A lot of times in this so called “reality” that we all live in, i feel like an empty shell or a robot. I can work efficiently and hard for long periods of time, but when the work is done for the day,there isn’t allot there. It has taken me a long time to finally accept that i most likely have what people call depression. Parts of me still deny it because the thought of being someone weak, scared, and pathetic angers my soul to no end. I am probably a monster and the biggest hypocrite when i say this, but i hate people who are depressed, even though i, myself, am depressed. When i see or talk to people are depressed it angers me at how weak and pathetic they are being. I can’t explain the reason as to why i feel such a deep hatred, i just do. Maybe it's because of the fact that i am one of those weak and pathetic people and i hate that about myself. Maybe it's because i want to be one of the strong who are standing on their own, but can’t because my legs always give out.

Out of all the emotions i feel when i don’t feel empty like a robot, anger, hate, and love are the strongest feelings. All of these emotions interconnect with one another constantly.

I feel anger and hate towards humans when i see what they do to nature, animals, and wolves; three of the things i love most in this world.

I feel anger towards myself for being a human, a species i feel is weaker and more pathetic than most other species.

I feel hate towards myself because i can’t become a wolf to protect them from the harm that humans put on them.

I do love my family, i do what i can to protect them, and i would sacrifice myself for them in a heartbeat. I would push them out of the way of an oncoming vehicle, i would cover them up and take the full on hit in a car accident, i would jump in front of them and take as many bullets as the gun carried. I would do anything that you can think of to protect them.

Sometimes though, i feel as if they would be better off without me, i feel because of how weak i am, i will become a burden. I can’t make myself strong, i have tried so many times to.

This is going to sound weak and selfish of me, but i need someone by my side to pick me up, because at the times when i need protected, i won't be able to pick myself up.

But i will always try to pick myself up, no matter what, even if i fail to. Because as much as death intrigues me, i still must fight it in certain situations. But i will not always fight it.