Insecurities can come and go like the breeze. Then there are the ones that stick around like a tick, and feed off of your thoughts and emotions, making sure to manipulate them in the process. I am one of the people that has allot of those ticks that stick around. I put on bandages to hide them, so that people can’t see or hear them. I have never really told all my insecurities to anyone, because i don’t have strength to get over them like other people do. My insecurities don’t get weaker by people trying to tell me they are wrong. For example; i have never had a boyfriend, never been flirted with, and hardly complimented on besides by people my parents age. Sometimes i don’t think i'm pretty enough to get someone, but my family and parents friends are always saying, “you're very pretty”, or, “you're cute.” That doesn’t help me get past that i have never been approached ever by a guy. I have done the approaching, it didn’t turn out well and i got hurt. Since i don’t tell people of my insecurities, i might as well write about them; so here they are.

Darkness has ruled a good part of my life, and i have enjoyed being in that darkness, it was my form of comfort. But that darkness also makes me feel i’m not worth the effort, even if other people do. I am scared to enter a relationship, probably because i find myself to be shallow and i don’t want to hurt someone because personality isn’t enough for me. I have prepared myself to be alone all my life without someone by my side, even though the loneliness can get to me sometimes. I’m not worth it because i’m not going to change my flaws and become someone i’m not, the person to come out of that kind of thing would no longer be me, but some stranger i don’t know. I’m scared that when i do choose to be in a relationship with a guy, he will run away from me because of my emotionally insecure baggage, because when i decide to be with someone i'm going to be upfront and frank about my emotions and what comes with me and how i am. Most of the time i use my flaws to scare guys away from me that hit on me on Facebook(the only place where guys do hit on me). I have done the internet dating scene and it was just too much, so i no longer do that type of relationship. I also don’t count internet relationships because i have never met the guy face to face. I know i'm not ugly, and i'm not fat, i mean i only weigh 110 pounds, and i'm not the shortest person ever i'm 5 feet tall. Maybe it’s because i’m not a hygienic person. I mean i don’t smell like a skunk 24/7, and i have tried improving my hygiene, it's hard though, you know what they say; old habits die hard.

There so many insecurities that i haven’t even faced yet because i haven’t been in a relationship before, but i know what they feel like because i have played out the scenes many times in my head, and it ain’t a fun thing. One day, hopefully, the right guy will come along and make allot of my insecurities vanish.