Lately i have been doing allot of thinking, i guess that's logical i mean i am an introvert. I even have  a world i created inside my mind, though that may be a normal thing.

 

so, i might pursue writing, but at the same time, i am staying on the course to getting a bachelors' degree in zoology.

 

I look at life, the world, and myself and im unsatisfied. in the world inside my head, all the people i have created, im jealous of them, jealous that even though their lives are straight, mine is not. this might sound selfish, but there are allot of times i think your purpose in life should be told to you at a young age, cause then some people wouldn't have to struggle so hard to figure it out. Some never do. I understand that finding it helps you evolve and be able to live your life for the better and teach you even more knowledge than what you would learn if you knew what you where supposed to do in the world. But it is a very, Very, hard battle to fight. At least for me it has. I still don't know, and i worried i never will. This will sound arrogant of me, but for some reason ever since i was little and would think of the future, i always felt i was meant for something big, something huge, like i would be the person to change the world or even the galaxy, if that makes sense. Now i don't know if everyone feels like that, but that's how i have always felt. i want to know my purpose so badly because if i really am meant for something big, i want to be able to learn all i can so i can make that happen. But there is this, block, and i can't stand it. I am 20 years old, someone who is still considered to be in my prime and at a young age, but, im..........im very tired, searching for my purpose has worn me out, and because the answer is most likely always in front of me but i cant see it, suffocates me. i can't breath when i think about it, i cant take another step forward. I'm so very tired, and i just want to sleep. T he weight is so heavy, i just.....i cant......no more.....i cant.....fight anymore....im so tired, so very tired.