Chapter 10: Remember My Pain 

Luhan broke down. Luhan fell limp on his knees, placing his elbows and his head on the scratchy carpet, sobs took over. How could he not have feelings for the father of his two sons?

“Baba,” said a small voice. A multitude of footsteps started to walk towards Luhan. 

“Baba, don’t cry.” said Ziyu sniffling, holding a worn teddy bear that Baekhyun had gotten him. “Ziyu promises he won’t go with mister again!” Ziyu placed the small bear in Luhan’s hands, hugging his father. “I don’t want Baba to cry. I will cry too if you cry anymore, Baba.”

Luhan shook his head, almost chuckling. “Don’t worry your precious head about me, Ziyu baby.”

“Baba..” whispered Haowen. The small boy lifted Luhan’s face up using his chubby hands. “Ziyu and I don’t want Baba to be hurt. We promise we won’t disobey you anymore, Baba. We’ll wait for you patiently instead of going with mister.”

Luhan shook head head, patting both of the twins heads at the same time. “Don’t think like that, boys. It wasn’t your fault. Go get some rest. Baba will take you to the park tomorrow if you go back to sleep.”

Ziyu furiously shook his head. “We can’t, Baba! We can’t go to sleep if you’re here.”

Luhan almost chuckled if it wasn’t for the bad situation. “Go get some rest, Ziyu. I’ll be there in a bit. Baba has to tidy some things up.”

Ziyu’s lips quivered, but he went back into the room nonetheless. Haowen stared at Luhan, his eyes never left his father. “Be careful, Baba.”

Luhan quickly turned his head, but the his elder son had already left. Luhan slowly shook his head, a faint smile painted his lips. The two boys were truly the eternal glow of the sun and the sparkling rays of the moon. Two perfect pieces that Luhan didn’t deserve. 

Luhan woke up, he didn’t realize that he had fallen asleep on the lumpy couch. He rubbed his eyes and trudged his way to the small kitchen area, heating up a cup of water and dumping instant coffee mix into the steaming water. 

He sipped the drink to prevent himself from falling asleep once more.

Luhan the stove, placing three pieces of bread and two precious eggs for his babies. The breakfast was soon ready just as Haowen and Ziyu came prancing in.

“Baba.” said Ziyu and Haowen in unison, their faces shone even under the dim sunlight. “Good morning, Haowen.” He said pecking his oldest on the forehead. “Good morning, Ziyu.” He said turning to Ziyu and ruffled Ziyu’s head with affection.

“Go set down. Breakfast is almost ready.” 

Luhan had already set out two glasses of watered down orange juice.

He placed the pieces of bread on three plastic plates, two eggs on two of the plates and a slice of cheese on the last. Luhan smiled at the two, giving them the plates that contained the eggs. “Eat up, okay? You need your energy for the park today. I might even buy some candy if you behave well.”

Their eyes gleamed the pieces of bread and eggs started to be devoured in a split second. Luhan laughed, a pure white laugh. “Slowly, boys, don’t choke on your food.”

Haowen nodded, slowly chewing his food. He knew that Baba did not have enough money for him to go to the hospital on a whim. If he did so happen choke, it would make Baba miserable and the debt would start to pile up. “Ah..”

“Haowen are you feeling well? Your face is a bit flushed?” asked Luhan looking fondly at Haowen.

“Baba..” he slowly whispered, he had already discussed this with Ziyu last night when they were snuggled up together in the warm blankets, Haowen’s stuffed elephant.

“Hmm?” asked Luhan calmly eating the piece of bread, sometimes taking a gulp of coffee in between. 

“Who.. who is our other parent?”

Luhan was stunned, he slowly placed the cup of coffee down on the place mat and in a deep breath. “I gave birth to you two.”

Haowen shook his head, he should have known that his Baba would have wanted to ignore the question. “Who is our other parent? Ziyu and I already know that you are our Baba.”

Luhan looked away from the haze, paying more attention to the swirls in his coffee. “Have I never told you two before?” Luhan already knew the answer, no.

The twins shook their heads. 

“I see.”

There was no movement in the room, the pieces of toast and dairy were untouched. Not a single drop of the orange juice had been drunken.

“Remember the mister that bought you chicken?”

They nodded, paying close attention. This was the first time that Luhan had even tried to say anything about this subject. 

“That’s your appa.”

Ziyu let his bread drop form his chubby hands, his mouth was gaping open at Luhan in disbelief. 

Haowen closed his eyes. He had seen his appa so many times, but he has never known that it was that man. Why would appa not tell them that they were his children.. unless.. appa didn’t even know that he had kids.

“Then, Baba. Why did you never tell us that we had an appa?” asked Ziyu nervously biting his lip. 

Luhan hesitated but he confidently lifted his head up and stared softly at his two children. “I don’t want him to take you two away.”

Haowen furrowed his eyebrows and Ziyu tilted his head.

“What do you mean, Baba?”

He knew that he didn’t deserve the two boys. He knew that they would be safer with Sehun. They would be able to have a luxurious child life that way, free of struggle and full of joy. Just like a normal child, but Luhan was also a selfish man. 

Luhan shook his head. “Nothing. Nothing. I’ll let you visit your appa if you would like.”

It felt so.. strange to say those words. It felt like he was betraying himself after the many years he suffered by raising the two boys by himself.

The twins looked at each other and nodded. 

Luhan hesitated to finish the rest of his food, he was staring at the twins, for it may as well have been the last time that he would be able to see them.

Authors Note: It’s out! Luhan finally told the twins that they have a father! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Please support me on writing this, tysm!