had to be scared and nervous, he was the one risking his life for his country. 

“Talk to me ___________, please. I need to know what you’re thinking.” He knew that you were crying, you were sure of it. You could sense it by the way he was slowly getting uncomfortable, what he always did if a girl would get emotional around him. He wasn’t aware of the fact that he could handle you better during this state than he thought himself. The fact that he didn’t force you to look at him, that he held you in his strong embrace, it was all you needed. “I don’t want you to go.” Your voice broke in the middle of your sentence, even you got surprised by it, not knowing that it had gotten to you this much. Honestly you had wanted to prevent this from happening, the last thing he needed was another concern that he had to think of while he was gone. You didn’t want him to worry too much about you, knowing that you would be sad during the time he wouldn’t be here. “I have to do this, you understand that right? You get why I have to go.” He had explained it to you before, how he wanted to be the one who could cause the defeat of the biggest enemy his land had had in ages. This man had hurt you in so many ways, he wanted to put things straight, wanted to prove that he was stronger and better. Nobregas wanted his throne and everything that belonged with it, but it was his chance to prove that he wasn’t suited for it. Of course you understood, somewhere very deep inside of you, you were even proud of him that he had the courage to stand up against him, to fight him face to face instead of letting his men do it for him. It also proved which kind of a guy he was, which kind of king he wanted to be, and it was one to be proud of. He interpreted your silence as a confirmation to his question, but he also knew that you would never say it out loud. 

“___________, my love.”  He slowly moved you back, giving you the time to stop him in case you weren’t ready to face him yet. The pet name he had invented for you made your heart beat faster and it convinced you that you no longer needed to hide from him. Your back was being pushed against the mattress, and you couldn’t help but blush as you got reminded of the past events. Your eye lashes were still wet as you blinked your eyes, seeing how he hovered over you so that he could get a better look at you. It made you feel slightly vulnerable that he could overlook you like that, see every single emotion that was traveling over your face. You were glad that you were wearing his shirt and that you weren’t completely anymore, because that would have made things worse. “Tell me what bothers you.” The tone inside of his voice told you that he wasn’t in for a discussion. He hated seeing you like this, this upset and breakable, this wasn’t the way he wanted to leave you behind. While thinking about your words you weren’t able to focus your eyes on his and they wandered down, watching the muscles of his arms, his broad shoulders, the transition from his shoulders to his neck. “I just…I love you so much and I just can’t stand the thought of loosing you.” You muttered, trying to push back your tears, telling yourself that you didn’t have to cry. It clearly annoyed him that you weren’t making any eye contact with him because his fingers slipped underneath your chin to push up your head, making that you had to look at him. 

In his eyes you could see nothing else than understanding, softness, worship and adoration. It was the first time you had directly said those words to him like that. It wasn’t easy for you to say ‘I love you’ to anyone just like that, but it was the truth. You could see that it meant a lot to him that you had finally pushed them over your lips and had told him what you felt. “You’re not going to loose me, I’m not going to die.” He said it as if he was so sure about it, but you knew that he couldn’t be. Anything could happen, he couldn’t predict the future. There was only one thing that